Monday night.

Something is coming. I know it. And not just because Mondays suck in general.

As soon as curfew hit I had tried to open a door. 

It’s there on my wall, but it’s jammed shut. Pulling hard on it hasn’t worked so far, but I keep trying. One more yank, and––

I pick myself up off the floor and look in through the open door.

The hallway is back, and longer than ever. I will it to be shorter. It wills otherwise. I step in, keeping one hand on the knob. There is definitely something going on. In my peripheral vision, the walls seem far away. When I look at them, they’re back in place, wood panels and all.

And something, somewhere is moving. It feels like massive amounts of whatever energy the doors drain from me is flowing by, right outside the walls.

This is too much. I back out of the door and close it behind me. It melts back into the wall almost immediately. I’m not sure if I willed it away or if it went on its own. Either way, it’s gone.

I’m not surprised when the chime sounds for a third time. At least one person must have failed to defeat their monster last week. Maybe. Maybe the chimes are going to keep coming. Or maybe this is it.

I pull out my phone, but don’t get my passcode entered before it rings.

“Where should I pick you up?” Valeria asks.

She doesn’t waste any time.

“Moon tower. Two minutes.”

Neither do I.

I switch to my uniform as I clear the fence. Then I remember that I need to check in. Back over the fence. Back through the window. I call the office on the phone in the room. It doesn’t do outside calls. It’s more of an intercom system.

“What is it, Parker?”

“Meg wanted me to check in next time the chime sounded---”

“Chime?”

“The noise, sorry. Anyway, I’m fine, so consider me checked.”

“Okay, then.”

I’m over the fence again ten seconds later.

I’m halfway up the guy wire when I feel someone swooping in behind me. I hold out a hand.

⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯

“Anything?” Valeria asks.

“Nothing.”

We’re floating a half mile over downtown, backs pressed together. It’s a little scary, and a little exciting knowing that I’m only held up there by my contact with her. She’s shifted gravity so that down for each of is toward the other, and about half strength. She says it’s easier to bend gravity than cancel it.

It’s an odd sensation. But in a good way.

I want to keep lying there. There are things to do, or possibly slay, though. I’m about to suggest we move on when I see a bolt of lightning arc to the top of the mega-condos near the river.

It’s not Helen. She had checked in by text and said she was going to sit it out unless we called her in. That means it’s most likely Tim. I feel and hear Valeria sigh at the same time I do.

“Do we check on him?” I ask.

Say no. Say no. Say no.

“We probably---”

The lightning reappears, arcing to another building.

“Should trust that he knows what he’s doing,” she continues.

”No point in chasing him all over town.”

“Exactly.”

We idly watch the lightning arc across the downtown buildings. A few minutes later, two helicopters fly over. Their searchlights pick out rooftops where the lightning had been. The lightning arcs somewhere past downtown, maybe on campus, and doesn’t come back.

A few more minutes pass, comfortably.

“I guess we should call it.” Valeria sighs.

“Something came through,” I say, “I know it.”

I had told her about the hallway, and the energy surging through, or near it. She hadn’t pressed me about the door trick, or what other tricks I might have up my sleeve. I had decided to assume she liked a sense of mystery, and not that she wasn’t interested.

“I get that you felt something, but what makes you so sure it was more monsters?”

“I’m not. I mean, maybe it was, maybe it wasn’t. But the first two chimes meant monsters. What else could it be?”

“I have school in the morning. You too, right?”

I nod.

“So if we aren’t needed to save the world, I need to save my GPA. Some of us need sleep, after all.”

I can almost see the little lightbulb over her head. And she can see the look on my face.

“Seriously? You don’t? I was just--”, she pauses, “You lucky bitch.”

Hah. So I’m not the only jealous one. Her tone is playful, though.

“I could get so much done,” she says.

“It’s driving me a little crazy.”

“Totally worth it.”

I ask her to drop me off at the moon tower, so I can keep an eye on things for a while longer.

