Sleep wouldn’t come. Josh and Darrell tried closing their eyes and resting, but it wasn’t the same. Finally, they both sat up.
“I can feel myself getting sleepy but I can’t sleep,” Darrell said, “Odd feeling.”
“Yeah,” Josh yawned as he scratched the side of his head, “I’m beat from pulling that cart all night. My muscles are killing me and I can’t even sleep it off. As soon as it gets cooler, we should eat and start running. I wanna get through this place and never look back.”
“Agreed. What was Nadia even thinking bringing us through this? What if we can never sleep again? I’m only here because I tried to help, now I’m stuck tagging along because she’s my ticket home. If she’s the only one who knows how to create portals, why can’t she create a portal now and send me home?”
“If she could have sent you home, she’d have done it on the first day.”
“Or maybe she’s selfish. She wants to save her power for herself. Makes me wonder why everyone is so in love with her.”
Josh gripped his knees, “She’s popular, so what? Are you even hearing yourself right now? You’re tired, shut up and get some rest. Or just shut up.”
“So, you have it bad for her too? Admit it.”
“No, I don’t, but we're friends enough that I would risk my life for her.”
“As I thought. What do you guys see in her? Sure, she’s pretty cute right now. But that’s all some kind of weird magic. To be a girl she should actually be born a girl,” Darrell gestured with his hands, “Why would any man want to go after a girl who was born a guy, especially Nathan the monster from Mackenloo academy? Are you kidding me?”
“This is the nineties man, and not the 1890s. What do you want from her?”
“Honesty for a start. Him sending me home.”
“I just said she would have done it if she could. Maybe we’ll all get lucky and she’ll figure it out soon.”
“What do you even call her, she, he, he-she?”
Josh narrowed his eyes and remembered the conversation he had with Nadia after she'd been poisoned by river snakes. She’d looked hurt when he joked about her actually being a guy. Since then, he had decided to try and stop teasing her about it but mostly failed. Ugh, he couldn’t stop thinking in this place. It made his head hurt.
“She said whatever I say is okay. But she seems to prefer ‘she’ so please just use that until she changes back.”
“I have to adjust my speaking for her now?”
“What’s so freaking hard about it? You're not even being asked to do anything different. If you were changed like that, would it be so easy for you to adjust? If you get changed into a girl, do you want me to call you ‘he’? Do you even know how you would react or what you’d want?”
Silence
“That’s right. You don’t. Drop it.”
Darrell shrugged, “Can’t she just go home and have surgery or something?”
“I already asked. She slammed me into the ground. I think she’d rather just stay the way she is if she can’t fix it by magic.”
“Well yeah, it wouldn’t fix her height, or that jawline, or those slender shoulders, or the hips. But she’s still a guy. I refuse to date Nathan the monster. No way. I don’t care how good looking she is on the surface. I’d always be worried she’d change back or something.”
Josh took a deep breath, leaned over his mat, and poked Darrell in the chest, “Good. Because she doesn’t need someone who thinks like you. And if I so much as see you put a single move on her, so much as a flirtatious glance, I will fry you starting with your innards and work out to the skin.”
Darrell froze, “You’re threatening me?!”
“No, because she wouldn’t want me to. And despite how much you tick me off right now, you’ve been helpful. Plus, you saved Nefri and Vestor. So it's not a threat. It's a promise.”
“All because I refuse to date a fake girl?”
“You can refuse to date whoever you want, but you don’t need to badmouth her like that.”
“She came on to me! He came on to me! That’s lying. That’s why I’m stuck here in some medieval danger world taking everyone's abuse. She's the reason I killed people! I think I earned the right to say whatever I want!? And now you’re offended just because I’m telling it like it is? You tried to kill her yourself because she’s a faker.”
Josh reached to grab him by the neck. He stopped just short as Darrell flinched back. Deep breaths forced through his nose as he growled. The he plopped back on his mat, and fell backwards, “Are you acting like she wants you or something?! Not sure what she saw in you in the first place. Curses really mess with people’s mind. Since coming here, she don’t talk about you ever. Know what? How about you don’t talk to me either for a while.”
Darrell sat cross-legged and slowly reddened as he said nothing more.
While Dew attempted meditation, Vestor rolled all around the other side of the tent. He reached outside and picked up a small pebble. It landed in Dew’s lap, yet Dew rested his hands and breathed steadily. Vestor poked him in the side. Another rock landed in Dew’s lap, followed by more, one toss at a time. A deep inhale from Dew followed a deep exhale. Vestor flopped on his mat. Then he popped up and flopped against Dew.
