"So, how was your first week?" asked Lucy.

"Awful," I said, "Abhorrent. Every single moment was the worst moment of my life. I feel like I've aged ten years in the past five days."

"Yikes," said Lucy. She glanced at Nick, "How about you?"

Nick shrugged, "Pretty shit."

I groaned. Classic Nick. Why would you ever be eloquent when you had the option to be vulgar?

The past week really had been hell. After our argument on that first night, I had tried my best to avoid Nick. Unfortunately, that was a lot harder than it sounded. I spent as much time away from the room (my own room!) as possible, but he always seemed to be there whenever I got back. And when he was there he was just so hard to ignore. He was big, and loud, and he always slammed the door when he came in, and sometimes he would just lie around on the couch with his shirt off. Besides being incredibly disrespectful, it was also making it increasingly hard to maintain my stubborn belief that he wasn't hot.

And even Nick wasn't actually in the room he still took up space. He kept leaving his things all over the couch, and... well, mostly just the couch. But he had started moving my things around too! Yesterday, I had left a pile of clothes sitting on my desk, and when I got home he had folded them up and dumped them on my bed.

So rude.

"Please tell me you've managed to sort things out," I said.

Lucy sucked in air through her teeth, "So you're still really set on individual rooms?"

"One hundred per cent," I said, "I'm not settling for less."

Lucy winced, "Is it really that important?"

"Yes!" I said.

"Why?"

It... it just is!" I squeaked. I couldn't tell her the truth. Especially not with Nick sitting right next to me, "I just... I just need it!"

"Don't bother, Mrs Collins," muttered Nick, "He's like a little kid. He doesn't know how to share."

"Shut up!" I said, "I share! I'm a nice person! I just... I have my own reasons!"

"What!" said Nick, "What reasons?"

I threw up my arms, "I just need it!"

Nick slapped the desk. A pile of papers slid off and fell to the floor of Lucy's office. She didn't bat an eye.

"It's been a full week of this!" said Nick. He glared at me, "If he's not giving up the room, neither am I."

"Okay," Lucy sighed, "It seems like you're both a little on edge."

Nick laughed bitterly, "Yeah, bet. I had two hours of sleep last night. That stupid couch..."

"Well, it's not like I had it better!" I said, "You make so much noise tossing and turning, I was up later than you!"

Nick's jaw dropped, "You're mad at me for—"

"Alright! Boys! Settle down!" Lucy pounded her desk decisively. A tin of pencils fell to the floor. She pointed at me, "Little Dom—"

"Just Dom," I said.

"—you've had the bed for a week. I think it's time that Big Dom—"

"Just Dom," Nick muttered.

"—got a turn," Lucy finished, "You're switching places for the next week."

Nick sank back in his chair. I collapsed forward onto the table. A sealed envelope with URGENT written on it slipped off the desk, into Lucy's trash can.

"I have to share my room for another week?" I whined.

Lucy chuckled, "Well! Not exactly."

Nick sat up, "How long?"

"Orientation week was this week," Lucy said suddenly, "That's always fun. Exciting time. You kids sign up for any clubs?"

I scowled. As a matter of fact, I had almost signed up for the LGBT Society on my second day. I still didn't actually know whether or not I was gay or anything, but their sign said they welcomed people who were questioning, and the two girls running the stall seemed really nice...

But just as I was about to approach them, I had seen Nick walking over from the direction, so I hightailed it out of there.

"I signed up for BizSoc," said Nick.

I jolted up, "What? You joined the Business Society? You're not a business major."

"Yes I am," he said.

"I thought you were on a sports scholarship!" I said.

Nick's face screwed up in disgust, "I'm not here to study track, you moron. The whole point of the scholarship is so I can study."

"But... I'm a business major," I protested.

"I figured," said Nick, "Your name was right above mine on the signup sheet for BizSoc."

"Oh my god," I whined.

"That's fun," said Lucy, "That's a funny coincidence."

"How long, Mrs Collins?" asked Nick.

Lucy gritted her teeth, "Well... I can promise you this: It's not going to be less than a month."

"A month!" I gasped.

Lucy held up a finger, "Not less than a month."

"What happens in a month?" Nick asked.

"So," Lucy said, "You know we like to show off our students here. Fundraisers, awards ceremonies, the whole shebang. You woulda seen it in the brochures. Anyway, part of that is this art exhibition we put on during orientation week."

I had actually seen the signs for that, and even considered checking it out. My father had always said it was art waste of time, but my mother was something of a collector. She even had a few Georgia O'Keeffe originals, although she said she only bought them as a status symbol.

Lucy went on, "So pride of place in this exhibition is this big old painting by this junior, guy named Kermit Tsu. Smart kid. Great artist, if you're into that. It's this whole big scene, like one of those Da Vinci paintings, with Jesus and his buddies."

I checked my smartwatch pointedly.

"So last night, I'm at the exhibition with my wife, checking it out," Lucy continued, "I'm not really into artsy stuff, but she's all cultured. And there's wine. And we get to Kermit's painting, and I've pretty much had enough. I mean, it's huge. It's gorgeous. It's this temple, and there's Jesus in the middle, and he's cracking a whip, which I didn't realise he was into. And there's these guys running away, and this whole crowd of people, and the kid's painted them all in crazy detail. They got faces and everything. And I'm thinking, okay, I know what faces look like. I'm ready to go. And then my wife turns to me, and she says, "Isn't that your boss?" And I take a closer look, and right in the back of the temple it's my old boss!"