We hover a hundred feet above the tower, weightless, this time.

“This is my stop.”

“Goodnight, then.”

We don’t drop any lower. The weightlessness becomes weight, pressing me lightly against her. Not back to back, this time. She leans in, hesitates. I don’t. When I kiss her, I see fireworks.

Not literally of course.

They’re more like meteors (meteoroids? meterorites?). My first glimpse is their reflection in Valeria’s eyes. They’re coming in almost vertically over downtown.

“You drive, I’ll text,” I say.

One more quick kiss and we are soaring toward downtown. There are five of them, trailing purple-white fire, and spitting sparks of the same color.

I text Michelle and Helen two words. Capitol. Now.

We’re almost there when they hit. The booms hit us rapid-fire, a split second after we see the impacts. The objects hit in a circle, maybe fifty feet across, on the front lawn of the capitol grounds. Five geysers of dirt and rock are thrown into the air.

Valeria and I are hovering over the nearest before the debris starts to settle.

The craters from the five impacts overlap, forming an almost flowerlike shape. In the center of each petal of the flower, a chunk of rock at least eight feet across begins to crack open.

“Maybe they’re nice meteor monsters,” I say.

That earns me a withering look from Valeria. I glance at my phone. “Michelle and Helen are both on their way,” 

Valeria points. The meteorite below us is not so much cracking, as unfolding. Fist size chunks of rock flake off as it does so, revealing shining metal beneath.

“Drop me there,” I point to a spot about twenty feet from the meteorite.

Valeria looks dubious.

“I’m not doing any good floating up here.”

“Be careful.”

One more quick kiss and I’m in the zone and falling. Then I’m slowing; Valeria is trying to give me a soft landing; but I can handle myself. I’m not sure how, but I pull free from her effect, and drop the last twenty feet or so in normal (for me) gravity.

I roll to my feet with Molly already spinning.

In front of me the meteor finishes unfolding into a metallic crab shaped thing. Its central body is eight feet across, maybe five feet high in the center. Eight of its legs end in pointed feet that looked like they could slice through steel girders. Two more legs, or arms, wave around at the front. One ends in a pinching claw, the other in an open tube. That one worries me.

It doesn’t have any visible eyes, but it’s looking at me. I can’t say how I know that, but I know. Like I know to dodge out of the way as the tube-arm swings toward me and fires a beam of purplish white light.

I roll to my feet and get Molly spinning again. Three running steps and a leap, and I’m airborne, sailing toward the monster. A quick glance lets me know that the beam didn’t hit anything important. Just the monument to Confederate soldiers. No loss there.

I see three of the others moving across the capitol grounds toward downtown. That is not okay. It’s a weeknight, so it isn’t super crowded, but there are still a lot of people in harm’s way. The fourth is moving almost straight up at speed. Go Valeria! From the way it’s spinning, she must be applying gravity unevenly. I hope that keeps it from taking aim with its energy weapon.

I’m mid-arc, about ten feet over the body of my monster. It turns, bringing its energy weapon to bear on me again, but I’m ready for it. As I near the ground, I lash out with Molly. I have a goal and I know exactly what I need to do to achieve it. The chain whips under one of the legs and back up, to wind itself around the end of the tube-arm. At the same time, I send the other weighted end flying out the opposite direction. The weird light is building when I let the counterweight reach the end of the chain, and grow it to wrecking ball size. The momentum yanks the weapon down right as it fires.

The purple-white beam shoots past me, not even close. The explosion behind me tells me I hit my target, and a quick glance confirms it. One of the monsters behind me collapses to the ground, a two foot hole blasted through its metal shell.

I pull Molly free and roll to my feet yet again. The two left heading into the city have slowed. Probably coming back this way. Good. Valeria’s target is decelerating. I’m sure it will be headed back down to Earth any second. No need to worry about that one. I just need to keep the three on the ground busy until the cavalry arrives.

