Hmm. I wonder what happens if I select it? Snooze said.

 

With her footer, she touched the tree tablet, and a beautiful green light began sparkling from within it. Then the light fell, like a shower of sparks, and disappeared into the blue void beyond. The symbol of the tree began to glow, and suddenly, Snooze felt a new sensation within her body. Something soft and warm, like midday sun, except it was inside her body, and that was also a bit strange. A warm tingle of energy welled up inside her, and she shuddered. She moved one of the triangular footers into her vision, and saw that a spectral light danced on the tip of her little fore-tine.

 

Oh! That’s neat-o!

 

She paused to consider her words.

 

...neat-o?

 

Listen to me, talking like a hardened criminal! Prison has really changed me.

 

The rosy orb seemed to regard her with curiosity. It floated lightly, pulsating dully between white and deep pink. It made a noise like a softly cooing baby.

 

Alright, I’m here, I may as well try to figure out what this does.

 

Snooze moved her little appendage around, but the light stayed stuck to it almost as if it were an adhesive. It kept tumbling around on her footer, and she grew a little frustrated as she tried repeatedly to prod or unstick it. She heard a little whistle, and looked over at the rosy orb--which she now knew was an archangel, and if she’d had a face, she would have frowned.

 

What is it, little guy? Can’t you see that I’m busy here?

 

The archangel flashed red for a moment, and then buzzed over to the Book of Leaf.

 

Ah! That’s an great idea, little guy!

 

Snooze floated through the void to the giant leaf screen, and peered at its illuminated middle.

 

Book of Leaf, she said, what’s this thing do?

 

The text appeared immediately in response.

 

THAT IS AN ELEMENT CURIO. IT ALLOWS YOU TO USE ITS POWER ONCE YOU HAVE GAINED ITS SKILL.

 

Well, cheerio to you too my good gov! WHAS’ OL DIS DEN?! PIP! PIP! Mustard and bangers!

 

Even using the power of only her voiceless mind, Snooze’s British accent was still one of the worst things that the Book of Leaf had ever heard--and it had heard every song that had come out of the 1980s.

 

...IT IS A FOCAL POINT. 

 

...FOR USING A GODSPELL.

 

Oh, Leaf Book! You’re displaying your text in a way that makes it look like you’re annoyed. You should be careful with that!

 

...DO YOU NEED ME TO EXPLAIN ANY FURTHER AS TO THE NATURE OF THE CURIO?

 

No, that’s understandable enough… but how do I use it? Snooze wanted to smile, but she didn’t have a mouth. 

 

YOU MUST ACTIVATE IT EITHER THROUGH THE BOOK OF LEAF, OR THROUGH A RITUAL COMMAND.

 

Alright, Snooze began, so what is a “ritual command”? Am I going to have to make some sort of blood pact, or stand in some weird, salt-covered circle with a bunch of drunk theater kids asking ghosts to spell out the word “butthole” on an Ouija board?

 

NO.

 

YOU MAY ACCESS YOUR RITUAL COMMAND FROM HERE, AND AT LEVEL ONE YOU CAN SELECT ONE GODSPELL THAT YOU WANT TO HAVE ACCESS TO WITH A SINGLE WORD.

 

So, Snooze clarified, it’s essentially a shortcut? Like Alt, Delete, Khtrrl.

The way she said it sounded a bit like “kittrell,” but also if you were clearing your throat of a particularly stubborn hair.

 

It is important to note that no one taught Snooze how to use a computer in the previous life. She’d figured it out all on her own, but she’d always used one of those smaller keyboards, for her hands in the living world were ridiculously small and painfully bony. But as such, they could never fit the full word “control” on the key, so instead, it just read “Ctrl.” 

 

No one in her life had ever corrected her, because it was hilarious.

 

YES. A SHORTCUT. WOULD YOU LIKE TO ACCESS IT NOW?

 

Snooze agreed, and then, with the harmonious whistling and dithering of the rosy orb around her, the newly-minted god set about learning how to apply her new powers in shorthand.

 

After spending several minutes in an effort that would have been considered frustrating to a human instructor, the Book of Leaf was able to boil down the command in simple enough terms that even someone at a sub-novice level like Snooze could grasp.

 

After that had been sorted, the Book of Leaf explained the rules of the Godspell.

 

YOU MUST CHOOSE AN AREA YOU WOULD LIKE TO AFFECT TO CAST THE GODSPELL. THEN YOU SHALL CAST THE GODSPELL. AT LEVEL ONE YOU SHOULD BE ABLE TO CREATE CLUMPS OF DIRT AND ROCK.

 

Alright, Snooze announced, stepping back from the console before her, I think I have it.

