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Egg Hunter: Cluster Headache
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Chapter 5: I’m Not Okay (I Promise)
Hunter was in shock. He was in shock and curled up into the fetal position within the void of his mind. He wanted to go to his bedroom and hide away in complete privacy, but that wasn’t an option for him. The psychic that had been trapped in Mark’s head, Eternity, had hitchhiked along the mental connection and followed Hunter back to his mind. He would never have privacy again until he got rid of Eternity.
He couldn’t even go to his bedroom. His autopilot Mamata refused to allow him back in control of the body. She insisted on helping out Mark’s body that was passed out in a pool of their own vomit, and cleaning up the mess. It wasn’t even Mark’s vomit that was all over the place… It was Hunter’s.
Eternity had forced him into the driver’s seat of Mark’s body and he had made a mess of everything. It didn’t make sense though. He didn’t have any experience with possessing another person’s body, but he wouldn’t believe that doing so would result in the kind of loss of identity that Hunter had experienced. He couldn’t even recognize what his own name had been.
The wrongness of Mark’s body had been another thing altogether. It made so much sense now why The Admin… er Karen… why Karen had freaked out so much when she was controlling that body. There was something extremely wrong about it!
Maybe that was what dysphoria felt like. Did Mark feel that… wrongness… each and everyday? It suddenly made so much sense now why their aura had such a dense feeling of malaise to it. Almost every trans girl that Hunter had known had that same feel to their auras and it was one that Hunter was thankful that he hadn’t known personally. He couldn’t quite say that anymore. The entire experience in Mark’s body had been full of novelties that he could have done without.
The thought that Mark had been lusting over his body had been slightly disturbing but the envy was just baffling. After experiencing it himself, he now knew that envy was the thing Mark had been feeling when they watched Karen hatch and become a woman. Why that envy would be directed at his own, male body, just didn’t make any sense. The biggest mystery though was why Mark’s thoughts and feelings would be transmitted to Hunter like that when Mark should have been dissociated from their body while they were in the fronting room.
He tried not to think about Eternity behind him, who was currently watching through his eyes and talking to Mamata as she cleaned up the mess that he had made.
How did he even follow me back into my body?
“I thought you said you were trying not to think about me?” Eternity asked.
And he just has to be able to read my mind too… same as Mamata…
“I’m hardly mind reading you. You’re just projecting your thoughts out loudly," he retorted. “Do you… do you want to talk about what happened back there in his body?”
Hunter sighed and rolled over so he could see Eternity, “What would we even talk about? Mark’s body is fucked up. Karen reacted the same exact way to being in it.”
“Well of course you girls would react like that to being in a man’s body. No, I meant if you wanted to talk about what happened when we were both controlling Mark’s body at the same time?” Eternity said.
Controlling his body at the same time? What was he talking about? “What are you talking about?”
“It was just like… really weird… I could feel everything that you were feeling. Like that… I guess it was dysphoria?”
“That wasn’t my dysphoria! That was coming from Mark.”
“Are you sure? I didn’t get any of that feeling until you joined me in the-” Hunter’s glare caused Eternity to pause for a moment, “I mean… until I made you sit in the chair with me… Sorry about that by the way.”
“What is your point?” Hunter was getting annoyed with Eternity again. The guy clearly knew very little about what had happened there.
Eternity’s face flushed and it took him a moment to respond, “Well I mean… I felt some of the things that you were feeling so I was wondering if that worked both ways? When we were looking at your body… did you feel my thoughts about you?”
“What thoughts?”
“Are you really gonna make me say it?” Eternity gulped, “Fine! Did you feel it too when I was thinking about how attractive your body is?”
What was he talking about-
The lust!? That was from you!?
“Er… yeah… that was me…”
Aside from the sudden shock, Hunter wasn’t really sure how to react to that. “Okay… so you’re into my body…”
“Don’t get me wrong! It isn’t just your body that I’m into… I think this form of yours is pretty cute too! Even if it’s not sexy in the same way…”
“Sexy!?” Hunter couldn’t believe what he had just heard. He must have heard it wrong! What did Eternity actually say during his brain fart just then?
Bexy… dexy… No, that’s dumb! Those aren’t words. Pepsi… no… vexing! That has to be it! Eternity thinks I’m vexing!
“Wow… you’re pretty dumb, eh?” Eternity said, “I said that you’re a sexy girl! Ess ecks ee why… Sexy!”
Hunter’s heart started racing like mad. The thumping noise echoed all throughout his mind despite his efforts to not let it. Hunter shouldn’t be getting flustered like this… he wasn’t even gay…
He wasn’t gay. Eternity probably wasn’t either. A sudden feeling of guilt began weighing Hunter down. Guilt for not correcting Eternity earlier when he called Hunter Ma’am. He didn’t have a reason to not correct him after all.
Or maybe he did have a reason? He was infiltrating Mark’s mind under cover. He didn’t want Mark to know that he was a psychic and letting the people in their mind assume he was a girl would make it that much harder for them to realize his true identity. That made sense. That had to have been the reason why Hunter had been reluctant to correct Eternity.
But now that lie of omission was going to bite him in the butt. It was one thing lying to people who didn’t know who he really was, but Eternity was in his own head now. A glance over to the screens was enough to let him know that it would be glaringly obvious that he is a man as soon as he needs to go to the bathroom. It’d be for the best to come clean now… not that it wouldn’t be obvious that he was only doing it because he had no choice.
“I- I’m not a girl…” Hunter said quietly. “I’m actually a man…”
Eternity looked at him dumbfounded for a moment, “Well duh… I figured that out when I saw your body.” Something about the laugh that he gave off as he said that was crushing. “I’m not an idiot!”
