Moose can be much worse than dear for a few reasons. For one, moose are bigger than deer. They’re also heavier. 

The other thing about a moose is that they’ve got really wide antlers. They’re not as spindly as a deer’s. They’re not as pointed.

Those are still some really strong antlers though. This was very clear as they tore through the branches as the moose charged at Emmeth.

Emmeth took a stance with his scythe and prepared himself for the attack. The scythe blade was close to the ground, ready to cut upwards and stab the moose under the chin.

He was ready. 

The moose was as well. It zoomed down at him, antlers down.

Emmeth tried to sidestep and slash up, but tripped over his own feet and fell over. The slash came up early and the scythe was positioned perfectly for the moose to run directly into the flat of the blade and knock it out of Emmeth’s hand. The scythe went flying, and seconds later, the moose was back up in the air. 

Emmeth, meanwhile, was glad he hadn’t actually done the swing correctly. If he hadn’t fallen early, the moose still would have hit him with its massive antlers.

“Did you get it?” Peak inquired.

“It disarmed me.”

“It did!? What the-- Where--” Peak spluttered before shouting, “GO GET THE FUCKING SCYTHE!”

Emmeth scrambled to his feet, but the moose was already circling back.

“Get it for me.” Emmeth “requested”.

“How?”

“You have earth manipulation.”

“Yeah, but I don’t know where it is.”

“It hit the ground. You should have sensed that.”

“I’m paying attention to the SKY DEAR, RUN YOU FUCKING IDIOT!”

Emmeth dived down once more and the moose ran past him again.

He looked up and watched it go into the trees. Emmeth was unsure of how the creature navigated through the many branches and leaves, but it did so with ease.

It was then that Emmeth came up with a simple plan. He pulled himself up and stood in front of a tree, hoping the moose would come down. Hopefully, it would be stupid enough to run into the tree and ground itself. Using the moment it would be stunned, Emmeth would run for the scythe.

The moose did not disappoint Emmeth. It charged down directly at him with no regard for the tree.

Emmeth waited patiently. One second, two seconds passed by like an eternity before he dodged out of the way.

The moose ran into the tree, but things did not go according to plan. It tore through the trunk easily, launching splinters into the air. The tree fell to the side, and the moose paused momentarily to glare at Emmeth who silently observed the moose in turn. 

He could see sawdust twirling around the monster’s antlers, cycling rapidly.

Air magic. Right. He hadn’t realized just how powerful that was until this moment. 

This was not going to go well.

Emmeth decided to throw caution to the wind and run for the scythe. The bull followed right behind him. It was gaining on him. The sound of hoofs hitting air were like shoes on tile, short and sharp strikes getting louder as it neared.

Emmeth realized he wasn’t going to make it in time. He dropped to the ground and did his best to roll out of the way and the moose went past him.

When Emmeth looked up, he was greeted with the sight of the moose standing over the scythe, looking down at it appraisingly.

At that moment, Emmeth learned a great truth. 

Monsters aren’t always stupid.

Emmeth could only look on in despair as the moose stomped down and the blade bent. It stomped down again, and broke where the shaft and blade connected.

“Fuck.” Emmeth swore as the monster charged him again. Luckily for the undead, Peak took this moment to contribute by tossing a cloud of dust off the ground and into the moose’s face. It slowed and veered off course, coughing and shaking its head.

“What happened?” Peak asked.

“It broke the scythe.”

“Fuck.” Peak swore.

“Can you help me?” 

“Maybe? I’m trying. It’s up in the air! Every time I try to pile dirt up to it, it keeps getting knocked away by something. Even when it stamped down, the dirt I started moving towards it got pushed away!” 

“What about that thing you did just now?”

“The dust cloud was really fucking tricky. Dunno. I’ll have to practice that more.”

While Peak was speaking, Emmeth ducked behind a tree. 

“You could hide me underground.” Emmeth said.

“Yeah, but we need to hunt something, right? I bet Wendy would like it if we got her a super deer.”

“It’s a moose.” Emmeth muttered. He did agree with Peak though. Their attempt to hunt had been a total failure thus far. “What can you do to help me?”

“Hmmm… Well, I did want to try this out. Crouch down, would you?” 

Emmeth did so, and Peak got to work. The stone was going to have to be fast.

