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Two alarms at once. Alright, I was up. Not really, but I was gonna get there. 

 

Another dream. It felt happier. Sunlight, lake shore, dunes, and protecting Lina. Her furniture-drag snore was missing beside me. Instead, the snoring was lighter, a paintbrush on paper in a slow, regular rhythm. Hypnotic...

 

No. No more sleep. Not right now. I did put the covers snuggly around her as I got up and checked the laundry. Clean and still warm. 

 

I tried not to do the mental math on how little we'd slept. I prepped the kitchen for breakfast and set aside Lina's clothes, including what she had picked out last night. Then, I washed one of my bikinis, the white one with a nice chain string and a loop link on the bottom. Not too flashy, but it went well with my hair. 

 

Lina would have to get something from her place, but we'd have plenty of time. She hadn't moved from the same spot in bed and her noises were just as quiet. To wake her felt like a crime. I washed up first and fast, making sure she had the lion's share of the warm water. 

 

By the time I was done, she was shifting and groaning. 

 

"Lina? It's morning."

 

She rolled over and coughed lightly. "Hmm? Oh gosh...my body. My head. Everything..." Lina groaned and buried her face in the pillow. 

 

Checking her, it was clearly a hangover. With just one drink. She muttered, "Sorry, dutch a lightweight...such." Despite her protests, I got her up and out of bed and guided her to the bathroom. 

 

She didn't puke but she had a few shaky moments. I brought her sports drinks and water as she...evicted just about everything in the ways you wanted them to go. I helped her undress and ease into the shower. 

 

I left her the big towel, set out her clean clothes, and got to work on breakfast. I knew what best to make, from experience. Scrambled eggs with spinach and oatmeal with banana. I even put aside an extra banana. Along with that, some ginger tea and plenty of water.

 

Lina cautiously made her way out of the bedroom, squinting at the early light through the blinds. Once at the table though, she was ravenous. She took hearty bites and sips of everything while trying not to burn herself.

 

With a sigh, I told her, "I can take you over to your place for anything you need to pick up, especially if you want to go swimming before lunch."

 

Lina slowed and said quietly, "Okay. Thank you. I can pick up the games and stuff for the waiting room and my regular bag. I don't need to get a swimsuit though. It was a silly idea to go swimming in the middle of work. Another time."

 

I reminded, "You said you love it and you feel really comfortable in the water. It's going to be a warm day, maybe the last really warm one of the year. Take the chance when you have it."

 

She did nod to that but also noted, "I had a lot of fun last night. I'll probably just pass out at lunch for the whole thing. It's okay."

 

I persisted. "Well, I'll be going. So, you can nap on a chair in the OWL or beside a pool with the spray of the water and the warmth of the sun. Think it over."

 

"I'll...see how I feel in a few hours." Good enough for me. 

 

After breakfast, Lina looked a lot better. She wasn't completely convinced about keeping her attire from last night, especially standing beside my regular outfit, but I assured her it would be alright.

 

Exiting, I noticed another spider crawling in the middle of the porch. It was a little bigger than the one that crawled on me but black like the beetle I crushed. Did they join forces? 

 

Before I could deliver another message with my heel, Lina walked out and crunched it with one casual step. She staggered back and raised an eyebrow. "Whoops...hope the others don't hold a grudge." I didn't think anyone or anything could hold a grudge with Lina.

 

At her apartment, she picked up her scrubs, an outfit she didn't let me see, and everything else she needed. As always, her bracelets looked lovely on her hands but it was a shame her golden hairpin remained in her pocket.

 

Somehow, we made it to the office with enough time. Lina nearly commandeered the sink for washing but I stopped her and told her it would be fine. Then, while she set up for the day, I went over to a little dry-cleaning place I trusted and dropped her scrubs off there. Yeah, I was overspending but it was for her happiness.

 

When I returned, she was posed like she was set, ready, and in-charge. In actuality, she was asleep with her legs sliding off the seat. I let her rest a few more minutes till opening. 

 

Once the day got started, she was attentive to every patient, whether calm, bitter, or darting around. A few adult ADHD cases actually bumped her out of her stupor. One in particular, after seeing her pants, tried to tell her more Nintendo history in ten minutes than even she probably knew.

 

No one gave a big stink about her clothes. Some even asked casual questions. Her answer, "I was in a pub competition last night and this was all I had for today."