I keep moving away from the crab-thing that attacked me. Its energy-cannon arm flails wildly. I guess I broke something. Good. The other two crab-things do not have that problem. They both keep trying to line up on me, but I keep moving. My plan is to try to keep myself in a line between them, to keep the energy cannons out of play.

In the meantime, I pound on them with Molly and hope to do some damage.

It mostly works. Several holes in the pavement, and a small divot in the capitol dome later, one of them collapses in a shower of sparks and shards on a final hit from my wrecking ball. Valeria had come this close to hitting one of the others with her first victim. Still, that leaves us with only two.

It’s been almost two minutes since the initial impact, and capitol police are moving in. This needs to be over before they get themselves in trouble.

It’s time to use the energy-cannon of one of them against the other. It worked once, after all. I take a slightly different approach this time. I leap onto the back of the nearest one. From here, it’s easy enough to dodge both arms.

At the same time, Valeria turns her attention to the other one. It falls upward.

I don’t realize what mine is doing until almost too late. It must have figured out what is happening to the other one, because while I duck under the pincer, the energy cannon points past me, straight at Valeria.

I don’t have time to think. The cannons only take a fraction of a second to build up a charge and fire. I jump, and shove my arm into the opening.

The explosion throws me clear. As I hurtle across the capitol grounds, I wonder why my arm doesn’t hurt. I try to look, but that half of the world is gone. I try to position myself to roll when I hit the ground. At least absorb some of the impact. I catch a glimpse of where my arm should be.

I do not land gracefully.

I also don’t lose consciousness. That’s too bad. The pain is already starting to come. There’s Valeria looking concerned. She’s shouting something, but the explosion has left my ears ringing. Or maybe that’s shock. I can’t think clearly. I wonder where the other crab-thing is. There’s one left, isn’t there? I need to get up and do something about that.

Or I can just lie here. Yeah. That will probably work, too.

The world goes away for a moment. It comes back though. Now with more people.

“I don’t see how she’s still alive,” somebody says. Probably one of those paramedics leaning over me.

That sounds bad. I hope whoever it is will be okay. I can see Valeria. She looks scared, but not hurt, so I know she’s okay. That’s good. She keeps glancing at me, then looking away quickly, though. What’s that all about?

Oh yeah, my arm. That’s no problem. It has gotten hurt before. All I have to do is . . .

Is what? Something I don’t want to do. I know that much. I just have to . . .

Crap. For a second, my mind almost clears. I’m still in a fog, pain and shock mixing together. But I can sense people all around. Paramedics. Cops trying to keep back a crowd with their phones out, taking video for their blogs, or twitter. And I know what I have to do. In front of all these people. I can feel the fog rolling back in, and I don’t know if I’ll get another chance. I focus every ounce of will I can, hoping no one gets a clear shot. I twist the world.

Welcome back Parker 1.0. Fresh as a daisy. At least on the outside. I’m drained, though. Like when I held open the door. Now to turn back to the real me.

Or not. I can’t pull or push, or whatever it was, hard enough. I don’t have the energy. I’m stuck. Stuck as Parker 1.0. I can see Valeria, a look of shock on her face.

I panic.

I’m on my feet in an instant and running. The energy is there for a burst of speed, so I’m clear of the crowd before anyone can react. From there I stay under cover as much as I can. Trees. Awnings. Anything to hide me.

I’m almost three quarters of the way home before I start slowing. And boy do I slow. The last quarter takes me as long as the first three. I have to climb over the fence, instead of jumping. I creep to the bathroom window. The bathroom window that I can not possibly fit through now.

Somehow I make it to my front door without anyone noticing my hulking form. If we locked our doors, I don’t know what would have happened. As it is, I slip into my room.

I sit on the edge of my bed. I try again to change back to the real me.

Nothing.

I am such an idiot. I didn’t need to change back to this, this, thing. I could have just changed to me, unhurt. It would probably have taken just as much energy, but I’d still be me.

