“Little Darling”

 

“Aiden!” Sally exclaims while trying to grab the little one off my leg.

He seems like he doesn’t want to so he escapes her hands while using my legs as a shield. This action appears comical in my eyes and I can’t help it but give it a chuckle.

Aiden looks up at me with a wide eye while Sally is exasperated by everything.

“I’m sorry. Aiden started to live with us only recently. He doesn’t like strangers. It’s strange to see him this way,” She apologises while explaining the situation. She stops trying to grab Aiden because he keeps shying away from her.

“It’s okay. I like kids,” I crouch down to be on the same eye level as Aiden.

He immediately dives into my arm and clings to me. Sally does appear genuinely surprised by Aiden’s action.

I rub his hair and ask him, “What wrong?”

That’s when I realise he is holding something in his hand. He removes himself from my embrace and flails the thin picture book in his hand.

“Wead!” He says in his cute tiny voice.

“Oh, you want me to read this for you?” I ask him gently.

Aiden scrunches his face while trying to make sense of my question. He then looks at the book and raises it to me and repeats his words.

“Wead!”

I smile at him and rub his hair. “I’m sorry. I have something to do right now. I will read to you later, okay?”

His head immediately droops when he hears that. My heart instantly feels like it has been hit with an arrow.

“Is it okay if he joins us?” I direct my question to Sally as I can’t bear to leave this cutie disappointed.

Sally ends up agreeing after glancing at gloomy Aiden and I make a small gesture of celebration.

I lift Aiden up and carry him in my arms. I tell him that he is going to follow me around for a while and after that, I will read to him. He doesn’t respond to me but burrows his head onto the nook of my neck.

It tickles slightly but it’s not too bad. I feel like something is tickling my heart instead. It feels warm and fuzzy.

I glance at Ryan and he has that annoying smile on his face again but I do have to admit the two of them look uncanny. I’m wondering if Aiden is his love child or something. I give him a sceptical look while he returns it with a grin.

The possibility he has a lovechild is probably high. He doesn’t give off the same vibe as the others in his circle at all. He has this arrogance much unlike the others. He also has this big mood swing. One minute, his explosive temper erupts. The next, he is acting like a player. I can’t seem to understand him at all.

My mind doesn’t wander too long as Sally’s voice snaps me back into reality as we walk further into the building.

“Aiden is four this year but he has been very shy. He doesn’t talk much and we do notice he has a slight speech impairment. Right now we’re giving him time to learn and we’re going to re-evaluate him in a few months,” Sally explains.

“Do you know why?”

Sally shakes her head at my question.

“He came to us after both his parents passed away. We aren’t sure about his life experience previously but it doesn’t look too promising. However, we can’t get further information about it because there aren’t a lot of details on his parents’ background either,”

“I see…,” My words trail off as I think about my experience. There is a possibility that he might be abused by his parents but Sally probably can’t say that outright. She must not have any evidence to back up such claims and she shouldn’t be saying such things in front of Aiden either. 

Sally moves on to explain about the orphanage system. They have about 113 children under their care currently. They divide the children into three age groups. The youngest age group are from 3 to 6 years old. Followed by 7 to 12 years old while the eldest age group are from 13 to 17 years old.

After they have reached 18 years old, the orphanage will assist them in becoming independent.

Each age group will have a different set of education and responsibility to ensure that they can keep the house in order. They have different times for classes and chores. Their free time allows them to play, explore hobbies or work.

By work, she means helping around with the residents’ requests. They even have a help board that the management will post the requested tasks for the children to choose from. They have the freedom to take on the task or not as it is not compulsory. Each task would also be reviewed before they are posted out for the children to sign up.

I’m quite surprised their working system is different from mine where our older generations have to help out at the orphanage with something. They would disappear the whole day and come back tired. Some came back looking blue and black. For us, there wasn’t any option to say no.

Ryan asks a few questions in regards to the working request system. He appears highly interested in that. He explains that most orphanages don't have such a system. The one that does leans toward having a collective work to create handmade items to sell as the orphanage’s fundraiser.

While he is talking to Sally, I realise that it's truly not a mistake at all for him to come along. He is asking all the right questions and making Sally explain certain things in-depth to clear any vague information that could be misinterpreted. 

When we reach one of the children’s bedrooms, Aiden reaches out his hand. I put him down because he was flailing about. His tiny feet make the pitter-patter sounds as he runs towards a bed in the middle. That bed should be his.

We walk to him and Sally starts explaining their bed assignment. The older children would be assigned a bed in between the younger children to make it easier for them to react quickly if anything were to happen. This is to create a healthy environment where they are supporting each other no matter what happens.

The orphanage might not look like a lot but they seem to have thought things through when it comes to creating a healthy environment for the children.

Aiden pulls out a different book from his bed and turns to look at me with big expectant eyes. I can’t say no again so I take the book from him and sit on the bed. I pull him up and put him right on my lap.

I start reading the storybook with a rhythm.

 

“Little Darling went on an adventure to look for the world’s greatest treasure. She went through the mountains and seas but has no luck in whatever she sees.