 

Of course, that just invited more questions, which she did her best to answer professionally when she could. A few of the younger guys really liked her look but the older folks sometimes gave her a cold shoulder. And I resisted punting them out the front door.

 

On my end, it was attack of the old people too. 

 

I wrangled an old lady who found every word I said like I was screaming at her, all while she howled at me. 

 

"Where are you?! I can't find a blasted thing! In my day..."

 

She gave a lengthy story of dealing with a new doctor who was doing this thing that made her so upset. Her old doctor always gave a pat on the rump, a lolly, and said she was fine but, gollyswarnit, this newfangled doctor with their lappytops and their blood testing.

 

 

And then, I ignored an older man carrying on separate conversations between someone next to him and me about his results. Go to his doctor. No, he didn't like him. He was an idiot because he told him something he didn't like again. He still had to go to him.

 

"Do you want me to die!? You don't care! You want me to just die! That doctor will kill me! Everyone killing everyone! Crazy people everywhere! No one cares no one cares!" Then he yelled the same thing at the person there. I could've just hung up but I put him to the side and did some other work.

 

Eventually, he just wore himself out like a two-year-old at the end of a screaming, sugar high. The other guy there, who sounded much younger and sweet but very tired, answered, "I'm so sorry about my grandpa. I'll take care of it."

 

I promised him that if he ran into any issues I'd take care of them personally. And if his grandfather tried to call again, "Tell him I am actually trying to kill him and only you can save him by talking to me to keep me from hunting him down with a syringe of anthrax or something." He got a kick out of that.

 

I had to remember to use something like that on Deb. Actually...nah, he wasn't related to her, as far as I could tell from the chart, but it wouldn't surprise me.

 

Finally, for extra fun, the stem plunger on the old sink fell off its chain. Cracking my fingers, I got the flashlight, some gloves, and a pocket mirror because whoever made this old thing decided all the access points absolutely needed to be against the wall with just a few inches of clearance separating us from the neighboring building. Bless him, it was probably Archie. 

 

A few foul-smelling, musty, sweaty minutes later I got the long rod jammed in the right hole, only I wasn't as happy as I should've been under similar circumstances. 

 

When I returned to the desk to take a breather, I polished off my third tube of hand cream for the day. Sweet apples to finish the morning!

 

It wasn't Wednesday easy, Monday hard, or even the clusterfuck I expected tomorrow, but setting the phone down at ten minutes to eleven felt so satisfying. Deb was already out. Lina came back with a yawn and a stretch to ask, "Anything else you need my help with?"

 

Leaning back, I told her, "One thing. How do you feel?"

 

She took a moment to realize what I meant. "Oh, way better. But wouldn't it be too much trouble to go way over somewhere then eat then get back?"

 

"Not at all, especially since I have something to pick up for you. Come on."

 

It was already warm enough outside that turning on the A/C was a necessity for the first time in weeks. Lina floated a few curious questions along the way but mostly rested.

 

When we arrived, Lina gave me a glance but said nothing. When I returned with her pink scrubs swaddled in plastic on a hanger, she leaned her head on the window and smiled. "Awww. Babs...You didn't have to do that."

 

"I know but now you get to be a proper Miss Owl for the kids and feel comfortable." Shaking her head, she grinned the whole way to the pool on Wade. 

 

It was actually several different pools, nearly an aquatics center but a long ways from a park. They had plans for a lazy river but work on it had been slow. I'd packed a few towels for drying off later.

 

In the lockers, Lina finally showed off her suit. With all the sneaking, I almost expected something scandalous or a signature copy of a swimsuit some video game character wore. Not that I could think of any off-hand.

 

But her pick was cute. It kinda reminded me of a gymnast's outfit from the Olympics. A lavender, chevron-bordered section led from her girlish hips up to her narrow waist. The rest of the way to her shoulder straps, the suit was a simple, flat blue that complimented the purple. Turning, crossing straps snaked around the open expanse of her back.

 

Tugging on the creases and checking everything, she asked, "How does it look? I've worn it like once before but it feels comfy."

 

I assured her it was lovely as I slipped on my bikini. Hoop link bottom and chain loop top which felt immensely-comfortable for me. Lina just said, "Wowsers" with a smile before proclaiming, "You're so pretty, Babs."

 

"Thanks! So are you." 

 

She made a little groan. "I dunno pretty. You're pretty. Me...I've shaved my legs and arms as many times as I can count on one hand. It's probably all fuzz down there. I'm afraid to look. And I never exercise. And my crack isn't showing, right?"

