His parents had been so happy to see that he registered under his real name – not the American ‘Brandon’ that he used all through school but ‘Ping Lo’. They thought he was finally accepting the family heritage of which they were so proud. It was enough of a big deal for them that they didn’t complain about him attending a school in up-state New York. A ten hour drive from Reedville, VA to Buffalo. In truth, part of the scholarship fund had been because he was an Asian-American student so using his real name had helped.

However, the reason for the name and the far away college and several other details had nothing to do with heritage and everything to do with Brandon himself.

It had taken careful planning to get everything set up properly. His friends had told him, warned him. If he did this, it was for four years. Once he started, there’d be almost no way to go back without a probable lawsuit. False registration could get him expelled or worse. But once they were sure he wanted to go through with it, they all helped. Now, with his boxes and suitcases and his parents leaving for home soon, he wished Alex and Sheila, Beth and Lisa would just appear and tell him again. “You’ll be fine.”

“People will believe you’re a girl.”

Finally, his parents left and he immediately drew the curtains shut. Change clothes first. Panties. A bra – not that he needed one, he just liked them. Simple but feminine tops and A-line skirts. And heels. He had feminine legs and high heels showed them off well. He styled his hair, pulling the top into a clip and letting the back and side fall free. A little lipstick but no other makeup.

Then he opened the window and began to unpack. A closet full of dresses and skirts. Hair ribbons. More lingerie than he could possibly wear but Alex had been right about that – wearing it made him feel like a ‘pussy’.

Finally, he left his room and made his way down to the building’s lobby.

“Hi!” said a perky girl in pink. “We’re having a welcome party. Are you new? Come join us.”

He took a breath. “Thank you.” He could barely whisper. Fear and excitement nearly overpowered him.

“What’s your name?”

“Brandy Dixon.” He said out of habit. She looked at her list and frowned. “Oh. You have Ping Lo. My Chinese name.”

“OH! Yes. Here you are. Would you rather be Brandy? It might be easier.” Without waiting, the girl wrote ‘Brandy’ on a nametag and stuck it on his chest. “There. I’m Cindy. Welcome to Buffalo.” She took his hand and pulled him into the party room. She introduced him to Carl and left them to get acquainted. Then he met Steve, Chris, Karen, and many more names than he could keep track of. Mostly freshmen. All living in this building, a mixed gender dorm. Brandon had scrambled to get a room in this building. An all-girl building would have been too much pressure. And an all-boy building would have been too much temptation. Here, he had a single room, practically a closet, on a girl’s floor.

Over the next week, he attended Introductory Breakfasts, Orientation Luncheons, New Student Dinners and First Year Socials in between registering, completing, filing, testing, and suffering in every line on campus. Brandon worried frequently about being found out. Then classes started and everyone accepted him as a ‘her’. It was almost easy. People simple accepted that he was who he said he was. By the end of the first month, he was almost able to relax. He was beginning to form a circle of friends, some at the dorm, some in his classes. All of them treated him like a girl.

The first conversation on menstruation caught him off guard but he knew enough from Beth and Lisa to not be shocked and synchronized his ‘cycle’ to one of his new friends. He bought a box of pads and just for the novelty of it, actually used them for a week. He got used to peeing sitting down in the girl’s room. He got used to showering in the last stall, very early or very late and always wearing a full-length robe zipped – not tied – shut when he wasn't in his room. He got some Nair and used it every four days – not that he was particularly hairy. One more thing to thank his heritage for.

“Hey, you wanna go out?”

Brandon was packing his book bag after class and the male voice behind him caught him completely off guard. He looked around slowly to see Eric, a classmate and dorm mate, smiling at him. Eric was mocha-brown with dreadlocks. Not too tall, not wide, beefy but not body-builder-overstuffed. He was a bit shy but not afraid, just reserved. Brandon felt his dick twitch looking at that smile. And those tight pecs under a tight t-shirt.

“Uh…”

Eric’s smile faded to something more earnest. “I mean a bunch of us are going off-campus for pizza and beer. You wanna come with us?”

“Oh. Uh…” Dating. Brandon hadn’t even considered the realities of dating. He hadn’t thought anyone would actually ask him out. “Uh…”

“It’s cool to say no.”

“No!” Brandon almost shouted. Then blushed and looked away. “I hadn’t expected…I mean, I didn’t think…” He laughed at his own embarrassment. Alex would have told him to ‘grow a pair.’ He looked back at Eric and smiled. “I would love to go. Thank you.”

Eric’s smile returned, brighter than at first. Brandy was quiet, very un-like any of the girls he had met so far at school. Maybe it was the Far East mystique of her – he preferred to think of her as ‘Ping Lo’ with her round face and almond-shaped eyes. ‘Brandy’ seemed so common. She was defiantly uncommon. She was blonde, for a start. Not that clearly dyed white blonde but a dark honey color that seemed weird and perfect at the same time. The southern Virginia accent and long blond hair didn’t match her clearly Asian features but lent her a different charm altogether. She wasn’t pretty in a conventional way. Her face was too round, her figure too flat to be sexy. She would be boyish if she weren’t so delicate and graceful. He had been terrified that she would say no to this first overture. Maybe tonight he’ll find the nerve to ask her on a real date. There was a Labor Day mixer coming up. “Good. We’re meeting at the dorm lot at 5. I’ll see you there.” He paused a moment. If this were still high school, he would have carried her books to her locker. This wasn’t high school. “OK. Uh, later.” He left the room and headed to his own next class.

Brandon sat there, still stunned. What the hell do I do now? He thought. Then his first move stuck him.

He called Lisa. “OMG! A cute boy just asked me out.”

Lisa squealed. “Tell me, tell me, tell me! What’s he look like?” They talked until the next class began arriving and Brandon had to rush or be late himself.

After his last class, Brandon hurried to his room and changed clothes. Twice. Something casual, Lisa had said, but pretty. Something that says this isn’t a real date but you could ask me on one if you wanted to. Brandon had no idea what that meant really. He just really wanted to look like a girl. A pretty girl. In the hall, he stopped one of his study buddies “How do I look?”

“Oh for gosh sake, it’s just pizza, Brandy.”

“Yeah, but it’s pizza with Eric.” He said, not really meaning to put his heart that far on his sleeve.

“Oh.” She said. “Well. Hhmmm. I think you’ll pass.” She said with a trace of humor.

Brandon had to laugh at himself. “I’m being a wreck, aren’t I?”

“I don’t know. Eric’s pretty cute.”

Eventually three car loads of them wound up at the local pizza shack. Brandy sat in the back seat wedged between the perky Cindy and Eric, who looked out the window most of the ride. Brandon began to think he had the wrong idea until Eric took his hand to help him out of the car. The electricity was unmistakable. For a moment, Brandon held his breath, thinking Eric was going to kiss him right then. But the moment passed and they all went inside.

Alcohol. Alex and Lisa both said to avoid it. All you need to do is get trashed enough to forget which bathroom to use. He demurely passed, saying that he wasn’t much of a drinker and no one questioned it. The conversation covered mostly the cost of books and what they all missed from home. Through it, though, Brandon had the feeling that Eric was talking to him, just him and not everyone else.

Eric liked the way Brandy’s eyes sparkled when she talked. They were a brown only a shade darker than her hair. Honey hair, honey eyes. Sweet. When she passed on the beer, he passed as well. He liked the way her hair fell into her eyes. Blonde girls. Something about them always appealed to him. When he went to the bathroom, Steve followed him.

“Dude, take a picture.”

“What?”

“Of Brandy. You’re practically drooling.”

“That obvious, huh?”

“Well, if she hadn’t noticed it’s ‘cause she’s just as hot for you.”

“Think so?”

“Dude. Trust me, you are in.”

“Maybe not.” Eric laughed. “She’s probably a virgin.”

“Hey, that just makes it easier. First college guy, right?”

It was a tempting thought. But Eric didn’t want her to think that he was just looking for a ‘good time’. It was too much too fast. Finding a girlfriend before he’s even picked a major. He went back to the table in time to hear her saying that she was heading back to campus.

“It’s early.” Brandon said. “I’ll walk.”

“I’ll walk with you.” Eric chipped in for the pizza and escorted Brandy into the early evening.

It was still warm enough to walk. They didn’t hold hands but Brandon thought if he reached out Eric would take it. The idea made him shiver. And got him hard. I’ve got a boner for a straight guy. What the fuck do I do with this? He thought. Alex is gonna love this.

Eric was, for his part, in almost as much turmoil. He wanted her. There was no denying it. As much as he wanted to get to know her and be friends, he wanted to sleep with her. But girls like Brandy don’t just fall into bed with you. Southern belles must be courted first. Neither of them had spoken for a while. “It’s pretty out here.”

“Yes.” Brandon shivered. How can a voice make him that hot? He wanted to find a private place and let Eric take him. It was all he could think of but there was no way Eric would want him. This was destined to be as platonic as friendships get. Brandon wanted to weep. He hadn’t even considered this. In order to date openly, he’d have to find a closeted gay man. Or trust someone not to reveal the truth. I can’t do this to Eric, he thought, it’s not fair.

“So, are you seeing anyone?” Eric just blurted out. He hadn’t meant to ask, but the question was nagging at him.

“Uh. No. Not any more.” Alex had been very specific – use you and throw you away were his words. He would always be available for sex but never for love. “I was, but…no. Not now.”

“Let me guess, you went to one school, your boyfriend went somewhere else?”

Brandon smiled. “My boyfriend was – is – a year behind me. Ex-boyfriend. Well, we didn’t break up but, well,” he thought about what Alex was probably doing. “He’s not waiting for me.”

“I’m sorry.”

“Oh don’t be. We never planned on being forever. Hell, he had a girlfriend.” Brandon winced. So much for keeping a cover.

Eric laughed, “Oh so you were the home-wrecker!”

“No!” Brandon blushed. “It wasn’t like that. Sheila knew about me. We…” He stopped short. He didn’t want to tell Eric everything.

“We what?” Eric teased.

“No.” Brandon felt his cheeks burning. “You’ll think I’m bad.”

“I know you’re bad now.” Eric tried to keep his thoughts away from the idea of Brandy in a three-way with her boyfriend and his girlfriend. He liked the idea of her pure and virginal more. But he could see it too clearly and made his blood rush straight down. “You just pretend to be all sweet and innocent.”

“Eric! Stop!” Brandon was torn between running and hiding in shame and throwing himself into Eric’s arms. Unconsciously, he took Eric’s hand. He wasn’t even aware of it until he felt the tingling feeling run from his fingers, over his palm, up his arm and nearly stopped his heart. “A girl’s supposed to have some mystery, right?”

“Yeah.” Eric was breathless. How could holding hands cause such a stir? “Ok. So you’re here and this Sheila has uncontested claim to the boyfriend.”

“Actually, she graduated too.”

“So my question is still unanswered.” Eric stopped walking and turned Brandon to face him. “Are you seeing anyone?”

It was wrong. So wrong. So misleading. “No.” Brandon whispered. “I’m not seeing anyone else.”

It was a subtle move that closed both of their eyes. That leaned them both forward. That connected their lips softly. Brandon thought his heart would pound through his chest. Eric felt time stop. Whose lips parted first is open for debate. Eric’s tongue took first advantage but Brandon’s did not wait long to respond. Eric’s hands held his waist and pulled him closer. With their height difference, Brandon could feel Eric’s prominent bulge pushing against his belly button. His own erection….

Brandon broke the kiss suddenly. “I should…I should…I can’t….I’m sorry.” He nearly ran, chiding himself. Stupid, stupid, stupid….

“Brandy!” Eric ran after him and grabbed his arm. “Wait! I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have…”

“No, it’s not you.” Brandon took a deep breath and tried not to cry out of frustration. “I can’t see you. I’m sorry. I can’t.”

“Was it the kiss?” Eric hoped not; it was the kiss to end all for him. “I shouldn’t have…”

“No, no, it’s not you.” Brandon sighed deeply. “It’s me.”

“Hey, don’t you have to start dating before you get the ‘it’s not you it’s me’ speech?”

Brandon almost laughed. “Usually. In this case, we should do it before, not after.”

“Why?”

“You don’t know me. I’m…” Brandon struggled for a word, “…different.”

“I know. That’s why I like you.”

Brandon stared at him. “You know?”

“You’re a blonde Asian girl with a southern accent. You stand out.”

“Oh!” Brandon waved that off. “Not that. I thought you –“ Shut up! He told himself. “I have a…medical condition.”

Eric’s face froze. “A medical…” Ten thousand girls in this school, I fall for the freak.

“I’m not sick. I mean, I’m not contagious. I’m just not –“ Brandon couldn’t look at him. “- not like other girls.”

“You look normal.” Eric’s heart was pounding.

“I’m not.”

“So show me.” A scar, Eric hoped, or an easily hidden birth defect. Something internal like no spleen.

Brandon shook his head. “I can’t.” He wanted to. Suddenly living as a girl instead of occasionally cross-dressing seemed like the stupidest decision of his life. “I want to but I can’t.”

Trust, Eric thought. “Look. I know, we just met. I guess you don’t trust me…”

“No it’s not that…”

“It’s cool. We have time. You don’t have to show me.” He took Brandon’s hand again. “When you’re ready, you will.” Eric kissed him again, before he could say no, softer this time. Then he draped an arm around his shoulder. “Come on.”

They walked the rest of the way in an easy silence, both wondering how long it took to fall in love.

* * *

Brandon didn’t have long to consider the question. His mother called the next morning.

“Ping Lo, I’m so sorry,” she said. He could hear the grief in her voice. “So sorry. You friend, Lisa.”

“Lisa?” He froze. His mother never remembered their names. Lisa was always ‘the pretty one’. “What happened.”

“She gone. There was an accident.”

It took a few phone calls to get all of it. Lisa’s father was driving drunk - again - and had crashed. Lisa died at the scene. His home town was in a state of shock, but a car crash in rural Virginia wasn’t big enough to make the news in upstate New York. Lisa’s funeral was already scheduled for the same day as the Homecoming football game.

But even over death, school was more important to his parents. They let him come home to say goodbye, but wouldn’t let him miss more than two days of classes. From his mother, it was as sympathetic as she got. Brandon went home and spent as much time as he could with the friends that loved her like he did. 

Lisa’s funeral was hard but having to come back to school the next day was somehow harder. It was as if no one cared that she was gone. Like life was going on without her. It seemed, somehow, wrong. It was bad enough that he had to wear a suit to her funeral. He did wear her favorite black pumps though. Few people noticed. The football team and the cheerleaders all came in team jerseys. Lisa had been a cheerleader forever. Most of the high school came in the school’s green and gold, so Brandon’s shoes didn’t stand out. Their circle did notice, though, and understood why he wore them. Lisa would have wanted him to wear a black lace dress. She totally supported him.

As soon as he could, he changed into a dress at the airport – ignoring the odd looks as he came out of the men’s room. It was a relief to be able to cry freely on the plane. The stewardess and the passenger next to him had been sympathetic, as had the cab driver to campus.

His dorm mates greeted him with hugs and a box of tissues. He cried again. “She was the one who taught me how to walk in heels.” He lamented later. “How to fix my hair. Everything. She taught me how to be a girl.” There was a group hug. And cookie dough. And coffee. And much later he thanked them all for sitting up with him and putting up with all the drama.

Brandon made it to class the next day. When he got back to his dorm, there was a rose with a note. “I’m sorry about your loss. If you want to talk, I’m home all night. Eric.”

He put his book bag in the room and went upstairs. Eric’s door was open. The man himself was reading. “Thank you.” Brandon said from the doorway.

“Hey.” Eric dropped the book in a rush for the door. “Welcome home. I’m so sorry. Are you ok?”

“No.” Brandon sniffed, close to tears yet again. “But I’m sure I will be. Lisa would have had a fit about the red eyes.”

“Do you want to talk about her?” Eric asked.

Brandon shook his head. “She’s all I’ve talked about for a week. What are you reading?”

“Business Administration. Not important now.” Eric couldn’t believe how much he missed Brandy. How glad he was to see her again.

“If you’re studying, I don’t want to disturb you.” Brandon started to leave but Eric stopped him.

“Please. I can read that anytime. How was the trip? I mean other than…” he groaned internally.

“It was fine.” Brandon smiled softly. “It was good to see everyone. Everyone else. Poor Alex was a wreck. He held her hand for the whole funeral.” The tears started again, He tried to stop them but it was futile. He didn’t cry for long though. It was too warm, too wonderful wrapped in Eric’s arms.

Eric hated seeing Brandy cry. But he loved any excuse to hold her tight. Feel her warmth nestled next to his. Her hair against his face. Any excuse. A cool breeze, a scary movie, a crowded elevator. In the short month they’d been dating, he’d tried everything. She still wouldn’t do more than kiss, not even him touch her breasts. She was flat-chest-ed, practically boy flat. In fact, generally her figure was pretty bad. But she had great legs and a tight ass. And right now, she was curled into his lap. Looks really don’t matter in the long run, Eric thought, kissing the top of Brandy’s head.

She had a fear of intimacy, Eric had realized early on. She wasn’t prudish – in fact, some of the things she said when the group was together and saying the crass things people say in private where shockingly risqué. Totally unexpected from a girl who was afraid of letting his hand stroke a tit. Someone she trusted sexually abused her, he presumed. Maybe he scarred her physically as well as mentally.

Eric found himself again wondering what the big secret was that made her so ‘different’. He wasn’t used to waiting like this; other girls had gone to bed with him early on. He gotten a little spoiled by it. Still, it had only been a month and Brandy seemed worth the wait.

Brandy. He hated that name. He kissed her hair again. “Hey.” He said softly. “Can I ask you a favor?”

Brandon shifted, realizing that he had been sitting there, hard, for way too long. “Of course.” I have to tell him, he thought for the millionth time.

“Would you mind if I called you Ping Lo?”

Brandon smiled. “Of course not. It’s my name.”

Eric shrugged. “I didn’t know if you preferred Brandy.” He kissed Brandon’s forehead. “Ping Lo.”

“I like the way you say that.” Brandon wanted to melt into Eric. To crawl into bed with him and never move. He’ll hate me.

The lights in the hallway flashed. Lights out – all guests out, boys and girls on their on floors or in the TV room downstairs. Eric kissed Brandon and let him go.

In his room, with the door locked, the window covered and the lights off, Brandon stroked himself slowly; thinking of Eric’s lips and Eric’s hands and wishing like all hell he had the balls to tell him the truth. I could do him, Brandon thought suddenly, happily. I could touch him and lick him and –. His rational thought stopped as he came hard imagining Eric’s cream spraying. He lay back on the bed, panting.

Eric, on the other hand was lying awake turning the phrase ‘medical condition’ over in his mind again. He had stopped asking Ping Lo what it meant but he hadn’t stopped wondering. Medical condition implied something was wrong with her but she was active, alert and not on medication that he could tell. She didn’t have a lot of prescriptions in her room. She didn’t have odd doctor’s appointments. So it was something stable and visible but not specifically harmful. His mind kept trying to come up with ideas and kept coming back to the same one.

Ping Lo was born a boy.

Or one of those babies that they can’t tell which and doctors do the surgery right after birth. Eric had seen a Discovery Channel show about the conditions. Sometimes the children on the show had both male and female characters as they grew up. But they had hormones and surgery and they were girls afterwards. Real girls. He tried to remember if Ping Lo was born in the US or not. They may not have done a proper job of the surgery if she was born in China. She may have scars that she feels are ugly. Eric sat up and turned on a light.

How would that change the way he felt? If she had been carved not born the way she is? What if she couldn’t have sex normally because of it? His mind raced through problems. What if all we can do is kiss?

When he thought of kissing her, he couldn’t help smiling to himself. Somehow, the world seemed right or maybe it was just that it went away. Either way kissing Ping Lo was the high point of any day right at that point in Eric’s life. He picked up his phone and called her.

“Hello?” she sounded like he woke her. “Eric?”

“Hi, Honey. I won’t keep you up. I just wanted to tell you something.”

“What?” she had a worried note in her voice.

“You said you were different…”

“Yeah but...”

“…hold on, I don’t care. I don’t want to know.”

“You don’t?”

“No. I love you as you are. That’s enough.” She was silent. “Ping Lo?”

“You said love.” She whispered.

Eric thought about it for a few seconds; he did not mean to say ‘love’.

“You can’t love me.” Ping Lo whispered. “This is so not fucking fair.” She hung up. When Eric called back, it went to her voice mail.

Brandon avoided Eric for a whole week before he cornered him in library. “Ping Lo! What is your problem?”

“I…” He glanced around. He didn’t want to discuss this at all. He certainly didn’t want to discuss it publicly. “Eric, I’m sorry. It just won’t work.”

“You mean you won’t let it work.”

“Lower your voice.” Brandon looked around again. No one was paying them any obvious attention. “Can we please do this somewhere private?”

“Right. OK.” Eric had no intention of letting her get away from him now. He grabbed her arm and pulled her with him. On the other side of the library, one floor down, the study rooms were pretty close to soundproof. He found an empty one. She glared at him but went inside. “Why are you fighting this? I didn’t say let’s get married and have kids.”

“Eric, we can’t date.”

“Why not?”

“Because…just because.”

“That’s not an answer.”

She turned away from him. “Look, I’m just trying to be fair to you. I don’t want you to be hurt when you find out the truth about me.”

“So tell me now.”

“I thought you didn’t want to know.”

“I don’t. But if it’s such a big damn deal, then tell me. At least I’ll know it’s not race or – or – shit, I don’t know but this is driving me crazy. Are we dating or not?”

“We are not. I didn’t mean to lead you on. I should never have let you kiss me.”

“Let me…” For a moment he was so mad he was honestly seeing red. “Fine. You know what? Fine.”

“Eric, I’m sorry.” Ping Lo took a step toward him but he stepped back.

“No. I’m done. I’m out.” He stormed out of the room and out of the building. He was halfway to the dorm when he remembered that he had been in the library for a reason. He swore and went back. If Ping Lo was still there, she stayed out of his way.

Brandon sat in the study room and tried not to cry. It wasn’t fair. Even angry, all he could really think about was what did Eric taste like and how long would it take. It wasn’t fair. He pulled himself together and went to the commissary.

“You look wrecked.” Karen commented when she and Tracy had trays and the three of them were seated.

“I ran into Eric.” They both groaned in sympathy. “He just doesn’t understand.”

“Typical male.” Tracy shrugged.

“Well, I don’t get it either.” Karen said nibbling a fry. “You guys are perfect together.”

“Karen…” Tracy warned.

“He’s just not…” Gay. Brandon completed the thought silently. “…for me.”

“You’re still sweet on someone back home, aren’t you.”

“No. It would be easier if I was. This is all – complicated.”

“You have no idea about complicated.” Tracy leaned in conspiratorially. “Guess who’s already pregnant.” The conversation moved to gossip and giggles.

Brandon and Eric remained cordial. Brandon smiled politely at the girl on Eric’s arm when they ran into each other at the Columbus Day rally. Eric shook hands with the boy who was holding Brandon’s hand at the Veteran’s Day memorial speech. Neither of them was happy.

The Wednesday before Thanksgiving, the dorm had it’s annual ‘Dinner before the Dinner’ – a night of cooking for the local soup kitchen. Brandon started helping peel potatoes and somehow moved from chore to chore until he found himself loading the car with Eric. Neither spoke as they sat on the trunk, waiting for the next load.

Eric just felt the words ‘I’m sorry’ in his throat waiting to burst out. Ping Lo was so pretty, so damn cute in a pink coat with fur. Matching pink winter boots. It was all too sweet. He missed her too much. “Are you still seeing Brad?” He asked finally.

Brandon laughed. “Brad’s gay.” It had been the height of irony when the boy broke-up with Brandon because he wanted to see someone else. Someone else turned out to be Carlos.

and

“Oh. I’m sorry.” Internally, Eric cheered. Ping Lo wasn’t likely to have male ‘parts’ if she was dumped by a fag.