Little Darling found an apple tree when she followed the breeze. She asked, “Are you the world's greatest treasure?”

The apple tree replied, “No darling. I am not the world’s greatest treasure but I do want to find it. Take my branch and make me your companion for the whole trip,”

Little Darling snapped a tree branch and gave the tree one last glance. She followed the direction of the wind, leaving behind only her footprints. The leaves on the branch danced showing her there was still a chance.

Little Darling walked and walked and walked.

Until one day, she stopped.

Little Darling found an abandoned library and went in despite it looking scary. She found a book covered in soot. She asked the book, “Are you the world's greatest treasure?”

The book replied, “No, I am not but I can give you knowledge about the location of the treasure. Carry me with you and we can find it together,”

Little Darling followed the book’s direction and reached an intersection. There she found a curious little bird and it flew down onto the dirt. It asked her, “Where are you going?”

And Little Darling replied, “To find the world’s greatest treasure!”

The bird nodded its head before looking ahead. “I know the way. Come and follow me,” The bird spread its wings and sang a song that pulled on the heartstrings.

Little darling followed the bird while feeling superb. They walked daily until they reached a valley. “Go on then,” The bird said. “The treasure awaits after the exit. I will not forget to come and visit,”

After the birds said that, it spread its wings and left her like that.

Little Darling finally found her treasure on a cold spring’s weather. The treasure that she searched for is her loved ones, waiting for her to come home for many months. After all this time love was the answer and she hugged them with laughter.

She decided to plant the branch next to a bench. Then she placed the book aside so she may read it later by the tree side.

When the tree finally grew big until it felt thick. Little Darling sat under the tree to read the story. The bird perched on the branch and listened to her in a trance.

A voice called out to her and she heard. Little Darling rushed away back to the house straight away.

Yes, Little Darling is now home and she is no longer alone.”

 

I was expecting Aiden would fall asleep but instead, he looks at me with starry eyes. The innocence is blinding that it becomes another arrow straight to the heart once more. I squeeze him up and he giggles in my embrace.

He is too cute to resist.

That’s when I notice Ryan has been talking to Sally for a long time. I realise that I have spent quite some time reading to Aiden. I haven’t asked any of the questions I wanted to ask. I have prepared some of them too.

I walk to them and Aiden follows from behind. He sticks closely to my legs to the point I worry about kicking him. I hold out my hand to him and he grips on tight. We walk at a pace I believe would be comfortable for him.

The moment we reach them, Sally looks at us with a smile.

“Aiden, let’s go back to the classroom okay? You have to keep up with your studies,” She crouches and reaches out her hand to him.

Aiden once again hides away and it makes Sally shake her head but her lips are still curved into a soft smile.

Sally rises from the ground and looks at me.

“I’m sorry that I can’t spare any more time with you because I have something to do in a bit. Let's walk Aiden to his class, shall we?”

I nod at her and she turns around to guide us to the classroom. It doesn’t take long before we reach the classroom and I notice that Aiden is not the only one that doesn’t like the idea of us separating.

“Hey, I will come and visit again. For now, you be a good boy and study well. Okay? I will see you soon,” I said to him after hugging him.

The staff that is teaching the classroom comes out to take Aiden inside. He seems reluctant but he obediently follows her into the classroom but his head faces me until we both can’t see each other anymore. I make sure to wave him goodbye as he disappears behind the door. We’re situated at the corner so we can’t see through the classroom window and it’s a little sad that I can’t see him.

“He has taken a liking to you. We hope that the kids can get adopted but Aiden is a quiet child. It’s easy to overlook him and not to mention, he doesn’t seem to want to be around the adults either,”

Sally's eyes remain on the door as she speaks.

“That’s true. Most couples would want a perkier kid to adopt,” Ryan adds his remark.

I can’t truly understand the procedure behind the adoption process. Back in my orphanage, some of us would disappear and they would claim that those kids have been adopted.

At first, I resented the kids that managed to get adopted and never came back. However, I always have a nagging feeling that it wasn’t something like that at all. Even the older kids said that it's best not to get adopted. I can’t be sure of it now since I can’t even locate the orphanage.

I hope everyone at my old orphanage is alright and I hope Aiden will be adopted soon too. If not, I might adopt him myself if I can in the future.

Sally walks us to the door before politely saying goodbye to us. I remember my manners and thank her for her hospitality.

“It’s fine. Do come back and visit us again with your boyfriend,”

“B-boyfriend?” My eyes grow wide in shock and I furrow my brows almost instantly.

“Yeah! Don’t worry, we don’t discriminate here. If the two of you ever plan to adopt a child together in the future, do consider us as your number one option,”

“Sure, we’ll keep that in mind. Thanks for today,” Ryan interjects before I can even say anything.

I try to stop her but Sally closes the door after saying that she has to go already. I turn to Ryan with disbelief.

“What?” Ryan asks casually.

“Why didn’t you correct her just now?” I ask with a hint of frustration.

“It’s too much of a hassle. You can tell her the next time you come back,” Ryan walks away from me and heads to his flaming red car.