 

Leveling a firm look at her, I assured, "It's fine. You are fine. You're gonna have fun. Or nap the whole time. This is your well-earned break before lunch. Enjoy."

 

She took a deep breath, closed her locker, and looked to the showers. "Right. Got this. Foop worrying about it."

 

After we washed up, we stood at the entrance to the pools. There were about five other people, mostly moms with preschoolers. And one sexy lifeguard. 

 

Chuckling to herself, Lina sat on the edge of the pool and eased into the water. She held the lip, submerged a few times, and smiled through her drenched hair. I decided to use the small, one-loop yellow slide leading into the water. Twirl and a dunk. Wooo!

 

Ahhh. Fuck you, old farts! Fuck you, annoying doctors! Fuck you, shitty insurance people! Fuck you, the ones I've already intentionally-forgotten! I swam across the length and back then bobbed in the middle with my legs and boobs floating up. 

 

Lina drifted out too with a laugh. "I always looked forward to swimming lessons every week. Had it for years but mom stuff again. Greg took me to the Y on some weekends back in high school but I just stopped. Back then, I wore a full...thing with like shorts and sleeves too. I like this though." She made her way back to the lip and took a breath.

 

"You okay?"

 

Lina nodded and gave a little smirk. "Librarian and gamer. I skip on leg days." 

 

She covered a yawn by accidentally splashing her face when bringing her arm over. A little after, she pushed up and left through the shallow end. There were two lounge chairs right next to each other. She stretched out with her hands resting on her stomach and shut her eyes for a while. I got out too after another ride on the small, twisted banana slide. 

 

There was enough shade from the wall to keep a fair, freckled redhead and a pale blonde from cowering in terror but the sun was ever creeping. Couldn't it just take a break too?

 

Looking at the shadows, it seemed like we would be fine for the rest of our time. But more people were arriving and the chairs would be prime real-estate to be claimed if we went back for a dip. No way was I going to the pool management desk to buy one of their crappy, single-use sunscreens which any hotel would be ashamed to offer for free. At least not for myself.

 

Deep breath. Relax too.

Sigh. God, Lina looked so small and so young lying there. If not for the video, now only in my head, I would never imagine she was my big, beefy man reshaped into the cousin he nurtured better than the one who gave birth to her.

 

 

What about the original? An unsuspecting-Lina surely on her way back from a week of California and games. Her entire heart had been laid bare, copy-and-pasted into another who lived a life unique to this week. I had no idea what to think...

 

But I knew what to feel. Lina, the Lina of this week, was eye-opening, sweet, sincere, gentle, tragic, optimistic, delightful, potent, dedicated, fun, and also pretty. She was my girl, whatever that meant, as much as Greg was my man. I told myself it would be okay but that didn't make me feel any less anxious about the future.

 

Lina gave a soft, drawn-out groan like this morning and stretched her arms to the sides of her lounge chair. She blinked and looked over at me with those curious, blue eyes to check, "Are we okay on time?" I nodded.

 

She flexed her bare feet and watched a young mother hold her toddler son with his knees submerged at the edge of the pool. He swung between wailing, chewing on a finger, and slapping at the water with his feet. Lina smiled and rested a hand on her belly.

 

I looked out over the pool. Shame Blake didn't come around anymore. Some time ago, I'd been strutting around to the deep end and felt a firm, sudden slap on my left ass cheek. 

 

It was startling but not unwelcome, especially when Blake introduced himself properly. I fucked him raw for days. It was best to leave that story out as Lina asked about my past experiences here.

 

 

I was about to send them a bit of my fire when Lina bolted from the chair and jumped in. They squealed as she splashed them before they could reload and she giggled as they tried to get her again. The look on her face was as radiant as any last night.

 

It went on for a bit, although they were polite not to include anyone else in their little war. Eventually, a woman who could have easily been a relative of mine called the kids over and chatted with a panting Lina. She and the kids waved as Lina crawled her way out of the pool and plopped back on the chair I'd viciously-protected. The sun was beginning to glimmer off her hair as she caught her breath.

 

"That was...so much fun! Oh boy. I can't believe I was gonna sleep in a chair at the OWL all break. Gosh. Thank you again!"

 

She hopped over with a big, soggy hug as I chuckled. The rest of the time, she was up and down and moving around. I took another little swim but only when she was guarding my chair. 

