
First, I throw the glue at him. It lands on the ground and explodes.
Does everything with a liquid explode?
Scraping away that thought for a second, the glue sticks from the ground onto his legs.
I’m sure that glue isn’t that sticky. Meh.
“Who cares? What works, works.”
“KIBE COME BACK HERE!” Madoka grunts, “GRAGH!”
As he couldn’t escape from the glue right away, he haphazardly shoots the machine gun once more and I actually get hit in the back.
“OW! THAT HURTS!” I yell.
“Here’s more!”
He now concentrates on running me down, so to counter that idea, I hide in one of the classrooms.
“You can’t keep running away forever, Kibe!”
I wait for him to enter.
“Where are you, this time?!” he shouts once he’s inside.
There I temporarily drop my items and use the ruler as a weapon. Raising both arms, ruler held, I thrust upon him.
“HIYAH!”
“W-Woah!”
To protect himself from impact, he lifts the machine gun, so it could take a hit for him. I hear a clash before me.
“GRAGH!” he grunts as he thrusts the machine gun forward, ramming me in the process.
“BWAH!”
I was pushed back and was hit right in the stomach, so I cough and try to comfort it with my hands. Naturally, I had dropped the ruler.
“How are you… able to carry such a heavy thing?” I ask.
“Questioning logic isn’t what you should be worrying about, Kibe.”
We stare at each other for a good while, getting a feel for who makes the first move. I slowly inch my hand towards my stuff and he noticed, so he rapid fires. At the same time, I throw a chalk straight to his face. Exploding again, it forms a cloud of chalk obstructing his view.
“STOP THAT!” he yells.
Once again, he sets off the machine gun everywhere, so this time I take cover by toppling a desk over and hiding behind it.
Damn it, those bullet scratches and that hit in my stomach… I can’t take too much damage.
With my stapler in my hand, I pull the handle and grasp it like I would a gun.
I’ve got an idea.
“Where did you hide this time? Stop playing tricks with me and forfeit,” he yells.
“I’m right here, buddy,” I utter as I jump out of hiding, stapler in hand.
Pushing the handle, the stapler bullets shoot toward him piercing his skin. No, it’s not graphic.
“OUCH! OUCH! OUCH!”
Hindered by the machine gun, I land my hits consecutively, but even he shoots some bullets himself.
“FOR THE GLORY OF THE BIG BREASTED WOMEN! AND FOR BLACK-HAIRED WOMEN!” he yells.
“GRAGHH!!!”
I get out of my cover and start running towards him. The stapler shoots everything it has, missing most of its shots as I ran toward my opponent. It never had much ammo anyway, so I ditch it by throwing it at Madoka to make it useful to the very end.
Thud.
It hits him right in the head.
“OW!” he exclaims.
That little action distracts him from using the machine gun immediately. I managed to grab the pair of scissors, as I had determined they would be much more effective than the ruler.
The machine gun is held at gunpoint, but I using the scissors, I thrust at it with all my might.
Clang.
He shoots again, but it wasn’t directed at me, so he tried to angle it correctly, but I kept using my force along with the scissors to bring it down.
Clang.
Try and try as he might, I keep bringing it down.
Clang. Clang. Clang.
I could have attacked him, but the moment he gets back on his feet, being able to react to a bullet at point-blank range isn’t realistic, even in chaotic Slice-of-Life terms. Continuously hacking away at the machine gun, he thrusts it toward me instead. With that, I react by going on the defensive, turning the scissors to its side to receive the damage. There, we carefully stare at each other. No words exchanged.
Right now, our passion for waifus clashed with one another and to determine one’s love, was to best our opponent in front of us. However, something about the way he handled our conversation put me off. So I couldn’t simplify our passion when we haven’t completely expressed nor understood where one came from.
Then, for the first time in the heat of the battle, Madoka drops the machine gun.
Thud.
He rushes at me with full speed. In a blink of an eye, he appears before me and punches me right in the gut.
“GWEH!”
The punch was strong. It manages to throw me across the classroom and I drop my scissors in the process.
