How did the saying go? Out of the frying pan, into the fire? Times like this made me think we needed a more severe version of that. Like, ‘Out of the burning airplane without a parachute and into the blast of a nuclear bomb'. The only problem with it was that, with my luck, I would end up in an even bigger mess afterward and I'd have to come up with an even more severe expression, and then another one, and another one ad infinitum.

I took a sharp breath through my nostrils and tried to forget about my problems with linguistic serial escalation and focused on the more tangible problem at hand. So, I was standing in the slowly dissolving remains of a shape-shifting monster in front of the portal leading to this universe's equivalent of the underworld. Those were the neutral news.

As for the bad ones... First off, I was alone. I was also face to face with Crowey, an Abyssal noble of considerable power whom I already antagonized in the past without knowing a thing about him. What was new?

I quickly scanned the area around the gate, and to my sincere surprise, I only found three people there. I already mentioned Crowey. The other two were Snowy in her disturbingly skimpy succubus fetish attire and Josh. Oddly enough, Snowy was the one showing less skin out of the two of them, as my friend was only dressed in his underpants. Was that how he slept or was he taken after showering? Also, was it just me, or was the guy surprisingly ripped?

Not that it mattered. Also, I have to insert another correction here: the briefs weren't the only thing on him, as both his arms and legs were tied up with thin, semi-transparent glowing chains. Some kind of spell, I surmised.

When he finally noticed me, he tried to yell something, but his mouth was also tied shut by a series of similar chains around his head and jaws, so I could only hear a series of muffled noises coming from him.

"I have to say, I'm surprised."

I blinked at the words and almost uttered a baffled ‘What?' before I regained my wits and swallowed it down before it left my mouth. Right, I was talking to Crowey, wasn't I? Time once again escaped me while I was analyzing my desperate situation, and while it subjectively felt like ages passed since I landed on a cushion of gooified Chimera remains, it happened at most a couple of seconds ago.

What was my plan again? Oh, right. I didn't actually come up with anything yet, did I? I supposed that meant it was time to return to my fallback plan and continue playing charades. I forced a terribly amicable grin onto my face and looked Crowey right in the eye.

I found him standing in a very relaxed manner, his hands hidden in the pockets of his expensive grey suit and his eyes looking down on me with the distant haughtiness of nobility. Actually, that was the right word. All he needed was a lacquered walking staff and a top hat and he would have passed for a turn-of-the-century noble in a period piece talking to a stable boy. I could've sworn he looked way more startled and openly hostile when I arrived, so I probably wasn't the only one playing mind-games.

Speaking of which, I wondered which angle would buy me the most time? Mock politeness? I was past that. Groveling? Fat chance. A display of confidence? ... Let's go with that?

"You are surprised?" I asked with a mincing smile as I tried to pull the spear out. It was stuck, and I didn't want him to see me struggle with it, so instead I leaned on it to maintain my laidback image and told him, "Imagine how surprised I was when I learned that you sent your underling to deal with me instead of doing it yourself. I was quite disappointed."

"I see..." Crowey mused with an inscrutable expression. "So sending the scout general was insufficient." Suddenly his face twisted in a facsimile of a haughty smile. "I suppose I shouldn't be surprised."

"Well, duh," I told him with a shrug as I stepped off the steadily melting remains I was standing in. As I did so, there was a sudden stabbing pain in my left leg. I didn't dare to look, or even twitch, but I was pretty sure I at least sprained that ankle, if not outright dislocated it. I hid my pained gasp in a tired-sounding groan. Well, there went my plan for walking up and down while giving a filibuster to buy time. I shook my head and continued with, "He put up a good fight, but as the saying goes; you do not send a Faun to do an Abyssal's job."

The smile slowly evaporated from the sharply dressed man's face and got replaced with a scowl.

"It is the way of the Abyss to have our minions act in our stead. Don't presume to lecture me, cur."

"Really now? From where I am standing, all I can see is a bad boss sending his subordinate on a mission they had no chance at succeeding and now trying to cover his own ass. In your case, I suppose that would also mean your face."

Crowey visibly twitched at my remark.

"Are these crass insults all you have?"

