“What in the James Earl Jones is going on here?” Snooze muttered under her breath.

 

A human? In her world? Now? As far as Snooze was concerned, that was some straight up malarkey. Something absolutely fishy was going on, and though she wasn’t sure what that was at the moment, some sort of protective desire blossomed inside of her, and she became suddenly even more defensive of this world that she’d created.

 

For Snooze, seeing a human being conjured up images of interstellar travelers, knocking about the universe attempting to mine planets of valuable resources and minerals. She was certain she’d seen many movies delightfully harvesting that very theme, and it stood to reason that if people from the old life could find their way to her created abode, then they’d do just that. Though, when she’d left, they hadn’t exactly been on the cutting edge of technological marvel nor advancement enough to make that sort of venture a reality…

 

Then again, it had been many thousands of years since she’d stepped foot on earthly soil, and she decided it may have been entirely reasonable that humankind could have developed in such a way. 

 

Unbeknownst to Snooze, life on her old world had gone on in a different fashion, completely disconnected from her absence and dare say--regardless of her being gone. A great majority of them had recently discovered a new system of entertainment: a virtual world that allowed someone to fully embroil themselves in a variety of leisure, but they mostly used it for creating mildly humorous viral content based around food puns and for getting into pain-free fist fights over political candidates. 

 

No galaxies or exploration for that lot, thank goodness.

 

Ultimately, the events leading to this particular circumstance for the human in the tavern were quite different than some hackneyed and ham-fisted conservation tropes of the largely limited scope of the theatrical human imagination…

 

 But, we’re getting ahead of ourselves. 

 

Snooze stalked through the teeming overabundance of inebriated patrons, much like a predator of the animal kingdom hunting along in the thick overgrowth of their natural domain, until she found an unoccupied spot no more than ten feet from where Hal and her human partner sat in conversation. In a sea of undulating drunken bodies, Snooze had found a momentary oasis: a barren scrap of tabletop that she was able to climb up onto, her legs dangling over the edge. 

 

The god leaned forward to listen in, carefully pretending she was only interested in the delicious taste of her accidentally-ordered vessel of what was essentially ghost-making juice.

 

“You’re tellin’ me that this… thing paid for her ride to the village with sunglass firerock?”

 

That was the one called Twick. His accent was strange to Snooze, and didn’t sound anything like a dialect of the language she’d yet hear, even with her narrow amount of knowledge of the linguistic capabilities of this new version of the world. It was distinct, and Snooze became very confident that this was a human from her world indeed. 

 

“Truly,” Hal responded in her soft lilt. “The knave seemed to have more than a helping of oddity about her manner, but her exchange was forthright, and she departed when we arrived with nary a whimper.”

 

It was interesting to hear the difference between the two speakers, almost as if they were of two different time periods. Snooze imagined her own style of speaking in updated Pebbletongue was much like Twick’s. However, the two didn’t seem to have any interest in debating their personal differences in colloquialisms and so Snooze figured that neither should she. Besides, they were talking about her.

 

“Not that I don’t believe you,” Twick stated in a tone that made it clear that he most decidedly did not believe her, “but, why would she throw away such a valuable gem hitchin’ on your horse? She could have hired a whole fleet of carriages with half of that worth and still had some left over for a king-sized feast upon arrival.”

 

“I wish I knew m’self, Sir,” Hal said respectfully. “But my tale is true. She seemed not to tarry with the worth of the gem, and I heard it clink as she wrested it from within the folds of her dress--likely more where this one emerged from. I have still the stone on my perso--yargh!”

 

Twick had suddenly grabbed Hal by the ear and yanked her head down to a lower altitude.

 

“Quiet, you idiot!” He hissed severely. “Do you want this whole place to light you up?! Keep your voice down. Whether it’s true or not won’t matter to this lot.” 

 

He quickly glanced around the room, and caught Snooze’s eye for a moment, and the god quickly busied herself with pretending she was looking at a fantastically captivating section of wall just a foot to his left. She pretended to sip from her mug for that little extra panache, fighting not to look back to see if he was still staring at her.

 

He assaulted her! She thought angrily. Her blood was boiling. Hal may have been extremely rude to her when they met, but she was still just a kid, and he was a full-grown man! She tried to calm herself down. Hal had called him “sir,” which likely indicated he was some higher brass in whatever organization the girl was a part of--she’d mentioned needing to deliver orders. Perhaps this was who she needed to meet with?

 

Boss or not, he does not need to be manhandling her like that. Snooze thought. Maybe I can summon enough power to melt his stupid, smug face off with a butt-ton of fire.

 

Imagining the man writhing on the ground with smoke curling from beneath his fingers as he tried desperately to quell the flames on his face did little to make her feel better. In fact, it did quite the opposite.

