Living rent free without needing a job sounded like a great offer at first. When the Qonai visited Earth for the first time, they became endeared with the plights of marginalised people. You’d think a powerful alien species might then work for reform and force governments to change. But no, they just decided to treat us as pets for them to rescue and care for.
Which is why I found myself on a tour through Kalagan’s ship. From what I knew she was on the shorter side for Qonai at eight feet, her lower half resembling a fuzzy snake, her top half having two arms and very soft looking cloth like moth wings. The Qonai weren’t really standardised in body parts. The closest thing to standardisation amongst them was that their top and bottom halves differed, like a centaur, inheriting the bottom from what amounted to the mother and top from the father. Of course that didn’t mean the top had to be a man and the bottom a woman. That’s getting a bit too into alien biology though. Bottom line, I was on a spaceship with an eight foot tall fuzzy lamia moth girl. That was very excited to have me.
“Oh I’m so so glad I got a trans girl, I’ve been studying the internet for your culture, to prepare the perfect living space for you!” She slithered over to the door controls, her wings flapping slightly in excitement, as she opened the door to reveal where I’d be staying. “I think I did a great job, it’s got everything a trans girl needs and wants!” She clapped giddily and ushered me in. The room would definitely have to change. The walls were covered in anime posters of shows I never watched nor cared for. Well okay I enjoyed Soul Eater when I was younger, I do have to admit that, but all the posters were magical girl shows or idol shows, pink waifu bullshit. “The wardrobe has all the spinny dresses and thigh high socks you could ever want! And you have a mini fridge completely stocked with pickles!” Kalagan opened both to show me as she mentioned them. Had she not noticed my flannel shirt, ripped overalls, combat boots and short undercut? Had she completely missed my eyebrow piercing and my snake bite piercings and the estrogen molecule tattoo on my neck? The spiked wristbands I could turn into knuckle dusters at a moment’s notice?
Clearly she hadn’t, because now she was showing me the electric guitar and synth in the room, and the extremely pink gaming computer. As far as the pickles went? I already had gotten an orchi, so no spiro for me. And even when on it, I just munched on pretzel sticks to get my salt. “So, what do you think?” Kalagan was holding her hands together, close to her chest, smiling ear to ear. And I was about to tell her she had penned me completely wrong. That she misunderstood my style, wants and needs. That not every trans girl is a weeby cat girl from reddit. I liked those girls, don’t get me wrong, they were sweet and endearing, but they weren’t me. I wasn’t them. I was the butch with a wolfshark fursona and an interest in cheesy b-horror movies, hell c-horror movies. I opened my mouth to talk when a ring sounded throughout the ship. “Oops, I need to go take that, get settled in, I’ll check on you later with a burger!” Kalagan slithered away and I was left with only the pickles to eat. I wasn’t vegetarian, but I had unfortunately gotten bit by the tick that gives you a red meat allergy. Chicken or fish only for me. I closed the door, kicked off my boots, and sat down at the computer. I figured I could login to everything at least, check in on friends, talk to them. I spent two hours complaining to my friend Allison, a wheelchair using gal I had gone to middle and high school with. She was on another ship, with a cattaur Qonai named Merlene. And to be completely honest she was laughing her ass off at my plight. Which didn’t bother me at all, Allison had a really cute snorty laugh. Hearing it was the highlight of my day so far.
The rest of the week didn’t go great. Kalagan misunderstood my not eating her cooking as me not liking that cuisine instead of me being outright allergic to beef, so she kept cooking different beef centric dishes. It felt really wasteful and truth be told her cooking did smell and look delicious, but I would outright die if I tried eating it. Meaning I had to sustain myself on the pickles in the minifridge, which wasn’t an enjoyable experience personally. I’m not big on acidic tastes, so it just wasn’t nice. I had take down the posters, at least, and put the dresses in a box, so that I’d have space for my own clothing. But my actions just kept making my host sadder and sadder, depressed that she wasn’t a good host to a trans girl, questioning where she had gone wrong, but every time I tried to explain, something else called her attention away and I was stuck. All week, I had been talking to Allison, and Daisy, and Claire. They actually lived together with Merlene, all three of them.
So imagine my surprise when the four of them decided to visit. I did hear Allison say Merlene was a cattaur, but I wasn’t expecting her to be ten feet tall, with the cat half being a purple space tiger and her top half having four arms and horns. Ten feet tall, with her three humans strapped to her tiger back, and Allison’s wheelchair folded up and held on her upper back. Kalagan was excited to see her, by the looks of it, but Merlene? Merlene was scowling at Kalagan. “Did you have a proper talk about her needs in terms of living arrangements and diet?” Merlene asked, all four of her arms crossed. Kalagan opened her mouth, raised her finger to properly talk about her point, but then she just shook her head no.
“I’ve been trying to tell her all week that I’m butch and allergic to red meat, but she’s always too busy for me to actually tell her.” I rubbed my face, Kalagan looked at me, horrified.
“I kept trying to poison you by accident! I’m the worst host ever! How could I ever think I could take care of a trans girl?!” Kalagan was crying, and I felt a pang of guilt, before Allison pulled gently on Merlene’s fur, to be picked up. Merlene put her close to Kalagan, and Allison pulled her ear.
“Hey now, don’t, you’re making yourself a victim here to garner sympathy when you’re the one who fucked up. You stop that. If you really feel sorry, ask Brie about her interests and hobbies and needs and actually fulfill them. Actions, not guilt tripping.” Allison let go, Kalagan nodded, still teary eyed. “We pretty much just came over for this, so we’re going home now. Nice seeing you, Brie.” the girls waved and left, leaving me alone with Kalagan.
“Bad horror movies. Art supplies and drawing tablet. Some god damn fucking jeans and shirts and jackets. Poultry or fish as far as protein goes. Let me cook sometimes. Also? You look extremely soft and I’d like to curl up against your tail while watching movies, if you’re okay with that.” I counted on my fingers as I spelled my needs out for Kalagan. She nodded and quickly wrote it all down.
That night I made us chicken alfredo and we watched Tusk.
She was extremely soft.
That was really funny, I was cringing so hard till the end
I just feel kinda bad for Kalagan, she seems like one of those adorable girls who try their hardest but keep missing the mark and feeling terrible for it, fearing that they are going to be hated.
Btw, I love your work
Lmao, at least if you're being taken care of as an alien's pet you don't have to worry about income?
But I'd definitely prefer a more attentive "owner" xD
I'm surprised she didn't try to make any impossible whoppers ngl
Just kidding
, that was weird, but funny ?
CUTE! Thanks for the story!