You’re a bit of an idiot~ You spelled sexy wrong~
“No I didn’t!” Eternity shouted into the void.
Despite Mamata appearing to be busy cleaning up the mess in the living room, she apparently had also been paying attention to their conversation and decided to make her two cents known.
You did~! You did too~!
“Can you two just- just stop please!” Hunter choked out. He was trying to process Eternity’s response to his admission and wasn’t sure why it was making him so upset.
On the screen, he saw Mamata pause momentarily before putting down the wet sponge she had been using to clean with. She quickly sat down on the couch next to where she had laid Mark’s unconscious body. Mamata closed their eyes, causing the screen to go black. A moment later she walked through the screen to appear in headspace with them.
Hunter immediately noticed that she wasn’t using his old mind form anymore, like she had the first time he had met her within his mind. The old form had been completely androgynous but her new form definitely wasn’t. Apparently, she had decided to look like a girlified version of Hunter’s real body. She could have been easily mistaken for his sister if she actually existed in the real world.
Aside from the obvious differences that a female version of himself would have, Mamata had also given her mind form dark red, almost burgundy, hair. That was something Hunter always wished that he could have had, instead of the dark brown hair he actually had. Of course that was back when he was a kid, before he knew how genetics actually worked. Mamata’s hair, other than just being that beautiful, impossible color, was much longer than his was. It flowed down to the middle of her back like a waterfall.
She was wearing a dress that Geosha used to wear all the time, one that he had helped her pick out when she had finally started becoming confident in her transition progress. Hunter wasn’t sure how Mamata knew about that dress. She was just an autopilot program, she shouldn’t have access to any of his memories and he didn’t keep any photos of Geosha around the apartment.
The comments that Eternity made had left him shaken, but seeing Mamata like this disturbed Hunter on a deeper level. That strange feeling that he had when seeing her interact with Mark was back but it was even fiercer now.
The moment that he and Eternity had been controlling Mark’s body at the same time let him know just what that feeling was. The two of them had practically merged minds, blending together in a terrifying way that left him unable to tell his own thoughts and identity from Eternity’s. Eternity had known that it was jealousy… envy… and therefore while they were blended together, they both knew what that feeling was. That memory had stuck with Hunter. He had been able to identify the feeling of envy then, so obviously he would recognize it again when it came back only minutes later.
He could guess as to why he had felt envious of Mamata when she had been flirting with Mark, he wasn’t so dense as to not realize that he was into them, but he wasn’t sure who had been envious of her when they were in Mark’s body or even why. This time though… this time he knew exactly why he felt envious of Mamata.
With that red hair that she had given herself, she actually looked like she could have been his mother’s daughter. No one had ever thought that he was his mother’s child before! Growing up, Hunter had constantly heard strangers be ‘impressed’ that his mother had adopted him and then be surprised to find out that he wasn’t adopted. Others would always remark on how much he looked like his father. Looking at Mamata though, her facial features hadn’t even been changed by that much but that small amount was enough that he could instantly see the resemblance to his mom.
Anger began welling up within him. How could she… how dare she so casually give herself the things that I always wanted but couldn’t have when she’s nothing more than a tool!?
Mamata and Eternity stopped their bickering at the sudden outpour of thought and emotion that bled out of Hunter. He ignored the both of them and walked straight up to and through the screens, back into control of his body.
Being back in his body felt odd after his experience controlling Mark’s. At least this time he actually knew that he was himself rather than being blended together with another person. That thought gave him a little comfort though as he subconsciously began comparing how his body felt compared to Mark’s.
His body was shorter than Mark, more slender. His skin was a few shades darker. He didn’t have the large shoulders that Mark did or the strong muscles or the chiseled jaw. Instead, he was scrawny and his face softened with baby fat. He didn’t have the thick hair all over his body that Mark did either… at least he didn’t have it anymore. He had it removed via laser together with Geosha… as a show of support and solidarity, of course.
Overall, this body was much more comfortable than Mark’s was… but it still felt off somehow. Hunter couldn’t put his finger on why.
Who are you supposed to be anyways? Why would there be another person in Hunter’s head? Is there a psychic nexus here too that has you trapped?
Wow~ You really are an idiot~ There isn’t anything like that here~
The two of them were still arguing, it seemed, “Mamata is the autopilot program that I made to control my body for when I jumped into Mark’s head.” Hunter said aloud, knowing the two would be able to hear him.
You’re an autopilot? Why are you so… lifelike?
…~
No really… like a program shouldn’t have a personality! Or a name even!
I’m not just a program~! And I have a name~ because I wanted a name~! Mamata is a sanskrit name. It means ‘fondness’~ and ‘love’~
Hunter began to wonder when Mamata had the time to even come up with a name, especially one that apparently had a lot of thought put into it. She was just a program that he’d made… Not just a program~! … she shouldn’t have the capacity to even think about stuff other than what she was programmed to.
A chill went down Hunter’s spine as he realized that there was more to the meaning of Mamata’s name. Her name didn’t just mean love… the word represented a specific kind of unconditional love that a mother has for her child. A kind of love that his own mother had never shown him.
Hunter started walking to the bathroom, his hand slowly went to his stomach as he remembered Mark saying that he had kept grabbing it during the Easter Egg hunt. Looking in the mirror, he realized that he looked just like a young pregnant woman hugging their unborn child. He quickly ripped his hand off his stomach but was quickly stunned once again by his appearance in the mirror.
“Why is my face caked in makeup?”
You like it~!? I did it myself~!