"Depends. Do I really need anything else when faced with such incompetence?"

"Incompetence? You call this incompetence?" At this point, Crowey finally removed his gloved hands from his pockets and theatrically opened his arms. "I found the Herald of the Emperor. I drafted the plans for the impenetrable barrier surrounding this field, and I have opened a gate to the Abyss in the heart of the power of the Magi! You call this incompetent?!"

"Yes, yes. Very impressive," I spoke with a mocking smile in the corner of my mouth. "Except for the part where it was your sister who found him, she made the barrier, and you only managed to open your gate because none of the Magi are home at the moment. If I were you, I wouldn't brag about it like that."

"What do you know? I timed my departure on the day of the Wingless One's Gathering on purpose! My plan was foolproof!"

"Was," I pointed out with a single finger raised. "It was foolproof until you sent your scout general after me. Think about it; if you were content with just leaving me alone, then I would've never heard about your kidnapping plot and would have no reason to come here to ruin your plans." He didn't need to know I got wind of this situation from his sister, so I kept it out of my story. I still sent a knowing glance at the girl, then added,  "In short, you ruined your own plans because your wounded pride just couldn't let you leave me alone. But don't worry about it. Please, keep monologuing to your heart's content about how great your plans are. You still have about... say... fifteen minutes before your portal closes."

I wasn't just taunting him, I was really hoping that he would continue talking. I also hoped that the girls were already on their way to my side, and while I could always check with Fair Sight, doing so was distracting, and I could never know when Crowey would try and attack me. I also couldn't run, so I had my teleportation ability primed in case of an emergency, but considering how battered I was both physically and mentally, I wasn't entirely sure I could escape on my own even by using it. If only it had some long-range applications...

A long beat of silence stretched between us for a couple of seconds. I had a sneaking suspicion that Crowey already realized that I was trying to buy time by taunting him, which was made more evident by the way he was scanning the perimeter of the portal. A few more nerve-wracking seconds later, Crowey's lips stretched into a thin, wolfish smile, followed by a soft chuckle.

"I see... I see... You are right. I really shouldn't have sent a Faun to do an Abyssal's job."

The words sent a cold shiver down my spine. ‘I probably went too far with the taunting', I noted with the familiar detachment that at this point felt like a prelude of imminent danger, and I mentally screamed at my companions to drag their shapely behinds over to my side already. I focused all my attention on Crowey for now, preparing for an attack that could come at any moment.

Contrary to my expectations, the guy slowly, deliberately slid his hands into his pockets again, his dark eyes still glaring at me with an intensity that would've made water boil faster. Then he tilted his head to the side and ordered, "Sister. Kill him."

I silently gulped as my eyes darted over to Snowy. Up until this moment, she was guarding the incapacitated Josh, but upon being called, she visibly shuddered and straightened her back. There was a flash of light coming off her neck and she took a tentative step forward. The second one was a bit steadier, and by the time she took the third, her gait became an exaggerated, hip-swinging strut. I wanted to roll my eyes at the display, but I didn't dare to take my eyes off her even for a split second. As she drew closer a pair of long claws made of crystalline ice condensed out of thin air and attached themselves to her thin right forearm. They were about forty centimeters long and reminded me of a raptor's talons. In some way, they were almost beautiful, yet extremely scary.

"I'm sorry darling," she whispered with a voice that was phasing in and out of her vamp persona. "I told you not to get involved. I told you to stay home." Suddenly her voice cracked and she repeated "I'm sorry," in a near sob.

I had a feeling this was the moment when I was supposed to say something meaningful. Something about it not being her fault, or that she didn't have to do this, or something even sappier. I don't know if it was fortunate or not, but I never had the chance to utter a single word.

"Uwooooooh!"

First, there was a strange battle-cry, then a dark shape dashed in from the left and tackled Snowy off her feet. She let out a surprised cry followed by a similarly surprised grunt coming from the direction of Crowey as a series of glowing arrows impacted on a honeycomb-patterned purple barrier around him. He still stumbled back, more from the suddenness of the attack than from the impacts, and he hastily threw out his hands. The barrier suddenly flared even brighter, its surface covered in a series of incredibly complicated magic circles illuminating the area even further. It was weird looking at it. I've seen magic before as tendrils or an indistinct glow, but this was the first time I saw something this complex.

