Are you ok?
Your story lacks subtlety.
You are trying to make the reader believe what is happening by "convincing" them.
You should be creating an ideal conceptual structure that works 'sans explanation'.
Is this critic up to the latest chapter? Because he hasn't been trying to convince us of something, he's been setting clear rules and then presenting us with a situation in which we can extrapolate how said rules interact so that situation could happen. Maybe it was needed for the early chapters because said rules weren't known, how things interact with other things weren't known yet.
Honestly i might be talking about a whole different thing.
The Exalt is amazing! Thanks for sharing your story. 
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