"Calm Before The Storm"
“You’re going to do what now?” Abby doesn’t look too pleased with my news as she stares me down through my laptop screen.
“I haven’t decided yet,” I try to explain to her that I’ve not made any decision.
She doesn’t look like she buys it and the dim lighting highlights her static disapproving face. It might be the internet connection problem and the screen might be freezing, though that is only my wishful thinking.
“You do know if you say yes, there is no going back?” She looks as if she wants to say more but ends up saying only this much.
“I know but I don’t want to be in the dark anymore. Even you don’t know what happened to me during those times. How else am I supposed to find out?” I finally gathered enough courage to ask Abby to tell me the truth about what happened before I woke up in the hospital but she could only explain what I already surmised these past few weeks of searching for answers.
“The less people know, the happier they-,”
“But I’m not happy right now… What differences does it make later?” I can’t help but cut her off. It’s not that I don’t want to listen to her advice but stopping here won’t change anything. I’m already halfway there and leaving it alone would probably hurt me more than before.
I want her to understand that I need to do this for myself. I know she’s looking out for me as a friend but if she could drop everything and just fly off without telling me or her fiancee for that matter, can’t I find the answers that had been plaguing me ever since I found myself here?
Abby becomes quiet for a moment and it almost makes me feel as if we lost the internet connection but she moves a little so I know she is still there but not speaking.
“Sorry… I mean, I’m probably not the best person to be advising you against it after all,” She gives herself a self-deprecating laugh.
“Have you talked to…,” My words trail off when I see her shaking her head even before I finished my words.
“It’s hard isn’t it? Whatever choice we end up making will either lead to us getting hurt or others getting hurt. I guess the choice here is who you are going to look out for,” Abby is probably lamenting on her own but it makes sense.
I can drop it all off since it would mean that I will be out of harm’s way and not let other people worry so much about me but that would be at the expense of my own feelings. It sounds selfish if you think of it this way but I guess, just like her, I want to be selfish for now.
“I should probably catch some sleep since it's late,” I don’t feel like talking anymore and decide that it's best to say goodbye.
“I forgot it's late over there. Goodnight,”
I tell her goodnight and end the call then realise that I haven’t taken a shower for the day. I turn off my laptop and walk to the bathroom while stripping myself bare.
The night feels cold yet my head feels warm. Must be because I haven’t showered since morning. It’s probably not a good idea to wash my hair late at night but not doing it would make me feel uncomfortable and not be able to sleep.
I only raise the water temperature slightly so it won’t be cool to the touch but not too hot. It's hard to find balance so I settle with the water being on the cooler side since I want to clear my head a little. I do everything I should in the bathroom before finally wrapping myself up in a towel and drying my hair with another.
After putting on a random outfit together for the night, I lay in bed.
I stare at the ceiling as my thoughts slowly fly away to earlier today.
This morning, Ryan had asked me to accept the deal that was given to me at the club. He tried convincing me by saying that he will do his best to ensure my safety. Do-Hyun was there too and he didn’t look too pleased with Ryan’s request but he didn’t say anything. I assumed it was because we were in the company of the older gentleman and his assistant.
I couldn’t understand why they would ask someone who is barely out of school to help them. It felt like they must have been desperate. I couldn’t just say yes and do it. I didn’t want to put my life in danger if I could help it but I feel like this method can make me reach for the answers.
Why else would a bunch of adults lower their heads to ask for a favour from me?
I didn’t like the atmosphere of the room we were in because it felt suffocating. I didn’t know what to say but all I know is that I don’t want to die yet. After experiencing several near death situations, Ryan’s guarantee doesn’t make me feel assured at all.
When all of them saw my hesitation, the older gentleman finally spoke, “This matter has gone on for so long. We’re finally close enough to reach the source and you’re the only one that can help us move forward. This is probably a lot to ask from a young person such as yourself but if we aren’t desperate, we wouldn’t have asked you. Please, take your time and think this through but I do hope you can accept our request. As long as you do, we will forever be in your debt,”
He was definitely pleading to me.
In the end, I asked them to tell me more since I’m just looking for my own answers. How did this matter involve them?