“It’s ok. I just wish he had told me first.” Brandon sighed.

“So,” Eric said after a pause, “You’re not seeing anyone now, then?”

So wrong, so wrong, so wrong. “I never was seeing anyone else, really.” Brandon whispered. He looked at Eric and this time he turned Eric’s face toward his own and he initiated the kiss. When the next load of food finally arrived, they were leaned back against the car window, fogging it over with the heat from their kisses. Brandon blushed.

Over Thanksgiving, they spoke daily from their respective homes – Brandon in Virginia, Eric in Ohio. It was nice to see old friends and family but Brandon was chaffing in pants. He’d gotten used to skirts, dresses and the silky slips he wore under them. Still, even here, he’d stopped wearing boxers and brief altogether. He had discovered the thong. Then – Eric or no – he let Alex discover the thong. They spent a crazy, hot, sweaty night in Alex’s room, trading between top and bottom until they both collapsed.

They next morning, Brandon woke to Alex’s soft kisses around his neck and shoulders. “Hey. So when you gonna do this Eric dude?”

“Oh.” Brandon sighed. “Never. He’s a little homo-phobic. I tell him, he’ll likely freak.”

“Aw, com’on. Give ‘em uh break. You not even gonna blow him?” Alex reached around to caress Brandon’s morning wood. “Phobic or not, he’ll think twice after you blow him. You right good at that.” Brandon groaned as Alex’s hand sent tingles up all the right nerve paths. “Call him an’ tell him you gonna blow him when you see him.”

“Now?” Brandon breathed.

“Now, pussy.”

Brandon tried to stand up but Alex kept a firm grip on his dick. He was able to reach his phone on the dresser and speed dialed Eric’s number.

“Hello?” a sleepy voice answered.

“Eric?”

“Hey, babe.” Eric recognized Ping Lo’s voice but the timber of it sounded a bit distracted. “What’s going on?”

“I was just thinking about you.” She sounded breathless. “And…uh…you know. About you.”

“No. What about me?”

She hesitated and seemed to have trouble catching her breath. “You know. Playing. With myself.”

Eric found himself suddenly awake and throbbing, all his senses focused on the phone. It was an unexpectedly – uncharacteristically – erotic thing for Ping Lo to say. “And thinking about me?”

“Yes.” Her breath caught.

“Are you still…”

“Oh, yes.” She moaned softly.

“And you called to tell me that?” Eric found his own hand stroking himself slowly.

“No.” She sighed into the phone. “I called to say…I want you. But I…I can’t…I…when we get home…”

“Yeah? Tell me what you want.”

“I wanna lick it, baby, I wanna take it in my mouth and suck it.” She panted. “Can I? Can I suck it?”

“Oh, yeah. Honey, you can suck it anytime you want. I wanna suck that pussy of yours too…”

“No!” She shouted suddenly. “I mean, I’m just not…I can’t. Would you mind if…”

“It’s cool, it’s cool.” Eric tried to sooth her. “If you’re not ready for that, it’s ok. Just know that when you are, I want you. OK?”

“Ok.” She sighed and seemed to relax again. “But until, can I…I wanna make you feel good. Can I do that?”

“I would love for you to do that. You’re doing it right now.”

“Oh God.” She groaned. “Are you…?”

“I wasn’t when you called, but I am now.”

She whimpered and exhaled. She just came, Eric thought. It was almost enough to trigger his own orgasm, picturing that cute face twisted in ecstasy. He gave her a minute to level out her breathing. “Can you wait for me?”

“Oh. God.” She breathed. “Yes.”

“How you gonna do me?” He asked, wondering if she’d actually participate in phone sex.

“Well, uh, first, I’ll kiss the tip of it and lick the little head.” She whispered. Eric nearly dropped the phone. Her voice was hypnotic. “Then, I’ll lick the shaft up and down. I’ll get it nice and wet before I push it all the way in my mouth and suck it so good.” Eric’s breath was short and his hand was a blur. He had thought Ping Lo would never consider oral sex never mind enjoy performing it. He was nearly there. “I’m gonna suck an’ suck an’ suck til all that jizz covers my throat.” Eric heard himself growling. He never met a girl who wanted to swallow his seed. “I want you to cum in my mouth, Baby.” The image pushed Eric over and he came shooting all over his own chest. He could hear Ping Lo panting again too.

“Oh, baby.” He groaned. “Oh that was nice.”

“Yeah?”

“Yeah. Now I really can’t wait to see you.” She giggled. Then paused. She whispered something Eric couldn’t hear. “What?”

“Uh. Oh. Uh. Eric.” She hesitated. “When we do…if we do ever, you know, make love.”

“We will.”

“If.” She insisted. “But, the first time, I want you…I want you.” She went silent then blurted out. “I want you to do me in the butt.”

Eric did drop the phone then and had to scramble to get it again. “Uh, hello? Ping Lo? What?”

“Never mind. It’s gross. I’m sorry I…”

“Hold, hold, hold! Give me a sec!” His heart nearly settled. “Have you…done…that?”

She hesitated. “Yes.” She said softly.

“And you like it?”

“Yeah.”

“Oh.” Eric had always wanted to try anal just never found a girl willing. “OK.”

“You don’t have to.”

“I want to.”

“Oh.” She shifted and Eric heard the linens of her bed rustle against the phone. “I have to go now.”

“Ok.” He wanted to say something more but they promised each other when they got back together that they wouldn’t say anything too deep.

“Eric?”

“Yeah?”

“You know that thing I promised I wouldn’t say? I’m not saying it.”

“I’m not saying it either.” Eric said. But I’m thinking it.

* * *

It was almost as good as introducing Eric to his parents, Brandon thought. Beth, her Grandfather and several of her cousins were visiting colleges and since one of them was considering SUNY, they all stopped by to have dinner with Brandon. Mr. McElroy let him bring Eric as well. The more, the merrier he said happily. “Ain’t no point in money, you can’t spend it.” The man had recognized him; Brandon saw the looks of recognition, confusion and acceptance pass over his face in the time it took them to shake hands.

After, Brandon and Eric took a cold walk around campus talking about the group and the meal. “Beth is so pretty.” Brandon sighed. “I always wished I had her figure. You should have seen her at the prom last year. Oh My God.”

“She’s ok. A little overdone.” Eric shrugged and pulled Brandon a bit closer. “I like you. Subtle. Not too much.”

“Flat.”

“Delicate.” Eric corrected. He stopped walking. “You are so stressed about this.”

“No, it’s just that…”

“Look, last time. Big tits are overrated. For a lot of girls, little ones are more sensitive anyway.”

“But…”

“Yeah.” Eric kissed him softly. “I like da butt.”

Brandon giggled. “Eric…”

“I like this,” he squeezed Brandon’s butt firmly, “more than this,” He squeezed the boy’s chest, “any day. OK?”

Brandon bit his lip and hoped he would just melt on the spot. “OK.”

Eric put his arm around his shoulder and they started walking again. “Now, Beth does have a great ass. I’d tap that.” Brandon hit him. “I mean, in theory.”

“I wouldn’t leave you two alone for five minutes.”

“I thought she was your friend.”

“Not when it comes to you.”

* * *

As final exams and winter break approached, Eric found his mood growing darker and his temper shorter. Ping refused to spend even part of the holiday with him. She wouldn’t come to Ohio with him, and she wouldn’t let him come to Virginia. Their intimacy had grown to include fondling above the waist but that was all. Frustration was getting to Eric. He needed some answers. Their conversations were amazing. They had shared nearly every moment of their lives before they met. Her early childhood in Hong Kong, the traumatic move to the US. Eric’s own army brat upbringing and how hard it was moving from base to base. But there were gaps. She hadn’t told him about her MC yet. She hadn’t mentioned any abuse – sexual or otherwise. And, in truth, neither had he. But then, he’d never told anyone, not even his parents. Why bother? It had ended when they moved. It had never happened anywhere else.

It was the snow, he reminded himself. He always thought about it when it snowed.

When you’re 13, anything a teacher says makes sense so when his biology teacher told him that he seemed to be having trouble with the material and he should come over on Saturday for tutoring, it made sense. And when Mr. Grayson took off his pants, it made since that Eric should take off his. The touching made sense too – even felt good. At first. But the next week, Mr. Grayson told his parents that it wasn’t enough; that Eric should have a special Saturday class for the rest of the year. Eric thought he was doing better – the work in class was right and his homework was right. But his test scores were always low. Mr. Grayson tutored him for the rest of the school year, sometimes in his living room, sometimes in his bedroom, always without pants, always touching. Then, mom got transferred to a new base and they moved again. At the new school, he aced the biology test the first time, so he thought all the extra work with Mr. Grayson had been worth it.

Much much later, he realized what had been happening. By then, he already found that masturbating helped him study. But the snow…. It had been snowing the first day, at Mr. Grayson’s house. On the way home, his dick still sensitive from his first cum, he remembered eating a handful of clean snow – Mr. Grayson had said it would keep anyone from smelling anything odd on his breath.

“You ok?” Ping’s voice pulled Eric from the past and brought him back. He looked at her and got a sudden chill from more than the weather. Mr. Grayson was blond too.

“Yeah. Fine. Come on.” She looked a little stunned by his irritation but Ping took his hand followed along quickly and quietly. Traditional, Eric thought. A very traditional Asian wife. He stopped suddenly. “I want to meet your family.”

“OH!” She looked stunned. Then shook her head. “No. Not yet.”

“Why?”

“Because. I’m not ready.”

“You’re not ever going to be ready, Ping. Just take a chance and see what happens. If they don’t like me, we’ll deal with it.”

“No.” She was firm.

“OK, fine. Then come home with me and meet my parents. They’ll love you.”

“I have to go home this year. I told you; my parents are moving back to Hong Kong this year. I won’t see them for another year if I miss this.”

“Damn it, Ping. What is the problem?”

“Eric.” She took his hand and led him to a nearby bench. “If I told you something terrible. Something that I know would change the way you feel about me…” He shook his head. There was nothing that would change his feelings. “Believe me, please. It would change us. Maybe not end us, but change us. And I’m not ready to let go yet.”

“Take a chance, Ping. Trust me.”

“Eric. I love you.” She kissed him softly, sweetly. “I really do. But, you’re not ready to hear this. And I’m not ready to say it.”

They’d had this conversation several times. It was a never-ending loop at this point.

“Damn it.” He muttered again. Giving up again. He stood up to hurry to class but she held him.

“Eric. I really do love you. And even if things don’t work out, I am so glad I got to know you.”

He sat down. “I love you too. More than that, I like you. We’ll always be friends. No matter what.” A tear rolled down her cheek and he wiped it away. “Hey! What’s all this.”

“You have no idea.” She sniffed and looked away for a moment. “When I do tell you. Promise me that you’ll remember this moment. That you’ll remember that I really do love you.”

“There is nothing you could tell me that would make me not love you.”

“Nothing?”

“Nothing.”

“So if I said I was an alien from mars.”

“I’d be fine with it.”

“If I was a boy and just pretending to be a girl.”

“I’d say you were missing a few parts but ok.”

She kissed him then, passionately. “You know, I almost believe that.”

“Believe it.” Eric’s wrist alarm sounded. “Crap. Come on.” They hurried together in the snow.

It was snowing again when Brandon left for the airport. This time, he didn’t change clothes until he landed in Richmond. Even then, he left his slip on under his shirt and pants. When he got home, he was shocked at how male his closet was. Over compensation, he thought. It’s only three weeks, he reminded himself. And Eric’s only a phone call away. But he was glad to see his parents and his sister was there to help them move. When they left, only two days before he when back to college, the house would be vacant. Talk about a temptation, he thought.

It was a good holiday. Lots of family. Lots of friends. Lots of tech gifts that would help at school. New Years Eve, his friend Sheila called and invited him to party.

“They’ll be a bunch of us vampires but it should be fun.” She laughed.

He laughed back and accepted the invitation. He preferred the sedate affairs Sheila attended to the over-the-top, amp’d up events Alex used to drag him to. He dressed accordingly. Black pleather pants. A black lace shirt and real leather vest. With Sheila’s crowd, it was hard to tell the Goths from the gay boys, he thought looking at himself in the mirror.

“Ping Lo?” His mother yelled up. “You friend here.”

“Be right down.” He shouted back. He took one last look. He adjusted his pants. They were obscenely tight. And undeniably sexy. I may prefer a dress, but I can fill out a pair of pants when I want too, he grinned at himself in the mirror. When was the last time I looked this good as a boy, he wondered. Coming down the stairs, he shouted. “OK, mom, I’ll be back tomorrow some time and –“ He stopped short as he saw Sheila coming up the front walk. Outside the front door. Quickly, he looked in the living room; Alex was known for dropping by unexpectedly. Brandon couldn’t wait to see the look on his face.

Eric was looking at the pictures on the mantlepiece. Eric’s face was frozen when he looked at him. Behind him, Brandon could hear his mother fussing as she let Sheila in and berating him for not answering the door.

“You ready?” Sheila asked, oblivious to the cataclysm in front of her. “Let’s go.”

“I asked for Ping Lo and she said ‘her son’ was upstairs. Her son.”

“Eric…” Brandon started but the boy shook his head.

“You didn’t just hide this. You fucking lied to me.”

“Eric…”

“Don’t!” Eric stepped forward. “Don’t start. Don’t talk to me, don’t look at me. Don’t come near me ever again.” He stormed out of the house.

Sheila coaxed him out of the house but Brandon didn’t really hear or see anything.

Don’t talk to me, don’t look at me. Don’t come near me ever again.

Happy New Year. Brandon thought he’d never be happy again. And it was cold comfort that he was wholly to blame for his own suffering and Eric’s. He was the one who lied. Someone handed him a glass of something red and bubbling and told him to drink. He hoped it was poison. He hoped it would kill him on the spot. In a room full of morose, dismal people, Brandon was setting a record for despair.

It was matched only by Eric. He just drove. He didn’t know where he was. He didn’t know where he was going. He wasn’t there. Seeing Her. Him. It. A boy. Ping Lo is someone’s son. Every kiss, a boy kiss. Every touch, every caress, every word a fag word. He nothing against fags; if another guy wants to sleep with some other guy then that was fine. That was their business. But he wasn’t a fag. He didn’t do that. Mr. Grayson was not his fault. Eric was a man. A real man. Not a fag.

The road sign ahead warned Richmond traffic of road construction and Eric swore aloud. He had driven two hours in the wrong direction. He glanced down at his GPS and realized it was off. He swore for a few more minutes. Finally, he pulled into a motel and got a room. He scrolled through TV stations looking for something that would make this go away.

It wasn’t love. It couldn’t be. He wasn’t a fag. Then he began to wonder who knew about this. He grabbed his phone and called Karen – Ping’s best alleged friend.

“Did you know?” He snapped when she shouted ‘Happy new year’. Some damned year.

“Did I know what?” she asked cheerfully.

“Brandy is a guy.”

“What?”

“He’s a guy, Karen. Brandy is a guy.”

“Brandy has a period.” Karen laughed. “Believe me, whatever she is, it’s not male.”

“Yeah? Well tell her fucking mother that because they think Ping Lo is their son.”

“Wait, Eric, are you serious?”

“You didn’t know?”

“Didn’t know what?”

“Did you not know that Ping Lo or Brandy or whatever he fucking calls himself is a fucking guy?”

The line was quiet except for the party behind Karen. “Eric. She can’t be. I mean, Eric, we’ve showered together.”

“So you’ve seen her full frontal naked.” Hope filled Eric’s voice.

“Of…course.” Karen suddenly didn’t sound sure. “I must have. I think. I’ve seen her in the shower. She’s always wearing that big yellow robe of hers. And I know I’ve been in there when she’s been there because she saw my birth mark.” She went quiet for a moment. “Wow. Maybe I haven’t seen her. But I’m in her room all the time – we wear the same size skirts.”

“But not tops.”

“She’s like a triple-A cup. She might as well be a –“ Karen stopped before she said the word. “Eric, look, I don’t know what’s going on but I’ll talk to her when she gets back, OK?”

“Yeah. You do that.” He hung up the phone. He grabbed his coat.

It took about an hour of driving around to score some weed. He could probably have found crack if he tried a little harder but the longer he looked, the more likely he might get arrested for being black at night. He went back to the motel and smoked the whole bag. That was how he first got over Mr. Grayson – a little weed. First, Saturdays when he had been going to the teacher’s house. Then, later, when he found himself thinking about it at other times, he moved to harder drugs. By the time he got to high school, he’d changed schools twice more and was attending class on base. He had tried to quit then, and had more or less succeeded. Getting a girlfriend had helped keep thoughts of Mr. Grayson at bay and without those, the desire to escape was somewhat abated. He had been damned lucky that he wasn’t susceptible to addiction.

He, of course, could stop completely at anytime.

The motel had an adult channel and he let the TV sit there for a while, hand on his dick stroking it idly while smoking a joint. The drugs weren’t relaxing him and the porn wasn’t arousing him. The couple on the screen was white. Both blonde. Then, a black man entered. He watched as the man and woman both went down on him. For a while, Eric had trouble separating himself from the stud on screen. Watching a blonde head bob between his knees. Feel the soft, silky locks brush his thighs. He had dated girls exclusively in high school. And they, as a rule, didn’t do blow jobs. The ones that did, didn’t swallow. Mr. Grayson did. Ping claimed she would. This one was swallowing both men. He wanted to feel that again. He looked at the screen again. The woman was gone and the two men were entertaining themselves. Anally.

Was that it, Eric wondered. Am I gay and just never knew it? He wanted Ping’s ass bad. He had hoped New Years would be the night, had come to see her just for the chance. And that explained why she wanted anal too. She. He. It. Whatever. The fag wanted fag sex. And he wanted to have fag sex too. The fags on the screen were having fag sex again. This time, the dark-haired woman was on top of the ma0n. He could no longer tell if this was the same couple or a new set.

How could she do this to me? The bitch. The cunt. She knew she was a man. She knew the whole time. She never said a damn thing.

She said we can’t date. She said we weren’t right for each other. She said she’d hurt me. That I’d hate her in the end.

I knew, didn’t I? I should have known. How could I have been fooled? I must have known.

Eric woke on the next morning, porn channel still on, dried jizz on his hands and thighs and hungry enough to eat anything. He forced himself up and into the shower. When he came out, he dressed, paid is bill and found the nearest cheap restaurant. New Years Eve was a blur. He remembered someone having a lot of sex. He didn’t think it was himself. Something bad had happened at Ping Lo’s house. Something bad enough to make him get high, which he swore he would never do again. Something he was bound to remember soon. Too soon.

Brandon couldn’t forget what happened no matter how he tried. Sheila and friends managed to get him well and truly drunk for the first time ever. They brought him home and put him to bed around noon. He woke up shortly thereafter and lay in bed wondering if slitting his own wrists was too dramatic. He only got out of bed because his older sister, Ping Chin, made him come down and sit with the family. Even that was too much – they were leaving. He tried to pretend that he was upset over them moving and be respectful of his parents. He tried all through dinner. That night, he lay awake, crying softly. It was all his fault.

The next day, Brandon drove his parents and sister to Richmond International, watched them board a plane and drove home alone. He went through the process of turning off water and power – knowing that he’d be back as soon as Eric told the college that he was defrauding them. He took an empty suitcase with him, knowing he’d need to pack up his dorm room and drove back to college.

Nevertheless, he did put on a dress for the trip. He did wear his favorite heels. He did put his hair up.

It was a long drive. He was exhausted when he finally got there. Sleep, he thought. I’ll sleep tonight and pack in the morning.

Karen caught him in the lobby. “Ping! What the hell happened?”

He paused then hurried away. “I don’t want to talk about it.”

“Eric sounded wrecked and you won’t answer your phone.”

“Karen, please. I’m sorry. Just let me sleep tonight and I’ll leave in the morning.” He got to his room. Karen followed him in. “Please Karen. I’ve been driving for like twelve hours.”

“Ok. Go to bed.”

“I need to undress.”

“Go ahead.” They stood there both waiting expectantly.

Finally, Brandon began undressing. He managed to keep his emotions in check as he took off his shoes and the dress itself. He felt a tear roll down his cheek as he took off his slip and revealed himself.

“All of it.” Karen ordered softly.

He sniffed and took off the bra and panties. He stood, naked, before her. She stared at him.

“You know, when Eric called me, I just thought someone had slipped some heavy duty drugs into his drink. But then I thought, ‘What the hell?’ Can’t hurt to check, right?” Brandon didn’t respond. “I bought it. You fooled me completely. Just, just why? What do you get out of this?”

“Nothing.” Brandon croaked, crying openly. “I’ve ruined everything. I’m sorry. I’m so sorry.”

“Is it a scholarship or a bet or what?”

“It’s just me. I just wanted to be me for once. For a while, not just a dance or a date. But really live like this, like a girl.” He found a tissue and wiped his face. “I didn’t try to hurt anyone. I didn’t think I’d be dating. Making friends.”

“You were going to college for four years. What did you think you’d be doing? Living in a closet?”

He had to laugh. “I don’t know. I didn’t think about that. I knew there’d be people. I didn’t think anyone would notice me.”

“Yeah, well. You got noticed.”

They were silent for a moment. “Who else knows?” Brandon asked.

Karen shrugged. “I haven’t told anyone. If Eric’s told, no one’s told me.”

He nodded. Likely Eric would wait until the new semester started. He shivered. “Do you mind if I get dressed?”

Karen pursed her lips. “No. Wait a minute.” She walked around him taking a good look at him. “So do you do this at home too?”

“Not really. My parents would strongly disapprove. Alex, Sheila. They understand. They let me cross when I’m with them.”

“Alex. He really was your boyfriend?” Brandon nodded. “So you’re gay?”

“Very.”   

She tilted her head. “Why very?”

Brandon had to smile. “I’m naked in a bed room with a beautiful woman staring at my tool and,” he gestured to it, “nothing. If you can’t get a rise out of it, I’m either gay or dead.”

She smirked. “Oh my God, you are a guy. What a line!”

“What line? I spent a month trying to get my hair to flip the way yours does. And your skin is perfect.”

She rolled her eyes. “Have you ever been with a girl?”

“Once. We thought I should try it.”

“And?”

He shrugged. “It was ok. They made me do everything. I liked the guy that was with us more. It was fun but, not a regular kind of thing for me.”

“So you’re saying that if I do this…” She grabbed his dick and stroked it firmly. “…you won’t notice?”

“Gay, Karen, not inhuman.” Brandon stopped her hand. “That’ll work because it’s designed to. I mean if you really want to prove something, go ahead, but…” he shrugged.

“You’ve already proved it.” She said letting him go and stepping away. Brandon waited a moment then opened a drawer and pulled out a nightgown. “You’re still pretending?”

“No.” He pulled on the garment and adjusted the straps. “I’m getting ready for bed. This is what I sleep in.” He picked up his brush and unclipped his hair.

“So, what, are you going to get that surgery and go all the way?”

“What surgery?”

“You know, what do they call it?” Karen sat on the dresser – where she usually sat. “Gender reassignment.”

Brandon looked shocked. “I want to act like a pussy not have one.”

“Oh, well excuse me.”

“Sorry. I guess that was a valid question.”

“Yeah I guess.”

“I just,” He paused and thought a moment. “I’m a guy. I don’t want to not be a guy, I just like looking like a girl. I like the way dresses feel. I love wearing high heels. I like being the girl not the boy.”

“You just want to reserve the right to be the boy on occasion.”

He laughed a bit. “Yeah, I guess. Sometimes it’s good to be the boy.” He looked at Karen. “I’m really sorry. I wasn’t trying to hurt anyone. Especially not you. And especially not Eric. I told him we shouldn’t get involved.”