Woah, dark thoughts, she thought, I better keep that in check before I go through with it and find out I’ve secretly been a murderer this whole time!

 

Snooze considered what they said about the worth of her precious stones. Could they really be so valuable? Am I sitting on a gold mine? She lightly jostled the stones in their pouch and felt their weight. 

 

If half of one of these… fire rocks was enough to buy a whole mess of comfort, I could probably buy a castle with the amount I’ve got with me! Maybe two castles! Heck, maybe three! Nah… there’s no way. Unless...

 

She cursed herself as she realized they’d started talking again, and her greed and  homicidal ideation had caused her to miss important dialogue. She focused on them again, this time making sure not to look directly at them.

 

“...that’s all well and good, but if you’ve got that much just bouncin’ around in your coin purse, you’re gonna find yourself suddenly gettin’ visits from unfamiliar distant relatives with pirate smiles.”

 

“That is a fair statement, Sir,” Hal admitted, rubbing her ear where he’d just grabbed it. “However, I would not abide being afoul of such manner of miscreancy, and be entitled to cut them down where they loitered.”

 

Twick gave Hal a look that very much clarified his position on her intelligence, and glanced at the side of her face as if debating whether or not to snatch her ear up again, but must have thought against it, keeping his voice low, though the edge remained.

 

“You may be able to cut down some ruffians that are sent your way,” Twick said in his menacing hiss, “but rest assured, that amount of money would be more than enticin’ enough to encourage all manner of violence on your behalf. Men get an unendin’ fervor for that kind of shine. It would be best to keep it somewhere safe.”

 

Hal considered this, and then--a bit uneasily-- ventured to her superior.

 

“But, Sir. Where might one keep the stone out of the reach of these brigands?”

 

Oh, no, baby, what is you doin’? Snooze had a very confident suspicion that she knew what Twick was about to say.

 

“Leave it with me,” Twick stated. “No better person to safeguard your coin or possessions with, if I do say so myself.”

 

There it is! She scowled as she watched a roguish grin creep across the man’s face. Hal, if you…

 

“I don’t know, Sir…” Hal said, clearly uncomfortable with the idea. She seemed afraid to contradict her confident commanding officer, and Snooze felt suddenly very protective over the girl now as well.

 

If he doesn’t let up…

 

“You can’t be serious, cadet,” Twick said, and now his voice was dripping with indignation. “Surely you understand my position? I totally feel you on not wanting to part with something so rare and lucrative, but my honor is beyond question.” Then, as if to really wrench the point home, the man put a hand on the sword at his side, and lowered his voice to nearly a growl.

 

“Hand it over, cadet.”

 

This motherfu--

 

“THIEF!” screeched a voice from the doorway, completely breaking through the tension between the two and alerting the entire tavern. Everything stopped suddenly, and Snooze turned to see a pair of furious, triangular pupils glaring daggers into her soul.

 

Ah, crap.

 

Mediator Viz stood at the entrance to the inn, anger clearly visible in every fiber of her countenance. She held a long finger out directly at Snooze, and as if it hadn’t been enough of a disruption, she let out another ear-splitting wail that reverberated even more so in the now dead-silent inn.

 

“THIEF!”

 

Snooze looked around uncomfortably, and saw that now everyone in the vicinity was staring at her as well. She flashed a look at Hal and Twick and saw that they too were frozen in uncertainty, eyeing her with suspicion. For a moment, nothing happened, until…

 

“You…” Hal said softly, registering exactly who the you was. Snooze saw Twick quickly look back and forth from her to Hal, and his expression of surprise softened and a confident relaxation washed over him and he smirked. Snooze realized that Twick had figured out from that simple utterance what their connection was, and suddenly, he only had eyes for the celestial in front of him.

 

Twick stood, drawing his weapon--a finely polished blade of well-made craftsmanship. As he did, he gestured toward Snooze with the sword and called out in a commanding voice.

 

“A hundred brecks to anyone who captures her!”

 

That was all it took for the quiet tavern to very suddenly burst into intense chaos.

 

Hands shot toward her, grasping for any stitch of her form they could grab and several large forms charged her way as the drunken denizens of the Blade Gullet, encouraged by an exorbitant some of wealth began to pursue her. 

 

Luckily for Snooze, her Avatar form was quite small. 

 

This meant that she was able to move out of the way of the immediate assailants and leap from the tabletop onto the stone floor. She felt several fingers swipe at the shoulder of her gown, and she quickly ducked, dropping to her hands and knees and rolling beneath the table and--for the moment-- out of reach.

 

Snooze realized she was still firmly holding the heavy mug that had held the T’kelk Brew, but it was now empty, the burbling contents coating the floor where she’d just been. Another hand reached for her and feeling as though she had no other recourse, Snooze did what seemed to be the only natural option.

