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[??? POV]
I remember it clearly...
Of the past, I used to know...
I was enjoying a fun trip with my family...
I was happy at that time hanging out with everyone...
But...
I never expected that that would be our last trip...
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[ Third person POV]
On a street in a burning city, a man with wolf ears and tail is running with a little girl in his arm, a woman is following behind him, also have wolf ears and tail, both of them are sweating except the little girl, she was scared, she also has wolf ears and tail...
"Hah....hah...hah..."(???)
Running.... running as fast as they can...
"D-dad...."(little girl)
He looks at the little girl in his arm, he then says a relaxing word
"It's okay...it's okay it's fine now"(dad)
"Honey...."(???)
He looks at the woman beside, running with him
"It's okay, we can make it"(dad)
"Mom...."(little girl)
The little girl looked at her mom, she only smiled at her
"Don't worry don't be scared we will be okay"(mom)
All of them are running...
They heard sounds of screaming everywhere they go...
"Help!!"(???)
"Aahhhh!!"(???)
"Save me!!"(???)
Bang!bang!bang!
Boom!!
"M-m-my leg!!"(???)
Wooong....bang!bang!bang!
Explosion happening, sounds of crying and despair everywhere...
Then...
Wooong...
He looks in front and sees a metal skeleton or a droid holding a gun...
It was looking at him...
"... Take Liana and go...."(dad)
While giving the little girl to the woman's arm, he looked at the droid in his sight...
"B-but!"(mom)
"Just go!"(dad)
"D-dad?"(little girl)
The woman is crying while looking at him...
Without looking back, she hurries and ran in the other direction...
Away from him...
"Dad? Dad!? DAD!!!"(little girl)
"Don't worry, your dad is strong! He will be fine..."(mom)
The woman runs as fast as she could with the little girl in her arms away from the place where he was...
Bang!bang!bang!
The only thing the little girl heard...
Is that sound...
That was ringing from where her dad is...
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[Liana POV]
Why... Why is this happening...
"Don't worry don't worry don't worry" (Mom)
My mom while petting me on the back of my head with her gentle hand kept running on a small street...
Wooong... Clang!clang!clang!
Wooong... Clang!clang!clang!
The only thing I heard is the sound of something running to us in the distance...
My mom stopped and look at a small rubble opening, she looks at me with crying eyes...
She runs to the place and put me down inside the small rubble opening, I look at my mom
"Mom?"(Liana)
Mom looks at me with her warm, gentle eyes that were crying...
And she smiled at me...
"Liana...."(mom)
Mom put her hand on my head and gently brushes my hair a few times and said with a gentle voice...
"Mommy loves you...and I know this is very sad....but"(mom)
Clang!clang!clang!clang!
The sound is getting closer, tears coming from my eyes as I look at mom...
She puts one of her fingers on her lips, then she said...
"Liana... I want you to be quite I-I know it's hard, but... Whatever happens... Please... Always be strong..."(mom)
My mom hugged me very tightly, I also hug her back...
After a couple of seconds, she pushed me back, and she got up look around, and find a metal sheet beside her leg mom then grab the metal sheet and look at me...
"Mom…?"(Liana)
Mom only smiled as she was looking at me...
She then put the metal sheet in front of me, blocking the small rubble opening with me inside it...
"Liana... Please stay strong, okay?... I love you..."(mom)
"Mom?"(Liana)
The last thing I heard is mom's footsteps echoing, and then the sound of clanging follows it...
Boom!boom!
"Iya..!"(Liana)
Everything started shaking...
I fall down on the floor and I quickly tried to get up but then...
Boom!
"Ah"(Liana)
A big explosion came and the place I was at started shaking a lot...
I fell down and hit my head on a rock, the rock also slice my lower right cheek while also knocking me out...
Silently my vision darkens Then something...
Wait...
I saw a happy family, its...
Not my family...
A Mom...
Dad...
A younger brother and sister...
What am- what is this?
Wait who...
Am...
I...
Then Everything went dark...
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[Third Person POV]
"Hey hey hey! Smile!"(???)
A family is having fun going on a trip, a woman is taking a picture with a girl...