Did Hunter like it? No… it was amateurishly done. It reminded him of Chelsea on her first time coming to high school in full makeup. She had been ridiculed fiercely by the mean girls at school and left early for the day in tears. I didn’t do that bad of a job~! Although that might have been more about Chelsea being trans and not passing well yet rather than anything to do with her makeup…
Hunter’s eyes drifted to all the makeup products littering the countertop, “Where on earth did you even get all of these things even come from?”
He heard Mamata giggle in response to his question.
Remember Cathy~?
Of course he remembered her. It had only been a couple of months since she moved out.
She left a starter makeup bag for you under the sink~ with a note! It’s right over~ there!
Hunter’s attention was drawn to a piece of paper in the midst of the makeup bottles… the same trick that he had pulled with Robbie to bring her attention to some eggs was now being used on him. He forced himself to ignore the note for now and instead focused on some makeup remover wipes. A bottle of moisturizer flashed in his mind as he picked up the wipes.
Don’t forget to~ moisturize after wiping~
Hunter ignored her advice. He hadn’t ever put makeup on himself but he knew the basics and that included proper skin care after removal. He had learned together with Chelsea (out of solidarity of course) and he had taught Geosha.
After wiping the makeup off, he washed his face and looked up at the mirror to confirm it was all off. His heart skipped a beat when he realized that he wasn’t seeing his own reflection in the mirror, instead he saw Mamata’s face. He blinked his eyes rapidly. Suddenly it wasn’t Mamata that he was seeing but Eternity’s pasty face. Another blink in surprise and it was his own face he was seeing, slightly softer looking than he was used to with bunny ears and long hair, both the color of dark cocoa. He stared at his reflection in shock, taking in all the details. His nose was just slightly smaller, his eyes a bit upturned, his brows thinner, his teeth… looking bucktoothed…
Hunter shook his head, eyes closed. When he reopened them, the illusion was gone and he saw his true reflection once more. For a brief moment he could see a bit of his mother in his face and a bunch of rabbit. Now, he just saw himself.
He put moisturizer on his face before taking a look at the note.
‘Since you’ve found this note ‘roomie’ I sincerely hope that you’ve fucking figured it out already. If you’ve known all this time and have just been keeping it secret, then I’m sorry for leaving. I doubt it though. For such a great ‘ally’ that has helped a bunch of transwomen, you’re dense as a brick. Way too dense for me to keep living with without constantly wanting to bash your head in. If you have figured it out, congrats! Give me a call, but only if you have. You have my number.
Anyway! Heavy stuff aside, this is a gift for you, fresh and unused. Assuming it isn’t expired by the time you’ve found this. It all should be in your shade. Dunno how you missed me matching shades to you during our outing to Ulta. I mean seriously, we went to fucking Ulta together and you didn’t figure it out. ANYWAY! There are tutorials online. Make sure you moisturize after removing it.
With Love, Cathy’
He didn’t want to waste brainpower trying to figure out whatever she was trying to tell him with that note. The fact that she implied that he was somehow the reason that she chose to move out was frankly insulting and he didn’t believe it. She wouldn’t have just quit her job without notice and suddenly move out because he was dense.
Dude, she isn’t implying. She’s pretty much saying you’re the reason why she left. What did you do to her?
He ignored Eternity. Hunter didn’t have the energy to deal with him right now. He didn’t really have the energy to do much of anything anymore. It wasn’t even noon and he just wanted to sleep. Hopefully when he woke up he would realize that the entire day so far had just been a dream. That’s the only way that anything would make sense.
He paused as he left the bathroom. He could see Mark still laying on the couch. Vomit still all over the place. He wanted to help Mark but stopped himself. Mark calling him a freak and telling him to get away was still fresh in his mind. The pain from that, still too raw.
With a sigh, he went to his room and collapsed onto his bed. Without a doubt, Mark would move out and he won't be able to help them discover their true self. He’ll have to find a new roommate. If he can't find one soon enough, he’ll burn through the rest of his savings on the next rent payment. He’d have to beg his mother for money.
Hunter curled up into the fetal position and pulled a blanket tight around himself as he tried and failed to not cry. Mamata and Eternity were saying something but a ringing sound in his ears drowned their words out until he finally cried himself to sleep.
***
Mamata and Eternity stood around awkwardly as the light from the screen turned off with Hunter falling asleep.
“So uh… this is Hunter’s head huh? It’s kinda empty…” Eternity looked around at the gray void that surrounded them. There wasn’t anything there but the two of them, the black screen, and a starry sky. “The stars are a nice touch, I guess. I can even make out a few constellations. Did you guys make a 1 to 1 skybox of the real stars?”
“I think so~ These were here long before I was though~” Mamata responded, “I watched the stars last night with Emmie and noticed that the ones in here were in the exact same positions~ They were even moving across the sky at the same speed~ Hunter must have put a lot of effort into making this so realistic that it could work even without him maintaining it consciously~”
“Right…” Even though the two were chatting, something about being alone together felt uncomfortable to Eternity, “I guess it’s a new moon right now? Can’t remember the last time I actually saw it… I’ve been trapped in that nexus for so long.”
Mamata giggled but it felt a bit empty. There wasn’t as much life to her as there had been when she was controlling Hunter’s body, “I think he actually forgot to add it~ It should be about half-full right now~ He seems to have a tendency to miss the obvious~”
“Yeah… I can see that. That girl… guy? They get lost in their head a lot…”
“Yeah~ He does~” Mamata sat down on the nonexistent floor and Eternity just had to wonder how they weren’t just falling. He wouldn’t have even known which way was up in this void if it wasn’t for the stars only existing above them. “Does the inside of your head look like a gray void also~?”
