“Why are you doing all this to yourself?”, Shen Tianyi exasperatedly asked Bai Minglan who was already lying lazily on the couch.

Seeing that the living room was too cluttered for him to find where he could sit down, he removed his outer coat and started picking up empty bottles and trash. As a pampered young master himself, Shen Tianyi only put the bottles and trash at the corner. Once he cleared out a space he deemed to be a bit cleaner, he then sat down to face Bai Minglan.

Of course, as a doctor, Shen Tianyi didn’t forget to disinfect himself before starting the pep talk with his friend.

“Your secretary has called you a couple of times.”, he started. “You haven’t been going to your company. He can’t handle everything alone, you know.”

“Your mom’s been calling me too, asking how you were. You won’t even answer her calls. Just what are you trying to do?”

As if not hearing him speak, Bai Minglan simply took the almost empty bottle of wine nearby and poured its content into his nearly empty glass. However, before he can completely fill his glass, Shen Tianyi grabbed the bottle from his hands.

“Are you looking to kill yourself?!”, Shen Tianyi exclaimed at him.

Bai Minglan stared at his friend for a while before he leaned on the couch’s backrest with an exhausted demeanor. He was quietly staring at the ceiling.

When Shen Tianyi thought that he won’t ever speak to him, Bai Minglan opened his mouth. “I don’t know what to do, actually. I wanted so badly to die but I don’t want to kill myself. What if I won’t be able to go to where Liuli is simply because I committed suicide instead of waiting for my natural death? And then I thought, what difference would that make? I am no longer with Liuli now, should I just take the risk? Perhaps these fears won’t come true.”

“Minglan-”

“Then, when I thought of dying and meeting her, I feel truly afraid. Not of death, but of the possibility that perhaps I may find out more truth about me, about her, about our relationship, which may further prove that I don’t deserve her… that, perhaps, she deserved someone better. I feel so ashamed.”

“You don’t understand any of these struggles, do you, Tianyi?”, Bai Minglan turned to him for a while before turning back his gaze into the ceiling. “I always thought that the two of us would be together. Forever. That whatever misunderstandings she had or tantrums she threw, she’d always come back to me. After all, she loved me.”

Bai Minglan then bitterly chuckled at his own words.

“But now, the question of returning or not is all moot. She won’t be able to return even if she wants to, even if I want to drag her back. All the regrets I’m feeling is eating me up from inside out, I wish I can just sleep it all off, not think about it. Yet, I can’t.”

“I don’t have the right to forget her.”, Bai Minglan didn’t notice the tears that fell from the corner of his eyes. “After taking her love for granted, for making her suffer by my side, I don’t think I’m allowed to be happy without her.”

Shen Tianyi didn’t immediately rebuff his friend’s words. In fact, he is trying to process those words as well. Minglan’s love was too trusting and too confident. Since he knows that Liuli loves him, he didn’t see the point in caring for her feelings. He always thought that Liuli’s love won’t change, that it will always be there. Indeed, he took her love for granted.

“Minglan, what happened to Liuli is an accident.”, Shen Tianyi said in a low voice. “You didn’t want her to die. And I’m sure, if you’d just known that she’ll get into an accident that day, I’m sure you’d have found ways to prevent that. It’s not your fault.”

“Whether or not you loved her as much as she loved you is never a factor in her death. Don’t let other people put the blame on you simply because Liuli was on the way to the airport after your breakup.”

“Liuli wouldn’t want to see you like this.”, Shen Tianyi continued. “She’d rather you go and make your company as famous as it could possibly be instead of you sulking in this penthouse. If she were alive right now and living somewhere in Europe or America, she’d probably send you a message saying you shouldn’t mess up. After all, when the two of you broke up, you chose your paperwork over her. She’d probably feel a sense of relief when she sees you doing well. At least, she’ll think that what she gave up on is exactly what would make you happy.”

Bai Minglan was silently shaking while crying at his friend’s words. He wanted to refute them so much but he also understands what Shen Tianyi was trying to say.

“You’ve already lost Song Liuli, Minglan.”, Shen Tianyi slowly enunciated. “Don’t lose the one thing Song Liuli made way for. More than you not loving her, she’d be angrier with you if you undermine her efforts. You were already doing that for the past decade. Are you going to give up just like that? Liuli would be so disappointed with you if she knows that aside from being a bastard in love, you are also an irresponsible human being. She won’t be happy with you.”

“Are you still trying to comfort me or are you just using this pep talk of yours to hit me where it hurts?”, Bai Minglan’s hoarse voice rebuffed Shen Tianyi, which made the latter chuckle.

Shen Tianyi stood up and readied himself to leave. He had already said his piece. It is up to Minglan to think them over and get back on his feet.

“Fix yourself.”, he said. He then ruffled his friend’s hair before he went out of the penthouse.