EPISODE 44 – Waifu Warfare (Part 1)
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“Ahahaha… Kibe, I thought you’d have better taste than that,” Madoka mocks me.

“Hey man, I’m not you. There was a 1 in a 4 chance for us to have gotten the same heroine.”

“How could you fall for the first heroine?! Did you ever look past other girls?! Was your mind dead set from the start?!”

“For the record, my mind actually often turns to other heroines! It just happens that- I don’t know… that Kurashina Asuka has a perfectly wonderful and strong personality! Besides… I never said I didn’t love the other three either! Who’s yours anyway?”

“Tobisawa Misaki.”

“Poetic. Those two were rivals… and now, their fans are rivals?”

“It doesn’t matter if you didn’t say you didn’t love the other three. It’s the fact that you don’t love Misaki enough!”

“Uhh, if I may?” Masaru interjects, “I love both Asuka and Misaki.”

Me and Madoka viciously glare at Masaru.

“NO ONE CARES MADOKA!!!”

“O-Oh, s-sorry for intervening…”

He stealthily withdraws leaving us back to our argument.

Madoka remains silent for a few seconds, then he finally moves toward the vending machine, inserts a coin, and taps a button for a can of soda.

What is he thinking? I have utterly no idea. He declared that our friendship was over, so he must be aiming for revenge… but then what does buying soda have to do with any of it?

His eyes are overshadowed by his bangs, which is how I can tell he’s raging furious.

Clunk.

The soda drops to the dispenser, and he grabs it by his hands. From my peripheral vision, I notice that the rest of them slowly backout.

Madoka shakes it violently and to bring emphasis to that, he juggles the can around. This questionable behavior is befitting of a Slice-of-Life protagonist.

“Hey, Kibe…” he utters.

My attention is drawn to the can.

“… Catch.”

With no consideration to what I would say, he throws it at me. The can was clearly soda – a carbonated drink. Shaking it like that would make it erupt, in fact, the can is bulky, ready to explode at any moment. But as the human reaction, I unconsciously try to catch it and planned to avert the incoming fizz. Once they lay, into my hands, there I witness just how close to exploding it was.

“You know… I’m not gonna fall for this, right?” I tell him.

“Let’s see about that,” he says audaciously.

Why is he so confident? He didn’t put anything in it… it’s just normal soda. What could possibly happen?

Putting it with enough distance from my face and facing opposite me, I give in to his taunts and open the can.

BOOM!

The can exploded. But I assure you, this was not an exaggeration by any means. The can literally exploded like a grenade! The force was massive and blew away the nearby leaves and destroyed the objects standing idly by.

How could I say it had the force of a grenade? Well, if it weren’t for the fact that I felt my bones crack. My skull, ribs, and all that… unbelievable, you could say, because if such an impact caused such a thing, I should’ve been dead, or at least, more believable, pass out. But I was conscious the whole time.

I try to stand up and… it was fine?

What… What’s going on?

I see that around me, things really did explode, yet I felt fine. Actually, not really, it did hurt, but it was a few scratches and bruises. To confirm, I move around my arms, press my chest, and wiggle my head.

Ouch. They hurt, but only minimal.

My gaze wanders off to Madoka, who has his hear blown off to the side thanks to the blast’s extreme force. He stands there, like nothing happened. To confirm if the others were surprised, I look at them, and not one of them seem to be surprised.

This means… these events are normal?

“How’d you like the taste of that soda, Kibe?” Madoka teases.

“It’s so good, it exploded in my face. I can even still smell the lingering scent in the air.”

To reassure myself, I feel my face and it seems I only have scratches despite feeling like a hundred of my bones cracked.

“Just what did you put in that soda?! You must have done something!” I accuse him.

“No, that was perfectly normal soda. These things happen all the time.”

“This happened more than once?”

I see the other members nod in agreement.

Could it be that… the Slice-of-Life gang that I’d been hanging out with… are the chaotic kind?

I’m going to go and give the readers a little exposition, it should help me with processing the situation. There are many kinds of Slice-of-Life, but most of them boil down to three types in terms of events and sequence aftermaths. We have the Normal, Chaotic, and Hybrid. Normal kinds are down-to-earth and are the closest to reality. Some examples are Bocchi the Rock!, Komi-san can’t Communicate, and A Sister’s All You Need. Chaotic are ones that are bound to no end, able to bend reality to their liking, making things explode, and exaggerating actions. Those are only a few of their capabilities, anyways, add to that, no matter what things that end up getting destroyed by their hijinks are questionably repaired by the next skit. Prominent examples include Nichijou, Shikanokonoko Koshitantan, and Miss Kobayashi’s Dragon Maid. Hybrids are ones that have Slice-of-Life, but are not always entirely on that aspect, most likely accompanied by a different genre. I will tell the readers right now; these are merely the ramblings of an otaku so take in mind these specifications are merely made for the sake of my own mind. Returning to the situation at hand…

Yeah… there’s no doubt about it. Nothing else can explain a soda can causing that much force. They must’ve tamed down because of my recent arrival and the recent events.

I chuckle at the revelation.

My group is chaotic.

“I see… So that’s the game, huh?”

Opening my bag, which was out of the blast radius, I grab the cold coffee can I bought at the vending machine way earlier. It was no longer cold, though. Shaking it like he did, I throw it towards him.

“Take this!”

