“Plans”

 

“Evan” E. stands for Evan.

Of course it's his name too. Mama gave me that name. Why would he give me this name then?

“Evan!”

My eyes refocus themselves onto Abby's worried face. Her brows scrunch and her lips slightly pursed.

“Are you okay?” She tilts her head and she wraps her arms around herself.

“Sorry,” That’s all I can muster to say.

“You know… It doesn’t matter if I call you Evan or Luke. But what matters to me is when I call you, you don’t answer. Am I even your friend?”

Abby’s words feel like a slap to my cheek. It makes me remember my phone and when I check it, it's already dead. I plug the charger in and turn the phone back on only to see a bunch of miss calls from Abby. I made her worry about me. 

It’s also true that it doesn’t matter if our names are the same or not. There might be a reason why Mama named me Evan. It could be that he already knew from the moment we met that I’d be in this situation. Changing the way I’m called doesn’t make me a good friend.

“Sorry. Today… I was looking for myself. I’m sorry I worried you again,”

Abby stares at my face for a long while before her face softens. She put out a weak smile before carefully asking me. “Did you manage to find yourself?”

I pause at her question and I can see her searching for clues on my face to anticipate my next answer. I’m actually unsure myself.

“Not yet… but I think I’m almost there,”

Hearing my answer makes Abby nod to herself. It appears like she’s trying to comfort herself rather than as a response to me.

“That’s good,” Her voice low but in the quiet room, I hear her just fine.

Something about Abby right now makes her feel like she’s defeated. The air around her contrasted with the bubbly person I met in the beginning.

“How are you?” I ask while staring into her tired eyes.

“I’m fine. I guess. I’m just… I think I’m also trying to find myself right now,” She gives herself a mocking laugh while tucking her hair behind her ears.

“How is it going for you?” I’m truly concerned because it's weird seeing her like this and it hurts me to see her dispirited like this.

“It’s not going great,” She laughs weakly. “I’m not even sure what I’m doing,”

“Me neither,” I reply pessimistically.

But it's true. I haven’t got a single clue whether or not everything I’ve done is right or wrong. The only person that has a clue about me just told me to figure it out on my own.

I’m not even sure where to start. It makes me wonder if anyone even knows what they’re doing. I truly don’t know what I’m doing but I think… I will be fine. We’re gonna be fine.

“It’s gonna be fine. We’ll figure it out,” I reach my hand out to her. She puts her hand in mine and we both look into each other’s eyes. This short moment of physical contact definitely has comforted the two of us.

“We’ll do okay and we’ll always be together,”

“Till death do us part,” She joked and we both laughed.

“Let me ask them to warm up your food,” She reaches for the plate and I stop her.

“No, it’s ok. It’s late and I can finish it even if it's cold,” Can’t waste food after all. I don’t want to bother anyone and it’s inappropriate to keep Abby up.

“You should go and rest. I’m fine here,” She’s uncertain at first but I reassure her until she agrees. She’s a little reluctant but she still leaves to her room which my parents ensure is next to mine. Sometimes I forget that she isn’t part of the household because she’s often here to the point she has her own room.

I watch her disappear behind her door and go back to my own and sit down once again on the sofa staring at the cold food.

I start chewing on my food while imagining it to be words that I received today and pretending to digest them. A lot of things keep happening to me and making me take them in stride. It’s hard to accept everything in one go but I guess I should start somewhere.

I need to know more. About myself and him.

I know that I have been avoiding his past because it doesn’t seem like it matters but after talking to Abby, I realise that this life I have is not just about me but also about him. 

My phone vibrates to signify that I have a notification. I tap on the screen and see a message from Ryan.

“Are you okay?”

Those words of concern don't sit right with me. I keep looking at it until I remember that I never gave him my number nor did I have his in the first place. I would know because I went through his contacts to learn about them in case these people reach out to me.

I press the call button and it gets picked up quickly.

“Miss me already?”

I roll my eyes and decide not to beat around the bush. “You knew didn’t you,”

I can hear his breathing over the phone. “Knew what?”

“My name. His name. Our name,”

I stress on each of my words to make sure he understands my meaning. I don’t hear anything for a while to the point I double-check to see if he is still on the line.

“You knew we have the same name,”

“What difference does it make,”

“It…,” I can’t continue because I don’t know what to say.

It’s true. It doesn’t make any difference changing the way I’m called. Abby just reminded me of that not too long ago. It doesn’t stop me from wanting to use the name that feels more like me. It feels appropriate because there is only one me and nobody can replace that while I can’t replace him.

“Like I said, you’re you. I can still tell the difference,”

“What makes you different then,”

He chuckles at my question, “I don’t know. You tell me,”

I try to think about it and I decide to say the first thing that comes to mind, “Maybe the fact that you stole my number when I wasn’t looking,”

He laughs again, “I didn’t,”

“How did you get my number then?”

“Sammuel gave it to me on the day he asked me to accompany you,”

“But I didn’t have your number before this,”

“I added it when I sent you the recording,”

“Why would you-”

“It’s late. Good kids should go to bed early,”

He hung up just like that.