I have to be able to change back. Okay, I’m low on energy, that’s all. If I lie down to rest for a couple of hours, everything will be fine except the look on Valeria’s face. I need to calm down and not remember the sight of my arm, gone. Just wait.

I try again to change back. It isn’t a muscle, the power to shift. I don’t know what I’m straining, but I can feel it. The strength has to be there. I can’t live like this. Not again. I push, or pull, or whatever. And again. Harder. I’m dying. Even more than when I was lying on the ground, broken. I push harder.

And then the world goes away.

⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯

I come to on the floor.

I’m myself. The real me, not Parker 1.0! I’m even wearing my favorite sun dress. That won’t do. I wore it Friday. It’s way too soon to wear it again. Just a quick---

Crap. Still wearing the sundress.

Deep breaths. I don’t even bother trying again. I know it won’t work.

Deep breath. Okay. This I can live with. As long as I’m me, anything else is gravy. There is a clothing allowance at Promise, if it comes to that. Who knows, maybe I’ll like shopping? Deep breath. Besides, it’s not gone. I can feel the power lurking.

I pull Molly through my fingers. Try to stretch the chain. Change it in any way. Nothing. The chain is warm from my skin, but nothing else. Deep breath.

I jump and the top of my head brushes the ceiling. Good. Not gone, just weakened. Strained. It will be back. Deep breaths.

⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯

Breakfast is fine. Left arm still there. Good. The lack of internet saves me from having to talk about it. No one here knows yet. I don’t think about it. I’d left Molly sitting on my bedside table. I don’t want to feel the chain hanging inert around my neck.

The usual gang is at Table D, discussing the usual things. Still a girl. Good. The food is the usual. The usual plans are made for after school.

“I’ll have the new sketches done by dinner tonight,” Cindy says, “Want to come by and try them out?”

“Sure.”

We finish at the usual time. I touch my cheek. Still there. Good.

“Want to talk about it?”

Cindy catches up with me on the way back to my room to get my school books.

I can’t look her in the eye.

“Maybe later.”

“We’ve got fifteen minutes until the bus. Come get me if you change your mind.”

I should talk to her. To somebody.

I continue to my room and stare at a book for fifteen minutes

The ride to school is a blur. All body parts present and accounted for.

First period is weird. People keep looking at me funny. Tammy asks me if I’m okay. Of course I’m okay. I’m completely healthy. In the body I belong in. Why would I not be okay? I nod to her.

When I turn on my phone between classes, there’s a text for me from Meg.

• I’ll be there at 10:35 to pick you up.

So, she’s seen the videos. Or pictures. Whatever is out there.

• Don't I'm fine.

Damn. Not supposed to lie. Oh well.

• You should be home, resting, talking to someone. I’m on my way.
• Please, no.
• Be outside. I’ve already told the office there’s an emergency.

I walk out to the curb. Meg is there waiting by her car. When she sees me her face goes pale. She rushes over and picks me up in a hug.

Meg’s office is wrong. It was such a friendly and inviting place. Now it isn’t. I can’t tell what’s changed, though. It really isn’t worth the effort.

“You’re lucky to be alive,” Meg says.

“I guess.”

“There’s something I have to ask. Please think carefully before you answer.”

I shrug. The initial lack of pain. That brief moment of hope that I’d just been thrown clear.

“Why did you do what you did?”

“It was going to kill Valeria.”

“You don’t know that.”

She’s wrong. I do know that. I knew it, exactly the same way I had known just how to move, just where to dodge in both big fights I’d been in. I can see something white through the charred mess of my left side as I fly through the air.

I shrug.

“What are you feeling right now?”

Nothing.

“Just the usual, I guess.”

“What are you thinking about?”

Half the world missing. Half of me missing. The look of horror on Valeria’s face when she looks at me on the ground. The look of shock on her face when I change. Not being able to change back. Looking for my arm and finding nothing.

“Nothing.”

“I thought you didn’t want to lie anymore?”

Damn it. Cheater. Fine. She wants to hear it. She’ll hear it.

