I floated above the deck of the magnetic linear accelerator, a long squarish tube with electromagnetic rails running along either side. The far end of this tube opened into the pitch-black vacuum of space. Inside my cockpit, my pilot Miette firmly gripped my throttle in one hand and joystick in the other, her breath quickening in anticipation of the battle to come. We were about to fly into combat against enemies unknown.

Were I some sort of cool heroic protagonist, this might be the moment when I would proudly declare “Ah yes! I spent my entire old life playing mecha video games, so I am completely prepared for this! I’ll show you my true gamer skills!” Alas, I had no such experience to lean on. Aside from my old job driving a forklift, the only real skills I had were… watching Netflix? Ordering pizza? Lazing around?

How the HELL did a completely boring-ass woman like me get reincarnated in this sort of situation? I want to file a complaint with God!

It wasn’t possible for me to take deep breaths without lungs, so I just tried to clear my mind for a moment. I tried to relax.

The resoluteness of my pilot, who was clearly a professional soldier and used to this sort of thing, grounded me a bit. If I just left the piloting to her and trusted in her experience, I could just play a support role, right?

Come to think of it… Is it even possible for me to move without her at the controls?

Testing this out, I coiled and uncoiled my right pinkie finger, very slowly so Miette wouldn’t notice. It seems I could indeed move without my pilot directing me to. And yet when she gave me commands, either verbally or via control input, I responded instantly and automatically as if I were trained to do so. I wondered if it was possible for me to disobey one of her commands.

Even so, it’s best to leave the piloting to a professional like her, right? She must have a lot of experience, and I have absolutely no idea what I’m doing!

I nodded, mentally. Yeah. I can just rely on her!

My thoughts were interrupted by a video chat window that popped up in my cockpit. A serious-looking girl glared holes into Miette. She had long light blue hair, piercing deep blue eyes and glasses, which lent her a serious appearance. The video’s metadata identified her as “SGFC-81 Radiolaria Central Artificial Intelligence.”

The ship… has its own AI? If that’s the case, is it not that weird for a robot like me to have an AI too? I wondered. Somehow, that conjecture didn’t quite jive with my pre-programmed dialogue. My canned responses were more like a digital assistant then an artificial intelligence. But somehow my human mind was intact and functioning in this robot body, and if it were possible for me to move independently without control inputs from my pilot I could probably say things outside my program script too, if I chose to.

Let’s put that idea on the back burner for now. Better to just play along with whatever’s going on…

“2^nd Lieutenant Levesque, combat briefing will now commence.” the blue-haired woman said with a businesslike demeanor. “Confirm combat readiness.”

Miette gave a thumbs up. “I’m good to go, Laria.”

The AI woman, Laria, sighed. “Please respond with more formality. This is a military environment and such casual conduct is most unbefitting the ship’s top ace pilot.”

Miette frowned and waved her hand dismissively. “We can worry about professionalism when the war’s over. Get on with it.”

Laria sighed again and straightened her glasses. “Deep scan LIDAR detected an unknown number of bogeys which crossed a blind spot in the Absolute Lunar Defense Line approximately 2042 seconds ago. Based on the mass, we estimate between three and seven enemy units. Since all fourteen of our active duty Gravity Frames were extensively damaged in the previous battle, thanks in no small part to your own unconventional tactics, you are currently piloting the only combat-ready unit the ship can presently deploy, an obsolete Nighthawk we pulled out of the boneyard. Our mechanic chief estimates at least three hours of repair time before another unit will be combat-ready. With that in mind, I implore you to rethink your typically reckless piloting. You can NOT destroy this unit in the upcoming battle. It is the ship’s ONLY combat asset at present.”

WHOA WAIT HOLD THE SPACE PHONE. Did you just say Miette has a track record of destroying the robots she pilots? THAT’S NOT OKAY! Can I request a different pilot please?!

Miette waved her hand again. “Don’t worry about it. I’ll be careful.”

“Your history would suggest otherwise. Nevertheless, I choose to believe you understand the seriousness of our present situation, despite all evidence to the contrary.”

Miette shrugged.

Miette, how could you do this to me? I put my trust in you, and it turns out you’re actually a reckless hotshot?!

Radiolaria straightened her glasses again. It seemed like something of a tic for her. “All pertinent information has been presented. Prepare for launch in 22 seconds.”

OH NO! OH NOOOOO! HERE WE GO!

“2^nd Lieutenant Miette Levesque, this ship Radiolaria and all aboard her pray for your glory in battle.”

Miette nodded. “Miette Levesque, Nighthawk, LAUNCHING!”

Power crackled through the electromagnetic rails on either side of me, and my body was suddenly seized by tremendous acceleration. If I had teeth, I would be gritting them.

Miette’s hands were steady and calm at my controls. While trying not to panic, I went zooming out into the black of space.

“Do your best, Sveta. I’ll be gentle.” Miette whispered. I didn’t find that terribly reassuring.

*****

As soon as we cleared the launch tube, a two pairs of fins unfolded from my back. Quickly consulting my specifications table, I learned they were the radiators for my primary gravity drive; the very thing that allowed me to move freely through space. They emanated a deep purple glow, resembling a pair of angular X-shaped wings.

There were also four smaller gravity drives located in each of my forearms and shins respectively, each with their own smaller radiator fin. These served as reaction control thrusters, thus allowing me unparalleled mobility in a zero-gravity environment. Miette manipulated all five of these gravity drives with an expert touch, fine-tuning my flight path by adjusting the output of each radiator fin with extreme precision.

S-She’s definitely skilled. That’s mildly comforting… I just hope she doesn’t wreck me!