 

Right before we were about to leave, Lina admitted, "You're like the big sister I never had."

 

 

 

I swallowed a ball of nausea and told her, "Amazing. Just...please just take it one day at a time, okay?"

 

Lina giggled, "Of course. But I can't help it. I'm in love with my life and the possibilities ahead. As your friend, as a woman, as a soul that didn't know any of this was possible for me....I've said it so many times, in so many ways, but thank you, Babs...for everything."

 

 

It hurt where no pain could be pinpointed and it was beautiful like a wave of hot pepper hitting your mouth. And I was broken.

 

 

 

As I collected my scattered thoughts, I looked over the towels and reached into my bag. My...fucking keys were gone.

 

That pimp-looking motherfucker stole my keys! Fuck! Where? He was just over there! The bright fucking purple piece of shit! Crap! A sweaty, burning fury tore at me as I dug through the trunk. Goddamn you!

 

"You okay, Babs?" Lina called back with concern. 

 

Fucking hell. Shit. Uhh... "Just uh...have you seen my keys?"

 

"Yeah." She gestured. To the ignition. 

 

Oh. Okay. Still a weird-looking fucker. I also checked my purse to make sure he didn't ninja up and pick-pocket something when I wasn't looking despite standing several feet away. I didn't see anything gone. I would keep looking but try not to dwell on it.

 

Lina again asked if everything was alright. God, that face. That calm, sweet face with a glimmer of Greg at the edges. It hurt.

 

She was Lina, she was Greg. Now a petite woman, once a beefy man. Daydreams of fun and having children...but what about Greg? He sometimes mused about being a dad someday. That made sense with how he cared for Lina. John really only told me he liked old games (same as Lina), enjoyed food (who doesn't?), and was into wrestling. 

 

Was that where I fucked up? I hadn't even asked him to clarify what kind. Shit shit shit. Keep it together. Keep what fucking shit you have left together! 

 

I got all sorts of concerned looks from Lina but I drove. End of the break. I needed a meaty, fucking-long sub. I could do this. I could detach from the me who was screaming that her man was going to be the first permanent loss of a bet, one way or another.

 

Manceni's, just north of the Walmart and the Bob Evan's. It was beside where I got Lina the scrubs she was wearing. They had the best fucking grinders. We took our food to go.

 

"Did something happen at the pool?" The shiver down my back wasn't some trickle of pool water that stuck around, it was hearing Lina's nervous words and seeing her anxious expression. Back to the smile.

 

"Just a heh...post-relaxation crash. I'll be fine once I'm back to work." This was enough to dispel the concern from her face as she confidently told me, "You can look forward to doing it again next week." 

 

At the OWL, we ate in the same spot as yesterday, but the questions were different.

 

----

 

"Have I watched wrestling? Maybe once. WrestleMania, probably. I got curious because Greg was saying all these names after an event. The Minch. No, the Miz. The Undertaker. Kane. Nick Engle. Mick Flair. I think. And I saw a little of the Hulk and Macho Man Randy Savage. Like manly theater or something. My college had a wrestling show. I missed it, along with all but one improv event. It was during the last month of classes. I wanted to see more. It was so fun, but it just ended and I'm still thinking about what might've been. Maybe I'll watch some wrestling on Youtube tonight, just in case I find something I like."

 

Encouraging sign. I'd also been meaning to watch some since John clued me in.

 

----

 

"Oh goodness, I dunno. My mom has been a lapsed Methodist for decades. My dad is still Dutch Reformed along with a lot of the other Owlswatters, except Archie of course. But me...I think I got baptized when I was just a baby." She cleared her throat before continuing.

 

"But you didn't say religion. Just...God. And I would say...I dunno. In the most terrifying moments of my life, I have begged and prayed and hoped. Wonderful, beautiful people have gotten me through those moments. The fact I'm still here makes me so grateful. For every breath. For every dream I can share. For every kid I can offer that same glimmer of light. Is there a being, a force, or a greater light watching over things? I dunno. But, if there is, I hope They think I'm doing okay."

 

 

-----

 

As I finished the sausage-heavy portion of my grinder, Lina set her veggie down and asked me a question.

 

"How did you meet Archie? How did you come to work here?"

 

I raised an eyebrow and smirked. "You know when he taught at Frostwell Community College?" Lina nodded.

