I slammed my apartment door shut behind me, and the voices finally stopped. Without warning, my eyes become teary as I leaned back and slumped down against the same door. I brought my knees to my chest and hugged them very tightly. After planted my face between my knees, the tears that I've been holding on finally dripped down my cheeks and splashed against the wooden floor.

I heard knocking on my door, probably my landlord, Madam Everton, "Are you okay?" She usually a grumpy old woman, but I know why she's here. It's because I ran past her naked and on the verge of crying.

My lips trembled, I took a deep breath and with a slightly broken voice, "I'm fine, leave me alone." After my replied, I heard her footsteps getting further until there were no more.

I raised my sight to one of the two things that I have in my apartment, a lockbox. Besides the box itself, there is a single futon with a blanket lay on top of it, far away from the box. Both of those items are placed at the start and the end of the room. This apartment isn't that big compared to most, a single bedroom, a single toilet, a kitchen, and that's it.

Upon reaching the lockbox, I can see a set of feet beside it, her feet. She squatted down beside me and help opened the lockbox for me, revealing a ton of stuff from when I was a candidate. My Hawaiian shirt, my shattered hatchet, the sheathe itself, a crown of flowers from Lulu's world, and most importantly, the same broken sword, Daisie tried to end my life with. I stared deeply at the broken sword with deep regret, longing, guilt, and unfathomable sadness.

"You know how to end it."

I took hold of the sword and brought the broken edge against my throat. My hand trembled in fear, my heart thumped against my rib cage, sweat dripped down, I gritted my teeth and closed my eyes. A single thrust is all it takes to end it all, the pain, the guilt, the sadness, the voices...everything. 

I'm tired and sick of it, but… I'm scared. Scared to take my own life even though I have taken so many others. I let go of the sword and it fell back into the lockbox. I leaned back until my butt touched the floor, I slammed the wooden floor with my clenched hand and sob furiously.

Daisie stood up and stared at me with a disappointed look, "A coward and a murderer. You should just kill yourself, you worth nothing, you are nothing."

"No, I am not!"

"Yes, you are!"

"Quiet! Quiet! Quiet!!"

I'm trapped, suffocated by my own guilt and grief, there's no way out except death and I'm too afraid to do it. I turned my sight at the flask beside the sword, the only way to suppress it, to suppress the voice, is to drown it with alcohol. So that what I did, I grabbed the flask and drank my suffering away.

Vision blurred, eyes sleepy, body exhausted, I'm so tired, so very tired. At that moment, I don't remember how U went to sleep, but all I do know is that the dream I had wasn't a good one. 

A nightmare, that was it’s called.

I saw blood, I saw tears, I saw Agnes heaving very quietly, and I saw everything spiraled down from that one single truth. I fell and it felt like a never-ending loop until somehow I crashed into a sea of blood.

Floated above a sea of blood, I felt my own body slowly being pulled down, I saw my own breath turned into bubbles and raised away from me. I glanced behind me, the young me with cold eyes had grabbed hold of my arms, he pulled me with him, down to the depths of darkness, and I didn't fight him, I let him.

…

..

.

I woke up to the sound of rustling in my bedroom, it must be a burglar because no one has the key to my apartment. Turning my body, I opened my eyes slightly and saw someone I didn't recognize, but I can tell that it was a woman. I let out a sigh and snuggled tightly with my blanket.

"Take what you want, just close the door on your way out…" I sighed then went back to sleep.

I fell once more into a deep slumber, all I wanted was to sleep, sleep the days away. In hope that my own nightmare won't haunt me, it's my only wish, nowadays. Serene and peaceful until I was woken again by a scent of meat being cooked with red wine. I opened my eyes and turned my body to face the kitchen. It was blurry at first, I thought it was Daisie, but my sight becomes clearer, it was some woman I didn't know.

'What a strange burglar she is.’ I thought to myself.

Yes, it's a woman, platinum hair...wait, I recognize her. It's that woman from the laundromat last night. Why is she here, and how did she find me. Screw it, I don't really care I just went to sleep, but as I was about to go to sleep again, she spotted me and smiled.

