“Fuck this house is big,” Sadie mutters as Mum drives us along the gravel driveway leading through the large garden and up to the house.

She’s not wrong. I’ve already been at Kim’s a few times, but the house and all its poshness never fail to amaze me. Really, it only barely falls short of being a mansion.

Kim’s parents are rich. Filthy rich. Which is honestly funny because it only further adds to the pile of characteristics about her that would make her an absolute bitch-by-tradition in any high school movie. But not in this reality. The contrast is hilarious, though.

And it makes her place a great venue for parties. Not that there have been all that many.

We leave the car and enter through the open terrace door. A lot of people are already there. Most of them are familiar faces. Not all, though. Kim has a lot of friends. There are also some people from the years above and below. It’s a proper large-scale party today. There’s supposed to be catering and even a specialised barman to man the Schneider’s very own bar.

None of the normal lights are on inside. Instead, coloured moving heads have been placed in strategic positions throughout most of the ground level, alongside synchronised speakers in the main party rooms.

We get a lot of hellos upon our entrance. Everybody we know acknowledges our presence in some way.

I eye all of them carefully, like I’ve grown accustomed to doing recently. I’m changing more and more, it feels like, but nobody’s realised yet. Or they haven’t said anything, anyway.

I had to take to wearing undershirts pretty much all the time so my nipples won’t be as prominently visible through the fabric of my T-shirt. It won’t be long until I’ll have to wear a sports bra or something to cover them and I’m probably already at that point, but for now, the disillusioned part of me is still holding strong. I’m wearing a black T-shirt to make it a little harder to see. Maybe I’m just being paranoid. Who, after all, is going to look at my chest.

I don’t really want to be here. But Sadie forced me. Said I needed to be among people enough so I won’t forget that they don’t secretly hate me. Which is probably really smart of her? Doesn’t change my discomfort right now, though.

A voice behind us. “Wells! Henry!”

I turn. It’s Kim, Linea leaning against her, her eyes already with the telltale look of drunkenness. Kim looks mostly sober. Both of them look great. They must’ve put a lot of thought into their looks today. Or not. It’s not like I’d be able to tell the difference. Kim’s usually straight, platinum blonde hair falls across her bare shoulders in beautiful curls and there’s a slight pink shadow on her eyelids.

“So glad you could make it!” Kim yells over the music, snapping me from my thoughts. I was staring again.

She’s looking at me, I realise then and my heart stops for a second. Did she notice?

“Happy to be here,” Henry shouts back. “You good, Linea?”

Linea nods with a huge grin. She’s holding on to Kim’s arm like she’s afraid she might fall if she let go. “Just had a little too much while setting everything up.”

Kim gives a friendly eye roll in direction of her friend. “She’s been drinking cocktails since lunch.” She looks a little like a mother after her child ate too many sweets in spite of all warnings.

Linea pouts. “But they’re so good! I had to try all of them. Better I do that over the course of six hours than within two once the party has started.”

Kim turns her focus back toward us. “You know where to find everything, right? Could you show Sadie around for me? I think I might be a little busy for the next hour making sure she won’t sneak her way into the storage room because I told the barman he’s not to make her any more drinks.”

I nod and lock eyes with Sadie as Linea protests.

“You did what?”

“You’re not getting anything but water for the rest of the evening, girl, I won’t have you throwing up at the party you helped organise.”

She gives an apologetic smile in my direction. “I’ll see you guys later. Have fun!”

Then she walks away slowly, half-carrying Linea down the hall and up the broad, elaborate stairs.

Sadie nudges me. I’ve been staring again. “C’mon, where’s the bar? I gotta have whatever she had!”

She’s got that glitter in her eyes again.

“Shouldn’t we have a look around first?” I say half-heartedly.

But she’s having none of it. “Nonsense! We can look around with drinks in our hands.” She pauses and eyes me for a moment. “Do you plan on drinking tonight?”

I shake my head vehemently as Henry grins from behind her. “Nope, definitely not.” Not after what happened last time.

“You know I could just pay a little more attention this time? Make sure you don’t get too drunk. Or.. you could do it yourself, too, obviously.”

I shake my head again, slower this time. “I don’t like the taste of it anyway. I’m sure I’ll manage to have fun without alcohol, too.”

Henry leads the way to the bar in the lounge-slash-living room the family probably doesn’t use a lot. But what would I know, I don’t live here.

