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SuperciliousSnail
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SuperciliousSnail
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Joined: Mar 25, 2024
Followers: 0
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Comments: 12
Admirers_Quill · Dec 9, 2024

The initial intentions rising from my frustrations at these types of fics, prompted my writing. That's why I wanted to just focus on relationships rather than converting the main character into a power house in 20 chapters and giving him a real power progression with stakes involved in his struggle. 
However, I do understand your point of view as it may be frustrating to watch such glaring mistakes in my sentence structuring.
Again, I thank you for your time and effort. 
Glad tidings to you. 
SuperciliousSnail · Dec 9, 2024

Like I said, don't sweat it. You have potential, and your story successfully avoided many common tropes.

I didn't say that the mistakes were frustrating; they're simply errors, not insults. My point was that they can disrupt the reader's immersion, which is a crucial aspect of storytelling. Immersion is what draws readers into your narrative, making them invested in the story regardless of its quality. When a story has immersion, readers are more likely to enjoy it, even if it has its flaws.

Admirers_Quill · Dec 9, 2024

Thank you again for the suggestion. Perhaps it is time to work on my writing structure and look through writing workshops. 

Hmm, don't know how to cram it into my current schedule, hehe. 

Admirers_Quill · Dec 9, 2024
The starting arcs for establishing some connection with the side characters which I had find often lacking in other fanfiction in which the main characters is either a genocidal maniac or a pervert harem lord. 
SuperciliousSnail · Dec 9, 2024

Hahaha, yeah. I commented on that in my review actually! Most fall into the "sociopathic body-jacker" or "overpowered blockhead" categories.  

Admirers_Quill · Dec 9, 2024
However, I agree with your review fully, since you have meticulously pointed all of the connotation and punctuation mistakes as well as redundancy in the writing structure. 
I can't do anything about the writing structure itself. That will happen with time, I'm sure. However, the story style is different than the rest of the Naruto fics, I believe. 
5 comments
SuperciliousSnail · Dec 9, 2024

American English sentence structure typically follows a subject-verb-object (SVO) word order. This means that the subject of the sentence (the person or thing performing the action) comes first, followed by the verb (the action being performed), and then the object (the person or thing receiving the action).

SuperciliousSnail · Dec 9, 2024

For example, in the sentence "Ninja Team 7 chases the cat," "Ninja Team 7" is the subject, "chases" is the verb, and "the cat" is the object.
Here are some common sentence structures in American English:
Simple sentence: One independent clause with a subject and a verb. (e.g. "I like ramen.")
Compound sentence: Two or more independent clauses joined by a conjunction. (e.g. "I like dango, and my friend likes ramen.")
SuperciliousSnail · Dec 9, 2024

Complex sentence: An independent clause with one or more subordinate clauses. (e.g. "I went to the store because I needed explosive tags.")

Compound-complex sentence: A combination of compound and complex sentences. (e.g. "I went to the store because I needed explosive tags, and I also bought some kunai.") 
SuperciliousSnail · Dec 9, 2024

In general, American English sentences tend to follow a straightforward and simple structure, with the main clause (the independent clause) coming first, followed by any subordinate clauses (dependent clauses) that provide additional information.

Admirers_Quill · Dec 9, 2024

Many thanks for your efforts. I have read the whole review. 

I agree with it fully. However I am not a native speaker of either English or American Connotation. Neither have I experienced any writing practice prior to writing this novel. 

This was just a hobby to me at the start. The starting chapters were even more choppy than they are now. 

Admirers_Quill · Dec 8, 2024

Hello, Can you read upto the latest chapter? i.e. 38

SuperciliousSnail · Dec 8, 2024

Ye man, I can read from chapter 33 to chapter 38. What kind of feedback are you looking for, and do you want me to put said feedback in a personal message or by editing my review? 

Admirers_Quill · Dec 8, 2024

Any way is fine. 

Admirers_Quill · Dec 8, 2024

If your impression of it changes to a more positive one then please if you want, change the review accordingly 

SuperciliousSnail · Dec 9, 2024

There you go my guy, I've read the latest chapters and updated my review. In all honesty I invested way more time into it than I had wanted, but I figured I should put in the effort since you were polite. 

Don't feel discouraged, and don't really sweat it. I honestly think that you should just focus on improving, you can always come back after the second arc has been completed and revise the work then. 

Admirers_Quill · Dec 8, 2024

Thank you for the review. 

Admirers_Quill · Dec 7, 2024

Thank you for checking out my story

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