"I'm glad that you're awake, I made breakfast. You should go shower first while I prepare it for us."

"Uhm, since when does a burglar cook for the people she's robbing?"

"I'm not a burglar, and quick, the food is getting cold."

I groaned as I pushed the blanket off me and stumbled my way to the bathroom. Valve turned, and cold water poured against my face and make its way down to my feet. I lowered my chin and rested my forehead against the tile wall. The sound of running water soothes my soul while the abundance liquid washed off the sticky feeling and the grim thoughts away. In the corner of my eyes, I noticed something off about my stump. I raised it and couldn't believe what I saw, black veins are visible under my skin.

``I-I'm corrupted.'

'How?'

"What do you mean how?"

I turned my body and there she was, half her face covered with her hair, wet and craze. She marched toward me, in response, I took a step back until my back touched the wall. I raised my arm to protect myself, but instead of attacking me, she stopped.

"Look at yourself, scared shitless, pathetic. You're nothing but a shell of your former self, why do you even try to live? Why not just end it all, you murderer!"

"Stop saying that! I'm not a murderer!"

"Oh, you're not? Then whose blood is on your hands?"

I raised my hand and shocked to see it is soaked in blood. I tried to wash it, but to no avail, my hand still tainted by the lives I've taken. My body shivered, and tears start to form, I slumped down until my butt rest against the tile floor then covered my head with my forearm.

"Stop, please stop…" I begged with a trembling voice.

I felt them, the thousands stares of the people that I hurt from my past actions. The life I have taken and the people who were affected are haunting me like a moth to light. No matter what I did, no matter how much I run or hide, they always there, waiting for me. A couple of knocks finally stop the whispers.

"I heard yelling, are you okay?" The strange woman called out to me.

I took a deep breath, and calmed my voice, "I'm...I'm fine."

"Are you sure?"

"Yeah…" I turned my sight in front of me, and Daisie was gone. I stood up once more and turned the valve. The water stopped and a few trickles of water dripped from the showerhead. Her footsteps getting further away from the bathroom door as I unlocked it. Forgetting to bring a towel with me earlier, I walked out naked and head to where I kept it. After drying myself with the towel, I noticed the woman turned away with flushed cheeks as I grabbed and wore the old shirt beside the bed and jean pants to go along with it. I glanced at the roll of bandage beside my pillow, then I looked at the black veins on my stumped and clicked my tongue. I groaned as I took the bandage and covered my stump with it.

"Are you hurt?"

I didn't answer, but I did took a glance at her and rested my gaze elsewhere, "What a strange burglar you are, you broke into my home and cooked for me?"

"I kept telling you, I'm not a burglar." She laughed and took a seat on the floor, near the short table.

I raised my eyebrows at her, and she gestured toward me to take a seat with a large smile on her face. I could have thrown her out right now, but for some reason, some reason that I couldn't tell at first. Maybe I was hungry, maybe, I found it amusing at how she is totally acting normal right now, or maybe… Nah, it can't be that. I shook my head and sat near the table while facing her.

The heat from the food rose up to my chin, a bowl of chicken and egg on rice. A staple food for the Japanese in my world, I believe it was called an Oyakodon. It smells delicious, I raised my sight and saw her eyes filled with anticipation. There's probably no poison in it, even if it did, I won't be affected by it that much, maybe a couple of stomach ache, that's all. However, I hesitated, and as I closed my eyes, I could hear a whisper, and when I opened it again, I pushed the bowl away.

"What's wrong? Are you allergic to it?"

"No, I'm just not hungry," I stood up, grabbing my jacket, and walked out of the apartment.

I don't why I left my own apartment, instead of kicking her out. I don't even know why my heart ached so much or why there's a tear dripping down my cheek. Basically, I don't even know anything anymore, not the world or myself. I flipped my jacket collar up to hide a little bit of my face and continued my walk with bare feet. Pedestrian passed by me without a single glance, not a single sympathy or care toward me and that's how I want it.