Sadie orders drinks for all three of us because neither Henry nor I know enough about drinks to have a coherent opinion on it. I immediately forget the name of the drink she hands me again, but it’s sweet and prickly and cool. I think there’s ginger ale in it.

Then we spend easily an hour just walking around the house. Not that it’s all that big, but there are a lot of people to meet. Friends introduce their friends, we have short, superficial conversations and then move on. It gets easier after a while. The crowd in the rooms with music gets bigger and bigger as more and more people arrive. Kim knows a lot of people.

By the time we start dancing, Sadie’s already working on her third drink. She dances the same way she did over a month ago when we were at the beach at night to dance in the shallow.

I hold back a little more. I’m sure if I were as drunk as her I’d have no trouble imitating her, but I’m not, so I don’t. The atmosphere is good, I know a lot of the songs and can at least somewhat sing along. The air is stuffy and the crowd is so big that it’s virtually impossible to move through the room quickly.

I see Kim return. Without Linea. She’s immediately surrounded by a whole crowd of people but she seems to be looking for someone. She stands tall and her eyes wander across the room as she smiles and talks to them. And then her eyes lock with mine. There’s something in her eyes. Something I can’t read.

My stomach twists. Does she know? Is she trying to communicate that?

But why? Is she trying to offer her help or something? I honestly can’t imagine any other reason, but the prospect still makes my head spin a little.

Our eyes are still locked and I’m frozen against the wall I’d retreated to so I wouldn’t be the only one barely moving in the moshpit the centre of the room has turned into. She says something to the person next to her, they don’t seem to realise that she’s staring right at me. She moves a little in my direction and smiles broadly, briefly leaning down so somebody can speak in her ear. Then she turns and lets the other person lead her out of the room. Just as she’s about to leave, she turns her head and our eyes lock again. The moment only lasts a split-second, but it makes the hair on my neck stand. I swallow. My mouth is suddenly dry.

She’s going to come back to look for me, isn’t she? Maybe I’ll get lucky and she’s going to be busy for the rest of the evening, but I doubt it. She did seem rather intent on talking to me.

Finally, my limps unfreeze and I push my way through the crowd and toward the hall. I don’t feel like dancing anymore.

Once I’m in a quieter spot, I check my phone. 10:30. There’s no way I can somehow get Mum to pick me up without it being weird. Without Sadie, and possibly Henry, too, worrying. I’m stuck here for another hour at least, probably two.

I walk around slowly, checking every room before I walk past it. I’m hyper-aware of the noise around me, listening intently for my name being called. I don’t know where exactly I’m going. I’m probably trying to hide. But where? It’s her own house. There are people everywhere.

I go outside and look around the garden. Even here, there are people. Even in the far ends, I suspect, where it’s darker. So they can make out.

The weather is a little warmer today. It’s cool outside, but after the heat inside it’s not exactly uncomfortable. Somebody invites me to join some drinking game I’m not familiar with and I decline absently. I’m standing on the terrace behind the house now. There’s a large barbecue here and the air smells of meat and marinade.

I turn around and look at the house. There’s a large balcony, there. I can only see the railing of it. It’s definitely large enough that I could just go there and-

I turn briskly and head back into the house. Like I know where I’m going, I head up the stairs. Nobody ever said the upper floors were off-limits. Every door we’re not supposed to go through is locked. But I know how to get onto the balcony. The door is right at the end of the corridor at the top of the stairs. There’s no light on there and I don’t turn it on. Nobody’s here. And if they are, I don’t see them. There are enough quieter rooms downstairs and there’s outside, too.

The glass door to the balcony is unlocked. I quickly open it and step through.

It’s quieter up here. I hear the voices from below and I also hear the music from inside, but it all sounds a little further away. Like I’m no longer part of it.

With a huff, I lean against the wall next to the door, where I’m invisible to everybody else.

I really don’t know what I’m doing here. Being irrational, being paranoid, hiding from a person that probably doesn’t even care.

My heart is still beating fast.

It could all just be a coincidence. The truth or dare question at the last party, her locking eyes with me earlier. Or it could not be. But if she knows, she has to be aware that I’m actively trying to keep it from getting out for as long as possible.

“Oh, there you are,” a voice says next to me and I jump, snap my head around to see the person that just opened the balcony door.

It’s Kim.

