As for Wu dong shi, he returned to his sect with undue haste. The old man's entreaty had been a clear warning to him. He gave a simple report of his assignment and entered immediately into seclusion. When the Fire dragon sect received news of the Purple wind sect's collapse, the sect leader sent for him. After hours of waiting, the attendant returned with a simple sentence from Wu dong shi.

'A senior punished the Purple wind sect for their crime, the Fire dragon sect should forget the incident lest they also be punished.'

The Fire dragon sect leader wasn't convinced and sent again for Wu dong shi. Again, he refused to show up. He sent another message. 

'Sect leader, i plan to spend a century in closed door meditation. It is my punishment for almost bringing calamity to our doorstep.'

The sect leader was intrigued by elder Wu's strange behaviour. 

'Whoever that senior is, he must have put the fear of death in him. I guess I'll drop the issue since my sect might gain another sage as a result. I will take it as compensation.' He muttered to himself before summarily forgetting the matter.

First elder zhao li ming poured tea into the cup in front of bai li yue. He wrapped her hand around the cup and drew her out of her daze. 

'First elder… when did you arrive?'

Her eyes grew distant again just as they were when he found her curled up in the student residence back in the Purple wind sect. He had returned to the sect with her worrying for her health. She stared at nothing for hours on end until he had roused her.

'Is he dead?'

He didn't have to ask to know who she meant.

'No. You didn't kill him.' 

He said but her eyes had gone unfocused again. He didn't know what to tell her. Could she even hear him? 

'I should have killed him! I should have killed them all!' She repeated to herself over and over.

He sighed and produced a guqin from thin air. Before he became an elder of the sect, he had spent years as a travelling musician. He rarely played these days, but whenever he found himself questioning his life, he played a tune to clear his mind. If he could help the little ancestor clear her mind of the fog, he would have repaid her an ounce of what they owed her.

He strummed the strings with his fingers and the melodious sounds of the guqin filled the courtyard. He played for her from morning to evening until she finally succumbed to sleep. The sect leader and Qi rong fei visited when they returned from the tournament but she stared at them absently, talking to herself from time to time as she walked the foggy depths of her mind. 

One day, after a few weeks of playing, Zhao li ming looked up to see her clear eyed. She smiled his way and bowed.

'First elder, I heard the music. It helped me alot. Thank you very much.'

'I'm glad you're back.'

'I'm also glad to be back to myself. I think i had to take time to understand what happened.'

She stared at her hands in confusion. She still didn't know what had happened that day either. It had been her and not her at the same time. She'd been the actor and the observer at the same time. She'd been outside and in front of Lei xioa yu simultaneously. It was perplexing. In that moment, she had almost killed a living person. She'd felt his blood pumping and his smooth dantian. She'd felt the exhilaration of crushing his life.

What happened to me? 

Seeing her grow absent minded again, zhao li ling spoke.

'Little ancestor, i don't know if this is what you need to hear but i will say it. Killing is hard for everyone. In this world, killing is an eventuality for all cultivators. Your hands will be stained sooner or later with other people's blood. You won't be able to change it. It is a truth you'll have to accept and make peace with. We have all gone through it and found our way past it.'

He then told her of the first time he killed someone. It was a cultivator who found a spirit fruit the same moment that he had. They'd stood under the tree with neither willing to renounce the treasure before him. One of them had to die. His win was a fluke but the other man was dead nonetheless. 

'How do you not hate yourself for taking his life?'

'Because i lived. We all learn something about ourselves in those dark moments.'

Bai li yue trembled. She had revelled in Lei xiao yu imminent demise. 

'What you learn about yourself is not as important as what you choose to do about it. You'll have to find the answers on your own, i'm afraid.'

He stayed until she returned to her usual self. During that time, Bai li yue tried to get to the bottom of the matter; to no avail. She found no answers for that dark chapter. There was nothing else to do but close the dark chapter and move on. Her plans to leave had been put on hold until she fully recovered.