I didn’t want to hear any vague answers, I wanted the truth. I was sick of people not telling me anything yet expected me to do things their way. How do I take care of myself when I don’t even know the danger I should be guarding against?
I open my eyes and realise that I had fallen asleep while contemplating things last night. I am definitely feeling the mental drain after receiving all the information I wanted.
I should’ve probably expected that they were going to tell me something that further complicates things. Then again, those things don't mean much to me. Sure, it could potentially help a lot of people but I’m not that selfless nor do I care about justice.
In the end, this is another path that could lead to answers. Something just tells me that I’m going the right way by chasing after this. I don’t know if it's true but there is something about this matter that makes me curious and scared.
The strong pull of wanting to say yes is almost eating me alive.
My phone rings and pulls my full attention to it with an empty mind. I pick up the phone and find the caller as someone unexpected since we haven’t talked in a while. Not since I started to become busy with catching up with my studies.
“Hello?” I answer the call with a question mark forming in my mind.
“Hi Luke. How are you?” It seems that I haven’t talk to Elaine long enough for her not to know others are calling me Evan now.
For some reason, I’m don’t feel the need to correct her so I just reply with, “I’m doing okay I guess,”
Elaine takes a moment of pause before continuing, “How’s Abby?”
This conversation sounds like she is delaying something. I feel off because Elaine isn’t one to do small talk with others but I respond to her normally.
“She’s doing okay. She’s enjoying herself right now,”
“Is she in town?” I assume that Abby hasn’t updated Elaine either.
I shake my head even though she can’t see me, “No, she left about a week ago,”
This time Elaine remains quiet longer than comfortable. I can’t help but worry, “Is there something wrong?”
“I’m not sure how to bring it up without sounding odd,”
I chuckle at her statement because I find her to be the most rational person I know since she’s so smart. She would even justify those transmigration novels I requested from her. She finds the logic in them making me feel like it’s more believable.
“What’s this about? You are making me worry a little with your vague talk,”
“The wheel of fate will turn and follow its path and the answer you seek will be within grasp but at the cost of something important…,”
Elaine’s words trail off and leave me further confused.
“What are you… saying?”
“I’m not sure. I’m not too good at explaining myself but something is telling me that you’re going to be involved in something dangerous,”
This time, I’m the one that is lost for words. Elaine doesn’t know much about my experiences because I try not to talk about it. She shouldn’t know of this matter but it sounds as if she does and that makes me feel scared for some reason.
Who else knows?
“I just wanted to tell you that no matter which choice you decide on, please be careful,”
“Why… H-how?”
“If you’re worried if I know what’s really going on, I don’t unless you tell me. It’s doesn’t matter if you don’t either,”
“I still don’t understand,”
“Neither do I, so let's just call it my intuition for now,”
“Should I be avoiding it then if it won’t end up well for me,”
“Nothing is set in stone. Every path that we take leads to hundreds of branches... Do you know Murphy's law?”
“What’s that?”
“Murphy’s law is basically a saying that anything that can go wrong will go wrong. We always expect things to go smoothly but sometimes, we do need to understand that not everything will go as planned. I’m not calling you to change your mind. I’m calling you as a friend and wants you to be careful,”
“You’re saying that my decision may not change anything?”
“Will my answer to your question change your decision?”
At her questioning me back, I start to ponder. I don’t have an answer for it either.
“I can’t tell you what to do. Only you can decide for yourself. Just do what feels right for yourself,”
Again, I nod my head and realise she can’t see me. “Thank you,”
“Don’t thank me. I didn’t do anything,”
“It’s enough for you to worry about me. I’m thankful,”
Elaine answers with a short “mm” and then says “goodbye”. I have a feeling that she’s a little shy hearing that.
I realise after saying goodbye to her, my shoulders feel light.
--
The wind gently caresses my cheeks the moment I walk out of the car. The fresh air in the area has always been nice.
I can see several children scattered around playing with one another but my eyes become attracted to a lone boy holding a plush toy and spacing out towards the woods. The familiar tiny figure makes me happy but at the same time sad as I wonder why he isn’t playing with the others.