Next, she deployed my primary mounted weapon, a pair of cannons nestled between the radiator fins against my back. They swung upwards and over my shoulder, telescoping outwards to twice their stowed length. My specs revealed these were hardpoint shoulder-mounted positron cannons, a weapon directly fed from my nuclear reactor and packing quite a punch. They were most effective at medium-to-long ranges.

Aside from that, I was currently armed with a handheld positron repeater rifle, capable of rapid-fire, which could be aimed a little more freely than the shoulder cannons. This was a close-in weapon, meant for dogfights. I also had two plasma blade generators on each of my wrists in case I ever got into a melee fight.

I’d feel a lot better if I had some missiles… I complained mentally. Suddenly, a creepy-feeling blip twinged at the borders of my perception.

“Enemy contact. Visual confirmation of three units. Magnifying visual.” my flat computer voice said to Miette. And there, soaring rapidly towards us, was our enemy.

The three… THINGS were flying in a reverse delta formation. The central creature looked like a pulsating ball of human flesh sprouting several dozen sharpened bone spines which jutted out in every direction. It resembled a cross between a rippling water balloon and a sea anemone.

The two creatures on the left and right each looked like a spindly human hand with six fingers, with an extra thumb lending them a weirdly symmetrical appearance. They were posed in a clawlike posture, and instead of nails each finger was capped by a single disturbingly human-looking tooth. In the center of the palm was a huge eye, with a vertical bright-red catlike iris and red veins lining the sclera.

I recoiled in horror at the sight of these creatures.

“Verifying enemy disposition. Standard reverse delta formation. One spineball, two clawteeth.” my voice said automatically, not betraying my shock.

It’s a good thing my standard responses are pre-programmed, or my voice would be shaking right now…

Miette responded by twisting my throttle to maximum acceleration, bringing my shoulder cannons to bear, and opening fire.

The shoulder cannons were fire-linked and fired alternately, with approximately one second between shots per cannon. That meant an arc of glowing blue positron death seared towards the creatures every half-second. Hell yeah! Take that, you slobbering space monsters!

The creatures dodged with startling agility. The clawteeth rolled off to the left and right and the spineball avoiding each shot with a jagged flight path that bent towards us. Responding to our opening volley, its spines glowed with the same deep purple light as my radiator fins and began to detach and shoot towards us one by one.

Miette expertly threaded my gravity generators, dodging the spines with ease. However, after missing, each spine halted, rotated, and came zooming right back at us.

No fair! Why do those space monsters get guided missiles and I don’t?!

Jerking me around erratically to shake off the ever-increasing amount of spine projectiles trying to skewer us, Miette opened fire with the handheld rifle, using its rapid-fire mode to blast the spines into oblivion as she narrowly dodged them. It was a harrowing dance with death, and I could do naught but observe in fearful awe.

With a sudden corkscrew twist and blast of acceleration, Miette weaved between the spines and used the rifle to lay down suppressing fire against the spineball. As it began to dodge, she placed a single precise shot from the left shoulder cannon directly through its center of mass.

The spineball let out a shriek of multi-spectral radiation and exploded into a shower of bone and gore. Without pausing for a moment, she twisted around again and continued to blast away the spine projectiles, which were still tracking us despite the death of their mother vessel.

She’s really good at this, isn’t she? I though, with just a tiny amount of admiration. I guess I can leave this to her af-

My sensors blitzed in warning as the clawteeth zoomed towards us from either side. While Miette had been dogfighting, they had flanked us and were moving in the for the kill. Their finger-teeth glinted brightly as they aimed to shred my arms. Miette made no move to dodge them, still focused on the incoming spines.

“Miette, look out!” I shrieked. Without even thinking, and bereft of any input from my pilot, I ignited my wrist-mounted plasma blades and spun around like a ballerina, severing the fingers of the clawteeth on both sides. Blood poured out from their severed digits and boiled in the hard vacuum.

“What th-“ Miette gasped, suddenly dizzy. “Sveta… what did y-“

She quickly cut herself off and twisted my controls, dodging incoming spines by a hair’s breadth. Switching off my plasma blades and resuming fire with the rifle, she handily disposed of the rest of them.

Ahh… whew… it’s over… I thought, breathing a mental sigh of relief.

Miette pulled off her helmet, and for the first time I saw her face. It was framed by wild orange hair cut just above her shoulders, and her brilliant green eyes shone like emeralds. Her nose was dusted by freckles.

S-She’s kinda cute…

“Sveta… or whoever’s controlling Sveta… what the FUCK did you just do?!” she blurted, her voice equal parts anger and confusion.

Uhh… oh shit. I guess I controlled myself for a moment there. I’ll just play dumb.

“Unrecognized query. Please rephrase.”

Her eyes narrowed. “Don’t give me that. Never, NEVER in my nine years of piloting have I seen a robot move itself. Explain. NOW.”

Ohhhh fuck. Ohhhh shit. Okay Sveta, be cool.

“Unrecognized query. Please rephrase.”

Miette crossed her arms over her breastplate. “We’re not going anywhere until I get an answer.” She reached under the pilot’s seat and unplugged two cables.

“Primary gravity drive offline. Reaction control gravity drives offline. Please reconnect.”

“NOT. UNTIL. I. GET. AN. ANSWER.” She repeated, gritting her teeth in a frightening scowl.

Well fuck nuggets on a shit sandwich. I really blew it…

Seeing no other option, I decided to come clean. I had cried out in alarm earlier, which was NOT one of my pre-programmed responses, so I should be able to speak naturally as well.

“Ehehehehe…” I giggled nervously, my voice completely lacking the flat monotone it had before. “I gave myself away, huh? Uhh… n-nice to meet you, my pilot. I’m Sveta, your giant robot!”

Miette just stared at me, mouth agape.