“Yeah, you were right. You did say it was complicated.” She looked as his reflection. “Have you ever worn a French braid?”

“No. I don’t like short styles.”

“I think it’d be cute.” She stepped behind him and took up his comb. She stood there doing his hair and Brandon felt tears well up. Relief overcame fear and everything burst. Karen sat beside him, put her arms around him and rocked him gently while he cried it all out. After awhile, when he’d calmed down and they were just sitting together holding each other she asked, “So what is your name, anyway?”

* * *

“Just Paul is fine.” The counselor said. “Most people have trouble with Dr. Naujokaitis.”

Eric nodded. Paul was his fifth counselor in 30 days. They all were warm, sensitive, competent and caring. Not one actually understood.

He had been arrested on New Year’s Day. They found him at a highway rest area sleeping it off. If he had been in his car instead of on the ground behind it, they might not have even noticed him. As it was, they took him to the local hospital – in Pennsylvania, he learned later – ran his blood work, found him coked up to his eyeballs and charged him with public intoxication. It was his third such charge since 9th grade. Since after Grayson.

But he was lucky. The judge didn’t want his first case of the year to be sending a 20-year-old to jail for 10 years. Instead, he offered Eric a 90-day treatment program. Get clean, get counseling, get the charges erased. Eric took it. They had spent his first month just getting him detoxed and trying to get him to talk. Group sessions hadn’t helped. Now they were back to one-on-one therapy sessions. This time with a fag.

An obvious fag. Paul looked like an extra from a LOGO movie of the week. A short almost military hair cut, a goatee and a lisp for god’s sake. Eric wasn’t sure if they thought he’d open up to the fag or he was just next on the list.

“So, Eric. What’s on your mind these days?”

“Just trying to get clean.”

“Get clean, stay clean.” Paul repeated the mantra of the clinic. “Good. So. How’s it going?”

“Fine.”

“Really? Oh. Well. Good then.” Paul crossed his legs and sat back. “Well then you should be on your way out. Most addicts…”

“I’m not an addict.” Eric snapped. Addicts have problems; he just got a little carried away this time.

“OK. Users. You did use a narcotic. Which you illegally obtained to use. For which got you arrested.”

“I get the point.”

“So, most users have issues behind why they use. Problems. Home, money, work, family, lovers…”

Eric stood, nearly knocking over the chair. “I don’t have a problem.”

“Really. Huh.” Paul wrote a note on the corner of his page. “So, everything’s good at home.”

“Fine. I love my mother, my parents are married. I’m in school. If I ever get back there.”

“You will. I’m sure. No problems there?”

“None.”

“Good. Love life is happy?”

“My fucking love life is none of your goddamn business, faggot.”

Paul sat back and smirked at him.

How much longer are they going to do this? Eric thought. I just need to get back to my life and forget her. Him. It.

“It goes a lot easier if you just tell someone.” Paul said softly. “I came out to my best friend when I was 23. We were in Atlanta getting really drunk and I told him that if I weren’t straight that I would love to get into his pants and he said that if I actually had the balls to finally admit it, he’d let me do it. The next morning, I tried to claim it was the booze but, well, it wasn’t.”

“I am not a fag.”

“Could I get you to not use that word?” Paul looked annoyed. “It just irritates me.”

“Fine! I am not homosexual.” I didn’t know, Eric thought. I couldn’t have known.

“OK. You’re not. No one said you were.”

“Hey, you’re the one who went on about me having problems with my ‘lovers’.”

“But I didn’t say anything about gender. You’re the one who brought that up.”

Eric paused, mind racing. “But that’s what you meant.”

“No.” Paul circled a note on his pad. “I meant to prove Phyllis’ theory about you wrong. She’s the one who thinks you had a bad break-up. I was voting for money problems, myself.”

“Oh, so what, am I everybody’s business?”

“Oh there’s always one case that no one can break. We all try to reach everyone and some are easier than others. So, is she right?”

Eric shrugged. “Yeah. My girl and I broke up on New Years.”

“And you got high to get over it.”

“Yeah.” Eric sat down again. “Kinda stupid, I guess.”

“Yes.” Paul smiled. “But very, very common.” They sat in silence for a while. “So? Tell me about her.”

“She was a girl. It didn’t work out. What’s to tell?” Eric found himself on his feet again.

“Well, her name for a start if it’s not prying.”

I don’t even know her name, he thought. His name. It’s name. “Ping Lo.” He said. “I called her Ping Lo.”

“Asian?”

“Chinese-American.”

“Pretty?”

“Not really.”

Paul laughed. “Ok.”

“What?”

“The most common answer is ‘I think so’. Most of us aren’t honest enough to say our partners are ugly.”

“She wasn’t ugly.” Eric snapped. “But she wasn’t conventional. Her face was too round. She was cute.” He found himself talking about her. Not just what she looked like but what she was like. Paul listened, not even taking notes. He talked long past the allotted counseling time. Paul just waved it off and let him keep talking.

“She sounds great.” Paul said when Eric finally wound down. “Wish I could find one in my size. So why end it?”

Eric sighed. He felt drained. “She’s a he.” He said looking at his hands.

“What?” Paul looked at him, not sure he heard the words clearly.

“I said she is a he.” Eric said more loudly. “Ping Lo is a Ping Lee or whatever the fuck his name really is. Ping Wang.” He stood up and pace angrily around the room.

“What a bitch.” Paul muttered. “I’m not suggesting it, but there is such a thing as justifiable homicide.”

Even Eric had to crack a smile. “I thought you were supposed to council me away from thoughts like that.”

Paul shrugged. “A bitch is a bitch. And that was fucked up. To just play you like that for, what, a month? Two?”

“Five.”

“Tease you? Pretend to have real feelings for you…”

“She wasn’t pretending.”

“Sure he was.”

“No. I think…” Eric took a breath. “I think her feelings were real. She told me, a couple weeks ago, that one day she was going to tell me something that changed the way I felt, that she wanted me to remember that she was glad she met me. That she loved me.”

“Well, of course he was going to say that.”

“SHE meant it.” Eric thundered. “Stop saying she didn’t.”

Paul let a few minutes of silence go by before he spoke again. “If you believe SHE meant it, then what’s the problem?”

“There’s not a problem, ok?” Eric snapped. This time he did knock the chair over and didn’t bother to pick it up. “I don’t have a fucking problem.”

“Then why get high?”

“You stupid sonovabitch! Do none of you get this? I don’t have a problem.” Paul tried to interrupt but Eric talked over him. “I’m not a fag. But when my girlfriend suddenly shows up with a package as big as mine and her mother calling her ‘son’, I don’t have a problem with it. That’s the problem, jackass, I don’t have a problem.” Eric punched the nearest wall. “I don’t have a problem.” He punched it again. He would have continued if Paul hadn’t grabbed his arm.

“Whoa, whoa, whoa! Easy there! We’ll be a year trying to get the state to fix that.” Eric didn’t laugh. “Come on. Sit.” Paul pulled him over to the couch they use for group sessions. “You think you should be more upset about this?”

“I’m not a fag.” Eric hissed. He couldn’t feel his hand. He couldn’t feel anything. Not since he woke up and realized that all he wanted to see was Ping Lo’s smile. I’m not a fag.

* * *

“So where is he?” Brandon could barely sit still.

It had been more than a month. No one had seen or talked to Eric since New Years Eve. His mother had been deployed. His father was also out of the country. If his brothers knew anything, they weren’t sharing it. The school couldn’t release any information. But his dorm room was still in his name, he was still on all his class rolls so he hadn’t withdrawn. Brandon had finally convinced Karen that they should go to the police and file a missing person’s report. Two days later, a detective had called them down to the station.

“We found your friend. He’s fine.”

“Oh thank God!” Karen exclaimed. Brandon bit his lip afraid that he would burst into tear with relief. “Where is he?” Karen asked.

“He’s in a treatment program in Pennsylvania.”

“A what?”

“A drug treatment program. Court ordered.”

Brandon laughed. “You have the wrong man. Eric does not do drugs.” The officer printed a photo of him. “There’s a mistake. There has to be. Eric’s not like that.” The officer read a few things from the file. The convictions themselves were a matter of public record. Brandon felt like he was violating Eric’s privacy – even more than when he searched Eric’s room for a home phone number. He shook his head. “This is some race thing.”

The sergeant gave them a phone number and an address. He shook Karen’s hand but Brandon refused.

“I’m sorry he isn’t the man you thought he was, Miss.” The officer said sadly. “I really am.”

* * *

“Eric! You got visitors.”

“Wrong Eric.” He yelled back for the third time, this time not even looking up from the textbook. He couldn’t attend his actual classes but the program had an education arm and he was able to borrow textbooks for the classes he was supposed to be attending. They weren’t his textbooks, but he felt less like he was wasting time reading them. Maybe, somehow he could make up the semester or test out of the classes.

Five minutes later, Phyllis came storming in. “Glover! Is there some good reason these people are coolin’ their heels waitin’ for you?”

“Look,” he slammed the book shut, “my mother’s in Germany, my father’s in San Diego and my brother’s don’t leave Cleveland if at all possible. I don’t know who’s in the waiting room, but they are not waiting for me.”

“Well, come with me an’ tell them that yo’self.” Phyllis was the size of two Sherman tanks and twice as loud. It didn’t take long for her to convince Eric to go downstairs.

At a corner table, away from everyone else, sat Karen, looking pensive. Behind her, pacing, was Ping Lo. Eric stopped cold.

“Are these your guests?” Phyllis asked. He nodded. “Well?” She bellowed. “Go visit.”

Ping Lo stopped pacing and stared at him. She’d been crying. She was shaking like a leaf. He, Eric reminded himself. He.

He didn’t look like a ‘he’. His hair was braided, circling his face with the loose end gracefully over one shoulder. His dress was pale yellow and his stiletto heels matched. Eric looked for any sign of a man under the feminine exterior and couldn’t see any.

“Well, if you’re not going to hug him, I will.” Karen said just before she flung herself into Eric. He hugged her back. He refused to cry. When she let him go, Karen punched him in the shoulder. “No call, no e-mail, no text? We’ve been worried sick!”

“Ow! I didn’t want anyone to know. My parents know. That’s already too much.”

“Well, if your brothers know, they’re not talking.” Eric shrugged; since there was nothing they could do, his mother probably hadn’t told them the details. “Well? Are you going to tell us what happened or what?” Karen demanded.

He shrugged again. “I was upset. I got fucked up. I got arrested.”

“I’ll go wait in the car.” Ping Lo said suddenly. She moved for the door but Eric stepped toward her and she stopped. Her eyes were beginning to tear over and it took all Eric’s strength not to reach out and wipe them.

“When were you planning to tell me?” He asked her. Him. It.

“I wasn’t.” She tried to look defiant and failed miserably. “I was hoping to trick you forever.”

“Damn it, Ping Lo. Or Brandy. Or – shit – what the hell is your name anyway?”

“Ping Lo.” She – He – sniffed. “I was born Ping Lo. But when we moved here, they christened me Brandon.”

It was better without the name. It was better, Eric thought, when he could only refer to her as her. Now he knew it was Brandon. He was Brandon. “Brandon.” Eric said. “Why me?”

She – He – looked startled by the question. “Why? I don’t know.” He tilted his head slightly. “Because you care. Because you get so excited about a good meal. Because of that one lock that always falls out of place that you refuse to pull back.”

“That doesn’t make any sense.”

“People don’t fall in love because it makes sense.” She looked away from him. “You asked why. I don’t have a good reason. I just love you, that’s all. I’m sorry.”

Eric looked away, uncomfortable. His question had really been ‘why did you use me’ but this answer was much harder to bear.

Brandon took a couple steps forward and when Eric didn’t move, he moved toward the door again. It had been a mistake to come in the first place; he should have let Karen come alone. But he had to see him. Had to know for sure that he was ok, even if Eric did hate him now. The pain in his chest would subside. Eventually. He was not expecting Eric to grab his arm and pull him back.

“Eric please. I’m sorry. I know this is all my fault. You wouldn’t be here if it wasn’t for me. I’m…”

“It’s my mistake,” Eric stated, “I’m paying for it. Just – just – just tell whoever you see next…”

Brandon shook his head. “I’m not seeing any one. Not again.” Was it time apart or his imagination that made Eric’s scent so strong? “Please. Just let me go. I won’t come back, I promise.”

Eric was torn beyond belief. He had no attraction to men. None. He’d even tried to develop one; looking at other men in the shower and discussing intimate acts with Paul in a very confidential conversation. The idea still turned his stomach. So why, even now, why did Ping Lo turn his knees to Jell-o? Why did he still want nothing more than to feel her body next to his?

Karen cleared her throat. “Ok, not that I don’t love feeling like a third wheel, but uhm, I am here.” She rattled a bag. “And I have stuff.”

Ping Lo looked away again. “Oh. Yeah. We, uh, talked to your teachers. And the Dean.”

“You told them where I was?”

“We had to,” Karen said pulling out a stack of textbooks. “They had to call your counselor here and confirm everything.”

Textbooks. Similar to the volumes he’d been reading for the last two weeks. “My books? Where’d you get these? I hadn’t bought any of them yet.”

“PingPing found your class schedule.” Karen said nonchalantly.

He looked at Ping Lo and she shrugged. “You always register before the semester ends. You always keep a printout under your laptop.”

“You always know where I put everything.” He looked back at Karen, trying not to be overwhelmed. “Thanks but none of this matters if I can’t get to class.”

She smiled smugly and looked at Ping Lo. “Well? Give it to him. I put it in your purse.”

Ping frowned at her friend but opened the purse and found a piece of paper. She handed it to Eric. A web address and four class links. “They all agreed to let you transfer to the on-line sections. You’ll have to catch up quickly in all of them but since late enrollment hadn’t closed yet….”

There were late enrollment fees, Eric knew. And the books weren’t free. “Who paid for all this?” Who did he owe since it was unlikely that they had been able to get his parents home long enough to write the check. Karen looked at Ping. Ping Lo looked at the floor. “No.” Eric said. He wasn’t taking a bribe.

“I cost you the semester. The least I could do is pay to replace it.”

“Is all supposed to be forgiven now?”

She barked a laugh. “I don’t expect you to ever forgive me.”

“I’m supposed to. It’s one of the steps.”

She looked at him oddly. “I don’t give a fuck about steps. I betrayed your trust. I can’t ask you to forgive that. I just wanted to make some kind of atonement for the least part of what I’ve done.”

Male or female, Ping Lo didn’t swear much and the curse sounded awkward coming from such a sweet little mouth. He felt the corners of his mouth twitch and almost smiled. Ping Lo bit her lip and looked away.

It was undeniable. He wanted to kiss her desperately.

“Hello?” Karen boomed. “Why did I even come here?” she whined but when Eric looked at her, she was grinning.

The light overhead flashed, meaning that they had about another fifteen minutes. “Um. Thank you. Really. I don’t know what else to say.”

“Well you could say, Karen my darling, I can’t bear to live another moment without you.” She stood up and grabbed her purse. “But I’ll settle for where the little girl’s room is.”

He pointed to the door and Karen sashayed away. Unintentionally, Eric watched her hips sway. Fraternization was discouraged among program participants and none of them looked as good as Karen, anyway. She stepped out of view and Eric looked up again. Ping Lo had her back to him. The skirt was knee length; the legs in those stiletto heels were not even vaguely masculine. The shapely ass above it – who could say if it was a slim-hipped girl or a young boy? “Ping?” He whispered. “Tell me it’s not true.”

She opened her purse and pulled out her wallet. She handed him her driver’s license. Ping Lo’s face looked back from the ID wearing a tie. Sex had an unmistakable ‘M’ beneath it. “If you want more confirmation, we’ll have to go someplace private. Or ask Karen; she used a manual testing method.” Eric handed the license back. “I just want you to know that I’ve applied for off campus housing so by the time you get back, I should be gone.” Eric nodded. That would probably be best. The lights flashed again. “I should probably go too.” She nearly ran for the bathroom.

A moment later, Karen returned. “Hey, listen, I haven’t said anything to anyone about, well anything, ok? Ping and I are the only people, basically, who know you’re here and we’re the only ones who know about Ping. I thought, maybe, that would be ok. I mean, no one knows, no one’s being hurt…” She stopped and rolled her eyes. “…except by me being totally insensitive. Sorry.”

“It’s cool.” He shrugged. “You’re right. There’s no point to outing her.”

Karen hugged him again. “God I miss you. Since when do you do this stuff anyway? I mean, if you wanted a little weed, there’s enough in the dorm.”

“I, um…there’s other issues.” He glanced to see if Ping Lo was returning. “It was bad.”

“How bad?”

“Cardiac arrest.”

Her eyes went wide. The she punched him in the shoulder again. “That is so fucked up!”

“Ow.” He rubbed his arm. “Listen. Thanks. The books. I really can’t thank you enough.”

“It’s not really me you should be thanking.” The lights flashed again and Ping Lo reappeared.

He walked them to the main door and then went back to the guest room for his books. He wasn’t gay – he wasn’t attracted to men. It was her. He was just attracted to her. Ping Lo.

* * *

Brandon sat on the train staring out the window. Even as the miles flew by, he tried to keep the image of Eric flawlessly present. Karen had been quiet for almost an hour, which suited Brandon just fine. Whatever Eric felt, it didn’t seem to be hate. Brandon was terrified of being hopeful and yet he couldn’t stop himself.

He had looked good. Eric always looked good but given that he had been essentially hospitalized for a month, he looked good. No one would say how the treatment was going. No one would speculate on when Eric would complete the program. He hadn’t asked Eric. If he wants to volunteer that information, he knows where to find Karen. It was too much to hope that Eric might e-mail or call him directly.

Karen leaned over, putting her head in Brandon’s lap. He smiled; of course, the only way she was quiet is if she was asleep. He put an arm around the shoulder of the woman he was coming to think of as a sister and continued looking out the window.

“You must be gay,” Karen murmured, “most guys would have copped a feel.” Dutifully, Brandon squeezed her breast and Karen laughed. “That was not an invitation.”

“That’s ok. It wasn’t a thrill either.”

“I’ll bet seeing him was.”

“He’ll never want me back.”

“Probably. But at least you can be friends.”

“Maybe I should cut my hair. Maybe if I go back to looking like a boy, it will be easier.”

“Maybe you should just chill-lax and wait ‘til he gets back.”

“I’ll remember that when you fall in love.”

“I’m not ever falling in love,” Karen yawned, “too much trouble.”

“Oh thanks. Where was that bit of wisdom when I needed it?”

“Quit moving, I’m trying to sleep here.”

Impulsively, Brandon kissed her cheek then went back to staring out the window.

* * *

“Tell me about middle school, Eric.”

He and Paul were out in the yard – not much of a garden but far enough from the street that you couldn’t hear traffic and mostly private. Paul had become his mentor and his sponsor and some of their conversations had more than pushed what was appropriate between counselor and patient. Paul had talked to Eric’s father, a long closed door conversation and had started asking questions unexpectedly. Like this one.

“What about it?” Eric replied.

“Ron said you had a hard time with it. Trouble with your grades. Acting up in class. He said that’s when they started finding the stashes.”

Eric shrugged. If there was any one he trusted to tell about Mr. Grayson, it would be Paul. But he couldn’t. He couldn’t say the words. “I was a teen. Teens act a-fool.”

“You were a good kid who suddenly became uncontrollable. They spoke to your principals almost weekly. They had to get you a special tutor. Your mom finally had to transfer to a base with a school they could enroll you in.”

Eric frowned. “That’s not right.”

“Tell me where I’m wrong.”

“I never acted up in class.”

“Ron said you were always being sent to the principal’s office.”

“Dad was hardly around.”

“He told me that. He said your grandmother took care of you boys a lot.”

“Yeah, I mostly followed my brothers around, though.”

“He said that too.”

“So then he told you all this.”

“I want to hear your version. He said that once they got you in the military school, the discipline got you in line. Is that true?”

Eric shrugged. “I guess.”

“So the school before it was fine, the school after it was fine, just this one place. What, were they handing the drugs out in the hallways?”

“It was the tutor.” Eric lay back on the bench and closed his eyes.

“What was the tutor?”

“Mr. Grayson. My biology teacher. He was my tutor too.”

“He was handing out drugs?” Eric didn’t reply. “He was handing out reasons to take drugs.” Eric didn’t reply to that either. “You never told your parents.”

“Why? They were never around. And grandma, she had enough to do.”

“Eric.” Paul actually faltered. “I’m not going to make you talk about this. Not this minute, at least. But, you need to work through it.”

“It’s past.”

“Is it? Darn. I was hoping that was part of your problem with fags.”

Eric opened his eyes and looked at Paul. The older man was grinning. “I don’t have a problem with gay men.”

“Just fags.”

It was a joke to Paul. But Eric found his relaxed mood gone and tension creeping around his neck. He sat up. “You think you funny with that shit. I don’t have a problem with fags. You wanna be queer. What the fuck do I care? It doesn’t have anything to do with me.”

Paul surrendered. “Ok, Ok, I give. But Eric, the word sets you off. Don’t you think you need to think about why? I mean, if this tutoring thing is past and done, then why you still turn to drugs when someone mentions you and gay in the same sentence?”

“I am not a fag, damn it!”

“Eric – look at you. Ok, you’re not gay. Sit down. Breathe. Tell me why that sets you off.”

He was standing. He was actually pretty close to punching Paul. He sat down. His heart was racing. He took a deep breath and held it. He took another.

“OK.” Paul said gently. “Simple questions, simple answers. Do you have a moral or religious opposition to homosexuality?”

“No.”

“Do you have a problem with me being gay?”

“No.”

Paul put his hand on Eric’s knee. Eric looked at the hand; it seemed somehow more intimate than any prior touch.

“You kissed a gay man, Eric. Do you have an issue with that?”

Do we have an issue here? That’s what Mr. Grayson had asked. He had knelt by Eric’s desk after class and place a hand on his knee and asked ‘Do we have an issue here? You seem to need some help.’

“What would it take for you to kiss me?” Paul whispered. Eric closed his eyes. He realized he was shaking.

He was shaking when Mr. Grayson invited him over that first Saturday. ‘I’ll show you what to do.’ he said. ‘You’ll like it. It’ll be fun. Just you and me and biology.’ When he got home, he started to tell his grandmother, but when he put his hand on his groin, she had raised holy Cain. He decided it was better to let the subject drop. Especially since it felt so good when Mr. Grayson put his mouth on it. It wasn’t as nice when he had to put his mouth on Mr. Grayson’s but it never took long and there was always fruit punch and cookies afterwards. And they really did study the biology too. And he did understand the class more afterward. But he didn’t think it was right – it was definitely below the swimsuit and you were supposed to tell people about that. Then, later, he thought he might be in trouble because he didn’t tell in the first place. He would find himself thinking about Mr. Grayson in other classes and it became impossible to pay attention with his boner throbbing so hard it was as loud as his heartbeat. A little weed took the pressure off; he didn’t think so much, he didn’t care so much.

When he switched schools, Eric decided to make a clean start of it. But the thoughts and feelings wouldn’t go away. Then he met LaKisha and it seemed that the way to eliminate the urges was to indulge them. After that, the problem seemed to go away on its own.

From behind them, a voice called out sharply. “Paul! What the hell is goin’ on out here?”

Paul turned his face just enough to keep from yelling in Eric’s ear. “This is not a good time, Phyllis.”

“Excuse me?”

Paul sighed with exasperation. His fist shook slightly then he stood up and walked over to the senior counselor. Eric didn’t hear the conversation; he was more confounded by the memories assaulting him. The disappointment as girl after girl was sexual but not satisfying. His experiences with them were purely physical and he never felt anything for the girls themselves. He must have left a string of broken hearts, he realized. But none of them felt as good as those afternoons with Mr. Grayson. And it scared the shit out of him. It scared him then and it scared him now.