I feel like I just had the most pointless conversation ever. Despite saying that, I still feel like talking to him allows my mind to calm down a little. 

I go to brush my teeth and wash my face. Then I lie in bed, staring at the ceiling.

My mind wanders back to Mama’s words.

Mama said something about it’s rightfully mine. He must have given me this name for a reason. There must be a connection that links me to him. There must be a reason that I’m here and he is not.

I think I’ve subconsciously blamed myself for this. I know I have no control over it but it would be nice to know why but Mama can’t tell me right now. I find that weird.

Does that mean there is something more to this? Something beyond his control? Something that is beyond any of our control?

I think I’m missing a big picture. There is something going on around me that I’m overlooking. I don’t know what it is and how I will figure it out but I think I can at least take one step at a time to understand.

It makes me think about how I always feel out of place. Maybe this feeling isn’t entirely wrong. Maybe there is something wrong around me.

If that’s true then, what is it that’s not quite right?

I scrunch my face as my head is starting to hurt. I think it's useless to think about it right now since my mind is battered and tired. I need rest.

 

The days pass with a blur until Sam calls me in to check up on me. I go and meet him at the usual place. 

He appears busier than usual as the table is full of paperwork. I try to get his attention but he barely greets me before burying his nose into the paper once again. I realise that the only thing I can do is wait before we can even do anything.

I take out all the work he gives and along with the transcription. I make sure to have my notebook out too because it contains all the main points that I will be focusing on.

Time passes by to the point I am out of things to do.

I end up finding myself in the bathroom minding my own business. I wash my hands while staring at my face in the mirror. My complexion looks better now since I have been training with Do-Hyun. 

I have been training daily even though Do-Hyun isn’t around. He has something to do back in his hometown. He’s not much of a talker to the point I didn’t even know. I only found out about it from my father.

It’s a rare day to catch him home to eat breakfast with me but we still can’t have a long conversation because he usually leaves right away after giving me fatherly advice. 

Today, in particular, he tells me to be more careful when he finds out that I’m going to see Sam. I understand his concern because Do-Hyun's replacement isn’t as good as him. This is because the temporary guy follows behind me visibly compared to Do-Hyun who always seems to appear out of nowhere. Plus, he also reminded me to report to him on my whereabouts when I never had to do that with Do-Hyun, who seems to always know where I am at all times.

I splash myself with water and realise it’s a mistake. My collar is slightly wet so I grab a handful of tissue to pat my collar with and it doesn’t really help but it's good enough.

I get distracted by my wet collar as I walk out of the bathroom and almost crash into someone. I apologise immediately while putting my hand up subconsciously. 

“Sorry,” The girl apologised as well while looking at me.

She’s quite tall since we’re about the same height. It makes me startled since we are able to look at each other at eye level. Aside from that, I notice her red hair which is her most eye-catching feature since it complements her tan skin well.

“Hey, you look familiar. Do I know you?” She speaks first and breaks our awkward encounter moment.

I try to remember if I recognise her but I can’t so I shake my head.

“I’m sorry. I don’t know if we’ve met,” I apologise sincerely.

“No. No. I do know you from somewhere. You go to Kosius Academy right?” Her facial expression changes from thoughtful to expectant.

“Yes,” I’m surprised she knows.

“Then, you’re that guy!” Her eyes grow big before realising she slips up and covers her mouth in embarrassment.

I think I know the meaning behind her words. When I came back to school, it’s not like the incident of my hospitalisation was kept secret. The entire school also knows the activities that he did previously before I took over. However, I want to believe that the stories are limited to the students of my school which would make her have higher possibilities in being a student there too.

She smiles sheepishly before neutralising her expression and reaches out for a friendly handshake. “My name is Myra. I’m a junior,” Her words take me off guard because I don’t really expect her to be younger than me since she doesn’t look like one, to be honest.

“Evan,” I shake her hand firmly.

“It must have been uncomfortable to have people talking about you behind your back so I’ll be honest here, I’m curious but I won’t pry. Also, I will only make my judgement after I know the person first-hand. I have a feeling you are different than the rumours,”

Of course, I’m different. I’m not him but she doesn’t know that. I let out a smile as a reply to show that I understand. She outright claims she is curious and I appreciate that she doesn’t hide behind a facade to get more information out of me. 

Her eyes twinkle like the stars and she grabs my arms out of the blue. I become startled and try to back away but her grip keeps me in place. Her eyes dart above my head before speaking seriously.

“The air around you is shrouded in darkness. Watch your back, your front and sideways,” She lets go the moment she finishes her words.

I was about to ask but a voice came from behind me and interrupted us.

“Myra, why are you here? I told you I’ll be there soon,” A familiar face enters my line of sight.

“I know but I just felt compelled to come here,” She smiles sweetly at him.

The guy turns to look at me and shows that he’s surprised by my presence.

“Ah, Luke… Oh, wait. Sorry, the guys told me you go by Evan now,” The guy speaks to me comfortably.

“Yeah,” I give him a short reply as I remember him. He was there when Abby introduced Sam but I don’t think I caught his name yet.