“I want to take a nap but I can’t sleep! I’m tired and sleepy plus very sleepy. I want to sleep.”
“The land won’t allow sleep.”
“I don’t understand.”
Vestor grabbed his toes and rolled on his back.
“This is the sleepless desert. Anyone who enters will get no rest until they leave, or until…”
Dew stopped short upon realizing his thoughts might scare the child, still, the boy gave him a knowing look and gulped.
“I’m going to die?”
“No. The cursed land is not wide. We will make it across, but you have to be tough. I suggest you conserve your energy by meditating. The important thing is not to let the lack of sleep drive you in circles.”
“Okay,” Vestor crouched, “How do I meditate?”
“Remain seated. Now breathe deeply while keeping your eyes closed. Empty your mind. Don’t think of anything. This place will bring out your worst self if you let it.”
Vestor followed his directions, though Dew was unsure how long it would last. Heat permeated the tent.
“How do I not think of anything?”
Nadia laid on her back waiting for rest. It felt delirious, like trying to conserve energy by doing nothing yet wanting to run a marathon. She resisted the little movements that attempted to shift her position to the side, or on her stomach.
Hands tapped her waist as she stared at the top of the tent. This was such a quiet land. No wind. No shifting sand. She couldn’t even hear anything from the other tents. How could she be sure anything was out there? What if it was a bright void? And then finally, she heard Vestor yapping, though couldn’t hear what he said. Usually, her senses felt keener. Maybe it was the exhaustion.
The muscles in her arms and legs ached, slightly, but without the ability to sleep and a great distance before them, she knew the pain would get worse. Arms stretched upwards. Callouses covered the palms of her hands and the bottoms of slender fingers. She rubbed her arms to work out some tension before letting her hands fall back against the cozy cotton cloaking her stomach. Relaxed breathing produced the only movement. Awlena remained still.
Nadia closed her eyes and left her mind wander. The smooth, dry, warmth of Dew’s lips approached hers. Then suddenly slender lips pressed instead, Awlena’s. The memory of humid breath in dry air made her heart pound. Sweat formed on her brow. The more she dwelled on the thought of that kiss, the less relaxed her breathing. Nadia rolled to her side facing the tent wall and bit her knuckle as she attempted to clear her mind.
What did all this matter anyway, romance, attraction? Awlena, Dew, they didn’t mean anything to her. Not in that way. She wasn’t unfaithful to Jody. How could she be unfaithful when they weren’t even so much as dating? They had gone to events together, even just the two of them, but that never felt like a date. A few minutes of biting down on her knuckle passed this way with her mind in circles.
The cart. Think about the cart. How to move it. Maybe she could use her power after all to get out of this place faster. She yawned, wiped the sweat from her forehead, and rubbed her eyes.
“Are you okay?”
“I’m fine, just trying to clear my mind for the journey ahead. We need to get out of this place. But let’s not talk right now. Talking is making me feel very jumpy.”
The thought of her own bed made her long for home. Even her spot on the floor at Nostrum’s inn appealed to her, at least there she could have slept. A question tormented her as she rolled onto her back again. Was this worth it? Yes, she thought, I’m going to be myself again and I won’t have any more of these strange feelings. I can finally confess to Jody. That’ll be more than worth it.
And if this wasn’t successful? If she remained a woman after selfishly risking the lives of her friends, would she continue this quest?
What was so important about a stupid kiss!? Dew’s closeness, Awlena’s kiss, how she almost willingly kissed Dew, how she felt offended when he refused her help; it all flashed to the forefront of her mind. Nadia stared through the tent ceiling. Even when she managed to put all that out of her mind, she still thought about Dew. He carried her. He followed her. He advised her. Oddly enough, he comforted her. He refused the perfect chance to make her his own and saved her instead. Was it really fair to not have feelings for him? Why did this place not let her stop thinking this way!?
Despite everything, ha her trust been misplaced? His sister had he stolen her first kiss. Did they plan it that way? What would she do about that? Did it even matter? They were both girls after all, so could it really matter? Would it have mattered if it was with Jody?
Why couldn’t she sort any of this out? The thoughts kept revolving nonstop whenever she let her guard down. She thought she disliked Dew, but now she couldn’t stop worrying about him. What if his leg didn’t heal right? What if that poison lingered? That would be her fault for not doing the healing right! Teeth clamped down on her knuckle.
Awlena shifted and pushed up to look over her, “Nadia, are you okay? You look a bit red. Do you need some water?”
“It’s fine. It's fine. I just need sleep. I mean rest. Yeah, that's it. Rest.”