Paul came back and sat down. “What’s up, Eric? Come on, talk to me.” Eric shook his head. He was nowhere near ready to face this. Paul rubbed his back. “I know it’s rough. I know it’s deep. But you’re going to have to get to the bottom of it if you want any real chance of kicking this. Of getting clean and staying clean. You hearing me?” Eric nodded. “Ok. Come on. You’ve got group and I’m late for a meeting.”

* * *

They sat in the Guest room with fifty or so others. Karen looked lovely in a purple dress. Brandon felt awkward in a collared shirt and tie. His hair, pulled out of his face, hung in a simple ponytail. Very appropriate for a boy with long hair. The slacks seemed to fit in the store but felt constricting now. All on top of the fact that he wasn’t sure he should be attending the graduation ceremony at all. Should the cause of your trouble celebrate you resolving it?

He looked around the room. Other people’s friends and family sat waiting for the small celebration to get under way. Finally, a large black woman entered the room, said a few words and introduced the group who completed the program. Eric finished with honors. Brandon held Karen’s hand tightly and tried to remember that boy’s don’t cry. After the short formalities, they served cake and sodas. Brandon wanted to hang back but Karen fairly dragged him through the crowd.

An older couple stood with Eric. The woman was in a military uniform. His parents. Brandon groaned internally. Hi, I’m the guy who put your son in a rehab clinic. Pleased to meet you. He smiled as Karen pushed past and threw her arms around Eric, seething with jealousy for an instant but only settling for an awkward and half-hearted handshake when he said his own congratulations. Still touching Eric at all was better than not. Then Eric introduced his parents – Mr. and Sergeant Glover. Eric’s mother gave Brandon an odd look and the boy felt like she knew everything about him in that one glance. He had never wanted to crawl under a floorboard and die so much in his life.

Not that anyone seemed particularly comfortable – except Karen who seemed to be carrying the conversation by herself. Eric waffled between uncomfortable and embarrassed. His mother seemed anxious to leave. His father just looked put upon. Neither of them seemed uncaring just like they were ready to leave clinic. Brandon couldn’t agree more; he had been ready to leave when Karen pulled into the driveway.

“So, when can you get out of here and where are you going next?” Karen finally asked.

Eric and his Mother both cleared their throats. “Well, actually, we’d planned to take him home.” The Sergeant said firmly. “We think a few days off would be appropriate.”

“I had kinda wanted to go straight back to school.” Eric said half defeated already.

“Back to the environment that caused your initial –“ she hesitated, glanced at Karen and Brandon and cleared her throat again, “-situation.”

“It wasn’t my friends, Mom.” Eric sounded like this was old ground. “I had some issues.”

“Then I’m sure we can discuss them at home. At any rate, your friend is right. It is time to leave. Where are your things?”

“My room.” Eric and his father started for the door.

The Sergeant raised an eyebrow at Brandon. He suddenly remembered that he was in fact a ‘he’. “Right. I guess I’ll go help.” He glared at Karen who stifled a snicker and hurried to catch up with Eric and his father. The elevator to Eric’s room took forever.

“So,” Eric said, looking at the wall, “How’s Ping Lo?”

Brandon nearly choked on the number of emotions the question elicited. “Uh, fine. Right fine.”

“Is she?” Eric replied. “Some reason she didn’t come?”

“Oh. Uh. She, uh, she ain’t, uh…” Jesus God kill me now. “Uh…”

“Just didn’t feel like it?”

“No it ain’t that. I just – SHE just ain’t think you wanna see her just yet.” The doors opened and Brandon burst out not even sure which direction to go.

Eric led the way down the hall to a group room where there were several heartfelt goodbyes. Eric had one bag of personal possessions. “Just what was in my car when I got arrested.” He said to explain.

As they waited for the elevator Eric’s father finally spoke. “Son, do you want to go back to the college tonight?”

“I’m good.” Eric sighed.

“Eric. I haven’t had a weekend alone with your mother is ten years at least.” The elevator doors opened. “I know you need some time, but well, it’s your life and if you want to come home, come home. But if you want to go with your friends….” He shrugged.

The elevator was silent apart of the ding as each floor went by. Just before the doors opened, Eric all but whispered. “I really don’t need Mom right now.”

“You need your girl?”

Brandon stopped cold as Eric said, “Yeah, something like that.” He hadn’t thought Eric was prone to cruel jokes like that. He’s just saying that for his father, Brandon thought. It wasn’t even possible that Eric want to continue any kind of relationship with him.

“TiTi, Come here a sec.” Eric’s father pulled his mother aside as Brandon rejoined the group. Several other families were also preparing to leave and the counselors were moving around and saying final words of encouragement.

Eric had his arms around a handsome middle-aged man with a flat top and a goatee. Karen took Brandon’s arm. “Oooh if you could only see your face. Jealous much?”

“I’m not jealous.” Brandon heard the lie in his own inflections.

“Yeah, right.”

“I’m not.”

They both smiled as Eric brought the man over to meet them. “Paul, this is Karen and, uh, Brandon.”

“Karen. Brandon. Pleasure.” He smiled at them then again at Eric. “Now, stay in touch. And you promised to send your grades at the end of the semester.”

“No doubt.” They ‘shook’ hands and embraced – an elaborate, hip and affectionate gesture that made Brandon seethe again.

“I’ll meet you guys outside,” he finally muttered and went to wait by the car. It wasn’t as if he could expect Eric to want him anymore. It would be easier if Eric did go home with his parents – then Brandon could just pretend that no one such as Eric existed. But if he went back to campus with them…. A seven hour drive with Eric. I’ll die, Brandon thought, I’ll just die.

The others came out of the clinic and headed toward him. Eric’s mother looked downright stone-faced. But Eric put his bag in Karen’s trunk and shook his father’s hand. When he reached for his mother, she held him tightly in what appeared to be an uncharacteristically maternal moment. Maybe he should go with them, Brandon thought looking at his shoes. He had forgotten how comfortable a good pair of loafer could be and, male or female, Brandon had no problem spending ungodly amounts of money on a good pair of shoes. A pair or two. Or twelve. Finally, there was nothing more to say and they got under way.

Only to stop in the same motel Karen and Brandon had shared a room in the night before.

“Aren’t we going back?” Brandon asked as panic threatened to set in.

“I’m not driving all that tonight.” Karen shrugged.

“I’ll drive.” He offered.

“I planned this, PingPing.” She said lightly. She turned off the engine and got out of the car. “I hope they have another room.” She headed to the front desk.

Brandon looked at Eric. “I didn’t know…I mean, I’ll stay in her room if…I’d better go help.” He nearly fell getting out of the car and went into the office. They did have another room. He used his credit card to book it.

“Room next to yours is available now, want that one?”

“No.” Brandon said overlapping Karen’s sweet, “Yes. Thank you.” She took the key, smiled at Brandon and went back to the car. 

Brandon signed the slip quickly and raced out to catch her. “I hate you.” He hissed as they got in to drive to the parking area.

Once in the room, Brandon’s stress almost leveled out as they settled down to watch a movie. He sat in the room’s only armchair with legs crossed, ankle over knee, which he couldn’t do in a skirt. He could almost get lost in the movie. So long as Eric didn’t laugh, speak, or move.

“Why are you wearing that outfit anyway?” Eric asked suddenly.

“What?” Brandon looked at Karen then at Eric. “Who me?”

“Yeah. What’s with all this?”

He shrugged. “I didn’t know what you wanted to see. This is safe.” Not comfortable but safe.

“It looks odd.”

“I think he’s a fox.” Karen put in. “But that’s just me.”

In truth, Eric agreed but he wasn’t willing to admit that just yet. It was odd, though. It was strange how Ping Lo’s face was lent some masculinity by the tie and strict hairstyle. Eric was not comfortable with the whole idea of being bisexual just yet. “I don’t suppose you could change?” He asked.

Ping Lo seemed startled by the question. “Yeah. I have a change of clothes with me.”

“I was thinking I could go for some dinner. We past a Denny’s on the way here.”

“Really?” Ping Lo seemed still in shock.

“Really.” Karen laughed. “It was a Denny’s. I saw it too.” Ping’s eyes shot daggers at her before she got up and went out to the car. She came back in to grab the second room key and vanished again.

When she returned, ‘he’ looked much more relaxed as a ‘she’. The dress was a casual denim piece but set off by a pair of leather boots with short spiked heels. Her hair was loose and draped over her shoulders. Ping Lo’s whole body language changed. He was a she again. SHE was Eric’s Ping Lo again.

He crossed the room and stood next to her. She looked down but he tilted her chin up to him. She. When Ping Lo was in a dress, it was impossible not to see the woman he projected. That made it very easy for Eric’s lips to touch hers again. It wasn’t long before their mouths opened and their tongues became re-acquainted. Eric’s hands moved over Ping Lo’s shoulders down to her waist. Ping Lo slipped her arms around Eric’s neck. It felt right. It didn’t feel like kissing anyone else. It wasn’t a question of male or female. It was Ping Lo and not Ping Lo.

But as amazing as it was, he broke it off when he felt his stomach growling. She hung there, eyes closed, looking pleasantly limp. “Come on. Let get some dinner.”

She sighed. “I could live my whole life on that.”

He pulled her arms gently from around his neck and held her hand. He glanced over his shoulder and then around the room. “Where’s Karen?”

“I don’t know.” Ping Lo laughed. “She couldn’t have left without us noticing. I mean, we weren’t that involved.”

Eric had to laugh as well. “Apparently, we were.” He checked the hall and then the room next door.

Karen was on the bed flipping channels and talking on the phone. She ended the call and grabbed her keys. “That was kind of quick. I figured you’d need the whole night.”

Ping Lo blushed.

Dinner was mostly the girls catching Eric up on various bits of campus gossip and politics. No one mentioned his three months of therapy. Then again, no one had an emotional break down in the middle of the conversation which was a pleasant change of pace. They got the bill, split it and headed back to the motel.

“Ok,” Karen said suddenly, “I’m going to shower and go to bed in this room so if you guys want to stay up and watch TV or whatever, why don’t you go in that one.”

“That’s cool.” Eric replied and took Ping Lo’s hand.

Brandon felt his heart pounding against his rib cage. Even before Eric knew, they had never spent a night together, alone, with a bed available. He became painfully aware of the growing erection that was pushed firmly between his legs. He went back to the armchair. Eric turned on the TV and sat on the edge of the far bed. They sat watching the pictures flicker over the screen but neither of them was paying much attention.

“Ping.” He looked at Eric, startled it seemed. Eric pat the bed beside himself and both elated and terrified, Brandon went and sat beside him. “You lied to me.” Eric said after a stretch of silence. It wasn’t what he meant to say, just what came out first.

“I didn’t tell you a lot.” Brandon prevaricated. “But I never lied. Never.”

“You never mentioned that you got a dick under that skirt. That’s a fucking big omission.” Brandon didn’t reply. “Every time I start thinking about it, I just want to get lit. Or laid. Something. Just so I stop thinking about it.” They sat in silence for another few minutes. Then the light bulb went on in Brandon’s head. He smiled to himself and sank to his knees. “What are you doing?” Eric jumped as Brandon moved between his legs.

“You had two options there. I can’t get you high but I can get you off.” He smiled broadly as he stroked the bulge in Eric’s pants. “Besides, I owe you. I promised to do this back around Thanksgiving.”

Blond hair between his knees. A firm grip wrapped around his package. He was firm in seconds and growing harder. His eyes fell shut as Ping Lo’s hands caressed him, pushed his knees further open. Her cheek rubbed against the seam of his pants. He wanted this. Even as he was terrified about his self-perceptions – was he gay or bi or just horny – he wanted this. He wanted her hand to pull down his zipper, wanted each successively invasive touch, lifted his hips to help her pull his pants down and let his fingers gently stroke her hair when her lips touched the skin of his thigh.

Brandon wanted it too. Wanted to please Eric, wanted to make him feel good after everything Brandon had done to him. Wanted the sensual pleasure of Eric’s cock in any orifice. And wasn’t above admitting that he just wanted to prove that he was a talented cocksucker. Brandon licked Eric’s shaft and felt it shifting beneath his tongue. Good Lord, Brandon thought, he’s still growing! Alex, Brandon’s only other male lover, had been fun but average in size. Eric was well past Alex’s length and still seeming to be expanding. It presented something of a challenge. Alex, Brandon could swallow almost entirely; Eric was liable to choke him. He resolved to try anyway.

Eric tasted musky, a wonderful mix of sweat, arousal and heat that made Brandon’s heart race and his own cock pulse. He had planned to take a long time, exploring and teasing but instead found his own desire to taste Eric’s seed getting the better of him early on. A kiss of the bud-like head of Eric’s cock became a lap, and then a brief suck, and then Brandon was moaning as Eric’s fingers slipped into his hair and held him there. Brandon tried suck Eric down his throat but couldn’t. The man was both too wide and too long. Brandon shivered and moaned again. Someday, if he was very, very lucky, Eric was going to apply this tool to his prostate. Brandon sucked harder and heard Eric groan in response. He wrapped his hand around the shaft that his lips couldn’t yet reach and tried again to push the mammoth cock down his own throat. He almost gagged but recognized the reflex and controlled it. Deeper, he thought, in me all the way. Eric’s sperm thundering down his throat became an obsession, the only desire in the world. He felt the head finally pop down his throat and Brandon groaned again. What was it about that that felt so good? He didn’t know and, at the moment, he didn’t care. All he knew was, to judge by Eric’s constant throbbing, moaning and vice grip the man had on the back of Brandon’s hair, he was going to cum and cum hard any second. He wanted it. He needed it. Every second he waited for Eric to cum was an eternity. Please. Please. Please. He thought with every stroke.

And then Eric swore, tightened his grip further and exploded. Brandon felt the throbbing muscle bursting but realized too late that this deep in, he wouldn’t taste a drop. He tried to pull back some but Eric’s grip was too strong.

It was a few seconds or maybe hours when thought and sensation returned to Eric’s body. Ping Lo was lapping his over-sensitive gland, forcing every drop of jizz out. After a minute or so, he reached down and pulled her up beside him, leaning back as he did so, so that they were lying together across the bed. Eric tried to catch his breath. He could feel tears in his eyes. It was so satisfying. He pulled Ping against himself, rolling her over so that he was spooned against her back. He let her hair cover his face as he lightly kissed the back of her neck. She muttered something about getting up, getting under the covers. Eric held her still and let himself drift to sleep.

I don’t want to be gay, he thought. But this feels so right.

* * *

They walked across campus, hand in hand. Eric and Ping Lo.

Things had been odd at first. Brandon did move off-campus but still wore female clothes almost exclusively. They had added oral sex to their physical relationship; more specifically, Brandon went down on Eric every chance they got. But as much as he enjoyed it, as much pleasure as Eric seemed to get from it, Brandon wanted more. Still he hesitated to bring it up; Eric always called him Ping Lo – even on the rare occasions Brandon had worn boy clothes. If Eric was still dealing with his own fundamental sexual issues, forcing the question might be too much. But Brandon was beginning to feel used when they were finished, and not in a good way.

“What’s wrong?” Eric asked.

Brandon shook his head. “Nothing.”

“You always say that.”

“Because there’s nothing wrong.”

“Is it your family visiting?”

Mom, Dad and Ping Chin, all the way in from Hong Kong because of a good airfare that month. He would have to switch between boy and girl clothes almost every day until they left in three weeks. “God! I’d almost forgotten.”

“You’re getting them at the airport Saturday?”

“Yeah, they’re staying at the campus guest house. “I’m just lucky that they plan to go to Niagara for a week while they’re here.”

“We’ll manage.”

Brandon blushed. That ‘we’ll’ always caught him off-guard even though Eric used it often. ‘We’ll’ register together. ‘We’ll’ go there one day. ‘We’ll’ have to wait.’ It made him warm and melty inside but more and more frequently was being drowned out by Brandon’s doubts.

They reached Ping Lo’s class and Eric stopped. He marveled again at how pretty she could be despite she really being a he. The pink coat, the honey hair – curled this week for no apparently good reason – she was like cotton candy. Twice as sweet. He kissed her. The biggest bonus to Ping Lo’s preference for dresses – no odd looks when they kissed passionately in public. This time when he let her go, though, she looked pensive.

“Do you want me?”

He wasn’t sure what she meant. “Do I want you what?”

Her eyes darted away and she flushed slightly making her cheeks as pink as her coat. “Do you, y’know, want me?”

Eric thought a moment. “You mean ‘want’ want? Of course. Do you really want to discuss that here?”

She glanced around quickly. “No. But I…never mind. I’ll see you after class.” She tried to pull away but Eric held her.

“We’ll talk about it tonight, ok?” He kissed her nose. “OK?” he kissed it again.

It never failed to make her blush and smile. “Stop that. OK. Tonight.” She slipped a hand up to pull one wayward lock of hair out of his eye. He shook his head and it fell again.

They parted company, Brandon feeling warm and loved and Eric feeling pensive.

So long as the dresses stayed on – so long as the clothes in general stayed on – he could fool himself. She was a ‘she’ if he never reached below her waist. He had known eventually she was going to want their relationship to progress. Hell, he was shocked that she had gone this long – almost three months since their first night together. But no one is so self-sacrificing that they never want to get off. He didn’t blame her a bit for that.

The problem was that he couldn’t face it yet. That he loved Ping Lo – no doubt. That he wanted to be closer, more loving, more intimate – absolutely. That he hyperventilated at the thought of touching another man’s…. Also no doubt, absolutely. He’d discussed it by IM with Paul on a number of occasions. Tell him, Paul advised over and over. If this guy loves you, he’ll help you work through it.

Eric grabbed a coffee on his way to class. Caffeine was a poor substitute for narcotics but it was legal and considerably cheaper. Funny, he thought as he sipped the double shot, that he only craved ‘bad’ things when he thought about sex with Ping Lo.

After class, she was waiting at the door of his classroom. He could kiss her without any stress, at least, which might be why he did so at every opportunity. Kissing her was still the thing that kept him holding on, still the best thing in life.

“Come on.” He said finally. He took her back to his dorm room, and closed the door. “I can’t do it.”

“Can’t do what?” He didn’t answer. Then Brandon realized what he meant. “Oh.” He looked around the room trying to find something to say. “Oh.” His worst fear. “Oh. Ok.”

“I’m sorry….”

“No.” Brandon stood. “You straight. Basically. You not interested in little yellow-white gay boys.“ He didn’t mean to sound quite so bitter but it came out that way.

“No. Wait. Ping.” Eric reached out to him but Brandon stepped away. “It’s not just that.”

“You don’t need to explain.”

“Yes, I do.” Eric sighed. “I want to. I hold you and I kiss you and I think it’s perfect and I want to make you feel like you make me feel and I…just…can’t.”

“I understand.”

“No, you don’t. When I was…look, just give me a little while longer and…”

“No.”

“What?”

“No.”

“No?”

“Either you want me or you don’t. If you have to force yourself to touch me, don’t bother.” Brandon moved through the door before Eric could stop him and was in the lobby of the building before he caught up.

Eric grabbed his arm and pulled him to a stop. “Will you listen for just a damn minute?”

“What’s to listen to, Eric? You don’t want me. And I’m tired of being nothing more that a – a – depository! At least Alex cared if I got off or not!”

“Lower your damn voice.”

“No. Fuck off.” He stormed out of the building and fumed all the way home. By the time he got to his apartment, however, the tears had started and he cried like a baby.

Sometime, late that night, there was a knock on his door. Brandon shuffled to the door in fuzzy slippers and his faded yellow house robe. “Who is it?” He yelled out.

“Eric,” said a familiar voice. When he didn’t answer, Eric yelled again. “Ping, come on; open the door. Just let me explain.” Brandon didn’t respond. “Ok, one thing. Just open the door for one thing and then I’ll go away if you want. I promise.”

He came all the way out to see me, Brandon thought. He came all the way over to make up with me. He didn’t want to be over being mad yet but he also didn’t want Eric to leave and never come back. He opened the door. “One thing.” He said petulantly.

“Just one.” Eric said then kissed the boy before he could step away.

It was heavenly. Brandon knew the argument was over and whatever excuse Eric had he was going to accept. He felt like a fool. But a happy fool. “That won’t work.” He lied breathlessly when Eric let him up.

He let the man in anyway.

“I love you, Ping.” Eric said. “I want you to be satisfied. I don’t want to lose you over this.”

“It’s ok. I can wait ‘til you’re ready.”

“I may never be ready.” Eric dropped a shaky hand on Brandon’s knee when they were seated on the couch. “But I want you to be happy so I’ll try.” He leaned over and slipped one arm around Brandon’s shoulder, pulling him closer. Kissing was easy. Easier when Brandon slipped a hand free and turned off the lamp. Eric let his lip follow familiar patterns and trace the lines down Ping Lo’s chin and neck.

She still felt right. She still smelled right. She still tasted like the woman Eric thought she was when they met. He still wanted her. He found the zipper pull at her neck and revealed her collarbone; he kissed that, letting his tongue revel in the feel of her skin. Ping sighed; the same sigh of pleasure that it always was. Eric pulled the zipper a little further and let his lip travel over the upper part of her chest. He pulled the zipper to where the slight V of her cleavage began. She did have cleavage. Not much but some. She wasn’t as flat as a board. Ping’s breasts weren’t quite a mouth full. Eric felt like he could circle them in one swipe of his tongue. But they weren’t just a pair of nipples perched on top of a pectoral muscle. There was some tissue there. And a great deal of sensitivity, Eric realized as Ping groaned deeply. He pulled the zipper down far enough to reveal both of her breasts and began massaging one while licking and sucking the other. Ping moaned and arched her chest against his mouth. Like any other girl would. She slipped her fingers into his hair and held his face to her chest. Eric wondered if, like his last girlfriend, Ping could cum from her breasts alone.

Or would if she were really a girl.

The thought derailed him for a moment and he pulled back, panting. He was throbbing but the fear of going any lower was creeping in. “Ping…” He whispered.

Brandon kissed him. “Maybe this is a good time to move to the bedroom.” He gasped. He couldn’t remember the last time he was this hot. In a minute, he was going to roll Eric over and take him if the boy didn’t act faster. Brandon was rarely motivated to be the aggressor but Eric was finding all the right buttons and pushing them. He pushed forward to sit up. “Lot uh space in my bed. Cozy. Romantic.” With supplies convenient in the dresser drawer. Eric silently followed him in the other room.

Brandon turned out the bedside lamp but Eric turned it on again. “I…I want to see you.” He whispered. He was trembling slightly.

The words made Brandon shiver. “Are you sure?” he was surprised he could even speak.

“Yeah.” Eric swallowed hard and then kissed him again. He slipped his hands inside the robe and caressed Brandon’s back as their tongues twisted together. Then Eric moved to his neck and shoulders and Brandon groaned. It was all that he had been longing to feel for as long as he had known Eric. It was better than Brandon had hoped but he was still apprehensive – there was still a chance that, at any moment, Eric would stop; unable or unwilling to go any further. “You taste right.” Eric moaned.

“Mmmm. What does that mean?” Not that he really cared so long as Eric kept moving down slowly.

“Like you. Normal. I don’t know.” He laughed suddenly. “I don’t know what I expected. You still taste like you.”

“I am still me.” Brandon began unbuttoning Eric’s shirt. “I’m still Brandon.”

“Ping Lo.”

He stopped. “Brandon.” He repeated firmly. “If I’m a boy, I’m Brandon.”

Eric pulled back a bit, just enough to look him in the face. “I don’t see that.” He smiled. “I really don’t. I was afraid of Brandon being different from Brandy but the truth is that both of them are just Ping Lo.”