 

"Well, he taught this class. It was supposed to be cooking, home economics, and some sociology stuff too. He...took his own approach, as he often did. He taught people how to fix shit around the house, cook in any situation, and organize stuff. Practical things. I took it because he wrote his own class description and it sounded different than all the other, dry electives."

 

Lina giggled as I continued, "He taught openly, invited people to his self-built house for lessons, and was a highlight of college for me. I did really well and he noticed. Grace, his original secretary, was retiring so he offered to hire me. And that was it. Good thing too, because he was fired by the administration soon after. As I recall, some professors from women's studies really hated him because, among various colorful statements, he compared their field to...uhh 'a snake forever gobbling its own ass'."

 

Cracking up, Lina shook her head and noted, "I only heard snippets of what happened later from family but that sounds like Archie."

 

Archie also said I was a beautiful girl with lots of fire and I'd be perfect for the job. My mom threw around bitchy accusations that I was sucking him off under his table because she couldn't fathom I had a better job than her. No, Archie did enjoy having me around for his tired eyes but he was, and still is, the consummate professional. 

 

Greg followed in that tradition (despite my persistent, gnawing feelings). I missed him, even though I was sitting right beside him as we finished our lunch.

 

 

 

Lina didn't show interest in the specials or the music. She just followed me to a booth and sat down length-wise. Leaning against the wall with her head on the cushion and her legs stretched out, Lina announced, "Order me whatever. I trust you."

 

It wasn't the most comfortable-looking position but she rested her eyes easily with her arms folded under her scrub-covered bust.

 

 

And she thought it was normal. She thought this was how her body was supposed to look. She was worried about looking pretty. She was dainty and girly and sweet. It was adorable. It was cute. But it was also a perversion of how things were supposed to be.

 

A funhouse mirror without the fun. My man eclipsed and filled with the presence of his relative. Filled, deluged, and buried in the feelings, mind, and essence of someone else. Where was he? Where had those limp dicks put him? What would they return to me?

 

 

 

I stomped to the bar and bent over it. Only it was difficult to stomp in what I was wearing, so I just strutted really hard with my ass swinging angrily. I still felt tough.

 

The barkeep was quick to take my order. Goat cheese penne salmon with spinach, potatoes, and tomatoes for Lina. Lamb stew for me. Faygo Pineapple for her drink. Red ale and two shots of Redbreast for mine. And loaded potato wedges to share.

 

"I'll just take the shots here."

 

Kick back the first. Spicy and warm all the way down. It really hit the spot and all over the spot. The second smacked down to my toes. Saucy! 

 

God, the man on the nearest stool was ripped. His dense shoulders barely fit into his gray shirt. I'd love to see those arms wrapped around me, handling me from the top down. Then his rough jeans. What surprises did they hide?

 

His coarse, dark hair and dense beard. I could stroke it. I smiled leaning forward. A clean-shaven man returned from the bathroom and surprised him with an affectionate shoulder rub. 

 

Fuck! I added fried pickles to the order. 

 

I returned to the table with the pickles, the drinks, and the steaming wedges. 

 

Lina smiled and sipped. "Ooo, I like this one. Not harsh. Real sweet. Thanks, Babs!"

 

Nodding, I dipped and licked my pickles before downing them. Lina proclaimed, "Fuzzy pickles!" It must've been a game reference. They were good with tart mustard sauce and a mix of spears and full ones.

 

"Anything I should expect for Friday at the OWL? Does it tend to be like Monday or Wednesday?"

 

I held a pickle in my mouth before chewing off the end. "Depends. It's later in the month so doctors book heavy. Therefore, a lot of orders drop in. And people tend to wait till their last chance in the week to get things done. Fairly crazy Fridays."

 

But would you even need to worry about that? When Greg came back he would not be ready for work the same day. And I could wind up wrecked dealing with him. But no fucking way was Deb gonna be in charge of the damn ship. I'd rather lose a day of business.

 

Each sip of ale held back but also deepened the throbbing in my head. Lina was so relaxed. So natural. So happy. The fuck was I doing here? She should've been spending her moments like last night, having the kind of fun she wanted. 

 

Well, this was where I ran into Greg a week ago. I stretched my foot under the table and told him what I wanted after dancing around it for so long. And I wanted...god, I still wanted some dick more than anything. Fucking hell. 

