Chapter Three Hundred and Two – Someone Set Up Us the Bomb
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Stray Cat Strut (A cyberpunk system apocalypse!) - Ongoing
Fluff (A superheroic LitRPG about cute girls doing cute things!) - Ongoing
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Dreamer's Ten-Tea-Cle Café (An insane Crossover about cute people and tentacles) - Ongoing
Cinnamon Bun (A wholesome LitRPG!) - Ongoing
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Lever Action (A fantasy western with mecha!) - Volume One Complete!
Heart of Dorkness (A wholesome progression fantasy) - Ongoing
Dead Tired (A comedy about a Lich in a Wuxia world doing Science!) - Hiatus

Chapter Three Hundred and Two - Someone Set Up Us the Bomb

Seeing Bastion was like having a weight lifted off my shoulders. Seeing Awen, healthy and unexploded, was like replacing that weight with a warm blanket.

My friends--some of them--were safe, and they were here to help me when I could really use the help.

“I don’t actually know you,” Rainnewt said. “Are you that paladin that’s been following Miss Bunch around?”

Bastion nodded. He reached to his hip, hand gripping around the hilt of his ornate sword. “I am. Would you do us both a favour and drop to your knees. Place your hands flat on the ground. Surrender. It’s the only logical option you have left.”

“You do seem terribly confident in yourself,” Rainnewt said. He glanced around the darkened city. The place was becoming lighter and easier to see as the five guards that followed Bastion raised lights above their heads and moved closer to us. “But I’m afraid that I’m nearly gone already.”

Bastion’s eyes narrowed, and I think it clicked for me at the same time. “He’s an illusion!” I shouted. If the Rainnewt we were looking at was a fake, then where was the real one?

“There,” Bastion said. He whipped his sword out of its scabbard and pointed to his right with the tip of it.

I spun and searched the near-dark for Rainnewt, but I couldn’t see him. Still, if Bastion said he was that way, then I’d trust my friend. My mana and stamina had been refilling during that little break, I could still fight for a while! I jumped up and onto one of the nearest rooftops, then spinted in the direction Bastion was pointing. I almost stumbled over some loose debris on one flat rooftop, but I managed to keep my footing.

I needed light. My tiny ball of light was only strong enough to push the dark back in a little circle around me. I did have one other option when it came to magics that made light.

“Rainnewt, you’d better duck!” I shouted as I jumped up, then flung my arm out in a wide arc. A brace of fireballs rushed out ahead of me in a rough semicircle. As the balls wooshed ahead, they cast orangey light across the pale, shadow-dusted walls of the dead city.

No signs of Rainnewt. But then I saw a curtain shift in a window just before I landed on the edge of a rooftop. I spun and shot out a huge gush of Cleaning magic that way, the magic moving faster than most people would be able to avoid. It washed away dust and grime, and Rainnewt’s illusion magic too.

“Found him!” I said.

“Engaging!” Bastion called out as he buzzed past me. He had discarded his cape at some point, freeing his wings so that he could fly with no impediments.

He landed in a roll, then sliced out with his sword snake-quick.

The blade met metal as Rainnewt pulled a long dagger from the small of his back and parried the assault. “Really, Broccoli, you had to send one of these dogs of the king after me?”

"... Is that an insult?" I frowned, leaping closer to the fight. "I like dogs!"

Bastion stepped back, then ducked to the side and lunged in from an entirely new direction. The motion was so smooth it almost looked like a dance.

Rainnewt wasn’t much slower though, and he was pretty strong, his own level likely very close to Bastion’s own. Dagger met sword again. Bastion had the advantage in length, and he used it right away.

I paused, not sure what to do and entirely captivated as Bastion danced around Rainnewt, his sword plunging in and out just long enough for Rainnewt to bat it aside. He was looking for an opening, and judging by how Rainnewt was scrambling to push aside every strike, he’d find one eventually.

And then, as Bastion was lunging in again, Rainnewt flung his free hand out towards the blade. There was a clink, and a second long dagger wavered into being in Rainnewt’s off-hand. He slipped past Bastion’s guard and sliced out towards the sylph.

I gasped, but Bastion had the experience and skill not to lose his head. He weaved around the knife, brought his sword back, then flapped his wings once to regain some small amount of distance before he changed stances and resumed his strikes towards Rainnewt. He was being a lot more cautious now.

Bastion spun and slashed out at empty air, only for his sword to meet something where nothing was visible. A second Rainnewt appeared there, smiling confidently while the first faded away like so much dust caught in a strong wind. “You’re a decent fighter,” he said.

“And you are one of the most infuriating,” Bastion said. “You know that I will win this.”

“If my goal was to defeat you, then yes. But time, as you well know, is on my side.”

Bastion glared at him. He never took his eyes off of Rainnewt as he addressed me. “Broccoli, make sure the guards know where we are. I believe I might require their assistance soon.”

“Alright!” I said. “Just be careful, okay!”

I spun and ran to the other end of the roof, away from the clink-clink of sword and dagger meeting behind me as Bastion and Rainnewt continued to test each other.

On arriving at the other end of the roof, I waved an arm over my head, signalling the guards making their way across the city closer. “This way! They’re over here! Fast!”

The guards put on some extra speed, dashing over in a bit more of a hurry. Some took to the air and skipped from rooftop to rooftop, magical lights trailing behind them and brightening the world around us.

