I go into Ricky’s room. He’s sitting on his bed, lightly bouncing. “Did you pour sugar over your cereal this morning or something?” I joke, putting my bag on the floor and sitting down on his desk chair.

“No, it’s just exciting, you know? I’ve often wondered what it’s like to be a girl, and today I’m getting some answers!” That makes sense. I can’t say I’ve exactly often wondered what it would be like to be a boy, but I’ve certainly thought about it. I bet my mom would be way less of a pain in the ass, at least. “I mean, I know that I won’t learn everything there is to know about being a girl in one afternoon, but I can still learn a lot!” His eyes sparkle with every word he says, and it’s so infectious that I can’t help but smile along.

“So this is a bit of an experiment for you?” I ask, and he nods an affirmative, still smiling. “Is a skirt really a requirement for that?”

He blushes again. “Well, not so much a requirement as, welllllll,” and then he mumbles something. I shoot him a look and he repeats himself louder. “I really want to try the thing where you spin and the skirt flares out, okay? It looks fun,” and then he actually pouts.

“Oh my god, you fucking dork. Of course that’s why. Lucky for you, I brought the perfect skirt for that.” I take the clothes out of the bag and put it next to him on the bed, then quickly rummage through them to find what I need. There we go. “One black skater skirt. Goes with everything.” I place it aside, and quickly put together the options for an outfit. The orange shirt is a no-go, as is the long yellow skirt I picked in case he wanted a longer one.

I lay out a baby blue tee and white leggings, and next to it a rose-red blouse with ruffles my mom got me for fancy parties that I wear as little as possible, together with some dark blue tights with a pattern that looks like vines that I mostly don’t wear because it doesn’t really go with anything but the blouse. Ricky stares at the clothes, his face blank and empty, then softly asks “Is this really okay?”

I’m a little surprised at his question. He’s never seemed to care about whether something is okay or not. Not that I’ve noticed anyway, but now he sounds so vulnerable. “Yeah? I mean, why wouldn’t it be? It’s not like you’re taking my clothes without asking or anything, so it’s perfectly fine,” I try to reassure him.

He considers that for a moment, but his smile doesn’t return. “But I’m supposed to be a guy. You know, ‘man up’. I know I’m not exactly the toughest guy around but,” his breath hitches, “but isn’t thisadmitting defeat?”

I look at him. I’ve always known he’s not exactly the manliest; I mean, how could I not have noticed? But I never knew he struggled with his masculinity so much. It reminds me of my own struggles with the way my mom’s pushed me into what she considers the ‘right’ way to be a girl. I sit down next to him, not initiating a hug. It’s a little ritual we had as kids, getting close when we feel like hugging but letting the other decide to hug or not. It’s been a few years since we’ve actually done so, but I want him to know the option is there.

“Hey, don’t worry about it. You don’t have to be like, a stereotypical dudebro to be a guy, and you shouldn’t listen to anyone who says you do. If you want to wear a skirt, you should wear a skirt, and screw anyone who says you can’t or that you’re less of a guy for it! Honestly, I think it’s kind of cool.”

He perks up at that. “You do?” I’m glad he’s smiling again, if only a little.

“Heck yeah. It’s kind of a statement, you know? Like, ‘Look at me!’” I strike a flashy pose, “’I’m Ricky and I don’t care about your ‘rules’! I’ll wear a cute skirt and you can’t stop me! Maybe I’ll even wear one when when not trying to convince people I’m a girl because I’m too awkward to tell them the truth, just because I like it!’” I grin at him, and he half-smiles back, then breaks into laughter.

He laughs for a long time, given that I didn’t think what I said was that funny. After nearly a minute he calms down, dropping back onto the bed. “I needed that,” he says, and then we let the quiet hang in the air for a minute. “This really isn’t such a big deal, is it? Just a stupid piece of fabric. Doesn’t have to mean anything.” He waits a few more seconds, then gets up and looks at the two outfits. “So, which of these should I try on first?”

I shrug. “Whichever one you like best. Oh, also--” I reach into the bag and take out the bra, which I throw at him. “You should try and put that on first.” I smile the way I always do when I’m teasing him, but he’s not looking at my face but at the bra with that expression I don’t recognize.

“Right. It makes sense that you’d. And I should. So I can. Uhm, right.” He scrunches up his face and shakes his head. “I’ll wear it. I’ve heard these things are difficult though; can you help?” He looks at me with an almost earnest expression.

I blink. I hadn’t expected him to accept the idea. Or at least flail about for longer before doing so. Did he expect me to lend him a bra? No, he’d been surprised at first. I look at him for another second, unsure what to think, before I realize I should probably answer. “I mean, it’s not that hard I think?” I get up and leave the room to give him some privacy, and check my pho-- I left my phone at home. Fuck. I really shouldn’t have rushed out this morning the way I did. I’m still pretty hungry too. I call through the door: “Do you mind if I make myself a sandwich? I kind of didn’t eat breakfast.”

Ricky gives me an okay in between his swearing. I guess getting the bra on isn’t that easy if you don’t know how after all. Oh well, he’ll figure it out. I go back downstairs and make myself a peanut butter and hot sauce sandwich. As I’m eating it, I think back to the way Ricky’s been acting today. It’s a lot more… demure? It feels foreign to use that word on my normally brash friend, but it’s accurate. Well, he’s really more been switching between acting like his normal self and this new side of him, depending on how nervous he is at any given moment. AlthoughI suppose he’s always turned timid when scared. Maybe I’ve just never thought of it as demureness before? I guess demure is a word mostly used to describe girls, so the new hairstyle must have thrown my perception of him. Oh well, I guess that was the point.

I finish my sandwich, clean up the plate and check the clock. We’ve got about an hour left to make it to the meetup, so no rush yet. I go back up to Ricky’s room and knock. He opens the door and oh.

Oh wow.

He’s wearing the darker, rose-themed outfit. He’s put the skirt on sideways, but other than that he looks perfect. The lightly padded bra giving a hint of bust, the neatly feminine clothes. The purple hair gives a bit of a punkier vibe that feels like it should clash with the classier outfit, but the colours fit together so well that it just doesn’t, instead adding a hint of playfulness to the ensemble.

It’s not just the outfit, either. It’s hard for me to put my finger on, but somewhere between the way he’s smiling and the way he’s standing, something in my hindbrain is saying ‘Girl’. I tell it to quiet down, that’s Ricky, my friend, and this isn’t the time to look at a cute girl! At least Ricky doesn’t have to worry about being recognized as a boy, if I can’t even tell.

His eyes shimmer with anticipation as he finally asks the question. “So how do I look?”

Wait, did he? Never mind, answer the question. “You look amazing? I’m honestly surprised at how well you pull this off. You did put the skirt on sideways though.”

He looks surprised, but happy. “Thank you! But what do you mean I put on the skirt sideways? It’s round. It doesn’t have sides.”

There it is again. I’m pretty sure I’m not imagining it, but it can wait for a moment. I adjust the skirt for him and explain that the seam should go on the side.

It’s undeniably a girl’s voice that replies. “Thank you.” My friend takes a step back, hands folded together, and asks a question I feel like I should have seen coming. “Could you call me Rachel?”

yd12k

I haven't actually hit the wordcount I want for the chapter I'm working on, but it's 1 am and I'm going to sleep so I'm releasing this now anyway, because I'm on a bit of a roll and might be able to push out another chapter tomorrow, and I don't want to release them too close together.

Unless I spend all day playing animal crossing, of course. Then you may all need to wait another week for an update.