 

Every man here. I could fuck them. Big orgy at Bab's place, come on! You in the brown flannel over there! You bet your ass you can take my ass. Plow it deep. Let me feel you everywhere. That older guy with the gray beard. I bet you've got a tongue like an old pro. Like a fucking shower brush but delicate. I'll show you what my tongue can do too. Come on, fuck me like you mean it! All of you. Take turns or don't. I can make room. I can...God. Why the fuck was I here?

 

I set a pickle down and looked over at Lina. Quietly, I confessed, "I can't do this anymore." She noticed my drink pushed aside and frowned.

 

"Aww. I saw you with those shots. I could never do that. But please take it easy or we'll need a cab." She gave a quick chuckle. God...how. Yeah, I was definitely already over. And it would take hours to get sober. 

 

Meekly, I murmured, "I'm sorry. I'm so sorry..."

 

"What for?" She nibbled on a pickle. 

 

For everything. "For any trouble you've had this week."

 

Sipping her pop, Lina giggled. "Maybe on Monday but I got over it. Bring on Friday! I can handle it."

 

The faint noise of the pub was starting to get loud against my head, even without my ale. I took a deep breath. "We've had a lot of nice meals...lately."

 

Dipping her pickle, Lina looked me gently in the eye. "Yeah! I like to think so. Hopefully including the breakfast I made. And I hope this one isn't too pricy for you. I think I can cover it with my cash wage from today though."

 

I shook my head firmly. "No. I got this. You just enjoy it." Lina lingered on my eyes and scratched behind her ear before relenting, "Okay, but I'm scheming sweet things to do for you. Not to make us even but because you are an awesome friend and totally deserve it." She started on one of the wedges with a grin.

 

No, I wasn't. Bless you, Lina, but I wasn't. I was shit. Letting you sit there while time ran out on your dreams and I waited for my dreams to pick up again. Letting you think you could have lots of sweet, wide-eyed, happy babies when those parts wouldn't last the weekend. Letting you dream of tomorrow when an everything-eater asteroid was speeding towards what you knew of a life. And the only remains would be my man with the memories of what might have been. Fuck this and fuck me...

 

"Lina. About that video from Saturday."

 

She puffed frantically on a hot sliver of potato. "Yeah?"

 

"It's missing now." Fuck fuck fuuuck. I couldn't tell her it was because my phone's cloud was garbage. I just about gnawed on my lip. The ale was calling again.

 

Lina dipped her head and gave a sly smile. "I actually...saw, when I soft-modded your phone. But that's good! It means that whatever hit John and Greg was just messing with you. Although I do still have some worries..."

 

I held my breath before asking, "Like?"

 

"Well, if John is that bum guy instead of being the me taking my spot at BlizzCon then that means, most likely, Greg is probably my twin. We shared a lot of personal stuff back in high school and when life was...less than nice for me. But, no matter how cool he's always been, I hope he doesn't remember everything. A little privacy please hehe."

 

I managed a smile and offered, "No matter what fun he might have at that con...can't compare to the week we had."

 

Flashing her teeth, Lina cradled her drink. "Except for the sleep deprivation and the...unpleasantness this morning. But yeah, it has been something else. Hanging out with you. Sharing so much. Learning so much..."

 

My honest smile. "So many beautiful dicks."

 

Lina snickered over her drink. "That too..." 

 

Our food was ready. I picked at my stew but got through it. Lina tore into her pasta as ravenously as the hangover breakfast earlier. Soon, it was over but for the damn wedge potatoes we'd barely made a dent in. 

 

Lina hopped up to grab a to-go box for them, saying, "Snack tomorrow." My ale was empty but still a bittersweet reminder in my throat.

 

Looking over, I noticed her leaning against the bar as the keep handed her a wrapped-up slice of cheesecake with strawberry and caramel. He gestured to a special on the counter. Oh yeah, two meals, one free slice. 

 

She grinned and adjusted the bag to slip the cake in. A guy on a stool nearby said something that ended in "night". Lina clutched the bag with her slender arms through the loops. She answered something back that ended in "tomorrow". 

 

She stood there, resting against the bar, same as I did. She brushed her hair back and smirked. I noticed how the guy on the stool resembled John. His long locks flowed like unbraided rope with a hint of rust.

 

I shut my eyes and took a long breath. As she finished chatting, just a regular girl talking to a regular guy, I stood up from the booth and approached her.

 

Halfway between the bar and the booth, I met her. She showed off the bag and noted, "Free cheesecake."

 

Deep breath. I wrapped my arms around her. "Have an awesome trip home." I gave her a hearty trio of slap pats. And released my breath.