He jumps out to save himself, then the coffee explodes as expected. Reduced to tidbits, the impact it does was a lot less than the soda. The scent of coffee mixes with the soda.

Hm, does the content have an effect of the explosion? …maybe carbonated drinks would produce much violent explosions.

I rush to the vending machine, insert my coins in quick succession and the cans of soda keep falling in.

“NO, YOU DON’T!”

Madoka gets up on his feet and rushes in to stop me.

“Oh boy, we’re having a war, aren’t we?” Masaru groans.

“Heck yeah, we haven’t had one of those in a while,” Katsuro replies.

“Do we interfere?”

“I’ll grab some of the cans. We’ll intervene if need be.”

Takashi remains silent yet he approaches to grab some of the cans.

I, myself, was filled to the brim with soda cans that I could barely try and keep taking more. Madoka pushes me, causing me to trip over back and fall on my bottom. I also happened to drop some of what I held, so he scurried whatever soda can he can. That includes Katsuro and Takashi.

Takashi shakes a can and he looks at us, though we were too busy filling our ammo.

“Fire in the hole!”

The can lands in the very center, right in front of the vending machine.

We all gulp.

“RUN!” we all shout.

Hastily grabbing my resting bag, I open it and stuff my ammo, as to not let it get caught in the explosion, or accidentally explode, that is. Everyone else does something similar. Alas, merely a few seconds later, the chain reactions begin.

BOOM! BOOM! BOOM!

The soda can explodes and sets off the rest of the drinks. The force launches us off our feet and we land on our faces.

“Urgh…”

Looking back, I see that the walls of the school have been obliterated!

Destruction of school property!

Crack. Thud.

Thank God, we’re in a Slice-of-Life. All of these are inconsequential, because I can’t imagine the fines we have to cover for repairs…

“We’re in new territory now.”

Cough. Cough.

From my side, I see Masaru.

“Oh, it’s you. You went here too?”

“Y-Yeah…”

“I assume the other three are over at the other side?”

“What happens now?”

“That’s something you’ll have to witness yourself…”

A can is thrown at us and we run away.

BOOM!

We ran like our lives depended on it.

“This is dangerous!” Masaru utters.

“You don’t need to state the obvious!” I tell him.

I spot a table.

“There! Take cover!”

I flip it and we hide behind it.

“Geez…” Masaru complains.

“KIBEEE!!! Where are you hiding? I just wanted to prove a point, y’know?” Madoka announces.

Why the need to get so violent then?! If you were complaining about my successive mistakes, then I’d understand!

Taking a slight peek from the right, I see that he is indeed with Katsuro and Takashi. There, I felt the need to speak out.

“Just give it man! It’s my preferences! I didn’t even hate Misaki!” I shout.

“It doesn’t matter! As long as Misaki isn’t your number one waifu, nothing else matters!”

Ah, it’s hopeless. He’s blinded by obsession. However, I gotta respect that dedication.

Masaru slowly raises his hand.

“I-If I may?”

“Masaru?” I ask him.

“Speak up, peasant,” Madoka speaks up.

“C-Can I be left out of this… I sort of had plans today…”

“OF COURSE NOT YOU FOOL! YOU CHOSE THAT SIDE! If you want to, you’re going to have to eliminate us.”

Masaru then lowers his arm.

“Damn it… WHY AM I INCLUDED?!”

Madoka, along with the other two throws cans just before the table.

BOOM! BOOM! BOOM!

Miraculously, the table survives.

“GYAH!” he yelps.

This feels like we’re firing grenades in a war! What the heck?!

Masaru peers at me and he tells me something.

“Urgh. Fine! Kibe… your orders. I will be your ally in this war.”

“Ah, hmm…”

What should I do? It’s three versus two. The odds are against us.

“I really want to get this over with…” I murmur.

But this is a chance to experience the possible crazy things I can do… and besides…

A smirk forms on my face.

“I absolutely hate losing.”

“What was that Kibe, you were kind of talking to yourself again…” Masaru wonders.

“Masaru, you’ll do anything I’ll say, right?”

“Y-Yeah…”

“You want to live, right?”

“Kibe… this is just a fight between friends. We won’t actually die… right?”

“Once I say so, you’ll carry the top leg of the table on your side, and I’ll carry mine. Since this table was able to withstand the force of the soda cans, then theoretically, it should have turned into something much more sturdy.”

“Mhm…”

“We’ll rush in and barrage them. That way, they’ll stop using soda cans once we get close, as it will catch them in the crossfire.”

“I see where you’re getting at.”

The atmosphere is silent. They haven’t thrown a soda can in a hot minute now.

“They’re planning something,” I tell him, “Stay alert and peek.”

He nods and he goes to check. Afterwards, he retracts his head and tells me the news.

“I can’t see them anywhere! They’re hidden somewhere!”

“Tch.”

Suddenly, a random soda can drops before us.

“SHIT!” I scream and unconsciously kick it towards another table. Realizing that we were still in range, I hurriedly flip the table to cover us.

BOOM!

“Thank goodness.”

My head turns around to Masaru.

“MASARU! CHARGE FORWARD! THERE IS NO OTHER WAY FOR VICTORY!”

He grabs the leg and waits for me. After rushing to the other leg, we carry the table and form a barricade.

“CHARGE MY MEN!” I yell.

“I’m only one, though…”

END OF EPISODE 44

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