Brandon closed his eyes. “I think that’s the most amazing thing anybody will ever say to me.” He leaned up slightly and nearly inhaled Eric’s mouth while trying to rip the man’s shirt off. Then he got started on the belt but Eric stopped him.

“Not tonight.” He muttered between kisses. “I want you first.” His fingers pushed the robe off Ping’s shoulders and he took a step toward the bed. It took them a few minutes to reach it as Ping fairly insisted on taking off his pants.

They settled onto the bed, both in just underwear. Eric leaned over her and looked – really looked – at Ping’s body. He let his hand caress her breasts and flat stomach. In the low light, they could pass for tits. Her waist was only slightly narrower that her hips but they curved slightly.

The blue silk panties bulged oddly. Eric felt his heart pounding as he slowly moved his hand closer and closer to Ping’s package. Oh God. Oh God. Oh God. He let his fingers trail down her thighs first and she quivered. The silk jumped. Eric’s lips twitched; at least Ping seemed to be enjoying things so far. Finally, he realized that he needed to either make a move or give up. He let his fingertips graze along the waistband, prolonging the moment. The outline of Ping erection stood out clearly against the fabric. Eric couldn’t think of any reason to delay; either he loved Ping and was going to do this or he was wasting his time. He swallowed hard and let his finger stroke Ping’s dick. Ping moaned and shook. He stroked upward using two fingers and then down again. The silk was soft; the dick beneath it was firm.

Eric wasn’t sure what to expect so he was a surprised to realize that he was very familiar with the firm but yielding flesh – he did have one of his own. It felt long under the fabric and he made himself comfortable with the feeling of it before he cleared his throat and hooked his fingers under the sides of Ping’s panties. She lifted her hips as he slid them down and dropped them on the floor.

And there it lay. Ping Lo’s dick. It was long and thick. Not as big as his own, Eric thought with a touch of vanity, but big enough to put to bed the myth that Asian men were small. Eric also noticed that Ping’s balls seemed unusually small and smooth, and despite the rest of his body, very hairy. Honey blonde. “So you are a natural blonde.” Eric murmured.

Ping opened her eyes and leaned up on her elbow. “That is what you have to say now?”

He chuckled. “Well I was curious. Most Chinese girls have black hair.”

Ping’s face seemed crossed between humor and frustration. “Look, either you best get back to work or Ima have ta do you.” Eric raised an eyebrow. It was the most aggressive thing he’d ever heard from Ping Lo. It was almost cute. “What, don’t think I can top you, I got a mind to?”

He chuckled again. “No. I mean, not that. Just listening to your accent get deeper as you get more manly.”

“Ima show you just how manly I can get in uh minute.” But she was blushing. “I can be uh boy if-n I want to.”

“I can be a boy if I want to.” Eric mimicked her and laughed outright. “I think this…” he grabbed Ping’s dick, “…is proof of that.” Ping’s eyes fluttered. “And what a boy!”

She blushed deeper and looked away, “Eric,” she moaned softly, “you killin’ me here.”

It was surprisingly like jacking off, Eric realized. Not that it should have been a surprise, but he had been so stressed about it that he hadn’t even considered what to expect. He used his fist and stroked Ping’s shaft up and down. Slow but strong, the way he’d stroke himself. Ping gasped. “So, you bang that girl I saw you with New Years?”

Ping seemed torn between enjoying the sensation and answering the question. “Once. Oh yeah.”

“And?”

“And what? It was ok. I only did it because she was mad at Alex and wanted to get back at him.”

“Did it?”

Brandon found it harder to pay attention to the questions with Eric giving him a hand-job. “No. She coulda did the whole school, he wouldn’t care.”

“So, you do Alex?” Eric’s hand speeded up a bit and Brandon found himself gasping.

“Ye-yeah. Oh, geeze.” He reached down but Eric was positioned so that Brandon couldn’t reach him for a similar treatment. “Couple – couple times. She liked, yeah, yeah, to watch.”

Eric’s hand stopped moving. “She liked watching you and him?”

“Oh God, don’t stop.” Brandon had been close; stopping just then was torment. He put his hand on top of Eric’s, but the man was too strong and resisted. “Please, sweetie, please.”

“Were you top or bottom with this guy?” Eric’s hand started moving again slowly.

“Both. Either. We switched.” Brandon gasped. “Usually bottom. Don’t stop. Don’t, oh. God. Faster.” He was on the edge But Eric wouldn’t let him crest.

“Which do you want with me?”

“You?” Brandon shivered. “Fuck me. Eric, fuck me, please.” The thought was enough to push him over and cum burst out of him. He moaned and then whimpered, exhausted suddenly by the strength of it. “Oh. Oh shit.” He panted briefly then forced himself to sit up and kiss a stunned Eric. He pushed forward, causing Eric to fall backward on the bed. He reached down and pulled Eric’s cock out of his briefs before fairly diving his lips on it and licking it clean of pre-cum before sucking it into his mouth. By then, he’d done it enough to know the tricks of the man’s body. When and how to lick his balls. How deeply to suck his cock – Eric seemed to get much more pleasure in Brandon’s mouth rather than all the way down his throat. He jaw always ached afterward; Eric was porn star big. Brandon was finding himself both anticipating and fearing their first intercourse. Tonight, however, was pleasure of its own. Eric was already hard and throbbing, which was wonderful – Brandon would have been disappointed if Eric hadn’t been turned on making him cum.

“Oh, baby!” Eric moaned. He slipped his fingers into Brandon’s hair and Brandon shivered. He tried to remember how fast he could get it up again but couldn’t really think beyond the need to taste Eric’s jizz. Eric’s hands moved down to his shoulders and pulled strongly enough to dislodge Brandon’s mouth. Brandon moaned in frustration. “I want to try it.” Eric whispered.

There is a God, Brandon thought. Then the idea hit him. “OK. Here.” He pulled away and turned around, 69. “Now we can both play.”

The scent of Ping Lo’s dick, still wet with her seed almost made Eric retch. It took him straight back to Mr. Grayson. But then, Ping’s lips lightly nipped his shaft and dislodged the image. Mr. Grayson was nothing like Ping. Mr. Grayson always put Eric on his knees. Always held the back of his head and pushed his dick in the Eric’s mouth. Always made him swallow. Said it was a way of showing that you loved them, giving seed that way and taking it willingly. You love me, don’t you, Eric? Ping never ask him to do this and swallowed him because she chose to. Still, Mr. Grayson’s early lessons stuck whether he wanted them or not. If he loved her, he could do this.

He licked his lips and then, gingerly, stuck out his tongue and tasted Ping’s seed. It was pleasant, not bitter as he thought he remembered. A little salty, a little sweet. A little like Ping Lo, he thought and licked again. Ping moaned sending vibrations around Eric’s dick and he groaned. He tried to remember what felt good when she did it to him and tried a few things. She did them back to him. They did that for a while. Then she sucked him hard and deep. He took a deep breath and followed suit. He gagged and pulled away quickly, coughing.

Ping laughed warmly. “Not quite got that one? We’ll practice.” She went back to sucking him and Eric had to force memories of Mr. Grayson out of his mind.

He couldn’t this time, not after nearly choking. After a while, Ping Lo stopped and sat up. “What’s wrong?” She gestured to his now limp member.

“Oh. Uh. Bad memory.” He swallowed hard. “I, uh, choked when I was a kid, once.”

“Oh Sweetie!” She spun around and landed in his arms. “I’m sorry! I didn’t mean to laugh.”

“It’s ok. I just…”

“You don’t have to explain.”

“I’m sorry to kill the mood.”

She smiled. “It’s ok. Tonight was amazing.” She hesitated and looked down. “I don’t suppose you’d like to stay the night?”

The whole night. Holding Ping Lo. “Yeah. Yeah, I’d like that a lot.”

* * *

His mother was still swearing in Chinese. Brandon was catching a few words of it but she had run out of Mandarin oaths and was fairly deep into her native Kejia at this point. His father had left the house almost an hour earlier. Ping Chin was sitting on the love seat looking prim, proper and utterly stricken by their mother’s response to Brandon coming Out.

It was actually almost funny. Most of his friend thought his mother was delicate and sweet. They didn’t realize that she’d been raised on a pig farm and had a vocabulary of oaths that would put most sailors to shame. Brandon had presumed that he’d hear a few choice phrases today but she appeared to be making up new ones the longer she went on. He had almost cut her off earlier when he caught few words about ‘dark’ and ‘beast’ and realized suddenly that she was talking about Eric. But he thought that it might be better for her to get it out of her system now and talk rationally later.

Eric’s family had been easy. But then, they had totally wimped out and introduced a female Ping Lo to them. Eric was nowhere near coming Out and Brandon had no problem being a girl for them. The week in Cleveland had only been marred by his older brother’s occasional sidelong comments about her being Asian.

The Glover family had been nothing compared to the fit that Brandon’s parents were throwing now.

Finally, she began muttering, “What I do wrong? What I do?”

“You didn’t do anything, Mom.” He tried to be soothing. “I’m just this way.”

“You sister not see girl. She find nice boy.”

Brandon had to smile. “I found a nice boy too. That’s a joke, Mom.” He added before she could launch into another fit.

It was the grandchildren issue that really set them off again, this time in English and over dinner. The language wasn’t as colorful but it was apparent that they wanted Eric to know precisely why they disapproved of him. Eric was the soul of restraint and discretion the entire evening.

Still, his parents had not lost all sense of grace and decorum. They nodded, tight lipped but silent when Brandon insisted that Eric was staying in his room and not on the couch. Moreover, when Brandon walked past their room later, he heard his father say a blessing for everyone in the house – including ‘that black boy.’ Brandon figured that was the best he was going to get, considering.

Eric was already in bed when Ping Lo finally came in. She was wearing a t-shirt and boxers. It was cute; she wore boy clothes but Eric no longer saw a boy. It always surprised him when other people did. Looking around the room of black lacquered furnishings and pink trim, it was a wonder that her parents didn’t assume she was gay. But somehow they didn’t and Ping was going to have a rough week with them. She deserved a special reward.

She got into bed and kissed Eric softly. “Have I told you how utterly amazing you’re being?”

“I haven’t done anything.”

“You’ve been patient with my family; that’s a feat in itself.”

“They’re upset. My folks would be too.” Eric slipped his arms around her. The boxers were silk but the shirt wasn’t. He pulled it off her and pulled her close again. “You’re actually the one I’m proud of.”

She shrugged. “They wanted a ‘boy’ boy not me. They’re disappointed.”

“They’ll get over it.” Eric kissed her temple. “Or they’re stupid. You’re a great son.”

“If I were great, they wouldn’t be disappointed.”

“I’m not disappointed.”

She sighed and snuggled against him. “You aren’t hoping I give you grandchildren.”

“We could adopt.” Eric reached up slightly and let his fingers gently brush one of Ping’s nipples. Predictably, she sighed and arched against his fingers. “Or we could find a surrogate and father kids of our own.”

“I can’t think of kids while you do that.”

“So don’t think of kids.” Eric moved his other hand up and more actively teased both breasts. “Ping. Let’s make tonight the night.” He kissed her neck.

“Here?” she sighed. “They’ll hear. They’ll hear me, I’m sure.” But Eric could feel her heartbeat pick up at the suggestion.

They hadn’t gone ‘all the way’ yet. They had spend a few happy nights in mutual masturbation and slept curled in each other’s arms. Eric had even managed to conquer his fear of choking to finish Ping orally once. He’d been glad to do it but it was hard not to think of Mr. Grayson. Anal, however, they had put aside, neither pushing the issue. Tonight, Eric wanted to push it – Ping should have one happy memory of this week.

“I hope they hear you.”

“Eric!”

“I want to hear you.” He nibbled her earlobe and slid one hand between her legs. “You want top or bottom?”

“We shouldn’t.” She gasped as he stroked her erection to full size.

“But you want to, don’t you?”

“Yeah…yeah…do that.” Eric rubbed his own rock hard dick against her silk covered ass. “Bottom. Here.” She stretched to reach the dresser drawer and find a tube of chocolate-flavored lube. Then she slipped out of the boxers.

Eric looked at the tube for a moment. “How much?”

“Here.” She moved the sheets out of the way and squeezed some onto his two middle fingers. Then she lay down on her stomach. “Now just rub that in.” She was far more casual about it than Eric expected. He hesitantly coated the cream up and down her crack and then carefully put the tip of one finger just inside her hole – just to the edge of his fingernail. She wiggled her ass. “Deeper, sweetheart. Don’t worry, you won’t hurt me.”

That hadn’t been his concern.

He pushed a little harder and found Ping’s anus give a little resistance but then his finger entered as far as the second knuckle. It was a tight fit for the finger but the cream made it slide in and out smoothly.

“OHHH!” Ping moaned into her pillow. “Oh my God, that’s so good! Deeper. And you can use two fingers.” Eric tried that and Ping shook. “Oh God, oh God, oh God, oh God…” She whispered. Eric was shocked by how much Ping was enjoying this.

He was also shocked by how much he was enjoying it. His cock was already dripping at the idea of pushing into Ping’s slick ass. He stopped stroking her and put some of the lube on his own cock and a little more on his fingers. Then he stroked himself as he pushed two fingers back into Ping as far as they would go. At first, he simply pushed them in and out watching fascinated as the little hole gripped his fingers. Then Ping began wriggling her ass, twisting and writhing under his fingers. He could feel the walls of her canal and realized that the internal landscape made her respond. He twisted his fingers and she hissed. The prostrate, he remembered from somewhere. Somewhere, in there, was the magic spot for most men. He probed around with his fingers as Ping gasped and cooed. His fingers found a bump and she let out a long shuttering moan.

Did you just cum?” He asked, stunned by the idea.

“Almost.” She whispered. She pulled up, doggie-style. “I’m so close. So close.”

Eric sat there panting, feeling Ping’s anal canal pulsing around his fingers. He wasn’t sure how much longer he should wait – how long before she’s prepared?

She didn’t leave him confused for long. “Get behind me.” She ordered hoarsely. She twisted to grab his dick and, after stroking it a moment or two, placed the head of it at the entrance.

Eric watched as the head of his cock spread wide her puckered ass hole. It looked impossible. There was no way the tight small entrance that had gripped two fingers could stretch to fit his dick. He’d had girls that didn’t want to try it – anal should be out of the question. Ping shook and had a hard time keeping her hand on him. Eric grabbed the lube and squirted more around the opening. “Oh my God, Eric! It’s too big! Don’t stop! Push, please.” She whimpered. “Oh God, oh God, oh God, yes!” 

He could understand the feeling. It was tight. Incredibly tight and throbbing around him. He grit his teeth, remembering that she didn’t want her parents to overhear. His eyes fell shut as he pushed the length of his cock as far into Ping’s ass as he could. Ping whimpered into her pillow but every time he started to pull back – thinking he’d gone in too far – she growled at him to push deeper. The hole kept widening to accommodate his length and girth. It was unbelievable to watch. By the time he felt his balls touch hers – a novel sensation in and of itsself – he leaned forward against her back and kissed her shoulders. “Oh shit, baby, this feels good.”

“Oh yeah.” She moaned back. “Now. When you feel ready, slide back and in again. Slowly.”

He pulled all the way out and then all the way in again. Ping moaned into her pillow. Then she reached back and placed his hand on her dick. It was pulsing and hot. Eric pulled out and in again, stroking Ping as he did so. Ping whimpered. He did it again. And again. And again. Each time, the ring of her ass resisted slightly then gave way to the tightest, hottest sensation Eric had ever felt. It was different than with a real girl; the lubricant wasn’t as wet – of course not – but none of the girls he’d been with were as tight. Ping’s ass seemed made to fit Eric’s dick; like anything bigger or smaller wouldn’t work right. Eric kept a slow pace, enjoying the pulsing grip with each stroke and not yet willing to end the night. Ping, however, tried to shove back against him as hard as she could, writhing her ass as she did. Her head popped up and she twisted around again. This time he was close enough for their lips to meet and their tongues twisted frantically as Eric’s hips began to take on a speed and rhythm of their own. Eric’s weight pushed Ping down but didn’t break the kiss or the rhythm. With each stroke, he felt closer to Ping, more a part of her and she more a part of him – like the act was more than sex, more than pleasure. He wanted to touch something in her, make her feel something in him that had never been touched before.

Suddenly, Ping cried out sharply and came, shaking and bucking her hips against Eric’s. He came almost immediately after, grunting and gasping. They both lay there panting.

When Eric’s eyes opened again, it was daylight. He could feel the sticky mess coating himself and Ping Lo. He could also feel his early morning erection pushing against the tight ass that had felt so good the night before. Ping’s butt wiggled against him. Was she awake or was that just a response to his movement?

He wasn’t sure so he curled his arms around her more tightly.

She responded by reaching between their legs and impaling herself on him.

It was a slower speed. They were both only half-awake, apparently. He did slide one hand down to stroke her and wondered what it felt like to have her cock up his ass.

The flash of memory caught him completely off-guard. He knew exactly how it would feel. Mr. Grayson taught him that. Ping whimpered and reached her arm up and around his neck. She whispered something but he couldn’t make it out. Mr. Grayson had muttered to himself a lot the one time – the only time – he had told Eric to lean over the coffee table. He had used his tongue instead of lube. It had felt better than anything else they had ever done when Mr. Grayson put his tongue in like that. I know what will feel better, he said. But it didn’t feel better, it hurt and when Eric told him that, Mr. Grayson stopped. But that was when he choked Eric. He may not have meant to. He may only have wanted it in deep. But it had choked – at least until it went all the way in. Then Eric found he could breathe through his nose and the bitter seed he didn’t even taste. After that, Mr. Grayson stuck to putting it in each other’s mouths and occasionally licking Eric’s butt hole.

“Oh. God.” He gasped. Oddly, he didn’t lose his erection. In fact, he found himself speeding up, pushing her flat on her stomach and ramming into her with all his strength. Ping nearly screamed when they both came at the same time. After a minute to recover her breath, she threw herself at him and kissed him passionately.

“I love you.” She panted, punctuating every kiss. “I love you, I love you, I love you.”

* * *

They stood in line at Student Services, a change of address card for Eric in hand. It made more sense, they realized, to reduce living expenses and share Brandon’s apartment. At the beginning of summer, Eric moved out of his dorm room. Now, at the beginning of fall semester, Eric was moved in to the off-campus one-bedroom. That night was the official housewarming party – Karen, Mike, Steve, Angela and Chaz. The guest list was short because the apartment was small. Everyone had been chosen, however, because of all their mutual friends, these were the only ones who called him ‘Ping Lo’ and not ‘Brandy’. Brandon wasn’t sure why that made a difference but if it mattered to Eric, it matter to him.

The line moved up and Brandon took Eric’s hand. “Are you sure about this? I mean, you’ll be kinda of stuck if things don’t work out.” Eric frowned. “I don’t want you to do this if you’re not sure. I don’t want to rush you. Maybe this is a bad idea.” Eric’s frown deepened and Brandon began to really worry. “We can go back to the Housing Office. Maybe your room hasn’t been re-assigned yet.” The line moved up and suddenly, they were next. “Wait uh minute, now. Let’s think ‘bout this.”

Eric looked at him. “Are you going to be this panicky every time we take a step or is this just a phase?” Brandon opened his mouth but no response could squeeze past his nerves. The woman at the counter called them over. “Too late!” Eric said chipper-ly and strode to the window. “I need to change my address. I’m moving in with my girlfriend.” He said grinning.

Ping blushed and looked at her hands. Eric put an arm around her shoulder. He finished the transaction one handed.

As they headed back to their new joint residence, Eric kissed her temple. “You are going to have to calm down about these things Ping. Couples move in together all the time.”

“I know.” She said. “But I’ve never lived with anyone – not like this. I want it to be, y’know. Perfect.”

“It will be.” Eric kissed her again.

They stopped and picked up a few groceries and other sundries. And the apartment didn’t need much cleaning. Brandon stared at his closet and opted for a knit skirt and sweater set. Then he stopped. Mike and Steve were actually closer to Eric than his real brothers were. The only thing they didn’t know, in fact, was Brandon’s true gender. Eric had told them about the arrest and the clinic but not what caused the break up. Angela and Chaz had started out as classmates of Karen’s but had quickly become part of the group. These people were closer to him than almost anyone else in his life. They should know the truth, he thought. He changed clothes and then went into the living room. “Eric?”

The man didn’t look up from his textbook. “Yeah?”

“I want to tell them.”

“OK.”

Brandon did a double take. “OK?”

“Whatever you want, Hon.”

He suddenly realized the problem; he closed the textbook. “Eric, I want to tell our friends the truth about me tonight.”

“What?” Eric nearly knocked over the chair standing. “Are you nuts? Hell no!”

“But, Sweetie…”

“No! Shit! I lived with them. I’m not telling them I’m a fag!”

“I’m tired of lying to them.”

“You had no problem lying to me.”

Brandon took a step back. This wasn’t the response he was expecting. “I had a huge problem not telling you. But I was terrified of what you’d do.”

“So how do you think I feel?” Eric shot back.

“I was hoping you’d feel like being honest with our friends. Especially in light of how you felt.”

“They don’t need to know. I did.”

“How can I call them my friends when I’m keeping something like this from them?”

“You did it with me for long enough!”

“I told you that we were not dating. I pushed you away as hard as I could.” Brandon finally snapped. “You insisted. You pushed. You pursued me, remember? I dumped you!”

Eric frowned and walked away. For a moment, Brandon thought he would end their first real fight by walking out but instead Eric paced around the apartment. “I’m not ready to…” he hesitated, “…to tell anyone. About me, I mean. I’m not comfortable about…it.”

“Eric, people are gay. No one will care.”

“I care, God damn it!”

“Eric…”

“I’m not ready.”

“You’ll never be ready.” Brandon huffed. “No one’s ever ready for these things. But eventually, we should be honest. With ourselves if not our friends.” He crossed the room and put his hand on Eric’s cheek. “I am gay by preference. You just happen to be with a man right now. This is where we are now.”

“I am not telling them I’m some kind of sex freak.” Eric pulled away and leaned against the window on the other side of the room.

Brandon watched him for a moment. “Is that what I am?” He took a step closer. “A sex freak?”

“No.” Eric rolled his eyes.

“What, so you sleeping with boys is somehow weirder than me wearing a dress?”

“The dress is normal – for you. OK? This isn’t normal for me. I’m not a fag.”

“You just fuck me.”

“Ping, don’t be a bitch.”

“How ‘bout this? So long as you top, you just willing to bang whatever hole in front uh you. Not gay,” Brandon spat, “just not selective.”

“I’m out.” Eric pushed past him and opened the front door.

“We have guests in less than an hour.”

“I’ll be back.”

“What am I supposed to say to them?”

“Tell them whatever you want.” He slammed the door.

Brandon discovered that he knew more Chinese curses than he thought. He repeated the litany 20 minutes later when Karen and Steve arrived with no sign of Eric.

“Problem?” Steve asked.

“We had a fight.” Brandon muttered and swore again. Steve and Karen both elected not to ask anything more. Eric returned with Angela and Chaz in tow almost an hour later. Brandon managed not to say any of the harsh things he was thinking, just took the six-pack that Eric offered as a pretense for leaving and went into the kitchen. The first half of the evening was tense.

“Should we leave and let you two finish having it out?” Karen asked at last.

“We’re fine.” Ping said lightly. “Couples have spats.”

“There isn’t a problem.” Eric agreed.

Mike laughed outright as everyone else at least attempted to hide their disbelief.

“You really should clear the air.” Angela said gently. “Maybe an outside opinion would help?”

“No.” Eric said flatly. “We’re fine.”

“Hypothetically,” Ping said, staring at the man. “Hypothetically speaking, how much of a couple’s personal life should they disclose to their friends?”

“Only the dirty parts.” Mike joked.

“With photos.” Steve seconded.

“Only the things that might actually impact their friends.” Chaz said more seriously. “Anything else is none of their business.”