“Awen!” I called out as I saw my friend running after the guards. She had a cloth bundle held close to her chest and was huffing and puffing as she tried to keep up with the others.

I bounced off the roof, skipped off another building, then landed with a huff next to Awen. “Awa!” she said as she jumped in fright. “Oh, Broccoli.”

“Yeah! Did you get all the bombs?”

She shook her head. “I couldn’t, there were too many. But I did manage to take one apart and I detonated one of them. Ah, in a controlled manner. Bastion was one of the first guards to show up, so I explained things as quickly as I could.”

“And the rest of the bombs? How many are there?”

“I don’t know. A lot.” She puffed out a breath. “More than enough to take down the entire building, but I think the guards might be able to handle it. I hope they’re evacuating.”

“Good,” I said. At least Rainnewt’s plan was foiled in the end. Or maybe now, if he wanted to anger the sylph, the threat of a bomb might be as good as the bomb itself. “What’s that?” I asked with a gesture to the thing she was hugging close.

Awen grinned. “A gift for Rainnewt. I thought, maybe, you could throw it at him?”

“Is that a bomb?”

“More like half a bomb?” Awen tried. “The arming mechanism is still there. There’s a five-second delay.”

“Uh, that seems dangerous,” I said.

She shrugged. “It’ll work!”

Maybe we could bluff him?

Awen and I rounded a corner onto the road where Bastion and Rainnewt had been fighting. The guards had arrived before us, but it didn’t look like they tipped the balance all that much. Two of them were injured, being tended to by a third as they leaned against the front of an abandoned home.

The other guards were holding back, keeping a good few metres away from Rainnewt and Bastion, who were still carefully trading blows.

At some point, they’d turned to using magic. Rainnewt was swinging around sharp beams of light that cut through they touched. Bastion countered with glowing shields and arcing balls of fire that hissed as they burned the air.

Every time Rainnewt moved, a new image of him would split off and attack or dodge in a new direction. Sometimes those images turned out to be the real thing, and Bastion had to constantly block attacks that weren’t entirely real. He was ignoring some of the feints, but I had no idea how he could tell that those weren’t real while others were.

“We need to do something,” I said.

“Bomb?” Awen asked.

Well, it was an idea.

“Can you make it explode at a certain time?” I asked.

“I can make it explode when your cleaning magic hits it,” Awen offered.

“Okay, do it,” I said.

Awen grinned and unwrapped the cloth she held to reveal a mechanical contraption of clockwork gears around what looked like a mason jar filled with something brown. She broke off a brass tine on part of it, then pinched her tongue between her teeth as she summoned a thin piece of glass in its place. “Okay. One good blast of cleaning magic and it will go off,” she said.

“Perfect,” I said as I took the bomb away from her. “Get to cover, I’ll be right back!”

Awen didn’t have time to protest that as I leaped up and onto the nearest rooftop. I started running again, glad that the sylph liked using such easy roofs to travel on.

Bastion and Rainnewt were travelling a little as they fought, Rainnewt backpedalling and losing ground with every exchange. That was good, I didn’t want anyone caught in the splash of the bomb.

“Hey!” I called out from above the two fighters. They both glanced my way, but it was barely more than a peek. I raised the bomb over my head. “I’m going to drop this behind Rainnewt now. Uh, it’s one of his bombs.”

The constant back and forth between the two stopped. Neither looked up towards me, but I could feel their attention. “That sounds like a rather terrible idea,” Bastion said.

The two remaining guards started to back away little by little.

“I agree with the paladin,” Rainnewt said.

“It’s just half a bomb,” I added.

“That’s still a lot of bomb!” Rainnewt shouted.

“Well, in that case, you should surrender,” I said.

“Broccoli, I’ll hardly surrender when you might well be bluffing.”

“She doesn’t bluff,” Bastion said.

“Come on, Rainnewt, last chance,” I said. I raised the bomb over my head until even my ears could brush against it. “This thing is pretty heavy, you know.”

“You won’t do it,” he said.

Bastion lunged at him, but Rainnewt ducked back and smacked Bastion’s sword aside.

“Fine then,” I said. I stretched way back, then with a heavy grunt, I flung the bomb up and into the air in their general direction.

“You’re mad!”

“Sorry! Try not to get too hurt!” I spun on my heel, then darted away as quick as I could.

I heard Bastion say something that was very unpaladin-like, then a glowing barrier appeared in front of him. He didn’t stay behind that though, and instead flew to the guards nearest him and tackled them off their feet.

Rainnewt jumped through a window, glass shattering with a loud crack.

And then the bomb hit the ground. I sent a wash of Cleaning magic after it, then spun away.

I eeped as a wave of sound and warmth and wind picked me up from behind and sent me tumbling tail over teakettle.

Glass shattered, at least one wall crumbled apart, and the constant echo of the explosion rang back and forth throughout the entire old city.

I coughed as a wave of dust settled down around me, then I pulsed out a bit of Cleaning magic to clear enough air to breathe.

I really, really hoped that everyone was still alive, and that the idea wasn’t as bad as I feared.

***

Are You Entertained?

Two things today!

First, I want to thank Hungry, the author of the wonderful Katalepsis. They helped me a bunch today, and were super nice, so... yeah, head on over to their story. It helps that it's one of the cuddliest and most horrific stories around too!

Second!

Without giving you anything but the cover, I wanted to share this image from a story coming out in May!
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That's all!

 

 

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-Dead Tired
-Heart of Dorkness
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