Eternity froze as he tried to process the question. He was a psychic so he surely had visited his own headspace before but trying to remember what it was like gave him nothing at all. Not a single memory. “Uh, my head was pretty normal, I think. Mark’s though… that one is very different!”
He started telling Mamata all about what it had been like in Mark’s head. All the people there, the street full of houses, the arcade and office building, “He even has this room made of clouds where he pilots his own body like a meat mech! Anyone can control it just by sitting in the chair.”
Mamata gave a small smile at that. A very small one. She seemed even more tired than she was before. Not sleepy though, more like she was physically exhausted. “That sounds really nice~ Not an empty and lonely place like this~” She started easing herself down to be laying. “A different way of controlling the body would be cool too~ Right now, I can’t get to it unless Hunter decides to come back in here~”
“It’d be nice if I could see Emmie without waiting for Hunter to give me permission~” Mamata stopped moving. She almost looked dead with the way she wasn’t breathing.
Eternity sat down near her and stared at the stars. She’s right. This does feel lonely…
This place needs some renovations!
Eternity stood back up and started stretching as he got to work. As he focused his mind, marble floor tiles slowly started appearing beneath him. He frowned as he looked at them.
Nah! I can do better than this! This is no time to be boring!
A mad grin appeared on his face and he pulled his goggles over his eyes. He took another look at the stars as a great idea came to him.
***
Hunter woke up to the sound of his phone ringing. He couldn’t help but wince at the Caller ID. Reluctantly, he picked it up.
“H-Hello…”
“You didn’t visit!” a curt woman’s voice came from the phone, “I told you to see me in person but you ignored me.”
“I was kinda busy with something…”
“I am also a busy person, Hunter. I expect you to come when I tell you to.” Her voice was full of disapproval.
“...yes ma’am…”
“Don’t ma’am me! Just do what I tell you to.” The caller took a moment to regain her composure. When she continued, her tone had become completely neutral, “There aren’t any registered psychics with the name Marvin Jones...”
That was concerning. Especially since that very same Marvin Jones was currently in his head. That last dive into Mark’s head had revealed a lot about Eternity’s character as well. The guy knew that Hunter was his only chance to get free of the psychic nexus but he still chose to bully him and act like an ass nonstop… now he wasn’t in the nexus anymore. He wasn’t someone that Hunter was looking forward to spending a lot of time together with. He needed to get rid of him ASAP!
“... as for unregistered psychics, who can say really. If you want any more help from me, I’ll need more information which means that I’ll-”
“Want to see me in person!” Hunter cut her off, “I’ll come over right now!”
“Not so fast!” The disapproval was back in her voice, “Our usual place is closed for Easter Sunday. Come by first thing in the morning tomorrow!”
Hunter glanced at his clock. It was only about 4:00 in the afternoon which meant there was still a lot of day ahead of him. He couldn’t help but let out a sigh, “I’ll be there, but I won’t exactly be alone…”
“I’ll keep that in mind… Happy Easter, Hunter.”
“Happy Easter…” With that his mentor hung up and Hunter let out a sigh of relief. She was surprisingly less upset with him than he expected. He would have expected her to berate him for at least a few minutes but she just didn’t… weird.
Are you done on the phone?
A sudden voice rang out in Hunter’s mind and his stomach dropped. It was another reminder that he hadn’t just dreamed Eternity crossing over somehow from Mark’s mind into his own. He wasn’t dumb enough to pretend that it hadn’t really happened… but he could have hoped.
“What do you want, Eternity?” Hunter said with more edge to his voice than he intended. It sounded grating to his ears after having heard how melodic Mamata had been able to make it.
I’ve been doing some renovations here and wanted to give you the tour!
“Reno- What have you done!?” Hunter’s voice was raised, he practically shouted that response.
Hey! This place was bleak and boring as hell, and you know it! I had to made it somewhat livable. You saw what it was like in that neighborhood. I can’t just go from living in that to just existing in a void!
Keep it down please~ Still eepy~
Anger was welling up in Hunter again. It was bad enough that Mark thought he was a freak but having to deal with these two all the time with no say in the matter…
“Why are you even sticking around in my head? You’re out of that nexus, so just go on already and return to your body!”
Umm… about that… I tried. I really did try. But I still can’t do it. So I guess I’m stuck with you instead for now buddy!
Hunter had no response. This was what he had expected so it didn’t come as a surprise, but Eternity’s nonchalance about it was baffling.
Anyway! You should come check out what I did with the place! You’ll love it!
“Pass.”
C’mon! You’re a fan of 80’s and 90’s B-movies right?
Hey~ What does this button do~?
Don’t touch that yet! I want it to be a surprise for you both to see together! C’mon Bun! Mamata’s impatient for the tour!
Hunter ignored them for the time being. He needed to pee… which raised some concerns. The fact that the two of them could basically see everything that he does… It would be one thing if Mamata was just an autopilot, but having watched her interact with Mark, he could tell there was more going on there than just what he had programmed her to do. The thought of her watching him use the bathroom wasn’t a comfortable one.
Eww~ Gross~
We aren’t going to watch you pee, Bun.
…
Hey, Mamata! I made you your very own room. Follow me!
M’kay~
…
Oh wait… you meant for real~? Coming~
The bit that the two of them were putting on reeked of being an act. He was sure they were still watching what he did. Unfortunately, he had no way to see what they were doing in his mind without entering it himself. After Mamata prevented him from getting back into his body, he wasn’t going to risk allowing either of them access to it. At least not until he had a chance to figure out some safeguards which meant it was back to the internet with him.