Dirt rushed up Emmeth’s arms and legs and onto his chest, flowing over him like water. After only a few moments, they solidified into a scrimshaw armor of vambraces, greaves, and a cuirass. A helmet grew over his head, covering the top of his entire head but his face.

While the helmet would prevent Emmeth from speaking normally, that was a non-issue when communicating with Peak. 

‘That’ll make things easier.’ Peak noted.

“Alright, now you shouldn’t die if it hits you.” Peak informed Emmeth. “Now run.”

Emmeth didn’t need to be told twice. He shot up and started sprinting as the tree behind him was ripped apart as the moose charged through it.

While Emmeth was running, Peak was trying to come up with a way to save their asses. Obviously Emmeth wasn’t going to do shit, so Peak was going to have to come up with a miraculous solution to all their problems.

So, how to deal with a sky moose? (Peak wasn’t sure why it should call the moose a moose, but Emmeth seemed to care for some reason.) 

Well, the obvious way was to stab the moose, but they were shit out of blades. 

Earth wasn’t working, and Peak had the feeling that shrieking would do more damage to Emmeth than to the moose. 

Yeah, using Ol’ Reliable (Earth manipulation) was probably the way to go. But how?

While Peak was pondering, Emmeth was fleeing for his life. The stone was not being very helpful this time around, and it looked like Emmeth was probably going to die this time. 

Emmeth was not okay with this at all, but didn’t see any other way this was going to end. While he had virtually limitless stamina as a result of his undead constitution, dodging forever was not an option. Unless Peak pulled something out of its ass, Emmeth was well and truly fucked.

It’s a good thing that Peak came up with an idea.

It wasn’t a good idea, and it was a bit risky, but…

Eh, might as well try.

Emmeth was scrambling through a bush after dodging the moose again when Peak spoke up. 

“Emmeth, I’m gonna need you to stand still for a little bit.”

“That will be challenging.” Emmeth commented, but complied easily enough.

Now, Peak was fucking focused. The stone needed to be lightning fast. Peak’s speed at controlling dirt had been steadily increasing with its levels in earth manipulation, but it wasn’t enough to do what the stone needed in the time it had. Otherwise, Emmeth was going to be easy pickings. 

So, with all its attention on this one thing, Peak got to work.

Earth enveloped Emmeth’s legs and crawled up his back in moments, flowing across him like water. His makeshift armor completed itself as a heavy, earthen armor that looked vaguely like the original iron man armor from the comics. It wasn’t a look Peak was trying to go for, the stone just couldn’t afford to make it look fancy.

A momentary distraction Peak couldn’t afford. The stone ignored it.

“Now, when the sky moose comes by, reach up and grab his legs.”

“Reach up?” Emmeth asked.

“Just don’t fight gravity.”

“What?”

“Quick, get ready!” 

Emmeth adjusted his stance and got ready to face the moose head on.

‘Armor skills?’ Emmeth barely managed to think before Peak made its move.

The ground suddenly gripped Emmeth’s feet and tilted backwards sharply, too sharply for Emmeth to retain his balance. He windmilled his arms for a moment before remembering Peak’s advice.

He let himself fall back as the moose rushed him. Emmeth’s hands extended upwards and grabbed the moose’s front legs. 

Moose are generally heavy creatures. Absurdly so. Adult moose will often weigh over 1,000 pounds. Trying to move a moose would be an exercise in futility in any normal circumstances. 

However, this moose was not a normal moose. It was a magical flying moose, using said magic to fight gravity. While it retained much of the same size of a normal moose, it was lighter. Emmeth grabbing it, while being aided by Peak’s earth abilities, was enough to pull it to the ground.

Its head impacted first, chin hitting the ground. It was stunned for a moment, giving Peak the opportunity it needed to engulf the moose’s head in dirt and start pulling it underground.

Suffice to say, the moose did not like this and started violently thrashing. Dirt was tossed up into the air as it desperately attempted to extricate its head from the earth, but Peak was having none of that. The stone continued to bury the moose.

First the face, then the neck and chest, and then the rest, Peak slowly submerged the monster in the dirt. 

Peak faced difficulty when trying to cover the antlers, as the air swirling around them pushed the dirt away, but once they were fully encased in hardened dirt, there was no more air for it to try and use. Not that it really mattered. By that point, the moose’s struggles had weakened significantly. 