Lucy raised her eyebrows and looked at us expectantly.

"What?" said Nick.

"My old boss!" said Lucy, "Dr Jordan Parker! Remember? You thought I was him?"

"So what!" I burst out, "Your old boss was in a painting! The artist probably met him at some point! Why is that important?"

Lucy looked at us like it was obvious, "Well, he was fuckin' a goat."

I blinked, "He was what?"

"Yeah," Lucy nodded excitedly, "Remember I said he got fired for being a pervert? Apparently Kermit heard about that, snuck it into his painting as a little hidden bonus. Like a political statement. My wife says the old artists used to do that all the time. Anyway, that painting had been up for a week. We were showing it off to everyone. Donors, famous alumni, reporters."

"That's... weird," said Nick, "But I don't get what it has to do with us."

Lucy pointed a finger triumphantly, "Kermit Tsu's a scholarship kid. Shelley Tuberton Art Scholarship. He's got a single room too. And because of this little stunt, he might be getting expelled. His hearing takes place in a month. Which means..."

"Free room," I gasped. I turned to Nick, "You can move out!"

He glared, "Yeah, you'd like that. Save you a lot of trouble."

"Well, I'm not moving out," I said, "It's my room!"

"It's my room!" said Nick, "You can't just buy a room! I earned it!"

"Lucy!" I turned back to her, "Can you settle this? Please? Who's room is it? Originally?"

Lucy winced, "Wish I knew, kiddo. I got both applications on the same day, so I thought it was just a double up. No way to know who actually applied for it first. Far as I'm concerned, the room belongs to you both equally."

"So if Kermit Tsu gets expelled," Nick said, "Who gets the room?

Lucy frowned, "Hmm. Maybe you could wrestle for it."

"What!" I spluttered, "Lucy! He's twice my size! And he's a professional athlete!"

Lucy gave me a condescending look, "Kid... he's missing an arm."

"No, he's right," said Nick,  "I would destroy him."

He narrowed his eyes at me.

"I would destroy you," he repeated.

"You wish," I said.

"Alright," said Lucy, "Jesus Christ. Settle down, boys. How about this: You're both business majors, so you're probably doing the same classes. I say you compare grades a month from now, and whoever's doing better gets the room."

"That's not fair," Nick interjected, "I have training every morning. That's time that Nick could be using to study."

"First of all," I said, "You're Nick. And secondly—"

"You're Nick," Nick interjected quickly.

"—Secondly, I don't need to study to beat you, " I said, "You're a jock. A big, rude, mean jock. I am refined. Intellectual. I attended one of the best private schools in the country—"

I suddenly remembered that I had made a promise to myself to not get a reputation as a rich jerk.

"—and I'm going to work very hard," I concluded, "But not while you're at training. Because despite my, I will admit, privileged background, I do believe in playing fair."

Nick gave me an appraising look. My heart fluttered. Was that a glimmer of begrudging respect in his eyes?

"I don't trust him," he announced, "I think the little prick's gonna cheat."

"How dare you," I snapped.

"Alright," said Lucy, "Here's a solution. Big Dom, whenever you get up for training, you wake up Little Dom and bring him along. Should be easy. He'll be sleeping on the couch."

"Too soon," I grumbled.

"Little Dom, you have to stay there for the whole training period, so Big Dom can tell you're not cheating. Maybe you could join him. Build some muscle."

"Ew," I said, "No thank you."

"Well, you'd better find some way to pass the time," Lucy said, "Because you can't study while you're there. So that means no phone, no books, no headphones to listen to lectures. You have to be on an even playing field. Does that sound fair?"

I looked at Nick. He weighed it up for a moment.

"Yeah," he said finally, "That sounds fair."

"Fine," I said, "If you're okay with it, so am I."

Nick nodded.

"I'm not worried, by the way," I said, "I could win this thing with... easily. I could win this easily."

"Great!" Lucy grinned, "Sounds like a deal!"

I stood up and stuck out my left hand. Nick rolled his eyes, got up and shook it.

"That was lovely, boys," said Lucy, and then very quickly and quietly, "Also it's entirely possible that Kermit Tsu isn't going to be expelled."

I chose to ignore that. I was feeling fired up. I knew I could do this. I had always gotten good grades in high school. and my private tutor Chris said I was one of the smartest students he'd ever taught. I was going to win this contest, and then I would never have to hear the name Dominic Lane ever again. Except in reference to myself, obviously.

"Uh," Nick said, "I think there's something else we were meant to talk about?"

"Oh, right!" Lucy leaned over and reached for the bottom drawer of a filing cabinet. She stopped and looked at me, "Little Dom, don't be a snitch, alright?"

"Yeah," said Nick, "Be cool for once."

"I am cool!" I protested.

"Alright," Lucy opened the drawer. Instead of actual files, which seemed to litter every other available surface of the room, the drawer contained a cooler. She lifted the lid, revealing a neatly packed bed of ice, a few mysterious dark bottles, and a six-pack of canned beers. 

She tossed the six-pack to Nick, who caught it with a big goofy grin on his stupid face.

"Awesome," he said.

He really didn't stand a chance.