 

“YARGH!” a deep voice bellowed in pain as Snooze slammed the mug against the hand, smashing it quite nicely beneath its weighted force of her strike. Quickly, Snooze dodged another probing palm and rolled out from under the table. Luck was not on her side, however, as she slammed right into the legs of another individual, who swiftly applied his boot to her chest, holding her against the ground. 

 

The creature was a Doa, and he was on the heftier-side of the scale even by the usual standards of the bulbous beasts. He glared down at her with bulging eyes, and a smile cracked along his yellow face.

 

“A hundred brecks, eh?” he said, seeming to be counting the amounts of pastries in his mind, but all of that was washed away as Snooze took that instance to crash the heavy stein against the unprotected knee of the leg holding her down. The Doa howled in pain, and grabbed his injured joint, lifting the leg up and releasing Snooze from her pressure prison. She crashed the mug against his other knee for good measure before rolling again to become flush with the side of the bar, watching as the man tumbled forward, hitting his head on the table and suddenly going quiet.

 

Uh oh. Hope he’s not dead…

 

Snooze didn’t have time to contemplate her new and abrupt thrust into the world of revenge killing, because several more patrons rounded the table and had her in their sights. She pushed herself up, and got to her feet, bolting in the opposite direction. She was forced to duck, and almost didn’t make it, as a big wooden club swung down at her, crashing against the bartop and missing her by millimeters. 

 

She leaped over another fallen body and slid between the legs of a Qulz as the creature too tried to grab her.

 

Everything around her had ignited into an absolute madhouse, and Snooze could only just make out that some of the customers had begun fighting one another, which is, as anyone who has ever been in a bar fight knows, seems to happen with alarming regularity.

 

Snooze was able to slip past a distracted older Brug man who had become entangled with a Doa who seemed to believe the two of them were now mortal enemies. She was able to make it back around the table and leap onto the bench as two men came at her from opposite directions. Thinking quickly, Snooze hurled the mug directly at the face of one of the men, and he cried out in pain as it struck true, a loud crack signifying a broken nose or some other face bone. The other man didn’t pause, but swung wide, attempting to knock her down with a strength haymaker, but Snooze was much too little for such a movement, and defaulted to hurl herself to the side, onto the table top and rolling off to the other side.

 

Now she was back in front of the bar, and as she stood saw that Twick was making his way toward her, his sword at the ready, and his armored boots thudding heavily as he pounded toward her.

 

I don’t have anything to defend myself! Snooze thought. This guy’s going to kill me. Wait… can I be killed? She wasn’t sure she wanted to find out as that end seemed uncomfortably pointy. However, a thought occurred to the god, and she shoved her hand into one of the pouches at her waist, ripping out her sought-after object.

 

Snooze held the dull blade of the Stonie knife out in front of her, as Twick closed the distance between them. He stopped just a few feet away from her, and smiled.

 

“Pathetic little weapon you’ve got there,” he said smugly.

 

“More than big enough to jam into your trachea,” Snooze returned.

 

If the human was impressed, he didn’t show it. Instead, he pointed the blade directly at her and chuckled.

 

“Listen, kiddo,” he said. “I’ll do you a favor and cut to the chase--I’m a hell of a lot stronger than you, and more than capable enough with this thing here to slice you into tiny little Brug bits. Make with the pouches and surrender, and I won’t have to kill--.”

 

He pressed the tip of the blade close enough that it almost touched the edge of her knife. Snooze didn’t let him finish his sentence. She swiped wide, intent on stabbing Twick’s hand and maybe being able to scuttle out of the tavern, but as she moved, it may as well have been in slow motion. Faster than she could see, Twick flicked his wrist and the tip of his blade was suddenly up against her own. Before she could do anything else, the human pivoted his hand so that the sword spun around her dagger and seemed to snag it, wrapping it up in the motion of his own gesture and suddenly the knife was out of her hand, spinning off into the chaos of the tavern.

 

Unarmed now, Snooze was suddenly very frightened. She backed up a couple of paces and found her back pressing hard against the cool, smooth wood of the bar. Twick smiled wide and took one step forward, his blade sliding close to her face.

 

“Let’s try this once more,” he said. “Give me the fire rocks, or I see what sort of ingredients the inside of your body is made of. Then I take the stones.”

 

Snooze sighed. This was not how she imagined spending her time on her own world, being held at sword-point while an arrogant douchebag babbled off with a mildly clever, villainous monologue. But before she could respond, there was a sharp crack, and Twick lowered his blade. Then his eyes rolled up in his head and he dropped the sword with a clatter, before following suit himself.