I walk towards Aiden while making as much noise I can by rustling the grass with my feet. I reach him after a few steps but he doesn’t seem to notice. I turn to look toward the forest, trying to find whatever it is that has captured his attention.
From the corner of my eyes, I see Sam approaching us as well but I don’t pay heed to his presence as I’m still trying to look into the forest.
After the incident at the forest, I’m not too fond of them anymore. The trees block most of the sunlight making it feel like it’s close to night time. I don’t like the atmosphere there too since it makes me feel trapped because I can’t find my way out.
I wonder what is attracting this little one’s attention.
“Looking for the wolves?”
A familiar voice startles me as I snap away from my thoughts and back to reality. I turn to look at the smiling girl. Sally’s voice is as soft as I heard it before but she talks quieter than usual at the moment.
It seems like Sally finds my confusion delightful because she let out a soft chuckle. She approaches closer to me and Sam makes way for her to do so.
“We believe the wolves are the guardian of the forest,” At this point, she is staring out into the forest as well but with fondness in her eyes. A light smile hangs on her lips as she speaks.
“Guardian?” The confusion increases within me and I can’t help but furrow my eyebrows.
She turns to look at me and her smile widens as if I asked her something amusing. She nods her head and gestures to me to follow her.
I turn to look at Sam who is more confused than I am and just give him a weak smile. On the other hand, Aiden seems to have finally noticed us. He trots to me and wraps his small hands around my finger.
We end up walking towards the edge of the forest that seems to have a passageway that is blocked by something. The place is not too far off from the orphanage building either.
This feels like trouble waiting to happen.
Sally crouches down at the wolf statue that is blocking the path into the forest. She brushes some of the leaves and twigs that have fallen on top of it. Her movement remains gentle as she looks at the statue tenderly.
It feels inappropriate to disturb her so Sam, Aiden and I quietly watch her actions.
When Sally finishes clearing the statues to her best ability, she gets up from the ground while patting the dust away from herself. Her lips curve further as she turns to look at us. She even beckons us to come closer.
I bring Aiden with me as I move closer to her. Sam follows closely behind us without complaining.
“Those who grew up in this area had always believed that there are packs of wolves guarding this area. Myself included. We believe that they keep us protected and the forest is their home. We’re not allowed to go in as we pleased since no one would since we can’t enter their home without permission,”
“Do the children know?” Sam finally speaks and it surprised me to hear his voice all of a sudden.
“Yes, they have been taught not to enter the forest,” Sally explains.
“And they listen?” I just don’t see why the children would listen after being told not to do something.
“Well, this is something we aren’t too worried about because at times when you try to enter the forest, you may end up finding yourself back where you came,” She chuckles after saying so.
“How is that possible?” Sam probably can’t accept such an illogical thing to happen since he asks his question as soon as Sally finishes talking.
Sally shrugs, “We’re not sure either. I personally have experienced it when I was younger,”
“What if you do it now that you’re older?” I can’t help but wonder if it would happen to anyone.
She shakes her head, “No, the older you get, it doesn’t happen frequently anymore. Still, at most you would only be able to explore a little before realising you’re going in a circle. It is one of the reasons, we believe the wolves are the protector of the land,”
The wind blows and makes me turn towards the forest. I’m not sure if I see something there but for some reason, I can’t look away. My eyes just stare into the darkness that feels like it’s staring back at me.
Something or rather someone tugs my hand making me realise that I have spaced out. My gaze trails away from the forest and down to my side. A pair of blue eyes stare into mine, pulling me into the calm ocean of comfort. Unconsciously, my lips curve up and I breathe in slowly as if to take in the innocence exuding from Aiden.
“We should head back,” Sally pulls my attention to her.
It seems that Sally and Sam already made acquaintances with each other seeing as they are now standing side by side and having a friendly conversation. I feel slightly ashamed for not introducing them to one another sooner.
Since it is already like this, the four of us start walking back to the orphanage.
I notice Aiden waves to the forest and says “Bai Bai” in a small voice. I look up and catch a glimpse of a silver grey wolf disappearing behind the bushes. My jaw slackens for a moment and leaves my mouth agape.