That red definitely represents my anger right now after being speechless by him. I trudge towards the car and slam the door when I enter it. Ryan only gives me a glance before driving off at the speed of a crazy person.

When he finally stopped the car, the inertia threw me forward. Luckily, I have the seatbelt on or it could have been seriously dangerous.

Ryan manages to park the car smoothly and I realise that we are at a milk tea cafe.

“Let’s go. I’ll buy you a drink,” He says as he walks out.

I look at him with suspicion but still get out of the car. He locks the car and heads straight to the shop. I stare at his back for a long while before following him into the shop.

Ryan is already at the counter paying when I enter. He seems to be used to buying the drink and that’s weird because I don’t associate him as a guy who would go into these types of cafes. When he bought my first ever milk tea was shocking enough and it isn’t any less shocking now.

The drink is done within 5 minutes since they don’t have a long list of orders to complete. We take a seat at the back that gives off a sense of privacy which is seriously nice.

“What do you think of the orphanage?” He opens the topic first and saves me from starting it.

“It’s nice but I think I have a lot more question that I haven’t asked,”

Ryan immediately reaches out into his pocket and pulls out his phone. I give him the side-eye after glancing at it.

“I recorded it. I knew you forgot to do so but I also asked a few questions you might be interested to know. Give me y our phone,”

“Why do you need it?” Despite asking him that question, I still bring out my phone and pass it over to him after unlocking it.

He casually mentions that he is sending over the recording to me before tapping onto both our phones alternatively.

I rarely use my phone since I only use it for basic things such as calling and responding to messages I receive. Abby did help me ‘remember’ my password and I’m not too surprised she knows the phone’s password at all. 

It’s good that Ryan doesn’t make me do anything to help with the transfer. Looking at his serious face makes me realise I can’t seem to understand him.

“What?” He asks as he slides my phone back to me after he finishes with whatever he did with it.

“I don’t understand you,” I blurt out unintentionally.

He leans forward with a hint of anger. “You don’t have to understand me,”

“Why not? What makes it so bad for me to understand you?”

“The last time you did, you almost died or have you died and the person in front of me is no longer Luke?” His change of topic instantly drops the warm atmosphere and turns it cold.

“What are you saying?” I ask in a low voice.

“I’m saying that I still don’t buy the amnesia thing. You don’t act like you did before and you’re giving me a completely different vibe. Though you still have one thing in common with the previous you and the current you,”

He stares down at me but doesn’t continue his words.

“And what is that?” It’s not fear that's welling inside me, but it's definitely something I need to hold back.

“You both are obsessed with me for some reason,” He leans back with a smirk.

I would punch him if I could but I know that he isn’t wrong. I’m not sure either why I often find myself curious about him but he, on the other hand, isn't helping to keep the distance either. He has been hot and cold with me.

“Then, why aren’t you keeping your distance?”

“Because… unlike previously, you also intrigue me,”

He likes to make me speechless. I don’t know how he does this but it works most of the time. A question pops up in my head and I’m not going to stop myself from asking.

“Why didn’t you care previously?”

This time the table has been turned. It is his turn to silently contemplate my question. I decided to egg him on with, “So?” to push him to reply.

“You are him and he is you but you two are still completely different people. It’s not like I didn’t try to accept him but part of me says it's better for us to not be close. However, with you, I can’t help it. I want to so why bother keeping a boundary,”

I feel like the two of us are speaking in a cryptic language. I know the reason that he finds me completely different while he probably is considering something else in his head that I just don't know. I’m not a mind reader.

This conversation just enforces my need to know the reason I’m here. The reason for this curiosity I have over him too.

“Nonetheless, that doesn’t mean I want you in on my business. You’re better off staying away from me even if I keep coming closer to you,”

Our eyes meet and I can’t even find words to refute him. He’s definitely right. He doesn’t parade himself as a good person. He actually does the opposite.

I can’t keep thinking about it. I need time to digest. The conversation took a turn too fast.

After a long silence, I changed the topic since he is still driving me back. That means I will be in the car alone with him for a while. “Aiden looks like you,” 

“You like the kid,”

“Yeah. I do. You have a problem with that?”

Ryan shakes his head with a soft smile. “He’s cute,”

“He is…”

Talking about Aiden helps ease the atmosphere a little. We end up not continuing the topic since I feel like it's inappropriate to bring up the fact that I wonder if Aiden is his lovechild.

He drives me home without any sidetrack this time. I still manage to thank him before walking away to my home.

Thinking about the conversation we have, it's true that I’m better off staying away from him. Abby’s word still echoes in my mind. He is chasing a shadow and I don’t know if I want to follow him to do that.

Especially not when I can barely take care of myself. I don’t want to have that feeling of helplessness again. It’s hard enough to be alive without knowing why, but I should probably try to fight. Even if I don’t know, I should keep holding on until I can at least find out.

Ryan isn’t worth the trouble. I know I am saying this to convince myself to stop caring what he thinks of me. I hope that it will work. I don’t even know why I do this to myself. He’s definitely not worth it.

But… What if he is?