 

"Uhh...kay."

 

Leaving her, I walked back to the table and put some money on it. Then, I put some money in her free hand. 

 

"Babs? What? What's this for?"

 

"The ALPH or a cab. Your call."

 

I turned to walk to the door. She hurried after me. "Babs? What's wrong? Did I do something wrong?" Her voice turned strangled and desperate.

 

Gently, I assured her, "It's fine."

 

"I..But...why are you acting like this is goodbye?!"

 

It was. "I'm too drunk to drive. You get a cab home and I'll get one home too."

 

Lina shook her head. "No. We can split it. We ride back together. It's the sensible thing."

 

I turned away. "Nah, my treat. Your own ride."

 

"But Babs...I'm really worried about you. Please." Her arms dipped. "If...if I upset you or did something wrong...I'm so sorry. I didn't mean to. I never mean to. It just happens. It just... Is it the hairpin? I left it out today. But it's right in my pocket and at the pool I didn't want to lose it. But it's here. I have it right here!" She held it in a quivering hand with her eyes wide and glossy.

 

"It's beautiful. You're beautiful."

 

Shakily, Lina put the pin in her hair. "Yes, it's so beautiful and thank you for it. Is that okay?"

 

I swallowed. "I think you have a few things left in my car, like your swimsuit. You should go get them."

 

She curled back her lips and shook her head. "Please, are we okay? You're not mad at me? You're not upset?"

 

I smiled weakly. "I'm not mad. I'm not upset. It's okay."

 

"Then don't leave. Please, Babs. Don't leave. I'm so sorry. For whatever happened. For whatever's wrong. Even if it's not me. Don't leave." Her voice got so small, smaller with every breath, choked in her tears. 

 

I reached out for her hand. She took it eagerly.

 

"It's okay. I'll see you again soon." Warm smile. Serene smile. One more smile for my girl. 

 

The trembling eased. She went to get her stuff in my car. I shouldered half the load as the ALPH pulled up to take her. She waved through the window and blew kisses. And she was gone.

 

My eyes itched. They were irritated. They kept getting wet on the side. Over and over, both eyes. Just more and more tears. I had to close them and whimper. Too much humidity. It irritated my eyes. I rubbed them but they kept getting wet. Over and over. Trickling down my face. That never happened in the Southwest. Damn humidity up here. God, why wouldn't my eyes just quit it!

 

The driver didn't ask about my tears. I was leaving a pub. 

 

Lina buzzed my phone with text messages, but I didn't check them. I knew what they would say. I just shut my soaking eyes until I was home. 

 

I stepped through the front door with bleary, wet vision. Dammit! Stop already! 

 

It was so dusty in here. No wonder this happened. With my teeth clenched, I yanked the vacuum out of the closet. Dust bunnies, along with all you fucking spiders and bugs! You are on notice than I'm gonna burn down your homes with my own personal fucking tornado! Who cares if that makes no sense?! You're going down!

 

I rage vacuumed! I cleaned the ever-loving shit out of everything! I sprayed Lysol like bile! Clean as fuck, you piece of shit bum, leeching motherfuckers! Everything! 

 

At the end, I looked out across the clean and fresh landscape. Everything done. Everything nice and neat. And my eyes were still drowning. 

 

Well, then I'll drown them! I blasted my face with a shower. Take that! But even after drying-off they wouldn't stop, dammit! I wasn't some little girl! I wasn't like this! I ran a damn office where I politely told people where to stuff it and how hard! I wanted my man and his hard, glorious dick! But Lina...sweet Lina. Just a wind whisper of a grain in the sands of time. I balled my fists. Fucking limp dicks!

 

God, I pounded the bed face-first. I piled the pillows for my face with my tits pressing me up. I buried my hot breath and moist fears. 

 

My man. My girl. My love. My life. 

 

You were both beautiful and I wanted you both. I want Greg inside me and I wanted Lina beside me. Fucking bet-holders. Fuck with someone else. Anyone else. Not them.

 

If I could offer a bet, no matter the cost, I would...just to know everything would be alright.

 

Tiredness dragged me down. No alarms set. It didn't matter. Let sleep come. Deep, consuming sleep to seal the heart and break the sorrow...

 

 

 

What the hell?!

 

I turned in bed. Something was wrong. Seriously wrong. 

 

I looked down. 

 

Holy freaking crap! My tits were gone!