But first, he still needed to use the bathroom. As he walked there, he closed his eyes and extended the rest of his senses outwards. A wave of psychic energy came off of him and when it returned to him, he could see the entire apartment from all directions in his mind. It was like sonar but better, with the downside of a good deal of mind strain most of the time. He wasn’t sure if his two… companions… could see what he did with this sense, but for his own sanity he decided to assume that they couldn’t.
As he finished up in the bathroom, he let his eyes open once again. With his senses, he had been able to tell that Mark was awake again and in the living room, but now he knew that Mark was staring at him, apparently waiting for him to finish up his business.
Hunter debated what to do. He should just go over to Mark and face the music. Accept the beratement that he deserved. Mark might even hit him and he would just have to accept that. Emmie would never~ Even if such a thing was completely justified, Hunter couldn’t bring himself to just go up to them. He should just run away to his room. Coward!
His stomach growled and he remembered that he hadn’t eaten since the breakfast that Mark had made for him. Although thinking about the conversation that he had overheard in Mark’s head, that breakfast probably wasn’t made for him… Mark had made it for Mamata instead.
Hunter’s eyes started watering as he realized how stupid he had been that morning. Thinking that someone would want to make breakfast just for him? What an idiot! There’s a reason why no one had ever done that for him before. Someone like him just didn’t deserve it.
Someone’s arms started wrapping around Hunter, pulling him into a tight hug that felt so right. He couldn’t help but let the tears he wanted to hold back start flowing. He cried for at least a couple of minutes there in the hallway right in front of the bathroom. As the tears eased up into just a few sniffles he heard Mark’s voice start speaking. From this close, he could feel his entire body vibrate from their deep reverb.
“Are you feeling better now… Hunter? Mamata? Bunny?” As they pulled away from the hug, he could feel them trying to push their voice into a higher pitch. A poor imitation of the trick that Mamata had been able to achieve.
“M- Mark… I-” Hunter wasn’t sure how to start talking. This wasn’t the reaction that he was expecting from Mark, but maybe it was a bit more understandable if they thought that Mamata was still controlling his body. She was the one they actually liked and cared for… after all, they thought that he was nothing more than a freak.
You’re not a freak~!
I mean… she’s a bit of a-
NOT A FREAK~!
Hunter started thinking about that headset that Mark had been wearing when they first entered the cloud room. He wondered if it really blocked out all the noise that other people in their head made and if so, how hard it would be to make some for himself.
“-nter? HUNTER!” Mark’s sudden shout brought Hunter back into reality. Yelling time… this is what he had been expecting. “I said this isn’t Mark… It’s Zoey!”
Eh…?
Mark, or rather Zoey in Mark’s body, let out a melodramatic sigh, “Seriously, should have been obvious to me that you’re Hunter, gal. You were doing that same ‘deer in the headlights’ thing that you kept doing up here.” Zoey tapped her head to illustrate her point.
“Zoey? I thought you were with… ecks ecks-”
“Yeah… just gonna call him Emoboy for now. Kay?”
“...thought you were busy with Emoboy?”
Zoey turned and started walking back towards the living room. After a few steps she patted her hip. As Hunter watched and tried figuring out what that was even supposed to mean, she turned to look at him with an eyebrow raised, “Heel, girl!”
…Is she treating you like a dog?
Maybe~ What’s heel mean~?
Dunno… but I’m pretty sure she wants you to-
“Come here.” Zoey patted her hip again before sitting down on the couch. When Hunter didn’t move, she patted the seat next to her, “Or you can just talk to me standing up… No one’s going to force you into another chair…”
Hunter took a few steps forward but stopped and gulped at the mention of being forced into the chair. She knew about that, didn’t she… she wasn’t even there but she already knew about it. Did everyone know about it? About how weak Hunter had let himself be to let himself be overpowered. Had that been broadcast to the entire neighborhood?
“Hey hey hey! It’s okay, Hunter…” Zoey was trying to speak softly to him. To keep him from breaking into tears again.
It felt humiliating to be treated so delicately but Hunter swallowed his minimal pride and sat down on the couch next to Zoey. In Mark’s body, she was so big compared to him. It was close to the size difference that they had in their mind forms as well.
Hunter took a deep breath. Zoey had always been nice to him ever since they met two days ago. She wasn’t trying to embarrass him. Here was a newly hatched trans girl right in front of him. He should have been the one supporting her, not the other way around, and to support her, he needed to put on a brave face.
“So what happened with Emoboy?” Hunter asked.
Zoey let out a sigh as she said, “He had a bit of fun playing a round of DDR, but right after you and Eternity vanished, he started freaking out and ran off. He ran off somewhere into the fog and hasn’t been seen again yet.”
Memories of wandering around in that fog came to Hunter. It had been an eerie and confusing place to navigate, especially when he had seen the obscured figures that disappeared when he went for a closer look. Not to mention the fact that it could erode psychic energy. The place felt like it could be dangerous, especially for someone who couldn’t just teleport out of there at any moment.
“Do you know what happened to Eternity?” Zoey's question pulled Hunter out of his thoughts.
I’m right here…
“Karen said that you two were freaking out pretty bad and then you both just vanished completely.”
I wasn’t! Maybe Hunter was, but I wasn’t freaking out!
“She and Mark also refused to describe what happened in that chair for some reason… They’d only talk about what they could see on the screen.”
A morbid curiosity overcame Hunter. Mentally, he and Eternity had blended together. What did that look like to the others? Were the two of them both just sitting on the chair together zoning out like the others had or did more than just their consciousnesses begin to blend?