“What if someone were sick,” Everyone looked stricken and Ping gestured, “I don’t mean life-threatening or contagious or something like that. I mean like…I don’t know, lactose intolerant or something.”

“Oh yeah,” Eric rolled his eyes again, “that’s a brilliant example.”

“Ok, so you ask.”

Eric looked around the room. Suddenly he didn’t give a fuck what anyone knew. “What if I turned out to be a fag and Ping Lo’s a prick?”

“Eric!” Angela admonished, “Be serious! Ping’s upset. You should at least try.”

Eric watched as Karen grabbed Ping’s arm and they had a whispered conversation. “I need a refill. Anyone?” He went into the kitchen and grabbed several beers to disburse around the group.

“Ok, so if someone were sick or something…” Chaz started but Karen cut him off.

“No, I like Eric’s more. It’s more challenging.” She sat in Eric’s chair before he could get back to it. “First of all, it really wouldn’t be anyone business but I could see why you’d want to be honest with close friends. I mean if you trust them. I’m mean, there’s no reason not to tell them if they’re really friends, right?”

“Yeah,” Mike warmed to the topic, “but then if they were really friends, you’d have told them that kind of stuff to begin with.”

“Not if you’re totally closeted.” Angela observed. “I mean, you might not even think of some stuff. Like, I don’t tell everyone I meet about my tattoo…”

“I didn’t know you had a tat.” Steve said.

“See? And it would never have occurred to me that you didn’t already know that about me because I always think of you as the kind of friend that knows that already.”

“So where is it?”

“None of your business.” She grinned.

They talked about the nature of friendship in general and the nature of the group’s friendship in specific. The discussion took on a life of it’s own wandering around keeping secrets and over sexuality. They made a beer run and then a second beer run.

Finally, Brandon stood up. “I’m all confused.”

“You’re all drunk.” Mike laughed. “I’ve never even seen you drink.”

“There’s a lot you ain’t never seen me do.” Brandon observed. Mike was right, of course, he was pretty trashed. But Brandon knew that if he didn’t tell them the truth now, he probably never would. “So I’m confused. Show of hands. Would we still be friends if I were gay and Eric was a dude?”

“Wait, wait,” Chaz shook his head. “Isn’t that if you were gay and Eric was a woman?”

“No,” Karen was on the floor, shoes off, with her feet in Mike and Steve’s laps. “The question was if he were gay and he was a man.”

“Stop! Never mind. You guys think we’re straight ‘cause we’re one of each. But if we really were both the same – male or female – would we still be friends?”

Angela shrugged. “Well, yeah. I mean, what’s the difference?”

“I’d be a little pissed.” Steve said thoughtfully.

“Really?” Brandon looked mournful.

“Well, yeah. I mean we went out for like a week. I’d get over it but, y’know. Kinda weird.”

“Think of how I felt.” Eric muttered; Karen slapped his leg. “What about you, Karen?”

“I’d sneak a peek.”

“Yeah,” Chaz agreed, “I’d want to see that before I believed it.”

“And after?”

“I don’t know. I guess I’d be ok.”

Brandon finished his beer in one long swallow. “Good. OK.” He put his thumbs under the waist of both his skirt and the panties beneath and pushed them both down in one shove.

“Oh Christ!” Eric exploded.

The rest of the room was pin drop silent.

“You’re bigger than I remember.” Karen observed finally. No one else spoke.

After a pair of long silent minutes, Ping ran into the bedroom and locked the door. Eric could hear her crying but for once made no move to go to her.

“Well, that could have gone better.” Karen observed dryly.

“You knew.” Steve said quietly. “You knew and you didn’t tell us?”

“Not my secret to tell.”

“So how did you find out?”

“I told her,” Eric said, “when I found out.”

“Was that what that whole thing you got arrested about was for?”

“Yeah.”

“I need another beer.” Mike grabbed refills for the room.

“So she – he didn’t tell you either?” Chaz mused. “But, weren’t you…?”

“No. Not until after. Way after.”

They all sat silent for a while again.

“Should someone go in there?” Angela finally asked. Eric shrugged. Angela got up and tapped on the door. “Ping? Honey? Come on. It’s ok. We were just shocked. We didn’t know you were going to do that. Everything’s ok, Hon.”

“She blew me.” Steve seemed lost in his own memory. “How did I not know?”

“Ping?” Angela kept calling at the door until it finally opened and Ping’s tearstained face peered out. With coaxing from Angela, she came out again.

Mike blocked his eyes. “Dude! Pants! Come on, give us a break, here.”

Everyone seemed to relax a bit after Ping put the skirt back on and was seated.

“OK. I gotta ask,” Steve burst out, “were you a guy when you blew me?”

Ping barked a laugh. “I was – yes – I’m a guy. Not surgery. I was born a guy. I just like being a girl.”

“So you’re going to get surgery to be a girl?”

“No.” Ping looked at Eric. “I mean, I don’t want to.”

“And you’re ok with this?” All eyes turned to Eric. He just shrugged.

“You’re not gay,” Chaz seemed to get it. “But you’re in love with a man. Dude, that’s fucked up.”

“Thanks.” Eric snarled.

“Eric, relax. The freak out’s over. Everyone’s cool.”

“Oh good.”

Karen sat up straight and hit him again. “Ok, quit sulking. It’s out now, no one cares. Get over it.”

“I care.” He got up and began pacing. “I mean, no offense, but I don’t want everyone I know to know about this.”

“So they won’t.”

“I’m damn sure not telling.” Steve murmured. “Was jealous as shit when she dumped me.”

“I didn’t dump you.” Ping said, softly. “It’s not like we were actually dating.”

“You told me we couldn’t go out any more.”

“We went to dinner once and a movie once. I went down on you because you wouldn’t take no for an answer and I thought that was enough of that.”

“You are kind of a jerk, Steve.” Angela observed. “You did kind of the same thing to me.”

Steve looked at Karen. “Are you going to jump in on this too?”

“It didn’t bother me but then I don’t give no as an answer.”

“Knew there was a reason I liked you.”

“Can we stick to the point here?” Eric complained.

“Actually, I kind of think that is the point.” Chaz looked thoughtful. “I mean, we’re all a little surprised and it’ll take some time to get used to ‘him’ instead of ‘her’…”

“I prefer ‘her’, actually.” Ping put in.

“Ok, so no adjustment, even. So you told us and I guess we’re all ok. No crisis.”

Eric did not look convinced. Ping stood up. “Guys, maybe we should call it a night. Look, I’m really sorry…”

“Oh, no! Not at all…” the group quickly gathered their things and left.

Steve stopped in the doorway, “Hey Eric – tomorrow, you still coming to the game?”

He thought about it; he wasn’t sure he wanted to be seen in public after this. “I guess. I don’t know.”

Steve nodded. “I’ll save you a seat. Later, dude.”

The yelling started about a minute after the door closed. “You don’t know how important that was to me!” Ping finally bawled.

“Oh, and my privacy doesn’t matter?” Eric countered.

Eric wound up spending the night on the couch but neither of them got much sleep.

The next morning Ping rushed into the bathroom. Eric lay on the couch, thinking. Privacy was a real concern for him but so was being with Ping. And, as much as he hated to admit it, the gang had been cool about it. So far. He swallowed his pride and walked into the bathroom.

Ping squealed and jump in surprise. She was naked and tried to cover herself with the washcloth.

“Mad as I was,” Eric slipped his arms around her. “I thought I was gonna bust out laughing when you dropped that skirt. I don’t know if you saw Mike’s face; he nearly had a heart attack.”

“I just wanted to get it over with. I didn’t want to hurt you. I’m sorry.”

“Next time, can we talk about it before you strip in front of all our friends?”

She swallowed hard. “You’ll keep me around and risk a next time?”

“Are you inclined to have a next time?”

“I don’t have any more big secrets.” She shook her head.

“Then, I guess I’ll risk it.” He kissed her softly. Then firmly. Then moved the washcloth and kissed her passionately. He was already suffering from morning wood himself and he could feel her erection growing against his leg. We haven’t done it in the bathroom yet, he thought. It was a small bathroom. The only real option, without getting in the bathtub, was to bend her over the sink. To judge by the frantic pull of Ping’s hand on his dick, she was having the same ideas. He paused to pull off his boxers and they rubbed against each other, kissing and petting. Again, Eric found himself wondering what it would feel like to let her top. Mr. Grayson hadn’t used a lube, only spit. And Eric was much smaller then. Ping had licked him there one night – without him asking her to. She just did it. And it felt as amazingly erotic has he remembered it feeling. He almost asked her to slip her finger in, just to see. But he didn’t want to spoil the evening if it didn’t feel right and let the moment pass.

“I don’t think there’s anything in here.” Ping whispered between kisses.

They managed to get the medicine cabinet open. Nothing. “Have you ever tried without?” Eric asked, watching Ping shiver as he teased her nipples.

“Alex used to lick it before he’d stick it.” They kissed some more. “Sometimes.” A few more kisses. “There’s lube in the dresser.”

They continued to grind their erections against one another and kiss. “Anything this guy didn’t do to you?” Eric breathed.

“Nothing you haven’t done better.” Ping murmured. She pulled Eric’s hips harder against her own and covered his neck and chin with kisses. It felt good, rubbing cocks against each other, kind of like a partial hand-job. A wang job. We do this for much longer, Eric thought, and we won’t need to go to the bedroom. They continued standing there, dry humping, both of their cocks rubbing against each other’s and their bellies. Their kisses grew frantic and Eric began squeezing and teasing Ping’s tits. She moaned. “This is crazy.” They kissed some more. He pinched her nipples and she gasped. “Oh God. I’m gonna…I’m gonna…I’m…Oh!”

Eric nearly inhaled Ping’s mouth as he felt her cum. It spurted mostly onto the head of his dick, and the movement spread it around on their stomachs. It was very slippery. Eric reached a hand between them and coated a pair of fingers. Then he lifted one of Ping’s legs around his waist and coated her anus with the slippery goo. She squirmed and groaned. “Oh yes.” He got another finger full of jizz and coated the rim again. After the third one, Ping began pulling his dick down and angling it in. Once the head was in, she squealed. “Oh my God!”

“You ok?” Eric asked but he pushed in another inch anyway.

“The angle.” Ping gasped. “So big.” She pulled against him and squirmed. After a moment, the edge of her ass was on precariously on the sink and her legs were wrapped around his waist completely. Eric tried to move slowly to keep from banging her head on the cabinet. She gasped as he pushed deeper in.

Of all the things – sexual things – that had surprised Eric about Ping the one that was both most astonishing and most gratifying was how much she loved his dick. With her small frame – which really wasn’t that small when he really thought about it – but he had expected a negation of depth and speed. That didn’t happen. Ping loved it when he pushed his full length into her. And really, she wanted him to go faster than he did. He like slow, though. He liked feeling the full length of her around him. He loved the way she squirmed and throbbed and all the odd almost animal noises she made. I’m not gay, he still held, but this feels right.

Ping was hard again already. In the position, her dick was rubbing against his stomach again. He didn’t think he could bend far enough to kiss it without losing has grip on her. Instead, he attacked her neck, ears, chin. He thrust deeply and listened to her moan. “Cum.” She whispered. “Please. Please.”

“Yeah.” He groaned in a whisper back. Sometimes, he really was too deep and she was sore after. But it was always better if he came inside her. It eased the soreness somehow. He pulled her off the sink, changing the angle and causing her to gasp. He lifted her slightly and let her drop – he was strong enough for that. Use her to go up and down and brace them with his legs.

But it didn’t last long. When his arms got tired, he staggered back a few steps and fell more than sat on the commode. Ping unwrapped her legs and happily moaned as she bounced up and down on his cock. He grabbed her dick and stroked it as he took a tit between his lips. It was enough for her to cum again and hers triggered his.

They sat on the stool, kissing, rocking, and groaning. Whispering I love you’s. 

* * *

Angela and Chaz got married the first day of winter break. Her sister was maid-of-honor, with Karen and Ping as bride’s maids. Eric was best man with Steve and Mike as the groom’s men. It was a beautiful service, Eric had to admit. Especially watching Ping walk down the aisle in a peach ankle-length thing with too many ruffles and an impressive neckline. It had been a fashion miracle but the girls had found a push-up bra that made a remarkable view out of Ping’s normally non-existent cleavage. With her hair piled in curls, full make-up, hoop earrings the size of her whole head, and the ubiquitous four-inch spiked heels, Ping actually looked more feminine than most of the women in the room. More feminine and more lovely. If he had any doubts about Ping living as a transvestite woman, he didn’t have them watching Ping standing with the bridal party. The service was a bit long as the happy couple had written poetry and their own vows for the occasion but eventually they kissed and everyone followed them to the reception.

When everyone had gathered, Eric tapped his glass and stood up. “Ok, so they told me I had to make a toast and it had better be both memorable and short.” He paused as a few people laughed. “So. I thought about what to say to these two and thought ‘well, hell, and I have to keep it clean? Can’t be done.’” There was more laughter. “So I guess all I can really say is I wish you all the joy you can find, and God’s love in your hearts, and I hope you still hittin’ it fifty years from now. With each other I mean.” He raised his glass as Angela pinched him, laughing. Then he and Chaz shook hands and embraced. Then the buffet opened and the dance floor opened and the million people in attendance assaulted the bride and groom.

Eric took the opportunity to find Ping Lo in the crowd. She was chatting with a circle of women, some he knew, some he didn’t. He came up behind her and put his arms around her waist. “Hey.”

“Hey, yourself. Eric, this is Chaz’s Aunt Louisa and his cousins April and May.” The names fit; the girls looked like twins. “This is my boyfriend, Eric.”

“And are you two planning to follow suit, one day?” Aunt Louisa asked.

“Maybe.” Ping laughed.

Eric smiled. “Soon.” It had actually been on him mind a lot recently. Legal marriage was probably out of the question. But it was quickly coming to Eric’s attention that he wasn’t interested in anyone else – male or female.

Ping gave him a nervous smile. “He’s such a kidder.”

“Kidding.” He said, smiling broadly at the Aunt and cousins, “right.” They chatted politely for another few minutes then Eric led her away to a semi-private corner.

“I wish you wouldn’t say things like that.” Ping pouted. It was excessively cute. “It just makes things harder.”

“Don’t you want to be introduced as my fiancée?”

“Oh well of course. But that’s not going to happen.”

Eric thought about it for another few seconds then plunged in. “But if it could, would you?”

“Of course!” Ping laughed and looked back at the crowd for a moment. “I am so jealous of Angela right now I could scream. I mean, not that I wish her anything…”

“I know, I know. You just wish it was you in the white dress.”

“Shopping for her gown ‘bout killed me.” She sighed.

“So.” Eric put his arms around her and pulled Ping against him. “Will you marry me?” Ping’s eyes went wide and her jaw went slack. “I mean, if we can actually marry or at least something public so you can have the whole show.”

“Are – are you serious?”

“Yeah.”

“Married?”

“Yeah.”

“Oh my God.” She stared at him for a moment then kissed him hard. It knocked him off balance and he reeled a step or two before hitting a wall behind them. She only let go to gasp.

Eric realized she was crying. “Is that a yes?”

“Oh yes.” She gasped and laughed as she delicately tried to wipe the tears of joy. “That’s an absolute, utter and complete yes.” She inhaled suddenly. “I have got to find Karen and Angie.” She nearly ran back into the crowd and Eric grinned. Moments like this made it impossible not to believe there was a woman under all that.

He followed her into the fray more slowly, grinning uncontrollably. He had lost sight of her but when he heard the squealing girl-scream, figured it was them. A few minutes later, he heard Angela call him and Ping Lo to the front of the room as she announced their engagement. He happily suffered the handshakes and congratulations of perfect strangers for a while.

The Bride and Groom danced. The Bride and her Father danced. The bouquet was tossed as was the garter belt. The cake was cut. Finally, the oldest and youngest guests began leaving. It began to be less of a reception and more of a party.

Chaz pulled Eric aside. “Listen, thanks. For everything. Angie and I…well thanks.”

“Hey, no problem, man. Congratulations.”

“Thanks. Hey, and you too.” Chaz cleared his throat and looked around nervously. “Look, I know we haven’t discussed this but…are you guys free tonight?”

“Yeah.” Eric shrugged. “I thought you two had plans.”

“Our flight’s tomorrow afternoon.” He looked around again. “Ok, Angie has this…OK. Look, do you still, y’know. On the side…”

“What, fool around?” Eric glanced around as well. “No. I mean, no.”

“Yeah. Yeah. No, I didn’t mean cheat on Ping. I didn’t mean that. Do you still…I mean, women…”

“Oh. Well, yeah but, you know…Ping…”

“Yeah, yeah, yeah. Um, ok. Look I’m just gonna come right out with this. Angie’s got this fantasy about, y’know…”

“Two men?” Eric was beginning to see where this was going.

“Uh, yeah, that one too. Actually, three. And I…”

“…you wanted to see if…”

“…I mean, I know you kinda – used to – do women and I thought maybe…”

“…me and Ping…”

“…Yeah. I mean, if you’re both cool with it.”

“Yeah. Uh,” it sounded like a fantasy come true. “Let me y’know, talk to Ping. See what she says…”

“Yeah, yeah. Oh, and hey, I was kinda planning to surprise her with this so, don’t y’know…”

“Cool.” He gripped Chaz’s hand and they tried to look casual as they re-joined the party.

Angela and Chaz. Already Eric could feel the boner growing. Angela was attractive, Chaz was reasonably so. Eric had never been in a group sex situation but he was by no means adverse to the idea. The idea of ‘real’ sex after almost a year with Ping… He hoped the bulge in his pants wasn’t too obvious. He found Ping dancing with Mike and some other of their friends and extricated her gently.

After claiming a passionate kiss, he asked. “I have two odd questions for you.”

“OK.”

“First, I wanted to ask you this before you went running to brag about being engaged.” She blushed. “How do you feel about motherhood?”

“You mean in theory, right? Because obviously, I won’t be having one.” She shrugged. “I want kids if that’s what you mean. I would love to be a real mother. I can’t wait to be a real father.”

“Oh, no. You wear the dress, you the mommy.”

“I don’t mind that.” She kissed his chin. “Daddy.”

“How would you feel about motherhood soon?”

Ping drew up sharply. “How soon?”

“As soon as we can get to Ohio. Tyrone’s girlfriend had the baby but, things are bad. Ty doesn’t want her to have it and he knows he’s unfit. And he damn sure doesn’t want Mom raising it – her, I mean. So, they just want someone to foster it until someone else can adopt it. It’s just temporary. A month, at most.”

Ping hesitated. She looked torn. Then she nodded. “Of course. Yes. As long as they need. There’s a daycare near the campus and I can rearrange some of my classes next semester if I need to.”

Eric couldn’t help smiling. “I love you.” They kissed again until Ping pulled back, breathless.

“You said two questions.”

‘

“Oh, yeah.” Eric’s grin turned sly. “How do you feel about swinging?”

She blushed scarlet. “Eric! You mean in theory or in practice?”

“In practice.”

“Who?” She glanced around the room.

“Someone we know who knows you. I mean, about you.”

“Karen? Oh of course.” Ping tiled her head slightly, “I mean, if you want to. I haven’t been with a girl in ages.”

“Oh, hell yeah. But that’s not who asked.”

“Who asked? Not Mike.”

“No. Chaz.”

“Chaz?” Then her eyes went wide. “Chaz and Angela? Seriously? Oh, I don’t know. I mean, I haven’t been with a women in years and I didn’t think Chaz went that way.”

Eric laughed. “He wants to fill one of Angie’s fantasies. Tonight. Before their plane leaves.”

“So what did you tell him?”

“I told him that I’d have to ask you.”

“So what do you want to do?”

Eric shrugged, trying not to look too eager. “Could be fun. And how often do you get to act out a fantasy?”

“You want to do it.”

He nodded reluctantly. “I’m a guy, Ping, of course I want to. But if you don’t, I’ll tell him no.”

“So if I don’t want to, I must not be a guy? Is that what you’re saying?” Eric rolled his eyes. He didn’t not want to have this kind of argument here and now. But Ping giggled. “I must be a guy, I guess, then. It sounds kinky.”

“Yeah?” He made sure they had a little privacy then leaned her against the wall. “I guess you know from kinky.”

“We won’t make it to tonight, you keep that up.”

“Yeah? What you gonna do?”

Her eyes shivered shut. “Not much you keep that up.”

He kissed her again. “Have I told you how amazing you look today?”

Their lips meet again. Brandon felt like he was dreaming. The whole day had been one giant high as he drifted around in peach satin looking pretty and delicate. Karen and Angela had been wonderful all day. Eric had been Prince Charming – the proposal, a fantasy within a fairytale. Everything had been perfect. At the moment, Brandon would have agreed to anything Eric asked. Anywhere.

“I love you.” He whispered. “I love you so much. I don’t need a ceremony or a dress or a ring. Just you, Eric, just you.”

“We’ll make it happen.” He grinned.

“A-hem.”

They turned to see Steve and Karen, arms around each other, grinning. “Hey,” Steve smirked, “keep it clean.”

“You two seem to be feeling the spirit of the day.” Eric teased.

“Like you’re not.” Steve countered. “Listen, Chaz and Angela are trying to sneak out of here in the next couple minutes. They’re looking for you.”

Eric looked at his watched and nodded. “Yeah, it’s about time for all good chickens to fly the coop.”

The four wandered over to the Bride and Groom. Eric leaned in to Chaz and whispered and Chaz nodded sharply. He whispered to Angela.

“Oh.” She said casually. “We can drive ourselves, if you two have plans.”

Eric looked confused for a moment. “No, it’s our pleasure.”

Angela grinned. “Well, I’m going to slip down to the ladies room. I will see you, Mr. Roberts,” she kissed Chaz softly, “in the lobby.”

“Alright, Mrs. Roberts,” he kissed her back, “I’ll be waiting.”

Brandon couldn’t help sighing. “That’s so sweet.”

Shortly, they were all piled into Eric’s car. “Your place?” Eric asked, starting the engine.

Chaz said yes but Angela spoke up, “Actually, no. My little surprise. I got us the Bridal suite at the Bristol Inn. I know it’s just for the night but…”

“That’s sweet, Honey.” Chaz cooed. “But we still have to go get our luggage at home.”

She shook her head. “Pat dropped it off for us this morning.”

“My wife, the organized.”

For the whole car ride, Brandon listened to Chaz and Angela nuzzle and coo in the backseat, torn between joy and jealousy at their happiness. Today, they were utterly in love and Brandon truly wished them every wonderful moment of it. He couldn’t wait until he and Eric to have the same open and complete bliss.

Eric pulled up to the hotel. “Hey, guys,” Chaz said casually, “why don’t you come up for a minute. We can order a bottle of champagne and have one last toast.”

“Charles, dear,” Angela’s tone was as artificial as her smile. “I’m sure Ping and Eric are tired. It’s been a long day and they have celebrating of their own to do.”

“All the more reason to share a toast, Honey.” He replied smoothly.

Clearly, Angela had changed her mind, Brandon thought. “Eric, we don’t want to intrude. I’m sure they’re tired.”

Eric and Chaz exchanged a look. “One drink.” Eric parked the car and they all went inside. The elevator ride was silent of voice and deafening of significant looks. At the door to their room, though, Chaz stopped and swept Angela into his arms to carry her over the threshold. Eric followed suit, sweeping Brandon up.

Brandon’s heart actually fluttered. “Oh Eric.” He sighed. How strong. How, well, manly. “One quick drink,” he whispered.

“Did you change your mind about, you know?” Eric whispered back.

“I don’t think she into it.”

“She doesn’t know. Chaz wanted to surprise her.”

“OH!”

Eric put Brandon down. “You too heavy to do that for long.”