He is wearing a tank top and shorts right now similar to the first time I ever saw him. It suits his overall tan skin and buff body but it's a jarring contrast compared to our location that has the majority of people wearing smart casual or professional attire. 

“Have you two gotten to know each other?” He asks both of us.

“Yeah, he’s my senior after all. Obviously, I have to introduce myself. How do you know him?”

“Well, I’m friends with his friend’s fiance. That makes us friends by default,” He laughs happily. “I should officially introduce you two though. Lu- I mean Evan, this is Myra, my girlfriend. Don’t worry about her being underage. We have a 100% platonic relationship much to my dismay,” He receives a smack from Myra with his last remark.

“Shut up. Don’t go announcing that to everyone. We don’t have to be together if you can’t keep your pants to yourself, you know,” Myra berates him without giving him room to keep his face. Adam shows a defeated look.

“You’re here,” Another familiar voice sounds close to me. I turn and see Ian holding a stack of papers and passing it to the tank top guy, “Here,”

“Thanks. It has everything I need?” The tank top guy chirps back up while asking and Ian nods without changing expression.

I notice that Ian looks as tired as Abby does and I’m pretty sure both of them have been busy with their own thing. 

I found out by accident that Ian and Abby haven't been talking either. I’m not sure if there is something going on between them because Abby is getting busier and I can’t catch her for a chat either. It makes me worry about her but it’s hard because I even tried going to her house and found out that she’s rarely home nowadays.

Apparently, she has been sleeping over at a friend’s place. It’s not someone I know either and it seems like they don’t even go to my school. When I contacted her over the phone, she only gave me a brief reply so I couldn’t even have a proper conversation with her at all.

“Sam is looking for you,” Ian turns to speak with me and I realise I’ve been staring.

I politely excuse myself and Myra decides to do the same. She drags the tank top guy with her while waving me goodbye after politely telling Ian that they have to leave now. The tank top guy doesn’t seem to mind being dragged as he smiles helplessly at her. His eyes soften a lot and obediently follows her out.

I walk back to the usual room and find that the table is clean. Free from the mess that Sam makes while going through stacks of papers earlier.

I see him sitting on the sofa reading something. I realise my transcription is no longer where I left it and assume that Sam is currently reading it. He notices me as soon as I sit down across from him.

“Did you transcribe this?” He asks without completely lifting his head away from the paper. I respond appropriately.

“It’s good. Do you have an idea on how you would like to proceed with this?”

I clamp up for a moment before remembering my notes. I grab it and start to go through pages of my notes while trying my best to explain myself. Sam listens carefully even though I’m stumbling over my words trying to express myself. He doesn’t say anything until I finish explaining myself.

“How do you reckon to implement these plans? You do know there will be limited funding and it will limit a few of your proposed ideas,”

I start to wreck my brain to figure it out but thankfully Sam doesn’t let me ponder for too long.

“This is where a business plan and proposal comes in. You have to make sure that each idea you want to suggest to the organisation must be backed up by appropriate reasonings and methods to achieve. You would also need to acknowledge certain limitations that you will face while implementing them,” Sam doesn’t rush his words and explains slowly.

I try to take notes of everything he says.

“On another note, it would be good for you to not just provide them with these plans. You need to help them achieve it. This may take up more of your time but seeing as you are not attending classes anymore, it should be fine. I don’t want you to give them the plan and proposal then bail on them without seeing the end result. If this has been a company, I might not be asking you to do this but you have chosen a non-profit organisation. They don’t have the luxury to execute your plans on their own. You should be there and help them out,”

It seems that Sam has taken some considerations about this and wants me to take this seriously. It will definitely be a good experience for me to help them achieve the things that I’m planning to propose to them. I don’t mind helping out for as long as I can since I decided to do so in the first place.

“Although Ryan has covered everything that is necessary, I’m interested in going to this place. It’s intriguing. How did you find it?”

“My father gave me a list of orphanages that are registered. I checked each one and they are the only ones that don't have any detailed information online. I wasn’t sure how to evaluate them so I decided to go there and see for myself,”

“Then I will call them again to set up an appointment. On the other hand, you can start preparing your business proposal and show it to me when you’re done. I will be giving you one month as a deadline. If you need an extension, don’t be afraid to ask but we don’t have long before your extra credit score needs to be submitted,”

It doesn’t seem too short of a time but it does seem like I need to make sure to allocate more time for the proposal.

After we have finished our discussion, Sam allows me to go home and rest. I can start on my work tomorrow and he will be assigning light exercises for me to do while I’m doing the proposal. He said that I should learn to manage my time but my regular study session with him should not be stopped just because of this. 

I walk out of the building and it's rare that I get a breather from being followed so I decide to take a walk before informing my temporary guard of my location.

The sky is bright and free of clouds. It does seem like it’s a good day to take a walk. I decide to walk as far as I can and go back to the building before he realises that I’m not there anymore.

My journey has been smooth so far. As I’m walking, I watch the way the people around me act in this busy street until the number of people slowly lessens as I keep on walking.

“Yo, it's you,” A guy suddenly pulled on my shoulder.