A nightmarish image of a chimeric Eternity popped into his head. He was sure that didn’t originate from himself.
“Cut it out!” Hunter said aloud in annoyance. Zoey gave him an odd look and he realized that for once, she hadn’t heard Eternity as well, “Sorry… Eternity has been yakking away in my head and it gets annoying.”
Zoey visibly perked up, “Are you two doing that telepathy thing!? That was so cool doing that with you earlier!”
Hunter was confused, “We talked telepathically?” He didn’t remember doing that at all. Did his memories get affected from blending with Eternity?
Despite being pretty good at mind reading, telepathy was one of the things that Hunter didn’t have a knack for. His connections were one way only and he could never get someone else to hear his thoughts when he tried to project them.
“You don’t remember?” Zoey seemed as confused as Hunter was, “It was right before Karen hatched. You kinda got into my head and said that she was an egg and that we should crack her.”
Zoey seemed to scrunch up her face in concentration as she said, “Then I said something to the effect of you should give her a moment to cry.” As she spoke, an echo of her words reverberated inside of Hunter’s mind.
“Did you just…” Hunter was shocked. Zoey just spoke to him telepathically… She was also a psychic?
“It was like that!” Zoey broke out into a huge excited grin and she continued speaking both aloud and telepathically to Hunter at the same time. “Is Eternity talking to you like this too!?”
Where did that voice come from~? Is there another new person~?
Oh damn! Was that Zoey? Hey Zoey! Where’re you at?
Zoey stared at Hunter expectantly. Apparently she hadn’t heard anything that the peanut gallery had said.
“You didn’t hear his response?” He asked. With a sigh, he explained, “I’m not talking to Eternity telepathically… He’s in my head now.”
“In your head?”
“Like how he had been in Mark’s head. He somehow just followed me back to my body and is just chilling in there and being a nuisance.”
The look that appeared on Zoey’s face was one of horror, “He’s in your head!? How do we get him back over here!?” The shock was enough for her to stop projecting her words telepathically as she spoke.
I’m not going back over there! We’re gonna get me back to my own body, right?
“He doesn’t want to go back to Mark’s head. He just wants to get back to his own body. I guess him being here does make it a bit easier to do that…” As much as Hunter didn’t want to admit it, he had promised to help Eternity get back to his body and sharing a mind for the time being simplified that matter. He wouldn’t need to dive into Mark’s mind every time he needed to get more information from him.
Zoey slamming her hands onto the coffee table snapped Hunter out of his thoughts, “You just don’t understand, Hunter! He doesn’t have a body… this is his body! It’s all of our body!” She was gesturing at Mark’s body as if to make some kind of point.
Hunter couldn’t believe it. Zoey was clearly another psychic trapped in the nexus like Eternity had been but she didn’t even know it.
“Stop overthinking things, Hunter!” Zoey begged, “I need you to stay with me here, okay?”
The desperation that he could hear in her voice was enough to convince Hunter to quiet his mind and just listen.
“There is no such thing as a psychic nexus!” Zoey’s words were slow and as she placed emphasis on them, she projected thim into his mind. “I am not someone trapped in another person’s mind. Neither is Eternity!”
She seemed so confident in that assertion, “How can you be so sure that-”
“Because I am Mark!” Zoey blurted out.
Hunter’s mind ground to a halt. He had tried to slow his thoughts earlier to only some success, but that outburst caused them all to crash completely. He couldn’t do anything at that point but listen to her.
“I am Mark… or at least I used to be…” Zoey waited for some kind of response from Hunter but when it didn’t come, she took a deep breath and continued. “I- I’m not the original Mark. I don’t know who is or if any of us really were.
“Before me, Karen was Mark... she had been working so hard to get us into a good college. After we got accepted… all the pressure that she had been thriving under was just gone. The schoolwork was just too easy to keep her stimulated. She got bored… and then one day, we were me instead of her.”
Zoey waited again for any reaction from Hunter. He was still breathing, still occasionally blinking. She couldn’t tell if this level of shock was normal or not. None of them had ever talked about this with other people.
“I’m the Mark who existed for most of college. It was too easy and I was too bored. I knew there was something wrong with us and I became depressed.” Still no reaction from Hunter. “I started exploring our gender and sexuality, but… things just didn’t work out. I started skipping class and doing drugs…
“Hunter, please… I need you to let me know that you’re listening.” Zoey was begging. There was a lot of emotion in her voice but it wasn't enough to bring her to tears.
Hunter got the impression that she had practiced this speech so she could say it all without crying. And with that thought, Hunter’s mind started working again. He was shocked at what she was telling him but now that he had heard it, things started making a bit of sense.
It explained why Karen and Zoey were both so adamant that there wasn’t any kind of psychic nexus keeping them there. But was Eternity really the same as them? Was he also Mark at some point in the past and just… forgot?
Zoey let out a sigh of relief as she noticed the gears turning in Hunter’s head. He hadn’t said anything but she could somehow tell that he was back to normal. There was a bit of light back in his eyes.
“I kinda wasted our college years in a depressed, drug fueled slump.” She said, “I just coasted through school without putting much effort in and then suddenly we were graduating and I needed to act like an adult.”
Hunter wasn’t sure what to say. It wasn’t that unique of a story, aside from the obvious. Geosha had gone through something similar when she cracked. She had been so depressed after the revelation that she was trans. She had almost dropped out of college due to the depression. People had tried to take advantage of her vulnerability to push her to take drugs. It had taken a lot of support from Hunter to help her through that time. He couldn’t stop her from drinking or smoking when she was depressed, but he had always known when she was given something harder than weed and he always made sure that those things disappeared no matter how she tried to hide it.
