For three days the wind remained favorable, but then it changed suddenly, reversing their course. Dew was left with no other choice but to lower the sails. He lowered the rigging from the mast. Vestor, Darrell, and Josh were asleep in the cabin. Nadia and Awlena sat down together after helping to lower the sails. Wind teased their long hair. Nadia stretched against Awlena, exhausted and the two fell asleep huddled together as Dew grunted from the stern. The dreams returned.

A blue bouncy ball rolled across the school yard before stopping in front of the swing Nathan sat on. Two fine wisps of dust blew from under his pink sneakers as he jumped off the black leather seat and picked up the ball. Since the incident at the park, his mother had been buying a lot of yellow and pink clothes. The other boys looked at him as he held the ball. When he ran to them, they turned to other pursuits, leaving him alone. He narrowed his eyes and furrowed his brow as he stomped to a freckled boy with dark brown hair. He offered him the ball but was pushed away.

“Don’t you want to play?”

“Not with you. I’ll get girl sick.”

“I’m not a girl! My name is Nathan!”

“Then what are you?”

“I’m Nathan, and that’s a boy’s name.”

“Boys don’t have long hair. They don’t wear pink.”

“Maybe some do?”

“No, you’re a girl. Go play with the girls.”

Nathan stomped his foot and started to cry. More teasing, this time from the other boys. Nathan curled up and shouted, but shouting only made them say it more. A scolding teacher saved him, but he ran away when she tried to talk to him. The next day he found himself alone by his favorite swing. The day after that someone had taken his swing first, and he found himself alone on the bench. The next day the kids wouldn’t let him have the swing or the bench, so he found himself sitting in a shady corner. Jody Fischer came and sat beside him. Nadia remembered her dirty overalls, bandages on her fingers, and ripped denim about her knees. It made her chuckle even in her sleep.

“What’s the matter? Don’t let them tease you because you’re a girl.”

“What’s the matter?” someone asked again, but it wasn’t Jody. It was Awlena.

“I’m not a girl.”

“Oh, you seem a bit lost in thought,”

“Nothing. Just some old memories.”

 

---

 

The afternoon sun beat harshly the next few days, but the sea remained calm and the wind dead still. They drifted aimlessly; however, Dew assured them they were near their destination. Nadia squirted some sun block on her hands, rubbed it into her face and her arms before lying down over the lid of the food compartment where Josh usually laid. A white towel served as her pillow. The sun heated her hair to lull her into soft breath breathing followed by deep sleep.

In her dream, the sink was a ledge of white ceramic which Nathan could barely peer over, but the toilet served as a stepping stone. He managed to get his knees on the edge of the it. There were scissors in the medicine cabinet, small scissors, but he knew they were there. Once he had them, he ran to his bedroom. Big plastic trucks lay scattered over the floor in a maze of accidents. In front of the mirror, he stared for the longest moment before he held his hair out. Three snips, and his pony-tail looked like it was chewed off by a goat. He threw the lump of hair in the trash. Every pink and yellow shirt in his drawer was mutilated, one by one. After deeming the shirts to be thoroughly ruined, he threw them in the trash over top the locks of hair. Trembling hands put the scissors on his dresser. He played with his trucks without thinking about them. The door creaked open. His father loomed over him with an angry stare. Nathan burst out crying behind a large red dump truck.

“Help! Evil wizards turned me into a girl! I’m a boy. I know I’m a boy because my name’s a boy’s name. Mom thinks I’m a girl! Everyone at school thinks I’m a girl, but I’m really a boy.”

“Is that what this is about?” Norman picked up his son, took him over his knee and spanking him three times before sitting him on the bed. “That’s for taking the scissors without telling me,”

“I’m sorry!”

“I know, but you already did the damage. What’s your mother going to say when she gets home?”

Norman took the bundle of hair and torn shirts out of the trash can. Nathan jumped from the bed as his father took the scissors.

“Don’t tell mommy!”

“I have to,” Norman said.

Nathan screamed as he pulled on his father’s pant leg.

"Fine. Time for another spanking.”