Then the light faded once again as a large silhouette I vaguely recognized as the class rep's golem rushed in and tackled him, pushing him away even as the barrier held the stone familiar from actually touching him. In the meantime, Snowy kicked off her assailant and the princess landed on her back right me. A moment later she was on her feet again, tail whipping and eyes glinting dangerously in the twilight.

It was at this point that my brain caught up with the situation and I let out a small gasp before I pointed my finger forwards and yelled, "Angie! Get Josh while they are incapacitated!"

"On it!" came a strained voice from above. I glanced up and saw a pair of glowing wings in the darkness descending upon Josh, who was still standing rigid and upright like he was tied to a pole. Angie swooped down like a giant bird of prey. The wings covered him for a second and then with a loud ‘whoosh' they both rose into the air. Their not-so-majestic flight only lasted for a couple of seconds, as they rapidly lost altitude and the two of them more-or-less crashed into the ground a few meters behind me.

"Joshua! Angie!" The panicked voice of the class rep reassured me that she was nearby as well, though I still couldn't see her. Bonfire-blindness, I surmised. We were all standing around the portal long enough so that our eyes adjusted to it, and thus we were blinded to the area outside its glow. The girls used it to their advantage to position themselves around us for an ambush. It was clever. I made a mental note to give a pat on the back to whichever one of them came up with the tactic.

But back to the rapidly unfolding events: I tried to take a step towards the sprawled-out Celestial girl and my still tied-up friend, but I stumbled and might've even fallen down if my assistant didn't rush to my side and support me with her shoulder. A moment later we both shook as the princess grabbed hold of my other arm and pulled me up.

"Are you all right?" Judy asked with the kind of frantic worry I would have never expected to hear in her voice.

"I'm fine, it's just my—" I glanced down at my unruly leg and the sight had the words trapped in my throat. It wasn't just sprained as I thought; my jeans from the knee down were covered in a thick black liquid that I recognized as coagulating blood. ‘Oh right,' I realized with a slight alarm. ‘I was bitten by the Chimera's tail.'

Maybe I didn't feel it because of some kind of venom? Its tail was supposed to be a snake, wasn't it? There were a lot of questions and observations whirling in my head for a moment, but I pushed them all aside for the time being and only uttered a flat "Huh."

"What?" Elly asked with a hint of anxiety in her voice as she followed my gaze and promptly paled.

"Nothing," I stressed with a smile I hoped was at least a little reassuring as I put some weight on my feet again, ignoring the pain. "We should check on Josh before—"

Right at this moment, my insides were shaken by a deafening rumble, disorienting me for a moment. When I got my bearings in order again, I figured that the new layer of gravel covering the ground in front of the portal meant that the golem couldn't hold back Crowey for too long.

Speaking of the man, everyone's favorite Abyssal asshole let out a frustrated groan and bellowed, "That's enough! Where are the minions!?" He looked around, but there was no one else coming. At last, his eyes found me and, with a continued flair for the dramatic, the guy raised a hand and pointed at me with all fingers spread. "Enough with the games! Sister, kill them all!"

From the corner of my eyes, I saw another flare of magical light, but as I wanted to glance over, the hairs on the back of my neck abruptly stood on ends. It was the familiar feeling of incoming danger, and my body was instinctively trying to get out of the way... except I couldn't, as both the princess and Judy were holding onto me.

With the sense of mortal danger growing even greater by the moment, a corner of my mind screamed at me to drop onto the ground lest I would die... but an even louder part reminded me that I wasn't alone, and while I could let go of the two girls, it would put them into harm's way instead. So I did something stupid. Truly shocking, I know.

Instead of getting out of the way, I went right against whatever instinct told my body to move and did the exact opposite, moving towards danger instead of away from it. Mind you, I still couldn't see the danger we were talking about, but that didn't stop me from acting.

Then there was a soft thud that shook my entire body, followed by a searing pain that raced through my nerves so hard it felt like my whole world was ablaze for a moment. Then there was only white, and nothing else.