 

She lifted her little footer and--deciding it didn’t matter where she directed, as everything was a void--she summoned her Ritual Command.

 

Earth, she said, quite simply. 

 

The magical energy on the end of her appendage sparkled, and a tiny, translucent little tree symbol floated into the air, and grew large before dispersing into the ether. If she’d had a mouth, Snooze would have been smiling. 

 

Alright, let’s try this out.

 

She focused in the air, and imagined the magic filling the space in front of her. The effects of the spell danced along her tricorner as she did, and when she released it to do her bidding, the plume of green energy leaped from her and landed in the spot. Suddenly, with a rumbly sound like a hole being filled with a pile of heavy silt, a 4x4 foot clump of misshapen earth appeared in the air.

 

SUCCESS! Snooze exclaimed, I am mighty! I have created a big pile of crud, and for the first time ever--it's not just an analogy for my life!

 

She spun in a cartwheel. She noticed that the archangel did the same, whistling happily and pulsating between white and rose.

 

Oh, Snooze said, moving across the void to meet her little helper, I’d almost forgotten. I’m ...er… well, I suppose I’m Snooze. Pleased to meet you!

 

The little orb bounced up and down in the air with a buzz, and emitted a loud and jovial whistle.

 

There was a flash from the Book of Leaf, and Snooze, quite happy herself, moved to it to see what it said.

 

CONGRATULATIONS ON ACHIEVING YOUR FIRST GODSPELL. NOW, IT IS TIME TO NAME YOUR ARCHANGEL WHEN YOU ARE READY. YOU SHOULD--

 

The rosy orb whistled at the Book of Leaf, mid-sentence. The text suddenly stopped. Then, with another flash, the Book of Leaf started a new line, the other text fading away.

 

IT APPEARS YOU HAVE ALREADY CHOSEN A NAME FOR THE ARCHANGEL.

 

I have? Snooze wondered.

 

YES, THE ARCHANGEL INDICATES THAT YOU CHOSE THE NAME “MEAT.” THIS IS AN ODD NAME, BUT IT IS YOUR WHIM TO NAME YOUR ARCHANGEL WHAT YOU WISH.

 

Wait! Snooze demanded, I didn’t name the archangel that! What are you trying to pull?

 

The text repopulated.

 

THE ARCHANGEL INDICATES THAT YOU CHOSE THIS NAME A MOMENT AGO, SPECIFYING THAT IT WAS NAMED MEAT, AND YOU WERE PLEASED.

 

No... I said, ‘pleased to meet you!’ Snooze clarified, I was going to name him Jazzmaster! ‘Cuz he’s always playin’ such a tasty tune. I’d never name such a delightful little creature something like ‘Meat.’ Meat is food.

 

There was an angry chirp, and Snooze glanced at the orb to find it blazing red.

 

THE ARCHANGEL HAS BECOME AGITATED. IT LIKES THE NAME YOU HAVE GIVEN IT ALREADY, AND WISHES TO KEEP IT. IT THINKS THE NAME ‘JAZZMASTER’ IS STUPID, AND WAS CONSIDERED WITH ZERO THOUGHT.

 

Jeez, Snooze said, if it’ll make you happy, you can be ‘Meat,’ little guy. But, I’ve got to say, you’re going to get a lot of weird looks.

 

Meat whistled cheerily, and glowed a vibrant pink, zipping around in the air.

 

So, now that I have mastered Earth, what is my next step?

 

YOU HAVE NOT YET MASTERED YOUR FIRST GODSPELL. YOUR EARTH ABILITY IS STILL ONLY LEVEL 1 AND IT WILL BE SOME TIME BEFORE YOU CAN CLAIM A MASTERY OVER IT. YOUR PROGRESS PERCENTAGE FOR THAT PARTICULAR GODSPELL IS

 

.003% TO LEVEL 2

 

What? Snooze thought, but that is going to take forever!

 

LUCKILY, SNOOZE, YOU HAVE FOREVER.

 

TIME CEASES TO MATTER FOR YOU ANYMORE, AS YOU ARE AN IMMORTAL BEING, BEYOND THE REACH OF SUCH ILLOGICAL CONCEPTS AS ‘TIME’ AND ‘ETERNITY.’ 

 

But, what’s my end goal? Snooze asked, decidedly pouty, what am I supposed to be achieving?

 

ONCE YOU REACH LEVEL 5 IN THE FOUR MAJOR ELEMENT GODSPELLS (EARTH, AIR, FIRE, WATER,) THEN YOU WILL BE ABLE TO MOVE ON TO THE NEXT PHASE OF GOODHOOD.

 

...and what is that, exactly?

 

YOU WILL DESIGN YOUR FIRST WORLD.