“I didn’t even feel the explosion,” I start, “For an instant, I thought I’d been thrown clear safely.”

I tell her everything. The confusion. The shock. The pain. Every detail I can dredge up. The glimpse of white. The sudden return of clarity when I finally changed. The shock of being stuck, and seeing Valeria’s reaction. The fear of being trapped in my old body again. My fear of losing my new abilities. My guilt.

“What do you have to feel guilty about?”

“My life. Everything.”

“Why is that?”

“If I had stayed stuck. Never been able to be this me again, what would you have done?”

“The same things we do for all of our kids. The same things we’re doing for you now.”

“If I had wanted to transition, would you have helped me with that?”

“We would have had to follow the rules, go through the steps with therapy, and counseling, but yes, we would have. Of course.”

“I know that. I knew that. And I risked dying using this ability I don’t understand rather than risk having to go through that. What does that make me?”

“It makes you human. Nothing that has happened to you has made you any less human.”

I shake my head.

“It makes me a coward.”

“Do you have any idea how many of us commit suicide? Because we refuse to make ourselves fit in the world? Because of the relentless crushing weight of a world that won’t accept who we are? Because of the unending parade of cruelties, big and small, that just won’t stop?”

I don’t say anything.

“Are you calling them cowards?”

“No.”

She stands up.

“Every time one of us goes under the knife because that’s what they need to make their body what it is supposed to be, what they need it to be, they might die. Are you calling them cowards?”

“No.”

“Flirting with the wrong person can get us insulted, abused, even killed. But some of us keep trying, keep putting ourselves out there because that’s who we are! Are we cowards?”

“I’m---”

“Every one of us faces death every day, and if we take the risk to be closer to the person who we need to be, nobody, I mean nobody, gets to judge us. So if you really want to judge yourself a coward, go ahead. But nobody else gets to.”

I cry.

A lot.

There may be hugs. In the midst of it, I feel a warmth around my neck. Molly is back, and so am I.

I know it isn’t over. Meg talks to me about post traumatic stress disorder, and the signs I should watch out for. She suggests I keep trying meditation, but we’ll check in daily for a few days, and if medication seems in order, we’ll try that. I hate dealing with meds, but they have helped me before, so I’ll trust Meg and Mike on them.

I try to convince myself that if my abilities hadn’t come back, if I’d become a normal teenage girl, I would have been fine with that. I probably would have been eventually. But I’m grateful that I won’t have to.

That night when I walk into the dining room, everyone turns. Everyone stares. Well, everyone except Kelly. I know they will have all seen videos and pictures by now, so I’m not exactly surprised.

I’m actually sort of prepared. I’m wearing a flannel shirt over a cami top. More Kristen’s style than mine, but it works for my purposes. I make a point of taking off the flannel shirt, exposing my perfectly existent arm. A sundress would have showed off my arms just as well, but a flannel over a sundress? There are some things even I won’t do.

I give a little turn to give everyone a good look, before joining the gang.

“Let me make one thing perfectly clear,” I announce, “I have not seen the videos or the pictures. I do not want to see them. If you show them to me, I will insert the device you show them to me on somewhere that, while you might enjoy it briefly, will lead to no end of trouble. Understood?”

“Wow, the drama,” says Sebastian.

“Nice shirt, ” Kristen says.

“It must have cost you an---”

Sebastian cuts Henry off with a shove.

We mostly talk about other random crap. The Halloween party comes up a couple of times. But they (okay, Kelly and Cindy) make sure I have openings to talk about it, if I want.

“I was going to see if you wanted to hang out tomorrow afternoon, but I’m guessing you’ll be busy?” Cindy says

“For a while,” I reply, “I’m going to need so much therapy that they’re scheduling me for sessions with Dawn during Mike’s meaningful pauses.”

What? No laughs? Aren’t they supposed to be supportive and laugh at all my jokes right now? Just blank stares. Perfect.

I love these guys.