Peak continued to hold it long after it stopped moving.

[ ) ( ] [ ) ( ] [ ) ( ]

Emmeth was sprawled out on the ground. He wanted to stand up. The armor was heavy, but that wasn’t what was stopping him.

“I believe my spine is broken.” Emmeth stated.

“It-- What?” Peak was nonplussed. “How the hell did that happen?”

“Grabbing the moose’s legs while anchored to the ground strained it too much.”

“Oh… Well, shit. Sorry about that.” 

“My arms are dislocated as well.”

“Well… We’re alive? Isn’t it fine then?”

Emmeth sighed. 

“I suppose,” Emmeth conceded, “but that won’t help me stand up.”

“That’s, uh… Yeah, that’s a bit tough, buddy.” was all Peak could say in response.

Emmeth laid there, staring up at the sky through the trees. It was a lovely sight, the light blue speckled by a few clouds drifting here and there. The greenery of the trees added more color to the already wonderful sight. The birds tweeting in the background added more atmosphere.

… 

“Will you please help me stand up?” Emmeth finally asked.

“Oh, yeah. Sure.” Peak said as if it were natural.

The armor that covered Emmeth’s body was made of dirt. It had joints that could be moved. Peak could move the legs, so it shouldn’t be too hard to walk around, right?

Right. 

Getting Emmeth into a crouching position was pretty easy. Peak just had to get Emmeth onto his stomach, then into a crawling position, and then into the crouch.

Balance was frustratingly difficult for Peak. Most humans have small organs in their inner ears that would allow them to keep balance. Peak did not have those organs and had to watch very carefully in case Emmeth would fall over. 

Very, very-- 

“OH SHIT!” Peak shouted as they toppled over.

[ ) ( ] [ ) ( ] [ ) ( ]

“I got this.” Peak chanted to itself. “I got this. I got this. I got this, I got this, I got this, I GOT THIS I--”

Peak and Emmeth flopped over.

[ ) ( ] [ ) ( ] [ ) ( ]

One step. Two steps. 

Okay, Peak could handle this.

The legs were a little wobbly, but that was fine, right?

Right. Totally fine.

Peak wondered why it couldn’t get a skill or technique for this shit. Piloting people was hard. 

“Okay! Walking is down!” Peak announced. “I am the master of walking! The walking master! Tremble before my might!”

“Why didn’t you just make a wheelchair?” Emmeth asked.

Peak contemplated this deep mystery as it trembled in rage.

Then they both fell over.

[ ) ( ] [ ) ( ] [ ) ( ]

Emmeth was now comfortable seated in Peak’s newest creation: The all-terrain wheelchair.

It was a misnomer, but Peak gave it some big wheels with some cool looking spikes, so all arguments were invalid.

“Alright. Now we can head out.” Peak said.

“Great.” Emmeth responded and stood up.

The stone proceeded to lose its shit.

[ ) ( ] [ ) ( ] [ ) ( ]

Turns out, while Peak had been doing its “toddler training,” Emmeth had been working on its own solution.

Its spine was broken. His legs weren’t broken. The only reason he couldn’t make use of his legs was because, somehow, his legs could no longer respond to his commands. 

Why was that? What in his spine was so important that he couldn’t move his lower half?

While Emmeth could not see his spine, he could feel it. He could sense it. He had that skill, carcass sense, and he had necropsy, so he should be able to determine what was so important there.

The spot where Emmeth’s spine was strained was closer to the pelvic region. The spine had been pulled out of its normal spot, rather than break. 

Could Emmeth slot it back into place? Unlikely. Some of the connecting parts had broken. 

Well, what was preventing him from moving? Emmeth doubted the bones really did that. The muscles didn’t seem to be the important bits either. Neither were the veins. 

Emmeth did notice, however, a cord within the spine that might be the problem. Everywhere above the break in the cord was still controllable. Everything below it was non-operable. 

Emmeth had no idea how to fix it. That didn’t matter. All Emmeth really had to do was get around it. 

Emmeth’s body was dead. All of the parts of his body were dead. His heart was no longer beating, yet he still moved. Why should this single part be preventing him from moving?

Emmeth figured he could probably just move anyways if he just focused and… 

His toe twitched.

Emmeth did his best to stay still. It would be more amusing this way once Peak finally learned how to walk.