After another three slaps, Nathan was placed back in bed. His father tucked the covers over him a little forcefully.

“You’re going to stay in here and think about what you’ve done until I call you for supper. Then you’re going right back to your room. And if I hear you screaming, I’ll give you a reason for it.”

When called down for supper he found an empty chair waiting in front of a steaming plate of peas, mash potatoes, and meatloaf. A decent glass of milk stood behind the arranged utensils. His mother sat on a lounge chair with a book pressed to her knee. She ignored him completely, only Norman gave him instructions, telling him to finish his supper in a half hour and go straight to bed.

That night, Nathan could hear his parents arguing. He snuck out of bed and walked calmly to the edge of his bedroom door, where he stood without moving a muscle.

“How could he do this,” Natalie cried. “All his adorable hair!”

“I think you need to let Nathan be who he wants to be.”

“I don’t have any problems with him being a boy.”

“Then why the girl’s shorts and shirts all the sudden? Why not let me take him to the barber and get him a decent hair cut? Don’t you see what this has all come to? It’s confusing him.”

“I was sure I’d have a little girl eventually. I can’t help it that I’m not supposed to have another child. It’s not fair. I wanted a little girl so badly, and I can’t even try to get it right the second time.”

“We both know what you wanted. You need to accept the fact that he’s not. It might have been okay to dress him in pink and play pretend when he was a baby, but now it’s affecting him negatively, especially at school. How can you expect him not to rebel?”

She hesitated, “I’ll try to be more understanding.”

“Don’t you love him?”

“How dare you! Of course I love my child! I could relate better to a daughter. It’s just the way I feel. I can’t help it.”

“He’s a loving, kindhearted, child, but his own mother can’t put aside her selfishness and love him for who he is.”

“I'm not a bad mother! That’s not fair! You don’t understand what I’m going through,” she yelled.

“I understand all too well,” Norman yelled back, “and you’re not doing right by our son.”

A dish shattered. Nathan scurried back to bed as his mother ran upstairs. No one bothered to check on him, and his father never followed her up the steps. He shook under the covers as the world swirled and faded to reform into a kitchen.

Corn flakes tumbled into the bowl as Natalie prepared her son breakfast the next morning. Nathan looked up at her.

“I’m sorry mommy. Please don’t be mad at me. If I become a girl from now on, will you like me more?”

She started crying, hugged him.

“No, no! Mommy said things she didn’t mean last night because she was mad. I don’t want you to be a little girl. I want you to be who you want to be.”

“But you said you wanted a girl, so I have to be that?”

His mother sighed.

“Sometimes even mommies can get selfish.”

“What’s selfish?”

“Selfish is when we want something so bad that we don’t think about how other people feel. Like when you wanted the truck that belonged to your friend Bill so you took it. That was selfish. And that’s not okay. I want to have a baby sister for you. I can’t now, but that doesn’t mean I don’t love you. I was selfish because... I tried to make you act like a girl. God gave me a very special little boy. I think you’re perfect just the way you are. I’ll never stop loving you.”

She hugged him.

“I love you too! Mommy? Why don’t you pick a baby sister up at the supermarket?”

Natalie laughed through a blanket of tears.

“You can’t get something that precious from a supermarket. You have to pray really hard and hope God answers.”

“I’m going to ask God to get you a baby girl.”

The dream shifted to a later time. Wind rustled through the trees, blowing heavily to the northeast. It was cold, almost snowing. The first few snowflakes had already hit the ground. In a white karate uniform, his feet bare and hands uncovered, Nathan, four years older now, was on his thirtieth pull up from a low sturdy branch of the old oak tree. The pendant his grandfather had given him when he was six hung from his neck. He wasn’t tired yet, as he was tough, and had the calluses to prove it. His father, who refused to make his son do anything he wouldn’t do, was working out right beside him. That’s when the old white escort pulled into the drive. His mother got out and rushed into the yard.

“It’s a girl!” she yelled while waving to them.

Nadia woke suddenly, jolted upright, and wiped her sweaty forehead as she took deep breaths of the cool ocean air. The boat rocked gently amidst the wave. Wood groaned.