He had been there for her when she came out to her parents. Helped her go through the name change paperwork. Hell, he even went through laser hair removal to show her that it didn’t hurt that much. She wasn’t all that happy to find out that he lied about the pain when she started it herself, but having someone go through the pain together had helped make it more bearable for her.
For Zoey… Mark… to have gone through a rough patch as well after having their own gender revelation wasn’t surprising. But from the sounds of it, she didn’t have someone like Hunter to support her. She didn’t have any kind of support. That much was obvious from the fact that Mark had never transitioned. It was obvious that they didn’t have a support network when they had been kicked out of their house and moved in with Hunter. Obvious when Hunter realized that he hadn’t once seen Mark call or text anyone in the entire week they had lived together.
Mark had nowhere else to go and no one else to rely on. Hunter couldn’t let their overreaction to him being a psychic ruin what might actually be their only friendship. He wouldn’t let it!
Zoey let out a giggle as she watched a dozen expressions flicker across Hunter’s face in quick succession. She giggled a bit harder when he realized what was happening and started to blush. “What’cha thinking about?” She asked.
“That I need to be a better friend to Mark.” As he remembered that Zoey had also once been Mark, he added, “to my Mark.”
Zoey couldn’t help but smirk as she teased him, “Oh, he’s your Mark now, is he?” Before Hunter could bluster his way through a response, she cut him off, “I’m glad he’s got such a good friend, but please take things slowly with him.”
Hunter’s face burned as he tried and failed to say something coherent, “I- uh- bhsjsfyhd-” His failure to speak drew more giggles out of Zoey.
“It’s okay! It’s okay! Don’t break yourself, Hunter. I know what you mean.” Zoey reached out and gently combed her fingers through Hunter’s hair. “We’re all Mark in some sense, but he’s the one that you associate with the name.”
The petting from Zoey was getting him flustered, but the giddiness wasn’t as important as something else. “You know that they have some gender stuff going on… shouldn’t you stop misgendering them?”
That question got Zoey to pause. She put her hand down after she stopped petting him. “That’s actually what I want you to slow down on.” Her face was extremely serious as she elaborated, “When I was Mark, realizing that I was trans really messed me up for a long time. Mark… he doesn’t remember any of that. When he started fronting, he had some of my memories… being depressed and stuff like that… but he didn’t inherit any memories about why we were depressed.
“I know you want to help him come to terms with things, but he’s a bit fragile right now. Karen has only barely gotten him to calm down about having multiple personalities and he’s going to need time to process all of that. Please don’t push him too hard on anything else… I don’t want him to break the same way that I had.
“And that means, using the pronouns that he expects to hear. Okay?” There was a firmness to her tone that let Hunter know that it wasn’t a question.
He didn’t agree with misgendering Mark among themselves, but he had always known when to be discreet with these kinds of things.
Zoey took his silence for consent and changed the subject, “I know Eternity thinks that he’s different from the rest of us, but I don’t think that’s really the case. That’s the reason why he can’t use any psychic powers. Not because there’s some magical thing suppressing his powers but because we never had them.”
The change of subject was effective enough because it got Hunter thinking again, “But you do have them… You used telepathy. That means that you have to have some kind of psychic powers.”
It was Zoey’s turn to go speechless, “I- I guess you have a point there…”
The sound of a rumbling stomach interrupted their talk. Neither of them really knew whose stomach that was but they both agreed that they should eat something before continuing.
***
Zoey insisted that Hunter try out the real thing after having a ‘Mark’s on Roberts’ pizza in her mind. Unfortunately, she was shocked to find out that they were closed for the holiday. They settled on ordering chinese from a much closer place.
While waiting for the food to get delivered, they decided to keep the heavy talk on pause for the time being. Instead, Hunter decided that since Mark had some kind of multiple personality disorder, he should look up some more information on it.
It was a subject that Zoey was interested in as well. It seems that she hadn’t realized that they were plural until after the current Mark had come along and she found herself in his mindscape with Karen. Plural was just one of the terms they found to describe it online, but it was the one that both Hunter and Zoey liked the best.
The food had only just gotten there when Zoey announced, “I need to go back, now.” She looked a bit uncertain as she asked, “Are you going to be okay with Mark coming back to the front? If you want, I could give you a moment to-”
“I’m fine Zoey.” Hunter cut her off. He wasn’t sure what she was going to suggest, but he already committed to being there for Mark. That included accepting whatever Mark had to say to him so they could move past it. Even if that included criticism or mockery.
Zoey nodded and then closed her eyes. Her entire body seemed to relax for just a moment before tensing up again as Mark came back to the front.
‘Fronting’ was another term that the two of them had discovered while waiting for the food to be delivered. It basically described the state of one of the headmates controlling the body. The fact that the cloud room in Mark’s head where they could interact with the body had been called the ‘fronting room’ made them wonder if one of Mark’s other personalities had already done research into these things.
Mark’s posture and body language underwent a noticeable change as the switch from Zoey to them occurred. A frown appeared on their face but they didn’t say anything right away. They were still trying to figure out what to say.
Hunter wasn’t sure what to say either but before he had much time to think about it, another voice in his mind broke the silence.
Hunter~ Could I please speak to Emmie first~?
There was something about Mamata’s voice when she asked that. She was pleading but the question lacked… something. Conviction? It sounded like she was just going through the motions and had been fully expecting to be denied immediately.