I freeze. It’d be stupid to run now, wouldn’t it? Childish. And anyway. If we’re gonna have this conversation, I’d much rather have it here where nobody’s eavesdropping.

I should really get over this fear of people finding out about my condition. It’s a matter of weeks if not days. Nobody’s going to care anyway.

And still….

“Everything alright?” she asks and now she seems worried.

I force myself to give a sharp nod. Better get this over with as quickly as possible. “Yeah. You just scared me a little.”

She smiles sheepishly. “Sorry.” Pause. “Mind if I join you for a while?”

“No.” Of course not. Because who’d ever mind her. And anyway. It’s her house. She can do whatever she damn well pleases around here.

“How’s Linea?” I ask after a moment.

She steps away from the door and sits in one of the lawn chairs. It makes me feel a little more at ease that I’m standing and she’s sitting.

Is that intentional?

“She’s asleep,” she says with a small smile. “I brought her to my room to sober up a little and made her drink some water and barely twenty minutes later she was asleep.” She pauses and looks around. Her face turns more serious. “Listen, um, I’ve been meaning to talk to you for some days now. You’re really hard to get a hold of, you know that?”

I raise an eyebrow. “Am I, now?” I honestly hadn’t realised.

She shrugs. “I mean, if the goal is to have a one-on-one with you.” She pauses again and wets her lips. She seems nervous. Which is weird. She shouldn’t be nervous if she’s just trying to help, right?

“Since when do you know?” I ask before she can say something more.

She looks up, a surprised look on her face. “I’ve been suspecting for a few weeks now and I’ve been certain since Monday, I guess.”

Right. Because of course somebody would know. Not like it’s all that hard to spot.

“And what do you plan to do with that information?” At this point, I just want to get it over with and be left alone gain. So I can ‘mope’, as Sadie likes to call it. I don’t think I could stand all her energy right now.

She looks confused again for a moment, then goes white and stammers, “No, I just wanted to help, I-”

I interrupt her. “Because you’re just so good at it, aren’t you?” I know I’m being rude. But it just seems like a weird idea to be so aggressive about offering your help. Is she actually trying to be pronounced a saint once she dies? I can’t be looking that bad in class.

But she barely reacts to the tone in my words, doesn’t even look in my direction. She squares her shoulders and pushes out her chin a little. “No,” she says slowly and pauses, swallows, like she’s trying to find the right words. “It’s because I’m the same.”

I frown. “The same how?”

She can’t possibly mean-

“I have it too, the virus. S-14.”

She briefly looks up to meet my eyes.

“So what? You have a new variant that changes girls into guys?”

She gives me a wistful smile. “No. I was one of the earliest cases, nine years ago.”

My mind goes blank. For what feels like hours, I can do nothing but stare at her. But she looks so-

“Surprised?” she asks with an emotionless chuckle.

“Why didn’t you tell anybody?” And why would she tell me now? Me, of all people. There’s so much about this that just doesn’t add up.

She looks at her hands. Her nails have a light-blue nail polish on them.

“You don’t know what it was like at the start,” she says after a moment and her voice sounds strained.

“You know, I never chose this. I was the twentieth case in the whole country. Late enough so I wouldn’t be on the news, but early enough that nobody had a clue what to do about it yet. So I changed and everybody in the whole city knew. In school, they hated me for it. My parents had to pick me up from school so I wouldn’t get hurt on the way home. There were several kidnapping attempts just in the first year.” She clears her throat, glances up at me and looks away again.

I’m still frozen.

“So we moved. I’m lucky my parents could afford it because we had to do that a lot. I tried not telling people in my new schools, but they’d find out. And then it would start all over. I tried being nice to everybody, so they would like me and not do those… things. I accepted somewhere along the way that… this,” she gestures at herself, “would be my body now. I tried being more feminine so they would have less things to say, but that never really stopped them. Maybe it was not as bad as it had been initially, then, but it would always go on and on and on.” She gives a small shrug. “I don’t even know how many times we moved between my seventh and fourteenth birthday. And then I came here and somehow, nobody found out. Or if they did, they never told anybody. And I was so scared that they would… you know, I heard what they called you in the first year I was there. So I tried my best to be a really good person with a lot of friends so I’d have some sort of leverage once they did find out.” She meets my eyes and seems to be searching my expression for something.