 

Standing directly behind where he’d just been was Hal, her arm raised, holding her sword. But the blade pointed backward, the pommel of the weapon still hanging in the air where she’d clobbered Twick delightfully with its heavy, rounded comeuppance. 

 

They shared a look, and Hal nodded. The tavern had been silent again during Snooze and Twick’s interaction, but it suddenly came alive again, as the tavern goers began trudging through the narrow aisles between the tables to get their share of the profits now that Twick had blathered on about her pouches.

 

Snooze didn’t bother to ask why she had done it, she was only happy that she had. Hal turned as some of the folks began closing in, moving close to Snooze and holding her sword out defensively.

 

“Back away, heathen scum!” she commanded, waving her blade out as a braver man tried to get close. He backed off, though he smiled devilishly and licked his lips, his eyes darting from the blade to the pouches at Snooze’s waist. 

 

“There’s only two of ‘em!” shouted a Qulz near the front of the rapidly growing group, “they can’t take all of us!”

 

With a returning whoop of agreement, the patrons charged.

 

Snooze felt a pair of strong hands grab her by one armpit  and hoist her into the air, and saw that Hal too had been snared by whatever medium had decided to exact their greedy deeds on them. 

 

“WAHHHHH!” Snooze yelped, and was suddenly released, and spilled onto the floor. She looked up. She was now behind the barrier of the bar laying in front of a very serious-looking Tet Tet bartender. She was too afraid to speak, but he just grunter, and with a swift kick, sent a sliding panel beneath the rigging of ale casks reeling to the side revealing a small opening and a dark passage. 

 

“Leads out,” the barman said simply, “but it won’t be good fer nothin’ if you don’t get to movin’ yer tiny asses in there.”

 

Snooze looked at Hal, but the girl was smiling.

 

“Thank you kindly, Kleft,” she said sweetly. “I owe you one thousand times over.”

 

“I told you when you first showed up you had no business bein’ in a place like this,” Kleft said, a little smile of ‘I-told-you-so’ appearing on his large face. “Seems I told you that too.” He was looking at Snooze now.

 

“Why doesn’t anyone e’er listen when I tell’m things?”

 

“I’m historically quite bad at picking up on hints.” Snooze said.

 

Kleft made a frustrated noise and shook his head. “Weren’t subtle at all, I specifically--look, we don’t have time. Get your tails inside that hatch and keep goin’ ‘til you hear the blurgbills.”

 

“Blurgbills?!” Hal moaned, but the look Kleft gave her shut her right up.

 

“Go,” he commanded. “I’ll sort this lot out.”

 

“Thanks again, Kleft!” Snooze said, and quickly scrambled toward the hidden passageway. 

 

“It’s more than fair considerin’ how rich you just made me,” he said, and waited for the two of them to climb inside of the hatch before sliding it almost all the way closed. He quickly poked his gigantic head inside and smiled.

 

“Come back any time,” he said, “I need someone to polish off that keg o’ T’kelk Brew. For some reason people keep dying, but they keep brewin’ it.” He winked at Snooze and slid the panel all the way closed, bathing the two girls in darkness.

 

It was quiet for just a moment and the Snooze heard the distinct boom of Kleft’s low voice.

 

“You all need t’be simmerin’ down before I get mad!”

 

Snooze couldn’t see Hal, but she could hear her, her breath labored and echoey in the enclosed space. 

 

“Thanks for knocking that dummy unconscious,” she said. “I think I would have been a goner otherwise.”

 

“I couldn’t watch a man of his esteemed swordsmanship prey on someone much weaker than he, no matter how much wealth was promised by his actions.”

 

Snooze felt so elated by their narrow escape that she didn’t even bother to feel offended by the comparison. Instead she laughed.

“Yeah!” she said, almost jubilantly. “He would have minced me up good!” Then she paused. “But he was willing to do the same to you. I saw the way he looked when he was demanding the gem I gave you.”

 

Hal was quiet for a moment, and then spoke. 

 

“You are a… strange sort of creature, are you not?”

 

Snooze snorted.

 

“So I’ve been told.”

 

"Who was that woman?" Hal asked.

 

"Which woman? Honestly, there were a lot of people throwin' 'bows out there and I can't be certain I remember them all."

 

"The one who named you 'thief.'"

 

Snooze shook her head, not that the girl would be able to see, and sighed.

 

"Just a nice lady that I stole from... listen, we should probably..."

 

Snooze turned in the darkness, only half-confident she knew the right direction and began crawling.

 

“...anyways, let’s kick rocks.”

 

“What is our strategy in this?” Hal asked.

 

“Well, first we get outta here…” Snooze offered, listening to the faint scrape of her gown against the hard, cold stone.

 

“And afterward?”

 

“Well…” Snooze returned. “After that, you’re going to take me to that Necromancer you were going on about.”