“It…” cough, “hurts.”
Grabbing the scissors I had dropped, he goes straight for me and tries to stab me in the neck. Thankfully, I was able to stop him in time. But he’s really strong…
“I… WILL… WIN!” he utters as he continues pushing the scissors.
Madoka…
“… this… is… WRONG!”
I kick him in the crotch, so he loses his strength all at once. I push him back and he falls on his back.
“GYAH!”
I hurriedly pick up the scissors beating him to it and I aim it towards his face.
Snip. Snip. Snip.
“You… you can never understand, Kibe,” Madoka shouts.
“WHY DON’T YOU SHUT THE HELL UP FIRST!”
Hearing the sudden rise in my voice, puts him in shock.
“Let me say my part… you know when you were describing waifus earlier? Including that chant… Big-breasted and black-haired, you say?”
“That’s right! They’re the best in the whole world of anime!”
“Then… that doesn’t make a lot of sense, does it?”
“… What do you mean? I’ve declared my tastes. Everything I’ve said has been consistent, hasn’t it?”
“You listed your waifus earlier… One of the discrepancies! Mikazuki Yozora… is flat-chested!”
“B-But… there’s no one who has both big breasts and black hair.”
“Then shouldn’t Kashiwazaki Sena be at equal standing? She only has the big breasts, going for her.”
“When it comes to that, obviously I come to decide according to personality!”
“Second discrepancy! Why did you choose Senjougahara Hitagi? Someone hit both of the qualities, big breasted and black hair. She even has a major role! It’s Tsubasa Hanekawa!”
“H-Her hair is purple… isn’t it? I-It’s pretty close to black… “
“Now you’re just making excuses for yourself… I could make more examples, but do I need to elaborate anymore? I’m sure right now, you’re re-evaluating your tastes and notice a few discrepancies here and there.”
When I look at him, it seems like he wanted to say something but refrains from doing so.
“You can see, Madoka? Our tastes can vary, that sometimes even what we thought our preferences were, could change for that one singular girl.”
I kneel and pat his shoulder.
“I’ll let you in on a little secret. Do you know what my preferences are?”
“Y-You said you didn’t like big breasted women.”
“Yeah, but you didn’t let me finish… When I am faced with a type… you know what I say?”
Instead of answering, he listens.
“There are three sizes for women. We have flat is justice… medium is premium… and lastly, oppai is truth. As an advocate of what a real man should be… I, a real man, love all kinds of types! Any size makes the stick rise!... I mostly prefer a flat or modest size most of the time, though. I’m just saying there can be exceptions! So, Madoka… we can’t always have the same tastes. Heck, I quite liked the girls you liked too.”
“R-Really?”
“Yeah.”
I’ve been telling you the whole time actually.
I offer my hand.
“Come. Let’s end this war. We can live in harmony. My tastes are valid and so are yours.”
Staring at my hand, he accepts, and I bring him up to his legs. There, we embrace each other. At long last, we finally understand each other.
“Ah! But there’s just one thing I’d like to add,” I say.
“What is it?”
“This.”
I kick his crotch as hard as I could.
“That’s for trying to kill me.”
He screams and screeches. His eyes become illuminated, and he hovers into the air.
I step back.
“Here it comes.”
“GRAGHHSDAUHN@&)*(D*@Q)J+!(E!E@”
A beam of light comes out of his mouth, piercing the school and into the sky.
…
..
.
An hour after school had ended, Madoka treated us to boba tea as an apology. As for the mess? They said those used to occur on a daily basis before I joined, and it somehow repairs itself by the next day. I don’t know how I didn’t notice these people sooner…
Madoka loudly sips the tapioca pearls from his Wintermelon-flavored milk tea.
“Ahh~ that hits the spot!” he sighs.
“Pretty laidback from someone who terrorized the school,” I comment.
“Hey, all’s well that end’s well!”
“I swear… I didn’t want to get roped in this mess. Kibe! Why did you use me as a shield?! I said I was going to follow orders, didn’t I?!” Masaru yells.