“You’ll just have to work out more.” Brandon teased and glanced over at Chaz and Angela who were having a hushed conversation by the window.

Suddenly the bride burst. “You told them WHAT!”

“Angie…”

“Oh My God! I can’t believe you told them that!”

“Angie, come on…”

“You told them? Chaz! How could you tell them?”

“Come on – it’s Eric and Ping…”

“Great! Now all our friends think I’m some kind of – of – pervert!”

Brandon recognized a cue when he heard one. “No, now wait there, Angie.” He took a step to her. “Nothing Chaz coulda said would make you more of a pervert than me.” She made a rude noise and Brandon stepped close enough to take her hand. “Now, Angie, you know we would never think anything bad about you. I mean, I don’t know what you think he told us –“

“…that I’m a freak…”

“Well, I don’t know what he told Eric…” Brandon shot both men a look and lead Angela to the edge of the bed to sit. He caught their reflection in the mirror; the bride and maid looked like a magazine ad. “…but neither of them told me a thing. So, if you want, Eric and I will leave and you can beat Chaz about the head and shoulders with something heavy.” He took a breath. “Or you can tell me what you think is so freakish. I’m here ta tell ya, that sometimes it’s worth the risk to take the dare, an’ live out the fantasy.” Brandon had never particularly wanted to be the lead, the dominant. He rarely wanted to be the Top even. But already he could feel the vibe in the room. The desire was there but not the nerve. If Alex were here, he’d have already seduced the group. I could play Alex, he thought. Now there’s a fantasy….

Angela looked up, gasped and laughed a little. “I guess you are, aren’t you?” She looked away and blushed some. “Well it is a little freaky.”

“Sexy ain’t fun unless it’s freaky.” Brandon confided, thinking of his old lover’s inflections. “If I told you some of the things I’ve been talked into, you’d never believe me.”

“OK.” She blushed a little more. “Someone has a collection of pornos.”

Brandon looked over her shoulder at Chaz who shrugged. “I’ll delete them.”

“Anyway, one of them has an actress who kind of looks like me. And there’s this scene where she’s in the middle while…” She looked away again. “This isn’t embarrassing at all.”

“Don’t be embarrassed. I mean, I’d tell you my big fantasy, but I’m sure you’ve already guessed it.” Angela made a quizzical expression. “To make love in a dress.”

“You haven’t done that?”

This time Brandon blushed. “Not some place we could get caught. You know, public restroom, bus, broom closet. Like that.”

She nodded. “Third floor of the library. There’s a little nook in the stacks. You can’t actually be seen but, because of how sound travels in there, you feel like you’re in the middle of the room.” Angela grinned.

“See?” Brandon grinned back. “We’ll have to try that. Now, if you want to borrow Eric for a couple hours, I’m sure I can scoot for a little while.”

Angela blushed again and bit her lip. “Actually, it’s um, kind of better if you stay. See, in the video, there are three guys.”

“Oh.” Brandon couldn’t help thinking of the image in the mirror. “I’m not really much of a ‘guy’. But,” He thought of how Alex would do it and stroked her cheek, “if you want me here,” he kissed her cheek softly, “I’m glad to do it.” He kissed the other side. “You are a beautiful woman.” He kissed her lips, gently, “and I would love to do this for you.”

He found himself shivering – not from cold but from the excitement of nerves. He had never been dominant, not really, but tonight would be a gift to Angela and Chaz. If they wanted to ‘play’ he would show them how. Show them the way Alex showed him. The way he should have show Eric by now but had been too shy – too submissive – to explore. He reached up slightly and began pulling out the pins keeping Angela’s hair piled on her head. She sighed softly and with only a slight hesitation, kissed him. A moment later, another set of fingers join his in releasing Angela’s auburn locks and a second set began unpinning his own honey gold curls.

He stood up, pulling her gently up with him. Chaz took the opportunity to pull the zipper of Angela’s dress and Brandon tugged Eric’s hand to move him around. The three men jointly stripped Angela of wedding dress, jewelry, shoes and hose, leaving her in a white lace strapless bra and matching panties. Slowly, Brandon remembered. Kissing, licking, caressing. He led by example and kept Chaz and Eric moving as slowly as possible. Angela at first tried to give her attention to each guy but Brandon dissuaded her by grabbing her hands every time he saw them and eventually she was reveling in the attention – in the worship – of three men.

Brandon found it was difficult controlling his own arousal and keeping track of everyone else. Hix ex must have a sixth sense for the task. When Chaz began pulling down Angela’s panties, however, Brandon pulled himself back and whispered to her, “I think your husband need to get out of that suit.” She moaned loudly and turned to fairly rip the clothing off him. Brandon moved around the couple to help, allowing Eric to step in behind Angela and continue kissing her neck and shoulders – after stealing a fleeting kiss from Brandon.

Chaz’s chest was hairy and Angela groaned as she rubbed her face against it and her fingers through it. No accounting for taste, Brandon thought and let it go. For tonight, anything works. They were all surprised when his tuxedo pants came down to reveal that he was ‘free balling’. “I don’t like ‘em.” He shrugged with a lewd grin.

Angela kissed Chaz passionately and then nearly spun to turn her attention to undressing Eric. Brandon moved to step past Chaz and help her but the groom stopped him. Chaz stared at Brandon intently for a long minute. Then, unexpectedly, kissed him deeply. Brandon jumped at first but quickly gave in and let his tongue wage war with Chaz’s. Angela’s fantasy or Chaz’s, he wondered. He didn’t care; at the moment he knew he was staining the silk panties he had bought especially for the day. He felt two pairs of hands, one light, one firm, begin undressing him and knew that it was his turn to be the center of attention.

Eric was shocked at how easily Ping led them into the moment. She had not hesitated and watching her kiss Angela had been one of the hottest things he had ever seen. Clearly, it had effected Chaz as well; the way the newly wed man was devouring Ping’s tits made Eric suspect that he’d actually forgotten Ping’s gender. Not that it wasn’t easy to do. Eric often forgot himself. The three of them slowly pulled Ping’s dress down; her bra already lost somewhere. He and Chaz were already naked; Angela was down to panties and stockings. Eric knelt down and stroked Ping’s legs as he stepped her out of the dress and then out of the 4-inch heels she had worn all day. How she wore shoes like that daily, Eric would never understand but he could not deny the sexual appeal of her legs. Or Angela’s, he realized and spent a few minutes stroking her thighs as well. He could smell Angela’s wet pussy through the lace. Ping’s heat, though was just as enticing.

He glanced up and saw the group position. Chaz was standing in front of him, alternation between sucking Angela’s tits and sucking Ping’s; his hard dick was plastered to his stomach. It was short – at least in comparison to his own, Eric thought – but disturbingly wide. Eric got comfortable and hooked a finger in the crotch of both panties. He let his fingers play against the hair and lips of both ‘girls’, surprised by how similar they felt. Of course, the obvious difference was that Angela was dripping wet. He leaned in a bit, kissed her hairy lips, and let his tongue flick the juices between them. Angela gasped. Then Eric leaned the other way and kissed Ping. It had a similar, if dryer feel. Ping’s scrotum was almost as hairy and, now that he was actually comparing them, a distinct cleft – almost like underdeveloped lips. And, with his tongue, he felt the scar tissue he’d noticed before was even more pronounced. He wanted to investigate more deeply. Later, he told himself. Right now, he could feel Angela shaking on one side and Ping and the other. And other concerns aside, Ping’s dick was rock hard. Eric let go of the panties and caressed her length. He slipped a finger into Angela. Both girls moaned. Ping’s fingers began weaving in and out of Eric’s locks and he kissed her thigh softly. There was more to his eastern flower than met the eye.

Suddenly – or at least from Eric’s perspective, it seemed sudden – Ping pulled back. “Come on. Chaz, lie down, with your head over the edge – face up. Now, Angie, come here.” Ping move Angela to stand over Chaz’s face – just out of easy reach and had Eric peel off her panties. He got the point and first teased Angela with his fingers until she nearly dripped through the lace and then, slowly, carefully he helped Angela take them off and rubbing them against Chaz’s face in the process. A glance over Angie’s shoulder showed Eric a picture of Ping teasing Chaz’s short, thick cock with the satin sash from her dress. The expression on her face was one of the most lust-filled things Eric had ever seen.

His attention was pulled away from the sight by a pair of lips on his own cock. He looked down to see Chaz kissing him. A glance at Angela showed her watching intently. Chaz’s eyes never left Angela’s face. “Do it.” She whispered and put her hands lightly on Eric’s cock. She guided him to Chaz’s lips as Chaz tilted his head further back. Eric closed his eyes as Chaz’s lips and tongue circled the head of his cock. Then Chaz moaned and the vibrations sent sparks thru Eric’s nerves. Angela’s hand stroke the shaft of Eric’s dick while she whispered encouragement to her new husband. Eric kept his fingers moving in Angela’s pussy and moved his thumb to rub her clit. The effect was too much for her apparently and she cried out as she came. Liquid sprayed Eric’s hand and dripped down over Chaz’ mouth. He began growling and bucking and Eric pulled back to let the man breath.

“Oh God!” He panted. “Jesus! Ping, what are you doing?”

Eric looked past Angela; Ping had lifted Chaz’s hips enough to lick his anus. His dick was visibly leaking pre-cum.

Angela didn’t give him time to react. She lowered her pussy and Chaz swiftly grabbed her hips and allowed her to literally sit on his face. It only took a minute or two before she was practically screaming. Ping pushed her gently and soon Angela’s cries where muffled as she replaced Chaz’s mouth sucking Eric. Eric forced his eyes open. “Baby…” Ping pressed herself against him and kissed him deeply. Her dick rubbed against his hip and he reached down and stroked it. “I love you.” He whispered.

“I love you.” Ping whispered back. “Don’t cum yet.”

He groaned. He was close. “You got something else in mind?”

“All three of us. Same time.” Ping breathed. “In Angie.”

Eric grinned. After watching Angela so far, he suspected she would love that. He pulled out of her mouth and pulled Ping forward. Hungrily, Angela grabbed Ping’s dick and devoured it too.

“Oh, m’god.” Ping groaned.

Eric got on the bed behind Angela and used one hand to tease her nipples and one to alternate between teasing Chaz and stroking Angela’s ass. From here, he watched Ping’s face as Angela sucked her. She was beautiful. And watching her get off was amazing. Eric would have thought that it would make him extremely jealous to see someone else make her cum but really, it gave him a chance to see her it a way he couldn’t if he were doing the work. He vowed to himself that he would go down on her more often – just to know that she was making that face.

Angela came again, letting go of Ping and leaning back into Eric’s arms. He kissed her to keep her from actually screaming. Then, after and nod from Ping, he pulled her back from Chaz and lay her on the bed.

“Chaz,” Ping purred, “she’s your wife. You first.”

He panted, still licking her cum from his face. “With you two in the room?” He gasp out a laugh. “This is her treat. You go ahead.”

“We will.” Ping said. “After you. Condoms?”

Chaz shook his head and climbed on top of Angela. Eric didn’t watch them for long because Ping came over and entwined herself around him. “You’re last, big boy.” She cooed.

It wasn’t a long wait. Chaz came quickly, swearing. “Shit. Sorry, Babe!”

Ping went to work again, staging the group. She took a few swipes with her tongue of Angela’s pussy covered with Chaz’s cum then, slowly, face contorted, she pushed her dick into Angela. “Oh, geez that’s so hot.” Chaz gasped. They both watched Ping for a few minutes then Angela turned her head and went to work on Chaz’s re-born boner. Eric watched Ping’s face more than her dick. He dipped his head momentarily to suck her nipples – standing at full attention. Mostly he tried to figure out what it was that made her so hot. From the waist up, Eric still would swear the Ping was a woman. But the cock that was currently plowing deeply in and out of Angela’s slit was no strap-on. And clearly, Ping had had more experience using it than Eric realized. It made him wonder, again, about letting her top him. He knew Ping had topped her last boyfriend and although she hadn’t asked, he suspected that she wanted to top him too. Was it really a risk to let her take control once?

Angela began shaking and let go of Chaz to cry out. “Oh! Oh! God! I’m cumming again! Yes! YES!” Ping’s eyes were clinched shut and she seemed to be in excruciating pain. Soon they both collapsed on the bed. Chaz covered Angela’s face with smoldering kisses.

Eric stroked Ping’s back. “Honey?” She looked up, a bit dazed. “You ok?”

“God damn, it good bein’ uh boy sometimes.” She gasped. Eric grinned. It was an odd sentiment coming from Ping Lo.

“I thought you wanted to be the girl.”

“Not right now.” She swallowed hard and then looked at Angela. Her face looked almost predatory. “Used ta say back home, girl can walk, you ain’t done.” She called out. “Chaz.” When he looked up, Ping’s expressions turned to a devious grin. “Aw, hell. She ain’t even broke uh sweat yet. Eric, lay down.”

Ping, aggressive. It was more than a little erotic without Chaz and Angela. It was a side of Ping that Eric hadn’t seen before. Eric couldn’t help grinning as he lay beside Angela. He wasn’t sure he knew exactly what Ping was planning but he was confident he was going to enjoy it.

“Ok, Angie,” Brandon said, “you best take him like that.” It was a hard temptation not to tackle the woman and do her again himself but Brandon wanted Eric to have a turn too. Wanted to see Angie’s reaction to a cock that big. Already she was a bit hesitant.

“Would it be better if I…” She looked at Eric’s cock, taking in the unusual length and width. She licked her lips. “I mean…”

Chaz intervened. “Come on, baby. You always said you wanted to get banged by some big thick meat.” He pulled her toward it. “Suck it a minute.” Angela put her mouth around it and again Brandon found himself surprised by how big Eric really was. She could barely stretch that far. That goes in me, he thought. Good Lord! Still, if he could take it anally, she should have no problem vaginally. Chaz, in the meantime, was making himself useful teasing Angela’s clit. “You look like a whore, baby, you got spunk all over your twat. I’m gonna lick it, baby.” He stopped talking and a minute later, Angela came again.

“Now.” Brandon jumped in and pulled her over Eric. He helped her get into a comfortable position.

Chaz got behind her. “Ready, slut?”

“No…” she started then gasped as Chaz pushed Eric’s cock into her anyway. “Oh shit!”

Brandon wasn’t sure if this was a good turn or not. “Angie?”

“Oh my God he’s big!” She gasped. Then Brandon felt her push herself further down and he relaxed some. “Oh my…” she moaned and pushed a little further.

Brandon glanced back at Eric. He was biting his lip and gripping the sheets. Brandon turned around and faced his lover. “Is she tight?”

“So tight.” He groaned. “Too tight. I’m not going to last long like this.

Brandon kissed him and turned his attention back to Angela just in time to watch Chaz’s palm connect loudly with Angela’s squirming ass. She gasped and pushed down harder on Eric. “Take it, slut!” Chaz growled, “Take it all!” He spanked her a few more times.

Brandon whispered in Angela’s ear. “If you want him to stop, tell me.”

“Oh, God, no!” She nearly wailed. “I love – love it! Oh God, it’s so big! I never dreamed anybody was so big!”

Brandon glanced back at Eric who was grinning. Then he moved aside slightly. He reached under Angela and brushed his thumb against her clit. She cried out and came again. Eric growled as well and grabbed Angela’s hips. With one firm pull, he sank hilt deep into her and held her there while she squirmed and cooed. Brandon coaxed them a little further onto the bed. “Chaz,” he asked lightly stroking Angela’s slightly red ass, “have you two ever done it back here?”

“Yeah.” He panted, “Once or twice.” He glanced at Brandon. “Don’t you want to…” he gestured.

Brandon shrugged then blushed. “Actually, I’d…well, she is a girl.”

Chaz looked at him then shook his head. “This is so fucking bizarre. I swear, I’m looking at your pecker and I’d still swear in court you’re a girl.” Chaz grabbed him unexpectedly and kissed him hard again. Their dicks rubbed and Brandon groaned. “I want to see you fuck her.” Chaz sighed.

“Funny.” Brandon breathed. “I want to watch you do it.” They grinned at each other and Chaz nodded slightly. He lined up behind his wife but Brandon stopped him. “Lick it before you stick it.” He admonished.

Chaz looked genuinely repulsed. “OH Hell no!” He stepped away from the group and began digging through luggage.

Brandon watched him for a moment then shrugged and knelt behind Angela. As he expected, when his tongue brushed the sensitive opening Angela nearly lost her mind. He licked gently, having to hold her to keep her from pulling off Eric. Eric’s hands joined his keeping her in place. She almost howled when Brandon actually pushed his tongue in her.

Then Chaz pushed him slightly. He looked up to see the man with a bottle of lube in one hand and a coated dick in the other. Brandon took the lube and smeared some on Angela. Then he stroked Chaz for a minute or two before guiding the groom into his bride’s backdoor. They lay still for a few minutes, groaning. Then slowly, the three began to form a rhythm. Angela whimpered. “You like this, slut?” Chaz growled.

“Yes, Baby, yes!” She cried.

“You want a dick in that slut mouth, slut?”

“Yes!”

Brandon climb back on the bed and obliged her. Angela actually slurped as she pulled his cock into her mouth. Then he didn’t hear or feel anything but her sucking him and the mind numbing sensation of her tongue and lips. Or at least he didn’t until he realized that Eric’s lips were shockingly close to his anus. He cried out in surprise and ecstasy as Eric licked him there for the first time. Brandon knew that there was no way he would hold back if it happened again. He grit his teeth and moaned as Eric began lapping and prodding his opening. Oh God, oh God, oh God, he silently chanted. But it was too much and after only a few minutes he howled and let loose, banging Angela’s mouth uncontrollably and spraying a few jets of jizz down her throat. Chaz followed suit loudly moments later. They both leaned forward over Angela and shared another passionate kiss. Brandon felt Eric’s arms constrict his legs as his lover reached around him to grab Angela. They all rocked with the force as Eric banged Angela hard for a few minutes. Angela moaned around Brandon’s dick, still stuffed in her mouth. With a deep growl and a final upward lurch, Eric emptied into Angela finally and dropped heavily on the bed.

Brandon dislodged himself and fell next to him. Angela and Chaz fell on top of them. All four moaned, groaned and panted with exertion. It took a few minutes to find the motivation to move but they slowly managed to slip under the bed covers. Brandon found himself spooned in front of Eric, facing Angela. He reached up and stroked her face. “Was tha’ wha’ you wan’ed, Sweetie?” He slurred sleepily. She bit her lip and nodded. He could see the tear welling in her eyes. “Hey! Hey! Wa’sa’matter?”

She sniffed. “Just overcome. You. Him. He really loves me, doesn’t he?” she smiled gently.

“He married you.” Brandon smile in return and wiped a tear from her cheek. “Yeah, he loves you.”

“Thank you.” She whisper and put her hand on his.

He blinked.

Faint sunlight was just breaking through the window. Angela’s head was nuzzled on Chaz’s chest as he snored softly. Eric was wrapped so tightly around him Brandon wasn’t sure if he could get up to go to the john. Which he needed to. Strongly. Eventually he wedged himself out of the group and the warm covers and crawled off the end of the bed to keep from waking everyone. He slipped into the bathroom and relieved himself. When he opened the door to leave, Chaz was standing there. His eyes darted to the bed and then his chin indicated the bathroom. Brandon stepped back and let him in. Chaz closed the door and turned on the light.

“Listen,” The man said urgently, “while they’re asleep, I just wanted to tell you – thank you for last night. It was…” he struggled for a word, “unbelievable.”

Brandon blushed and pushed a lock of hair behind his ear. “My pleasure. Really. It was pretty amazing for me too.”

“Amazing enough to do it again?” Chaz asked. Brandon looked up and Chaz looked a bit sheepish. “I mean if they…y’know.”

Brandon swallowed hard. He honestly wasn’t sure how he felt about swinging on a regular basis. “Oh, I don’t know.”

“She never gonna be happy with just me.” He looked stricken. “I mean, shit, chicks are better hung.”

“Chaz…” Oh my God, how did I get into this discussion! Brandon tried to think fast. “Chaz, Angela loves you. That’s the kind of thing you two need to work out together.”

“Yeah.” He shrugged and looked away. He took a breath. “It’s not just for her, anyway.” He said quietly. Brandon held his tongue and waited for Chaz to go on. “I’m, uh, ok.” He sighed, resigned. “Ever since you told us about…” he gestured up and down Brandon’s body, “…this, I’ve been…I don’t know, stuck on it. I just really want…I mean I love Angie. Really. Totally. And I don’t want to come between you and Eric because I know…” He swallowed hard. “Look, is it that big a deal if I want…OK. This was a really bad idea.”

Chaz reached for the bathroom door but Brandon stopped him. He was stunned. He had never even suspected Chaz of being bi and certainly never thought the man would be attracted to him. He took the half step necessary to close the gap between them and pressed Chaz against the door. He could feel the newly wed man’s heart pounding. Brandon’s own blood was pumping pretty hard. “I’ll bet Angie wants to watch me top you.” Chaz swallowed hard. “You know I’m not normally the dominant one. But we could try that. If you want.” Chaz’s eyes closed. Brandon could feel both of their members vying for space between their legs. “And Angela was afraid that she was the freak in the family.” Brandon teased softly. Brandon bit his lip and grinned. He kissed Chaz’s nose and stepped back. “Come on. Let’s see what those two are up to.”

Eric looked up when he heard the door open. Ping and Chaz came out of the bathroom together, both still nude. Chaz looked guilty and flushed. Ping looked positively excited. Both had semi-hard erections. “What were you two up to?”

“Nothing.” Ping said lightly, slipping back into bed behind him. “Just talking.” Eric turned slightly and lifted the sheet and she took the hint and moved in front of him. They settled down together with Eric’s cock pressed warmly against Ping’s cheeks – his favorite position. “What about you?”

“Trying to decide how to spend the morning.” Angela said. Chaz was nestled behind her in a similar fashion and kissing her neck. “You have any suggestions?”

“One or two.” Chaz murmured.

“So I can feel.” She laughed.

“Why don’t we do a straight swap?” He cooed.

“I can get behind that.” Eric said, although, in truth he actually wanted Ping more than Angela at the moment.

“Oh no.” Angela said flatly. “I mean, no offence Eric, I love you. But that”, she pointed to roughly his dick, “is not going in me ever again.”

“What?” They were all caught off guard.

“I mean, I know I’ve always said bigger is better, but there’s a limit. I knew you were big but that’s just – just – Ping I don’t know how you do it. Or do you?”

Ping nodded. “Oh, I do it.”

Angela suddenly looked mournful. “Eric, I didn’t mean to be…”

He grinned. “Be cool. Actually, Ping’s the only other one who ever took the whole thing.”

“I have got to see that.” Angela gasped and Chaz echoed.

“I can do that.” Eric was hoping to do it to begin with but Ping stopped him.

“On one condition. I wanna do Chaz too.”

The group went silent. All eyes turned to Chaz. He looked at Eric and Ping, then at Angela. “Yeah. OK.” He breathed at last. Angela leaned up and kissed him hard. With one hand she began pushing the sheets down.

Ping rolled over and stared up at Eric. She smiled and blushed. He was overcome for a moment. She was so amazingly special. He kissed her softly but she caught his lips and the fire lit between them. He reached down and started to lift her hips but Angela stopped him.

“The other way, so we can watch.”

“Yeah,” He panted, “Ok.” He rolled Ping over and she got into the traditional doggie position. He leaned forward and again, licked her anus just to hear her groan deeply. Soon she was rock hard and gasping. He slipped two fingers into her and she shook. Chaz offered him a bottle of lube and Eric let him squirt some on. Angela took a hand full and began stroking Eric’s dick.

“It looks like something carved for a fertility symbol.” She cooed.

