"Bwaaa! It hurts!"

"What were you thinking, you idiot? Didn't I tell you to stop using forbidden magic?"

"But I... *sniff* I thought that if I could use healing magic people would like me."

"You cannot heal people with dark magic! You're only going to hurt yourself more if you keep doing that!"

Ugh... I've been practicing flesh shaping a lot, so when I got a paper cut, I thought that I could fix it by bringing my skin back together.

But that wasn't as easy as I thought, I ended up making a knot and it hurts a lot! And now miss Liliam is just scolding me and doesn't even care that I'm crying!

"I'll leave you here with the healer, be a good girl and do as he says."

"Yes."

A healer. This guy can use light magic, it must be easy to be a healer for him...

"Let me see your hand."

"Okay."

"Did you really do this yourself? Where did you learn this kind of magic? Flesh shaping is illegal you know."

"I figured it out by myself."

Actually, I found an old book from someone who also wanted to use flesh shaping to close wounds, but that person was never able to figure out how to do it. If I admit this the book will be taken from me, so I need to keep it a secret!

"Mmm, I don't think that I can heal this as it is... My light magic can restore things to their normal state, but your magic altered the normal state of your hand. I'm sorry, I'll need to remove that knot on your skin first. Please stay still."

Eh? Why is he holding a knife?

"W-wait, ouch!"

'Restore'

He cut the piece of skin that I had messed up and then healed it in an instant, light magic sure seems convenient.

"Did you really use that magic by yourself? Most kids your age are just barely starting to learn how to control their mana flow."

"Yeah, because dark elves grow up really fast! I know because miss Liliam says it a lot."

"Really? I don't think I've ever heard that before. When did she say that?"

"When I show her a new spell I've learned she usually starts repeating that to herself again and again in a low voice. She started saying it a lot back when I started learning magic at 1 year old... I think the first time was before that, that time she saw me changing my diapers."

"I see... That poor woman must be having a tough time trying to remain sane."

"She's a bit weird, yes."

"Anyway, your hand is all good now, make sure to never use that forbidden magic again."

"Eh?! But I want to become a healer like you! I'll practice a lot and learn to use flesh shaping to heal!"

"Look... You're not the first one who's had that idea. Dark magic is used to hurt people, not heal them. If you continue to do this you are only going to hurt yourself more."

"Uh..."

"Well, I need to leave now. I know that you like to study magic, but you need to try to be more careful from now on."

So my magic can only be used to hurt people... But I want to be a healer...

<Dark magic can only be used to hurt people. That must be why my parents didn't want me, why everyone will always hate me.>

Eh? That sounded like something I was thinking, but I don't think I was thinking that. I think that was weird.

But I don't care what anyone says, I won't give up so easily! My healing only failed because of my lack of knowledge of how the body works.

I will continue to study biology and I will keep practicing my flesh shaping on meat and dead rats until I get it right!

---

 

Since I don't want to get caught using forbidden magic again, I began to sneak out of the orphanage at night to practice.

I continued to collect more and more dead rats to practice my magic. Miss Liliam is always complaining about the low budget of our orphanage, but this poor sanitation is very convenient for me!

I tried putting them inside some dolls I made using some old cloth to make them look less scary. But I'm very bad at making dolls and I don't have good materials, so they don't look very good, I was even told that they look 'creepy'...

Tonight I'm practicing magic like usual, but I can hear some loud voices coming from around the corner.

"Augh!"

"You bastard!"

There are two men fighting each other with knives, they look like the kind of thugs that one can usually find around this part of the city.

This is scary! Miss Liliam always says that we should stay away from people like them.

A third man comes out of nowhere and stabs one of them in the back, giving his original opponent a chance to stab him in the neck!

"Ha! Got him!"

"That's what you get for messing with us!"

D-did I just witness a murder?! This is bad! I need to leave before they see me!

"Hey! Is there someone there?!"

Oh no! They know that I'm here!

"Uh? Why is there a brat here this late at night?"

"Something's wrong... why is she smiling like that?"

My only hope is to pretend that I didn't see what they just did. If I keep smiling they won't think that I just saw someone get killed.

"Is it just me or did it just get colder? I think that this is not a normal kid..."

"D-don't be stupid! Hey you, what are you doing here?!"

"I was just playing with my friends."

"Friends? What friends?"

Uh... I had to quickly come up with an excuse under pressure so I couldn't come up with anything good. I don't have any friends here, or rather, I don't have any friends... Is this the end for me?

