On another note, the transitions between Erin and Eronica are stellar. I would call it a perfectly smooth, rightly delivered switch from the main character to the goddess personality. Some sections still feel like they could be made smoother, but your writing in and of itself I see no problems. →

Some suggestions I can think of off the top of my head are some rearranging on the first chapter, when I tried to think about it, I thought of making the switch from the bus scene then to the temple, Erin being visibly confused, finding out she’s a goddess, she’s a futa, then when she tries to recount what happened earlier: bright light— end. →

Though the original has its own flair as well, but I thought this would have that sudden, fast-paced realization that you wanna read the continuation of. Also for the Kian and Lissa scene finding out about the mysterious red-haired person, adding a short conversation of someone reporting or Kian explaining the event from a third person’s perspective would help with a smoother transition? I thought I was still in the tavern watching someone get turned to ashes lmao →

That’s about all I can think of, I’m not really that well-versed in story-writing, my friend just asked me to review their story and I felt underqualified so as a scientist, I did my thing and researched  

I am now a follower of Jed Herne on YouTube and many, many professional writers. The things you learn on the internet