Eric let her stroke him until he knew Ping was getting close. “OK, Angie, you wanna do it?” Chaz and Angela sat on either side of him as Angela guided Eric’s cock into Ping’s channel. He moved as slowly as he could, trying to block out Ping’s cries and put on something of a show for their friends. “Oh yeah, baby!” he groaned as he watch his cock slowly disappear into the pink hole. Finally, he was all the way in her and leaned against her back for a moment. Ping pushed against him and panted.

”Oh God!” She gasped. “Please. Chaz.”

He hesitated. Angela moved. She pulled him gently onto his back. She took a hand full of lube and coated his anus. She gently twisted two fingers inside him. Eric watched as Chaz’s eyes clenched shut and he moaned. This was not a first-time thing. Then Angie coated Ping’s dick. Eric could feel Ping shaking under him. Her ass clinched and for a moment, Eric thought he was going to cum right then. It took another moment to get Chaz in position under them but Eric knew when Ping entered Chaz.

They both swore. Ping’s ass pulled down and Eric willed himself to stay still. Chaz gasped, nearly hyperventilating. “Is it good, baby?” Angela asked him.

“Oh fuck!” he managed to gasp out. “Gimme that pussy, slut.” Dutifully, Angela climbed onto Chaz’s face. She and Ping were close enough to kiss and did.

Eric closed his eyes. Ping was doing most of the work, pushing herself between banging Chaz and getting banged by himself. How she hadn’t burst yet was beyond Eric. For himself, he knew that he wasn’t going to be able to do this for long. For no reason he knew, Ping felt exceptionally good this morning. He wanted to let her set the rhythm completely but he realized that he was slowly pushing Ping down, deeper into Chaz and speeding up the pace. Soon they were stacked atop each other and Angela and Ping both moaned loudly. Their voices seemed to blend as they came in tandem. The clasping of Ping’s tight canal practically milked Eric’s jizz out of him and after a moment to stop shaking, he rolled beside the group. Ping pulled sideways as well and Angela fell forward. Chaz, however, wouldn’t release her legs and continued to eat her despite her cries for him to stop.

Chaz’s dick stood straight up and Eric watched lazily – happily – as Ping moved to it and swallowed it whole. A moment later, Angela screeched and came again.

I should let her do me, he thought watching the group. She deserved to do it to him once, he reasoned, even if it wasn’t a regular thing for them. He felt his butt clinch at the idea and put it aside for the moment. In front of him, three of his favorite people were getting off – that was considerably more interesting that any lingering memories of Mr. Grayson.

Eventually, Ping’s oral skills overcame Chaz’s and he let his wife go in favor of giving in to his own orgasm. Angela collapsed beside Eric, moaning. “Oh God.” She panted. “I love it when he does that.” He leaned over and kissed her. “I suspect he loves it too.”

Ping sat up and twisted her neck. Eric took the hint at scooted over to her to rub it. She purred. They all lay there for a while, each with their own thoughts. After a while, Eric began to wonder were this left the group. He couldn’t see going back to being friends as before but he also wasn’t sure how far they wanted to take the swinging lifestyle. He leaned in and kissed Ping’s cheek. “Hey.” He whispered.

“Hmm?”

“We should get moving.”

“Mmmm.” She sighed. “Shouldn’t we give them a ride to the airport?”

“What time’s it?”

Ping twisted her head, turning almost upside down and giving Eric a wide expanse of neck to kiss. She giggled and righted herself. “10:30. Angie?” a vague grunt sounded from the other side of the bed. “What time’s check out?”

“11. Why?”

“Shit.” Chaz swore. “Up, Hon. Our flights at 1. We should already be on the road.”

Angela groaned as Chaz pushed past them all and claimed dibs on the bathroom. A moment later the shower started.

Angela sat up and grinned at Eric and Ping. “You guys are the best. He has wanted to try this for so long.”

“Thought this was your fantasy.” Ping asked.

“Well, both of us really.” She leaned in conspiratorially. “He really wanted to try it too.” She glanced at the bathroom door then lowered her voice. “I haven’t told him yet but I many have to drop out next year.” She rubbed her stomach and grinned.

Ping caught it first and gasped. “You’re kidding, Really?” The two of them squealed and Eric had the distinct feeling that he was missing something obvious.

The bathroom door opened and Chaz stepped out drying his hair. “I am not missing this flight Angie.” She hopped off the bed and raced into the bathroom. Chaz hurried to dress and pulled a shirt and jeans out for Angela as well. Ping got up and began finding her clothing from the wedding. “I’m going to reek until I get home!” She groused.

Eric got up and found his boxers. As he pulled them on Chaz sat next to him. “Thanks.” Eric took his hand and they embraced. Then they both took a step back looking awkward.

Finally Chaz laughed. “So it’s not a myth, eh? Dude, what’s with the damn tree trunk?”

“What can I say?” Eric laughed back as he pulled on his pants. “But buying pants is a bitch.”

They had to rush Angela out of the bathroom but they made check out time. Barely. At the airport, a happy round of goodbyes got the happy couple into the security line.

Brandon sighed in the car ride home, pleasantly tired from their activities. “I can’t believe they’re pregnant.”

“Pregnant?” Eric stared at him for a moment. “Who said she’s pregnant?”

“Angela told us this morning. While Chaz was in the shower?”

“She said she may drop out next year.”

“Why do you think she’d do that? You really didn’t catch it?” Brandon rolled his eyes. “Men.” They listened to the radio for a little while and Brandon began to daydream. Angela and Chaz and their baby having play dates with himself and Eric…and Ty’s baby.

Brandon sat up, suddenly alert. “Eric?”

“Yeah?”

“How would you feel about going to Ohio this weekend?”

* * *

Tyrone was taller and thinner than Eric but they both shared facial features with their father. There was no mistaking them as brothers when the man entered the hotel restaurant and waved as he walked to their table. They all hugged and sat down. The pleasant small talk only took a minute or two. Then the three of them sat looking at each other.

Finally, Eric cleared his throat, “Ty, listen, thanks for coming here. I – we – really appreciate that.”

“Yeah, well, when you called and said you didn’t want to discuss it at the house, I figured you wanted to tell me you can’t take Tyeshia.” He shrugged dejectedly. “It’s all good.”

“What?” Brandon exclaimed. “No! No, we absolutely want Tyeshia! But,” He hesitated, “well, after you hear this, you may not want to give her to us.”

“Hear what?”

Brandon reached across the table to Eric. They held hands. Once they decided to foster the baby, they knew they had to tell Tyrone the full truth. “Ty, Ping’s not actually…” Eric looked at Brandon and took a breath. “…not actually a woman.”

“What skip your bat mitzvah?” 

Brandon had to crack a smile. “Clever.”

Eric was not as amused. “Ty, seriously. She’s…I mean, he’s not a girl under all that.”

“He?” Ty looked back and forth between them. “He?”

“I’m, um, a transvestite.” Brandon said. It sounded bizarre, putting a label on it. “And, uh, gay.”

“He?” Ty shook his head. “What, post-op?”

“Pre.” Brandon said then shrugged. “Not that I ever plan to have any kind of surgery. I’m a boy, Ty. I wanted you to know that before…well, before.”

“A boy.” He said to himself. “A fucking boy.” He looked at Eric. “I don’t understand. You’re not gay.”

“I’m…” Eric hesitated and silently Brandon groaned. Life would be a little easier if Eric would just accept this one. “I don’t know. I was in love with Ping before we got busy.”

“And, what, after you couldn’t tell the difference?”

“After – after, it didn’t seem to matter.”

“Didn’t make a difference.” Ty nodded, more to himself than because he agreed. “And you expect me to give you Tye to raise her in front of – of – that.”

“Hey!” Eric snapped.

“I don’t parade around naked, here.” Brandon replied. “She’s an infant, she’ll never know. But even if she were older, I’m not in the habit of exposing myself. To anyone. Least of all children.”

“Does Mom know about this?” Ty ignored Brandon.

“Hell no. And not Dad either. We haven’t told anybody. Just you.”

“Just me.” He nodded again. They all sat silent for a while.

“Ty,” Eric started after a few minutes. “You know me. This doesn’t change a thing. Ping and I are the same people we were before this conversation started.”

“Just with a little more equipment.” He sneered.

“I had the equipment then,” Brandon quipped back, “You just didn’t know it.” Eric shot him a piercing look but Brandon didn’t care. Ty’s expression was eloquent. There was no way he would give them custody of Tyesha even for a day, never mind indefinitely. He found it thoroughly depressing. Something he hadn’t thought about before – the realities of being gay and having children. He had hoped that this would be an easy way to do it – foster a relation – but clearly, there was no easy way. Maybe Eric could find a willing girlfriend….

“You guys were my only choice. Aisha’s mom has two at home already.”

“Aisha?” Eric asked.

Ty shook his head. “I think…” He looked away. “I don’t know. Something ain’t right. She’s hangin’ with them hoodrats again. She didn’t even argue when I said Tye should stay at my house.” He paused, clearly having difficulty holding his emotions in. “She’s only come by once.”

Eric started to reach out to his brother but stopped; their family wasn’t like that. Brandon put his hand on Tyrone’s anyway. “Ty, why not come with us for a week? At least you can get away and think…”

“I don’t have a week.” He snatched his hand away and stood up. “I got to get home. You two still coming over for dinner?”

“Are you telling Dad about this conversation?” Eric countered.

Ty waved as if the whole thing could be wiped away. “I’m not even touching that.” Eric nodded.

They went back to their hotel room. Eric hadn’t been overjoyed at the idea of a newborn in their tiny apartment to begin with but he knew Ping had been elated. He knew she was crushed by this turn. He sat her down on the bed, leaned against the headboard and just held her tightly. After a few minutes, he realized that she was weeping softly. He sat and rocked her gently. “It’s ok, babe, it’s ok. We’ll have plenty of time for kids.” They sat together for the couple hours until they had to leave for dinner with the family.

Ty greeted them at the front door as if nothing unusual had happened. Eric’s father acted the same. His mother was in Dubai. Again. Martin, his eldest brother, was simply not there. No one mentioned why. Conversation was limited to weather, jobs, school and local news. As he and Ty set the table, Eric realized that he hadn’t seen Ping since they arrived. He went searching.

He found her sitting in the living room, rocking a baby. From the door, he watched her and tried to convince himself that he was looking at a man. He failed. Ping looked as maternal as if she’d given birth to the kid herself. He resigned himself. He was going to have to convince Ty to give her a chance.

“Give her to me.” Ty nearly growled, pushing Eric aside.

“She was alone.” Ping’s voice was thick like she was close to tears again.

“I don’t want you near her.” Ty took the baby and left the room.

Eric moved fast and got his arms around Ping before she burst. She was shaking, he realized, more from rage. After a minute, she pushed him away. “I don’t know what he thinks is best but I know that in our house she wouldn’t have been left alone on the floor for an hour or more.”

“I know, honey…”

“…just left, Eric, just forgotten!”

“I know.” His father called from the kitchen. “I’ll talk to him. I promise.”

Her face got very closed and very still. It was the most masculine look he’d ever seen from her. A hard, calculating look. “I’m not leaving her here, Eric.”

“Ping?”

“I swear to God, I’m not.”

Dad called again and she got up and strode into the dining room. Eric followed and Ty came in a moment behind them. Dinner was everything he expected from a Glover Family event – lively and empty. Eventually, the meal was finished and everyone lingered at the table not talking about any of the obvious issues.

“So where is Martin?” Ping asked for the third time.

Dad cleared his throat. “So when are you scheduled to leave, Ty?” he asked instead.

“Leave?” Eric looked at his brother, then getting no answer, back at his father.

“Ty didn’t tell you? He’s enlisted.”

Ping nearly choked.

“Enlisted?” Eric looked at his brother. “No he didn’t mention it. Congratulations.” He paused then picked up his glass. “Well, I guess then it’s a good thing Ping and I could pick up Tyeshia this week.”

“Yeah.” Tyrone said tightly.

“Were you going to tell us?” Ping asked shrilly.

“Ping…” Eric started but she cut him off.

“Don’t. Were you going to mention this Tyrone?”

No, Tyrone wasn’t going to mention it. Eric knew. Ty was planning to slip out of town and leave the baby with them indefinitely. It had been risky to consider taking the kid in the first place but he wouldn’t have even discussed it if he knew Ty was leaving town. Which was undoubtedly why his brother never mentioned that detail. Ping threw her napkin down.

“I guess none of you hear that.” She spat and Eric realized with a start that the baby was crying in the background. “She likely hungry.” She left the room in a huff.

Eric looked at his father and brother. Neither of them spoke. Finally, Eric got up and went upstairs after Ping.

The nursery was well appointed with a crib, dresser, changing table and other baby gear. Way more than would fit in their tiny apartment. Ping sat in a rocking chair cooing to the baby and bottle feeding her. He watched her for a moment. They were precious. They were perfect together. He didn’t really think he was ready for a family but there they were. He went back downstairs. He silently helped his father and brother clean the kitchen. Then the three men sat in virtual silence watching a basketball game.

Ping came down about the time the game ended. She called his name softly.

He joined her in the hall and kissed her tenderly. She was someone’s mommy now. “How you doing, babe?”

“She asleep. I’m not leaving her Eric.”

“Just for tonight. I promise. I’ll rent a trailer so we can take all her stuff. OK?”

Her lip trembled and tears welled in her eyes. “Oh, Eric.” She sobbed and held him tightly. He held her while she cried. He smiled to himself. He still loved any excuse to hold her. He was going to have to get comfortable with the fact that he was deeply in love with a guy in a dress.

* * *

They had to say goodbye and return to the hotel at some point. Brandon used the hotel’s courtesy computer to log in to his school records and make a few changes. He dropped his four classes and added the corresponding online sections. He could do his full course load from home. He went to his personal records, added ‘1 child’ to his family records, and updated his school insurance to reflect the same. He e-mailed his parents. And their landlord.

And tried to remember that it could all change tomorrow.

When he got to the room, he slipped into bed next to Eric and curled up on his chest. “Am I doing the right thing?” He whispered.

“We,” Eric stressed, “are doing the only thing we can.”

They lay together quietly for a while.

“You realize,” Eric said kissing the top of his head, “that this is our last night alone. After this, we’re parents. At least until, Ty gets out or Aisha comes to claim her.”

“Last night to get a good night’s sleep?”

“Last night to get busy.”

Brandon tilted his head back to look at Eric’s face. “You can think of sex now?”

“With you? I can think of sex any time.”

“Pervert.” He chuckled. He let his fingers drift down Eric’s chest and abs. Lower, through the mass of hair at the base of his shaft. Lower, down the shaft itself. It was growing firm. “Mr. Happy’s awake.”

Eric’s hand followed a similar path. “Hello Mrs. Happy.” He teased stroking Brandon. He kissed him and moved over to make more space on the bed. “You bring any stuff with you?” ha asked between heated exchanges.

“In my bag.” Brandon answered. He slipped out of bed, found the lube in a pocket of his overnight and returned quickly. “Just enough I think.”

Eric sucked his nipples, making Brandon gasp. “Hey. What if I said tonight’s my turn?”

“Your turn for what?” Eric’s hand and lips were turning Brandon’s brain to mush.

Eric rolled over pulling Brandon on top of him. He opened his legs wide, letting the smaller man fall between them. “My turn.”

“Oh.” Brandon had hoped this wouldn’t come up. It was less that he didn’t want to top Eric than it was that he’d rather Eric top him. Still…. “Oh. Well. If you want to, of course.”

“You don’t want to?” Eric looked surprised.

“I just didn’t think you’d want to.”

Eric smiled but it was a little forced. “Sure. I want whatever you want. I want you to be happy.”

“I always feel kind of silly on top. I’m not really the boy type.”

“I don’t follow. I thought you’d want to do me.”

“Sweetheart, if you want me to do you, I’ll do it. I don’t mind really. But…” Brandon sighed and rubbed his face against Eric’s chest. “I’d rather be your girl than your boy.”

“You don’t want to do me?”

“I want to do whatever you want.”

“I thought you like doing Chaz. I figured, you know. I ought to try it.”

“Well, if you want to, I mean of course…”

 

“I just thought you’d enjoy it. If you don’t want to…”

 

“I want what you want.”

 

“That’s not an answer. What do you want?”

 

“What do you want?”

 

“You’re just going to agree with whatever I say.”

 

“So?”

 

“So, what do you want?”

 

They looked at each other, at something of an impasse. Eric sighed heavily. “Look, just tell me what you want.”

 

“I want to make you happy.” Brandon kissed his chin. “What do you want?”

 

“I want you to be satisfied.” He brushed a strand of Brandon ’s hair back from his face. “I don’t want you to feel, I don’t know, used.”

 

“Never mind if I like feeling used.”

 

“Will you be serious, here?”

 

“I am being serious.” Brandon licked his lips and took a breath. “Look, Chaz was a nice change of pace and while we were in the bathroom he told me he wanted to try it. So I did it for him. And, yes, I did top Alex sometimes.” Eric rolled his eyes at the mention of Brandon ’s ex-lover and he hurried on. “But not often. Most of the time, I was bottom. I like bottom. I like the way you fill me completely. I’ll top you if you want, I mean if you really want to try it but – honestly – not just me. Do you really want to do it like that? I mean, do you really want to be the penetrate-ted and not the penetrate-tor?” Eric opened his mouth and hesitated. In that moment, his expression told Brandon everything he needed to know. “See?”

 

“No, I want to…”

 

“Owww! You are such a liar!”

 

“Ping…”

 

Brandon began twisting his hips, rubbing their erections against one another. “Tell the truth – you wanna be top only, don’t you? Don’t you?”

 

“I…” He closed his eyes briefly. “I’m trying to talk here, stop that.”

 

“No.” Brandon teased and rubbed harder. “Not til you tell the truth.” Eric grabbed his ass and held it still. Brandon cooed. “Oooh. Now just slip that big thing in…”

 

“You’re a mess, you know that?” Eric laughed and kissed him. Brandon sat up from the kiss and Eric’s hands slid down to his thighs. “Ok. I don’t really like the idea of something going up there. But I know you want to.”

 

“But I don’t. Really.” Brandon lifted his hips and placed the head of Eric cock at his un-lubed entrance. He could feel the slick pre-cum coating the tip. He pushed slightly and the tip entered the tight initial ring. He bit his lip and whimpered. “I can’t tell you how much I love that.” He pushed a little deeper. The jizz was enough to ease the huge cock in. “I want you to bang me as much as you want as hard as you want as deep as you want,” he whispered pushing deeper. “I don’t ever want to be your boy. I’m your girl, sweetie.” He groaned. “Oh God, that’s so big. I can’t believe that’s so big.” He felt Eric’s hands begin to stroke his own cock in earnest and whimpered again. It was heavenly.

 

Slowly, eyes closed and mewing, Brandon lowered himself all the way on Eric’s cock. Then just as slowly, he slid back up and did it again. After a while, he was shaking with need but determined to make the feelings last as long as possible. Eric had slowed his fingers down and matched his speed.

 

Finally, Eric pulled him forward and engulfed him in kisses. They rolled over, putting Brandon on his back and Eric pushed his knees back and spread them wide. He started with short strokes in and out leaving Brandon panting. Each time Brandon tried to goad him into faster or deeper, Eric stopped moving and crushed him with kisses. Eventually, deliriously, he gave up and let Eric wholly control the depth and speed. Instead, Brandon wrapped his arms around Eric’s wide back and tried not to scream in his ear. He was going to be sore tomorrow. It would be worth it, he thought as he could feel the monstrous cock driving him to an equally monstrous cum.

 

Eric felt the moment when Ping hit the point of no return – she was going to cum soon no matter what he did. He could feel it in himself to; he wasn’t sure he wouldn’t beat her to the finish. She was so tight, so warm, so fucking perfect. He kissed her deeply and let loose inside her. Almost instantly, he felt her jizz ooze across his stomach. They collapsed next to each other and kissed until she dozed off.

 

Tomorrow, they would rent a truck, and pick up him niece. His daughter, he should say. He knew Ty well enough to see the end of this story. He held Ping tighter and kissed her cheek.

 

She was going to be a great mommy.

 

* * *

* * *

Epilogue

Ping Lo looked at his reflection in the mirror and pondered his new figure.

He had been flat set against the hormone treatments but bowed down after pressure from Eric, Karen and his sister Ping Chin. In the end, one of the side effects had been a B-cup and hips – things that he couldn’t deny were flattering. The long black dress had a plunging V-neck that he could actually fill out for once.

He had pulled his hair back from his face but left it more or less loose. He wore his still trademark stiletto heels. Over all, he thought he looked pretty damn hot. Not bad for the mother of four, he thought, Of course, I didn’t carry any of them.

But still, he had gained a little more tummy than he’d like and was going to have to find time for a few more sit-ups. But not tonight.

Tonight was his ten year high school reunion. Tonight he would see friends he hadn’t seen since graduation. Tonight they would see him – for the first time.

He studied his reflection for another minute, straighten his hem once again and then decided that he had stalled long enough. He grabbed his purse, flipped off the light and went downstairs.

Eric was in the kitchen with the sitter. Ping could hear his deep voice giving last minute instructions. He peered into the living room. Eight-year-old Tyeshia was reading to the triplets. It had been a long legal battle with the state, but the adoption would be complete before her birthday making her their daughter in both spirit and law. The girl hushed her younger siblings; if she didn’t grow up to be a teacher, Ping thought, something was wrong with the universe.

Tye looked up and gasped. “OOOOH! You look pretty Mommy!” Three small head turn around to face the doorway.

Kennedy, Madison and Taylor. Gender neutral names for two girls and a boy. The three-year-old triplets had been one medical miracle after another.

After Eric, Tye and Ping had settled into Ping’s parents’ house in Virginia, things had gone well. They had been happy and prosperous. Then Karen had arrived in tears. A kidney disorder; it was treatable but the treatment would damage her ability to have children later. She had been hoping Eric and Ping would console her. Instead, they offered to be the father. Karen jumped at the chance. After three months of ‘the old fashioned’ method, Karen was still not pregnant and running out of time. They all went to a specialist. Karen and Eric’s test results came back normal – reduced stress and time were the likely solutions.

Ping Lo, however, was called back for more tests. An ultrasound revealed a shock. An underdeveloped womb.

A new specialist, a physical exam and a genetic test gave answers to questions Ping never ever asked. Discovery of one ovary and one testicle lead them back to Ping’s birth records in Hubei Province and the original birth certificate showing male visuals but a female chromosome.

To speed things up for Karen, they decided on IVF. Several test tubes were mixed, some of Karen’s eggs mixed with Eric’s sperm, some with Ping Lo’s. In addition, more as a test of viability, some of Ping Lo’s eggs were extracted as well – the womb and ovary were removed entirely – and fertilized. Then six zygotes were implanted and three developed. Karen was mother of two, Eric was father of two, Ping was father of one. And mother of one. The medical records showed which child was whos but the parents decided that they’d rather not know. Karen had her treatment, loitered around Virginia for a year or so, then moved to San Diego with a tech start up firm.

‘Aunt’ Karen visited often and e-mailed daily.

But Ping was Mommy and she gave all her little ones a kiss on the forehead before slipping down to the kitchen to hurry Eric out of the house.

Eric stopped mid word when he saw her. “Whoa! God damn!”

Ping turned around slowly. “You like?”

“Wow.” He grinned.

“You look hot, Ms. Glover.” The sitter, a local teen, agreed.

Ping blushed slightly. “Thank you. Come on, hubby, we should go.” She reached out a hand.

The one with the delicate gold band. The Chinese birth certificate had its own benefits. The June wedding had been one.

Eric took the offered hand and kissed it. Then he led her back to the living room where he kissed a few cheeks and extracted a few promises of good behavior. Then, hand-in-hand, Mom and Dad head out to what was guaranteed to be a night of surprises.

But then, Ping Lo thought, how is that any different than the rest of my life?