“Well, if I asked you to be my shield, would you do it?”
“Th-That’s- Why did you desecrate the body of a fallen soldier?!”
Yeah… he’s changing the subject.
“I mean, for the sake of mission, I had to make the most use of my resources. And my friends are the most valuable resources. I believe soldiers should allow their bodies to be used as meat shields.”
“That is seriously so messed up… do you guys even have honor… we’re friends, aren’t we?! Where’s the respect?!”
“Ah, don’t mind about the trivial things, Masaru,” Katsuro butts in as he sips his drink.
“T-Trivial?!” Masaru exclaims, “You know what? Forget it. I’ll probably just make a fool of myself…”
After that, he remains silent and types on his phone. Seeing that makes me contemplate the events that transpired right now while I blankly stare at my Caramel-flavored milk tea.
There’s a lot of things to process. I’m still baffled that I landed myself the chaotic variation…
I take a sip.
So, canned drinks can explode… but carbonated drinks such as soda cans pack more a punch. But then again, the small bottle of glue exploded… So, things with a liquid can explode?
I mumble to myself.
“Does that mean poking this would explode? I doubt it.”
To alleviate my curiosity, I do exactly that. Nothing happens.
“Hmm…”
Perhaps a certain amount of force is needed? I’ll go and test that at home, so I can see if I can find uses for it in the near future.
Sip. Sip. Sip.
Now… concerning that moment I saw that I punched Katsuro five times in a row. When I punched Madoka in the gut, he didn’t pass out… I also find it highly unlikely for him to pass out with a single punch that’s enhanced by the exaggerating properties of the genre. So I truly believe that that moment of impact was replayed yet the lasting effect stacked upon each other…
I close my eyes and imagine the various situations of comedic gags where someone punches their friend in the gut. Once that visualized, I began to understand.
Ah, that must have been for comedic effect. Different shots for the same scene. I see where that came from now. What name should I give it though?
My finger is on my chin, thinking up of moves. Trust me my viewers, naming a move is essential to the plot.
How about Panorama Punch?... Nah, doesn’t have that spark. Hmm… Flash Frame Fist? Sounds too wacky. Frame Breaker? That one sounds pretty nice… Wait… how about-
“Angle Blitz.”
HELL YEAH! THAT SOUNDS TOTALLY COOL!
Madoka pats my back which brings me back to my senses and I turn to look at him.
“You guys are the best friends I ever had. Thanks for hanging out with me, even if I can be a nut case sometimes.”
I chuckle.
“What are we being so dramatic for?” I laugh, “Tell that to them too.”
He smiles and after that he shouts.
“I LOVE YOU GUYS! YOU GET THAT?!”
With smiles on our faces we each give our own responses.
“That’s right, you unlucky bastard! I love ya too!” Katsuro shouts.
“Mmm,” Takashi nods.
“Me too, you crazy bastard. I’ll get a girlfriend before you, though,” Masaru boasts.
“NO, THE HELL YOU WON’T!” Madoka rages, “I WILL!”
“I WILL MARRY MY IDOL, SO YOU LOSERS SIT BACK AND WATCH!” Katsuro screams.
“Shut up incels,” I reply.
“Tell us that when you have something to show for it!” Madoka retorts.
I hear them banter over trivial things once more and they turn into white noise.
You know… I thought Slice-of-Life was the lowest of the low of all the genres because of their focus on antics and comedy. But to experience it firsthand is different. They’re fun and comfortable to be around and I can mess around without having to worry about anything.
I take the final sip of my milk tea.
You know… maybe being a Slice-of-Life Protagonist… isn’t so bad after all.
Note: Slice-of-Life Indoctrination?! |
END OF EPISODE 46
Well, MC finally get his enlightment of being in slice-of-life protagonist. After all, slice of life stories are still a "story", a type of "fantasy", that have storyline that may sound plausible, yet still extemely rare to happen in real life.
Its like finally attaining Happiness and True love. Theyre not as rare as winning a lottery and getting hit by thunder, but still rarer than ecperiencing car crash.
I am happy for you Kibe!