Why did I just do that? 

This was the question that was now constantly ringing through my head without reprieve. Even while rushing into the carriage at full speed and sitting in the corner with my head in my hands did not cause this question to fade. It wasn’t that long ago that I was having a problem with killing that one man in front of the sect's mission hall, and now I was slaughtering an entire group of bandits. What scared me even more was that I didn’t even consider whether or not to do anything, and just decided to kill them after seeing that one bandit through the window. I mean, I could use the same excuse that they deserved it, like I did with the man in the sect, but does anyone really deserve death?

Honestly, a few people do, but how do I know which ones I should kill? I don’t know anything about them or their lives. So who am I to judge them? I mean, I was at least defending myself since they kind of attacked first, and they most likely were not letting us go. However, it still shouldn’t have been my first resort. It was almost like I was someone else at that moment. That was something that should not have happened.

It was then that I noticed that strange energy in my blood reappeared. From there, it started to seep out of my blood and into my body again. As it did so, I was barely able to notice that my opinions on what just happened were fading away, almost like they didn’t even exist.

That sent alarm bells ringing through my head again as the thought of them being placed by Raina appeared in my mind. It was then that I also noticed how easily I have been referring to Raina as Mom. All of this felt like something was trying to warp my mind to fit its little game. Like there was some sort of master mind behind the scenes that was trying to make the story go their way. Some sort of author who was trying to play god.

It was then that I barely stopped my mind from spinning and immediately tried to stop that energy in my bloodstream from leaking out.

At first, it was like I was trying to hold back the weight of a dam that was trying to break, but once I made even the smallest amount of headway, the pressure eased quite a bit. Soon, I had all the energy in my blood contained and was able to relax slightly, however, that was a mistake as all the speculations that I had came back like a flood, trying to drown me. Every second, a new fear or random crazy explanation appeared in my mind, only to be replaced by another. The only consistent thing was that they all pointed to Raina being the culprit.

I wanted to believe otherwise that she was not like that and it was only that one time when she did anything, but that one time was enough for my mind to run wild as every second the speculations got worse and worse.

Eventually, I had to force myself to think that Raina might be innocent, and I would have to ask her later, even though my mind was trying to rebel against me.

Thus, I took the only means that I knew to keep my mind off of that and opened my eyes to look at the world around me, searching for something to steal my attention.

That appeared to be very easy as I immediately saw both Lou Xia and Lanalia staring at me with some level of concern on their faces. Lou Xia’s concern was obviously higher than Lanalia’s, but it turned out to be Lanalia who said something first, asking me, “Are you alright?”

It was probably obvious that I was not given how I acted earlier, but for some reason, I chose to play it off like nothing major had just happened and replied to her, saying, “Yeah, I’m perfectly fine.” I guess that is how I used to respond in situations like this, so it felt perfectly normal. However, there was this nagging feeling in the back of my brain that said this was not right. That I should at least speak to someone about this, but that was not how the old me would have thought.

I quickly decided to stop my chain of thought right there, as it would most likely cause my brain to focus on dark speculations again. That was when I felt a hand being laid on my thigh in what seemed like an attempt to comfort me. It was not really helping that much, but at least the thought counted. I then tried to change the topic by asking, “ By the way, does that normally happen?” That only got me looks of confusion before I realized what they were thinking and clarified, “The bandits! I meant the bandits.”

With that, they finally looked away as Lanalia seemed enlightened at that moment before answering with a question of her own. “Are you asking about them stopping us on the road, the fight, or you slaughtering them before we lost anyone or anyone sustained any grave injuries?”

I flinched at hearing the last one and hurriedly shook my head before answering her, “I meant the first two.”

She nodded curtly after hearing my response and started saying, “Ah, well,” before her father walked up to the apparently still open carriage door and answered for her, “The stops happen fairly often. The fighting, on the other hand, is very rare. By the way, I have to thank you for your help there, as it did not seem like we were getting out of it without a fight.”

His response caught me off guard as I did not even realize that the door was open, let alone that he heard me. Thankfully, the last part of his answer eased my guilt slightly, as it seemed like there was going to be a fight anyway, so that at least helped.

For now.

Vulthurtoor

I wonder what is going on? What is it that is brewing under the scenes? Of course, I know what is going on, but I'm not telling.

Or am I?

Spoiler

No, I am not because that would be spoilers.

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Regardless of all of that, I would like to thank anyone who is still here for reading and wish for you all to have a nice day/night. The next chapter will be out on Friday (PST), so you can all look forward to that as I will be working on that acuresd second part of Scarlet Qi for all of you who know it. 

P.S. PLEASE SEND HELP(And maybe an editor recommendation(outside of those in the comments that I am already considering)).