Hunter thought back to the stuff that he had read with Zoey. There had been some stuff about communication and cooperation. Stuff that emphasized respecting each other. He hadn’t paid too much attention to those things at the time, but Mamata speaking up made him realize that with her and Eternity in his head, he also basically counted as being plural as well.
Okay…
Hunter stepped back out of his body, into his mind. He didn’t even have time to take in the changed scenery before being tackled by Mamata and pulled into a bear hug.
“Thank you~ Thank you so much~!” She cried. There were actual tears in her eyes as she hugged him.
She didn’t hold him there for too long. With a wide smile, she let go of him then ran through the screen, into their body.
As she vanished from sight, Hunter realized that the screens he was used to looking through had changed shape to become a singular rectangular glass screen with rounded corners. Looking around him, he could see that everything had changed. His gray void was gone. Instead, he found himself standing in what looked like the set of a cheap science fiction movie.
Behind the screen was a large glass half-dome that showed off the starry sky beyond it. Off to one side, a large sticker of a gibbous moon was stuck to the glass.
Leading from the screen was a set of walkways that passed over a thin, almost crescent shaped, trench full of strange looking electronics, strange blinking lights and unlabeled buttons and fuses of all shapes and sizes. On the other side of the pit were three uncomfortable looking blocky chairs with their own cluttered consoles full of switches and small screens.
The two chairs on either side of the center were almost direct mirrors of each other, however while the one to the right looked clear of anything other than the massive console, the one on the left was buried under a mess of random techy devices. Odd tools hung from the ceiling above it, suspended from random drooping cables and hoses. That seat was also currently occupied.
Eternity pushed a gizmo off of the console to be able to reach one of the buttons that was on it. With a hiss of steam erupting from the grated floor beneath it, the chair swung backwards on a rail and rotated to give him the space to get out.
“Dammit! She left too quickly!” Eternity swore, “I wanted to get the captain’s chair set up for her to use.” He bounded past a bank of flashing lights towards the central chair.
The thing was an absolute abomination. It was big and blocky, with huge cushions on it but no backrest. A headrest was suspended from an arm that descended from the ceiling and attached to it was a massive, bizarre looking headset. On each of the armrests were chunky black leather gloves that had keyboards attached to the backs of the hands and wrists. The thing looked like someone tried to convert a salon’s hair drying chair into a retro virtual reality rig.
“Can you give me a hand to get this working?” Eternity asked. He grew a wide grin as he explained, “I planned to have it work similar to the one in Mark’s head, but I think I might need some kind of administrator privileges for it to actually function.”
Hunter was dumbfounded. Eternity wanted this… this thing… to be the chair that you had to sit in in order to front in his body.
“...no.” He responded, “Hell no!”
The grin briefly vanished from Eternity’s face, before coming back almost the same as it had been before. It was hard to tell if either grin was real or if he was just putting on an act.
“We can come back to this after you’ve seen everything else! I swear, you’re going to love it!” Eternity reached over to hit a button on one of the powergloves which caused the screen to go blank and all sounds from the outside world to go mute. “How about we give them some privacy while I give you the grand tour!”
While I'm not quite as short-tempered as Cathy seems to be, it's hard not to empathize with her vexation. Living with an "ally" so absurdly obtuse would drive me up a wall soon enough.
H's density is so impenetrable that it's starting to feel potentially sinister in origin. If H met any other "man" who learned makeup and got laser hair removal out of solidarity, they'd be rightly suspicious, yet somehow they feel it's a plausible explanation for their actions. The hints in Cathy's note should be simple to decipher for someone so well-versed in trans issues, yet somehow H is nonplussed. Willful ignorance, or something more?
If psychic shenanigans are involved here, I'm quite curious to see how the visit to H's mentor will unfold
E: I wish I had some kind of defense for why Hunter is so dense... and I do! But you're not getting any spoilers outta me!
Thanks for the Chapter! <3
Thanks for the chapter!
Hunter is quite nice, if I found a personality blocking me from my body, behaving completely in a way I am not comfortable with, something I created, I'd just delete it.
I can't tolerant anything imprisoning me.
Eek... scary...
the "everyone is plural" plot taken to it's most mindf*ckery extreme... we love it...! and gosh Hunter... so dense... at least Mamata is getting accepted already~ So sweet ?
Eternity is definitely being a nuisance... but on the other hand it's pretty understandable considering he's... still convinced he's not originating from either brain... not a valid excuse, but... understandable...
With Zoey showcasing psychic powers, I wonder if anyone from the Mark system will end up visiting Hunter's headspace.
Eternity clearly proved it's possible
Ess ecks ee why
that's.. not how you spell sexy lol (light-hearted)
You’re a bit of an idiot~ You spelled sexy wrong~
“No I didn’t!” Eternity shouted into the void.
nevermind, should've read ahead
Lol... proofreader got tripped up on that too
Eternity being a mental parasite... As usual... Doing things without asking, being a general nuisance... I doubt they're were originally a "mark" but they definitely don't belong anywhere near any front... Hopefully "hunter"'s mentor can help them deal with eternity...
E: It's hard for me to agree with that statement. I think everyone should be allowed to front every once in a while. Even Littles and obnoxious assholes... as long as it isn't in the middle of a sensitive situation.
... I have been told that I'm wrong about that though.
@feigningfox oh, don't worry, i was more so meaning in their current position being a literal stowaway it wouldn't be a good idea to have them near the front as they're no doubt going to cause more problems than it's worth... I mean if they can get back to their original body sure let em front all they want but it's clear that they're conflicting hard against both "mark" and "hunter"'s states of being... Chaos is fun sometimes but goddess... Not when it's messing up delicate situations