After a half-hour of walking, I stopped at a tiny little bar in a dingy, tight alley, having a drink alone at the bar. I stared deeply at the bottom of the shot glass, and I could still hear her faint whisper. Telling me to end it all, telling me that I’m a danger to the people around me, and somehow deep in my mind, it agreed with what she said. My hands tightened around the shot glass, a small crack appeared on its body from the pressure that I gave it, but I stopped when someone suddenly sat right next to me. 

I turned my head to my right, and the one who sat right next to me was the young male version of me, that currently enjoying a glass of whiskey. Realizing who it was, I clicked my tongue in annoyance.

"Are you going to haunt me now?"

"No."

"Then why are you here?" I raised my eyebrows.

"You should follow her."

"What?" I turned my head to him and he was gone.

"Hey, I'm sorry for earlier. I know it looks suspicious for me to break into someone's apartment like that, but I did get permission from the landlord to do so. Still, I'm still sorry about that." Someone had sat beside me without me realizing it. I glanced to my left and was surprised to find the same woman from my apartment.

"How in the underworld did you find me?"

"It ain't easy, I asked around."

"Why are you here?"

"To apologize for breaking into your apartment."

I rolled my eyes and take another sip of my drink. She tapped her finger on the wooden bar repeatedly as she hummed and glanced around. I don’t know why, but it gets annoying really bad after a couple of seconds. So I turned to look at her and raised an eyebrow.

“Why are you still here, I thought you already apologize?”

“I’m waiting for an answer…” Her half-smile was goofy as it can be.

“Fine. I forgive you, are you happy now? Can you leave me alone, please?” I looked away again.

I groaned as she let out, “Uhmm…”

“What is it?”

“Aaahhh..”

“Speak out woman.”

“You know drinking your pain away isn't...a great solution.” She glanced at the drink in my hand.

“What do you know about pain?” I sighed.

“You’re not the only one who has gone through shit.”

“What? You don't know what shit I been through!”

“Well do you know what shit I been through?”

“Huh? W-What? What kind of question is that? I don’t know shit about you.”

“Yes, you see what I mean? And can we stop using the word ‘shit’? It’s unsanitary.”

The words that come out from this woman's mouth, it's nonsense. “What do you mean, see what I mean? And I didn't start using the word shit, you did.”

“Then I’m ending it!”

“Ugh, fine I won't use the word ‘Shit’.”

“What I meant earlier was that drowning your pain isn't a good solution because there are people like you in pain, but you don't see them here alone and...gloomy.”

“Gloomy? And what do you suppose want me to do?”

“One of many steps to healing is to face your demons with your family and friends…” She said but as she took a glance at me, she noticed my raised eyebrow. “But I doubt you have any of those, hmmm...then how about you and me? I offer myself to help you in healing yourself.”

What is this strange woman? I can't even tell what she wants or aiming for, how could she talk about my pain, when she clearly doesn't even understand it. “If you want me to join your cult or something, then I rudely decline.”

She let out a small laugh, “What? I’m not running a cult. Also, ‘rudely decline’? It’s like you trying to cursed, but you can't.”

``Oh, what in the underworld did I did for her to bother me like this.’ I groaned.

“Come on! Let me show you, the ways to self-heal.” She tugged on my stump like it was nothing and hopped off the stool, She gestured her head to the door with a sincere smile.

My mouth agape and my eyebrows raised as I looked at her perplexed by her invitation, then I remember what the young me said that I should follow her. Is this what he meant? I grumbled and groaned as I stood up and let the woman pulled me away.

“I don't even know what your name is.”

“It’s Aki Estelle, but most people call me Aki, It's easier to pronounce I guess.” She said excitedly.

“Aki?”

“Yeah, don't wear it out.”

“Ugh, why would I?”

“Don't take things so literally, silly. Come on, let's go!”

And off we go, toward somewhere that might be a trap or worse… a weird sex cult or something.