"H-hey, mom! It's embarrassing...."(girl)
Looking at her mom with a red face, the girl told her...
"Hahaha!! One-chan is cute!"(???)
The girl looks behind her to see a little girl smiling happily at her and made the girl's cheeks Bright red, she then put her hand on her face to cover it up...
"Well, that's my little girl for you!"(???)
"Hey... Dad, that will just make her more embarrassed, you know?"(???)
The girl looks to the side and sees two guys, one is her father and one is her little brother...
"Well, this trip is fun, right?"(little sister)
She looks at her little sister and smiled...
"Yeah..."(girl)
After having fun on the trip, the family is happy we're all walking on a street full of people...
"Ah by the way....one-san you have a mid-test next week right?"(little brother)
"Ah yes... Well I got to study again now, sigh...."(girl)
"Haha, you don't have to worry about that because you will do great as always!"(dad)
The girl smiled happily as she heard that she then runs in front jumping 3 times did a twist and look back at her happy family
"Yeap and I will always stay str-"(girl)
CRASH!
Paaang!paaaang!
Tiiiiiiirrrriiii!
Everyone looks at the source of the sound and saw a car crash nearby a car and a truck crash together, the crash made the truck driver to the side of the road and the truck is running at fast speed to...
The girl...
CCCCRRRAAAASSSHHHH!!
The only thing the girl saw was her family running to her, while her vision started going darker and darker...
[Processing..... Detection....]
What?
The girl heard a computer voice
[Targeting....target found...]
Wait...
What is goi-
[Proceed with reincarnation....]
[10%]
[20%]
[40%]
[70%]
[99%]
[100%]
Wai-
[Starting... process of world transfer... World found... Determined location...place found... finding host... Host found... Prose's memory locks down... Active when the user is in critical condition... Processing...]
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[ :) ]
[Good luck... Us#er*buzz* L]
[ A-an#*buzz*....Pl-le#a## *buzz*.... Sa-s##*buzz*buzz* ...u-u#*buzz*]
Piung!.....
And everything went dark...
My boi truck kun is at it again.
Truck-kun is still not out of commission yet!
Hey author, just wanted to leave a comment.
I read the synopsis and thought the direction you were taking your story was actually very good - it’s not often that I see a sci-fi novel with fantasy themes, and most importantly with a female main character! It’s a great idea and I’m telling you this because I don’t want to discourage you from writing your story.
That being said, I only stuck around to read the first paragraph worth of text and skimmed the rest. I can tell right away that you aren’t a native English speaker, which detriments the story a bit. Although I can understand what you’re writing, it’s difficult to get immersed in the story. I recommend using a program to help with your grammar when you type this story up. If you search “grammar author program” on Google you’ll find a few options that should help improve the quality of your story. I think the biggest issue you have with your grammar is probably verb tenses, followed by spelling.
Just for example, in the first sentence “I use to know” should be “I used to know”, but even then the sentence still sounds a bit awkward. “I remember the time I use to know” - it sounds contradictory. She remembers it, but she’s also saying that she used to know it (meaning she doesn’t know it anymore). The sentence should change to something like “I remember it clearly...” or “I remember my past...”.
The second sentence “I was having fun with my family going on a trip...” should change to something like “I was enjoying a trip with my family”.
The last sentence also needs to be rewritten, maybe to something like “I never expected that would be our last trip” or something like that.
Thank you for the answer I will do my very best to improve my writing skill and thanks for the correction I appreciate it
@DanNepZen No problem. I saw you changed a bit of what I mentioned and it does sound a lot better. Keep it up! Try not to rush through writing and use one of the programs I mentioned earlier to help.
@DanNepZen i think you should change "oke" to either "ok" or "okay"
@DragonBound16 oh never though that didn't show up in the translation fix...
@DanNepZen also, just found this:
(spoilers for anyone scrolling before reading for some reason)
"Haha don't work don't worry you will do great!"(dad)
better put:
"Haha don't worry! don't worry! you will do great!"(dad)
(don't mean to be a prick, just trying to lend the hand that was never lent to me.)
@DragonBound16 auto correct is playing against me!? I though I fix that part!? Cures you auto correct! (Btw thx)