I wasn’t expecting to see another wolf. I thought they would be hard to see since I once lived deep in a forest but never saw any wolves there. It’s strange because it feels like I know this other wolf much like the tri-coloured wolf.
Occasionally, these two wolves would appear in my nightmare and guide me to the exit. Those days are rare but I enjoy them. I often have to remind myself that the wolves I’ve only seen were tri-coloured and black but not silver.
“Yuke?” A tender voice calls out to me and snaps me back to reality.
My feet remain stationary all this time and I probably must have stopped walking when I saw the wolf. Aiden notices something is off and tries to get my attention by shouting my name. I ruffle his hair while smiling at him.
“It’s Luke,” When I visited last time, I told him my name is Luke and I didn’t want to confuse him by asking him to call me Evan. Luke is still my name and a lot of other people still call me by that name.
It has become a reminder that I’m not just Evan but also Luke.
I don’t know who we are yet but I recently realised that although being called by my own name is good, I shouldn’t erase the traces of him. I want to live for him as well. The life he didn’t continue.
Thinking it this way strengthens my resolve to find out our truth.
“Yuke, Yuke!”
I need to stop my habit of spacing out.
“Luke, like look,” I explain to him earnestly while pointing to my eyes and his.
Aiden scrunches his brows while pouting his lips. A moment later, I can see the lightbulb above his head turn on, making me smile at the thought. I start to be excited to hear him say it correctly this time.
“Y--YUKE!” Aiden giggles happily and I don’t have the heart to tell him that it's still wrong so I pat his head again.
The two of us walk to the orphanage and find that Sam and Sally are waiting for us at the door. I can’t speed up my pace since Aiden wouldn’t be able to keep up. I try to calm myself down as I approach them because I have made them wait and that is impolite of me.
The two of them are engaging in a discussion about the orphanage as I arrive close enough to hear. I don’t think they notice me as they are deep into their discussion talking about the overall orphanage.
There’s nothing for me to say so I keep quiet. Aiden fidgets on the spot while swinging my hand. I notice he doesn’t appear comfortable. I crouch down to be on the same eye line as him.
Aiden won’t meet my eye and I can see him acting shy.
“What’s wrong?” I try to coax him into telling me if he needs anything.
He glances at Sam and Sally before looking away while fidgeting. He plays with his shirt at this point.
I move closer to him before saying “You can tell me. I won’t tell anyone,”
He hesitates for a moment before leaning to my ears and telling me what he needs. I try to hold back my laugh when I hear it and turn to interrupt Sam and Sally’s conversation telling them I need to use the toilet.
Sally glances at Aiden and gives me a knowing look before telling me the direction to the toilet. I thank her before taking Aiden into my arms.
He quickly buries his face on my nape and rubs his face on my collar. I pat his back to soothe him and tell him that we’ll be there soon. He refuses to lift his head to look at anyone as I walk away.
I find it endearing as I realise how small he is in my arm. Having him in my arms makes me wonder if I should adopt him myself since I don’t want to let go. I don’t think I can since I’m not of age nor do I have means to support a child.
I wonder if my parents would be willing to adopt him instead. Having a younger brother would be nice too. I start to imagine life with Aiden. I’m sure this warm child will keep me safe from my demons.
I don’t think now is suitable since we’re in such a big mess right now. I guess once everything has settled down, I will try to convince my parents into adopting him. I’m sure if they meet him, they would fall in love with him as much as I have.
The moment we reach the toilet, Aiden wiggles in my arm. I have to be careful not to drop him. He immediately goes straight to the potty available for kids his age. I just realised that the bathroom is well equipped and clean although it does appear worn.
All these are making me more resolved to help them. I should finish up the plan before anything else happens. I’m not sure if I can proceed with it if I delay it since my other matters don't look like it can be delayed too.
A lot to do but there is little time.
I hope everything will slowly sort out. I’m sure if anything happens to me, Sam would continue to do his best to help them. I can tell by the way he talks to Sally that he is honestly interested in this orphanage.
I’m sure that he wants to help them as much as I do and I hope we both can achieve that together.