They discussed other matters during meal time including the tournament and how Huang rong, wen shan shan and Lu dou had taken the last few spots. Their training had already begun under the draconian hand of Qi rong fei. The national tournament will be taking place in the capital in two years time and they would need all the help they could get to make an impression. They would be competing against other contestants who had better resources than them. There would be those who had been preparing for years in advance: all stronger and more prepared than them.

Whenever she heard how hard her friends were working, a part of her questioned her decision to stay until she fully recovered. She'd recovered but had yet to take the first step of any traveller and inform others of her departure. Only she knew of it. Her inaction was a decision born out of paralysing fear. The outside world was uncharted and full of dangers. In the end she remembered why she'd decided to roam the kingdoms in the first place. To gain experience, she had to leave the safety. Living in fear was the same as giving up on life. She would never grow if she stayed.    

'How long can i hide behind other people just because i am afraid?' 

She'd never been one to rely on others. Living alone after her family died had taught her a lot about life. Even if the elders of the sect saw no problem with that, she had lived a miserable life on earth. Now that she had a modicum of normalcy, she had to live to the best of her ability. 

She had to leave.

Time passed quickly while Bai li yue was occupied on finishing her tasks. The weather was turning cold heralding the end of another year. She had been working hard on repairing the array and making last minute preparations before her departure. The leader had given her a cold iron sword from the sect treasury. He had firmly refused the spirit stones she brought to exchange for the weapon until she was forced to accept his kindness.

She marked off the things on her list with each passing day. Grand elder Mu got her own private cultivation array in Bai li yue's courtyard. She built more arrays for students and elders. All that remained was the sect protecting array. 

The diagrams and the view from the flying artefact had helped put a great deal.

As night fell and the stars came out in dignified brilliance, she headed for the first hillock behind the Remembrance hall. She had spent a month practicing how to repair the array. In the end she had decided to try repairing all the three arrays since it was proving impossible to separate them and have only two functioning. Her decision turned out to be the correct one. She made significant progress. 

She started by casting the array diagrams that encircled the runes. The work was hard but she was already aware of that. She had practised until she could cast all of them in a matter of days. The runes numbered in the hundreds and they formed a network that reminded her of her own rudimentary network of arrays. The sect array was obviously at a higher grade than hers.  

When she finished, she felt much lighter; more at ease now. They should be able to protect themselves sufficiently in her absence. 

She spent a week resting and packing her few clothes into a rucksack. Her food for the month, dried rations, belongings and travelling provisions were already packed in the spatial ring hanging on a leather string around her neck. She wanted to say goodbye to her friends but thought better of it. 

'We'll be seeing each other in the capital, anyway. Two years is a really short time in the cultivation world.'

She went into the Remembrance hall and bowed in front of Chu jiang li's ancestral tablet till deep in the night. 

'Teacher. I have come to bid you farewell. I am leaving for a while to roam the world. I will stay safe and keep your lessons in mind. I promise to return soon.'

She returned to her courtyard and activated the badge she had inherited from her teacher. She left a letter on the table with details and instructions along with the controlling stones for all the arrays she had constructed in secret. The array in her courtyard was left to Grand elder Mu who needed to advance quickly to protect the sect. The other arrays were inside empty courtyards scattered all over the sect. She left control badge for the sect array with the spirit gathering array activated to the minimum level. The students had to have a way to easily cultivate if they were to one day become the future of the sect. The energy in the sect wide spirit gathering array couldn't compare to the arrays in the courtyards, but it would serve as motivation for them to work hard and gain access to better cultivation arrays. 

At dawn, she strolled out of her courtyard. She closed the doors behind and walked away with a determined step. The students of the chores division were going about their duties as usual. The array was still gathering energy. It would take a few days for them to feel a change. 

The Thousand bamboo immortal sect had been her home for two years. She had said goodbye to her teacher here and learned to care about the sect and the people. She had also made some tentative friendships during her time in the sect. She waved to Yang bo jian standing at his station at the gate. It was almost poetic. He was the first person she'd met when she arrived and the last person to see her off when she left. 

Bai li yue took one last look at her home, sleeping peacefully and prayed it would remain safe until her return.