[ ) ( ] [ ) ( ] [ ) ( ]

“YOU FUCKING BASTARD! SON OF A BITCH, FUCKING COCKSUCKER PIECE OF SHIT ASSWIPE!”

Peak was swearing at Emmeth. Emmeth didn’t feel any rage or annoyance from this, no.

Emmeth felt satisfied. This was him getting back at the rock for launching a plan to kill the moose without actually telling him what the plan was.

However, they needed to get back to work.

“Peak, would you extricate the dead aeromoose from the ground?” Emmeth casually asked from within his earthen prison.

“SHITHEAD CU-- What?” 

“The aeromoose.”

“The, oh. Is that the sky moose?”

“Yes.” 

“That’s a stupid name.” Peak grumbled as the moose’s head was pulled up from the ground. 

“It’s better than yours.” Emmeth commented.

“You fucking dipshit; you named me.”

“You didn’t have anything better.”

“What was wrong with ‘Onyx’?”

“You’re not onyx.”

“Well, what am I then?”

Emmeth didn’t respond. He was no rock expert. Peak was greyish brown with some speckles. That’s all he knew.

While Emmeth wasn’t talking to the stone, Peak was mulling something else over.

 “Why do you know all this? Like, you named the tree monster, and now the sky moose. How’d you learn that?” The stone asked.

“I was told by a few friends that they were vicious and deadly for anyone unprepared.” Emmeth explained. “I read a bestiary detailing monsters common to the area so that I would be better prepared if I encountered one.”

“Huh. Anyways, why’d you ask me to take the sky moose out of the ground?”

“The Wendigo’s here.”

“Wait, what? Since when?”

“A few minutes.”

“What the fuck, dude!?”

[ ) ( ] [ ) ( ] [ ) ( ]

A few minutes ago.

“Well, that was certainly entertaining.” Emmeth heard behind him. 

He tried to crane his neck around to look, but had trouble. Being buried kind of sucked.

Peak was busy ranting and raving, Emmeth ignored the mostly harmless lunatic in favor of the significantly more dangerous lunatic.

“I am pleased my near-death experience amused you.” Emmeth said with barely contained contempt.

“Oh, so you do have a personality hidden within all that platitude.” She gleefully strode over to where he was buried. “Now, would you be so kind as to get me my meat?”

Emmeth proceeded to ask Peak to get the aeromoose, which led to a short discussion that bore no importance.

While the two were discussing, the Wendigo looked over the aeromoose. “Hm. Despite your many failures, you managed to keep the beast mostly intact. Passable work.”

“I lacked suitable skills.” Emmeth said.

The Wendigo just laughed. “Most skills can become suitable for killing things, so long as you are… creative.”

Emmeth was interrupted by Peak asking about the source of Emmeth’s knowledge. Emmeth did his best to answer the question before mentioning who had joined them.

While Peak was flipping out again, Emmeth returned to his calm and refined discussion with the crazy murder-hobo of the forest.

“Sorry about the interruption.” Emmeth told her.

The Wendigo waved her hand. “No, no, it’s fine. Your companion is very entertaining.”

“Will you be taking the…” Emmeth trailed off when he realized the aeromoose was gone.

“Ah, right!” Emmeth’s trinket dropped to the ground in front of him. “I almost forgot to return this to you.”

“Thank you.” 

“Now, would you be so kind as to tell me why you were traveling through my woods?” The Wendigo inquired.

Emmeth thought about lying for a moment, but saw no reason to. 

“I am searching for the group of raiders that killed my family and I.”

The Wendigo paused and swiveled its skull head down to look at Emmeth.

“You’re hunting a group of raiders?” She asked.

Emmeth nodded.

The air seemed to still.

Then the Wendigo lowered its head and giggled.

“I see! I see now.” She announced. “I can’t believe I thought… Very well. The moose was a lovely gift.”

She bent over, and while Emmeth couldn’t see her eyes, he understood she was staring into his. “Allow me to offer a helping hand.”

HURGMCGURG

Alright, here's the deal. I've got a friend. He's writing a story, Inexorable Chaos, and I'm going to be doing some editing for him. Over the course of a few weeks, I'm going to go ripping and tearing through his work. Once that's done, I'll be coming back, but this'll be the last you hear from me for a while.

Ta ta!