“So,” I say finally, “All this niceness is fake?” I hate myself for having said it even before the words have all left my mouth. Because so what if she’s not inherently that nice? The fact is that she’s still the person she is.

She shrugs. “We all wear masks, don’t we?” She gives me a look I can’t quite decipher and once I haven’t said anything for a while she adds, “And anyway, at this point it’s as much a part of me as everything from before. Probably more so, actually. This is just the person I am now.”

There’s cheering from below and she flinches visibly.

“But if you’re so scared of anybody finding out, why tell me now?”

Her gaze locks onto mine. “I just hope that I’m worth more to you as a friend than whatever you’d get out of exposing me.”

And the way our class dynamic works right now, they’d probably hate me more for being the asshole that exposed her.

I give a slow nod. “But why not just tell them? I mean, I don’t think it’d change anything about the way they perceive you.” The same way it shouldn’t change anything about the way they perceive me. And still, I expect them to.

Hypocrite, much?

She wrings her hands. “I’ve been lying to them for four years now. Things would get… weird.”

“Don’t worry. I’m not a complete asshole,” I tell her because she looks like she’s about to spiral at the mere suggestion. I guess it was dumb of me to even suggest, with so much trauma connected to the topic.

“I never thought you were.”

Finally, I sit in the chair opposite her, stuff my hands in my pockets. It is getting a bit cold now.

“No offence but… how do you expect to help me? I mean, I appreciate the offer, but you’re happy in your body, aren’t you?”

She nods slowly, then halts. “I was hoping that just knowing that you’re not alone might already help you. And as I said, I didn’t choose it initially. I spent years hating myself and my body passionately and it took a lot of therapy for me to realise that I wasn’t the problem.” She shrugs. “So I can probably relate to you a lot better than you think.”

I put my head back against the backrest of the chair. I’m not tense anymore, I realise. Instead, I feel a little tired. All his tenseness and paranoia’s been eating at me. She’s different from Luna Montierrez, the girl from the community meeting. Kim is a lot closer to my age. I know her. If only I had anything to talk about. Well, if only I could articulate any of the thousand things whizzing around my head like bullets constantly, more like.

Kim’s house is a little outside the town she lives in. The stars are really bright out here. It’s pretty.

“If you could, would you go through the procedure to turn you back into a guy now?”

I move my head so I can just barely see her face. She’s shaking her head.

“No, I don’t think I would. I’ve been a girl longer than I’ve been a boy now. I still do wonder what kind of person I’d be if the virus had never happened to me, but we’ll never know what would’ve been. And anyway. I like the person I am… most of the time.”

I almost laugh. “How could you not like yourself? Like, literally, what is there-”

She gives me a somewhat defensive grin. “That’s not how self-love works.”

“That’s outrageous.”

She shrugs, still smiling. Then, after a moment, she says, “Wow, that really felt good to say. Especially after I’ve been planning to do it for days now. You can’t imagine how stressed I was earlier.”

I nod. I think I can imagine, actually. I know what it was like to tell Henry, I know what the thought of going downstairs and announcing it feels like.

“So, if you ever need to talk, if you have questions, want to hear about my experiences or… just need to be around someone who understands… call me, okay?” She hesitates. “And I’m not just saying this because I want to be nice. I… I think it would… help me, too. Maybe. I haven’t ever talked to someone my age about this.”

I nod. I might actually take her up on that. “Thanks for… telling me.”

She nods too and gets up. “I guess I should return to the party now, not that anybody comes looking for me. Unless you feel the need to-”

I shake my head. “No, I think I’m still too busy processing to actually talk. And anyway, I’m getting cold.”

“I could unlock one of the upstairs rooms for you if you want to be alone?”

I shake my head again. “Nah, I’ll be fine. I’ll probably just go to the kitchen, make myself a tea and be boring. They’ll leave me alone.”

She laughs a little. “You do that. We have a great tea selection. It’s in the upper cupboard right by the far window.”

She’s already opened the balcony door when a final question surfaces in my mind.

“Did you choose the name yourself?”

She stops, the door handle in her hand and grins. “How did you guess I was a Kim Possible fan at the time?”

SeptemberMorgan

Somebody called this XD
Definitely one of my favourite parts about the story so far, think of all the things I can do with this character :))
Also, you might be able to take new guesses concerning who my favourite character is (and as a tiny hint, no, it's not Kim - though she's close)