I know! I'll pretend that the dolls I brought with me are the friends I was talking about.

"W-what are those things?"

By controlling the dead rats they have inside, I can make it look like the dolls themselves are walking. The two men seem surprised to see dozens of dolls approaching them, alright, I just need to keep smiling constantly to convince them that I'm just a little girl playing with her dolls.

"Look! Something is coming out of that one!"

Oh, sometimes there are some rat guts that leak from the dolls since I didn't sew them very well. I should try to change the topic.

"Misters, do you want to join?"

"J-join?"

"Do you want to become my friends too?"

"Stay away!!!"

"Eeek!!!"

Uh? They both ran away for some reason. I don't really get it, but it looks like I'll make it out of this alive after all.

More importantly, I need to find the guy that got stabbed, I might still be in time to save him!

Ugh, he's still alive but this looks really bad. I'd say that he only has a few seconds to live. I haven't really figured out how to close wounds with flesh shaping, but I need to at least try to do something, there's not enough time to take him to a real healer.

...

...

I... I only made things worse. I tried to close the wound but made the internal bleeding worse... He died and I could do nothing to stop it...

I guess dark magic really is useless after all. I'm useless...

...

What should I do with the body? I wonder if anyone will be looking for him. I've heard that a lot of the thugs around here ended up like that because they didn't have anyone that cared about them, so in a way, they are not all that different from me.

On the other hand, if I had a human body, I would be able to study it and make a lot of progress with my flesh shaping! I can think of a few places where I could hide it, and I know a spell I could use to preserve it.

It feels wrong to steal a dead body, but it's all for the sake of science! Just think of all the people that can be saved if I figure out a way to heal with dark magic!

"I'm sorry that I couldn't save you, but with your help, I'll be able to save the next person that needs me. I promise that I'll work very hard so that I'll never feel as helpless as I felt just now."

---

 

"And how many days did you go without eating or sleeping?"

"Just a couple of weeks, I think..."

When I start researching magic that interests me, I often lose track of time and forget about eating or sleeping until I pass out. And then I need to meet with the healer again.

"How many times do I need to tell you that you have to take better care of yourself?"

"I'm sorry... But could I ask you one question?"

"Eh? Sure. What do you want to know."

"Since you have been working as a healer for a long time, are there any people that you... Couldn't save?"

"Yes, a lot of them. A healer is not all-powerful after all."

"That must feel awful..."

"It does, but with time, one gets used to it."

"I can't imagine getting used to something like that."

"Well, after all this time, I'm used to being used to it."

"How can someone get used to being used to it?"

"Oh, I'm used to being used to being used to it."

"It's difficult to imagine being used to being used to being used to that."

"Yeah, I've still not gotten used to that."

"I see..."

"Well, that's all for today. I'll see you again the next time you pass out."

"Thank you."

Being a healer sure sounds like a tough job. But I won't give up, these past few weeks I've made more progress than ever before thanks to my new friend!

Uh? There is a man and a woman that I've never seen before in the orphanage.

Ah, that's right, they are the ones that are planning to adopt that boy that came here two months ago.

<I've been here for so many years and nobody has ever considered adopting me, but that boy is getting a family after only two months. It's unfair.>

Yeah, why can't I be adopted too?

<He's not better than me or anything, he should not be getting a family before me... I know, I'll use my magic to hurt that couple and make it look like that boy did it. Then they won't want him anymore!>

Wait, why would I think something like that?! Even if I cannot get a family, it's a good thing that other people can! Ruining other people's happiness just because I cannot be happy is what a bad guy would do!

Mmm, let's forget about this and go back to practicing magic.

---

 

I did it!

It took me an entire year, but I finally did it! I've figured out how to properly use flesh-shaping! I can heal even large injuries now.

Not only that, I can even alter the shape of my body a little bit. For example, I can make my finger longer and bend it into different shapes. This is so cool, I should show it off!

"Miss Liliam! Miss Liliam!"

"Luna? Is something wrong?"

I've been getting a lot taller this past year, I'm almost as tall as miss Liliam now! Most children my age are still short, I guess that's because dark elves grow faster and I'll stop becoming taller from now on.

"Look! Look what I can do!"

I extend my finger and bend it into the shape of a heart. I'm sure that miss Liliam will-

"EEK!!!"

Uh? Why did she pass out?