Snooze accessed her Planet Speaker Ability once more, and cleared her mental throat.

 

You still there? She asked, hoping that there would not be some reason that had arisen that would cause her to lose out on more information--you know, as she had experienced quite often.

 

I am here, Snooze, came Savvy’s reply. 

 

Cool! Just checking. Everything alright?

 

As alright as it can be, I suppose.

 

That doesn’t evoke a lot of confidence, Snooze explained, frowning. Are you sure there’s nothing that ails ya? There isn’t, like, a planet illness, is there?

 

One could argue that the existence of living organisms that have a manner of sentience is its own sickness. Such creatures tend to grow to a point where they believe they command the world in which they are a product of originally, and do dastardly things to exact and sustain their control--while simultaneously contorting it into a place that is unsustainable, and inhabitable.

 

Oh, jeeze, Snooze said, shaking her head. I figured I had escaped topics like that.

 

To what are you referring?

 

You know… Snooze began, fearing she wouldn’t have the capability of explaining herself well enough to make sense to her world. Like, people--er--creatures abusing the heck out of a planet.

 

There was something akin to a sigh, a reaction that Snooze had experienced quite often in both of her lives, and then Savvy spoke again.

 

It is the nature of sentience. One does not know how much they do not know. Those that bruise and broker their existence upon the backs of the planets do not bear the necessary capabilities to understand that they are not the mightiest lifeforms in their varied strata, that they, in fact, are part of a chain of exponentially advancing intelligence, moving on and on into the skyless void of the multiverse for time immemorial. That they are nearly the shortest and least-sophisticated link in all things. 

 

Dunning-Kruger, Snooze offered.

 

What is that?

 

Dunning-Kruger was a girl I used to play online poker with, Snooze explained. I’m not sure where her username came from, but she was terrible at the game. Like, really bad. I was too, but she was worse, because she hardly knew any of the rules, but thought she was the best player. She’d always raise when she should have held, and never folded. She told me once that she’d pumped something in the neighborhood of fifty-thousand dollars into that website over two years and never got any better. There’s nothing worse than someone not knowing how much they don’t know.

 

While much of that is foreign to me, I do agree with the sentiment, and it does align I believe, with what I was saying. Those who dwell upon planets tend not to understand their overall insignificance of importance as so much as the multiverse is concerned. Or gods. Or… others.

 

Snooze chuckled and stretched her arms, feeling as though she might need to invent a form of god exercise to keep the knots out of her joints. Now that she was thinking about it though, it seemed absolutely absurd that she would still suffer from stuff like that whilst pulling double duty as both a god and a world-class Planet Speaker--if she did say so herself.

 

So, as much as I would love to continue discussing the merits of multiversal philosophy, Snooze continued, hoping she wasn’t coming off as rude, I would like to know how… the others are doing.

 

Ah, yes. Your remaining Followers. Savvy said, the planet’s tone taking on a more mirth-filled quality. They are alive, if that is what you were wondering.

 

Snooze’s heart leapt in her chest--figuratively speaking, of course, and she almost bellowed a cheer. 

 

Oh thank goodness! She exclaimed. I WAS wondering that. I’m so happy! So you were able to stop the fire?

 

In a manner, Savvy responded. I was able to continue holding the motion of life for a time, but not long after your exodus, I conjured a gathering of clouds. Ones unbound by the traditional constraints of the physical elements. I procured a tremendous storm, and the deluge quelled the flames of the plain.

 

Well, you know what they say, Snooze said. ‘The rains of the plain fall mainly on the flame.’

 

There was only silence from the planet.

 

However, Snooze was undeterred, having spent two lifetimes now driving through awkward responses to her own humor with a juggernaut-like fortitude.

 

Anyway, she continued. I’m glad that you were able to resolve that. I was really worried.

 

It was not without its… developments, Savvy said carefully. 

 

Such as?

 

Have you not checked your godspells?

 

What do you--

 

Snooze paused the interaction and lifted her head toward the pedestal.

 

“Oy! Book!” she shouted. “What’s the deal with my godspells?”

 

The Book of Leaf’s display expanded so that the little god might see it from her position far away, and then populated, the letters much larger than normal.

IT APPEARS YOU HAVE ATTAINED A NEW GODSPELL RECENTLY, SNOOZE.

“What? How--er--and what is it?”

 

 

ACID RAIN [ LEVEL 1 ] 

 

“Acid… rain?” Snooze wondered aloud. She’d heard of the stuff, but she had thought it was something that was invented by cartoons, like giant space robots or quicksand.

“Book…” Snooze began, thinking that now may be the time to practice her newly acquired “learning” skill. “How might one make acid rain?”

 

ACID RAIN IS CREATED WHEN CHEMICAL COMPOUNDS ARE RELEASED INTO AN ATMOSPHERE AND MIX WITH WATER AND OXYGEN.

 

Snooze considered this for a moment.

“Is sulfur one of those compounds?”

 

SULFUR ALONE WOULD NOT BE SUBSTANTIAL TO PRODUCE OR FORM ACID RAIN.

 

“What if it was… on fire?”

 

AH, YES. IN THAT CASE, IGNITING SULFUR WOULD PRODUCE SULFUR DIOXIDE AND IF THERE WAS A SURPLUS OF THE GAS IT COULD POTENTIALLY...AH, YES, WELL, I SUPPOSE I UNDERSTAND YOUR LINE OF QUESTIONING.

 

Snooze frowned at the display and shook her head.

“But, if Savvy was the one who made the storm, and as a result, created the acid rain, why did I get a godspell?”

 

THIS CAN HAPPEN ONLY IF THERE IS AN ELEMENT-SMITH ABILITY CAPABLE OF BEING ACTIVATED, USUALLY WITH AT LEAST ONE CELESTIALLY-FORGED ELEMENT. WHICH YOU HAVE AT YOUR DISPOSAL. THOUGH, IN ORDER FOR IT TO COUNT TOWARD YOUR OWN POOL OF ELEMENTS, A GOD AND A PLANET WOULD ALSO NEED TO HAVE CREATED A VERY STRONG BOND, SHOWCASED PRIMARILY THROUGH THE PLANET SPEAKER ABILITY.

 

“How strong is strong?” Snooze asked hesitantly.

 

A GOD WOULD NEED TO REACH LEVEL 50 IN THEIR PLANET SPEAKER ABILITY IN ORDER TO UTILIZE THIS FUNCTION. IT CREATES THE WORLD MELD ABILITY.

 

“Uh, okay, then why did it work for me? I’m not at Level Fifty in Planet Speaker,” Snooze asked.

 

CORRECT. YOURS IS MUCH HIGHER.

 

“WHAT?!” Snooze shouted.

 

I SAID, ‘CORRECT. YOURS IS MUCH HIGHER.’

 

“No, no, no, no, no,” Snooze ejected. “I mean, explain what you’re talking about. Higher than FIFTY?”

Suddenly, her Planet Speaker Ability popped up on the screen.

 

PLANET SPEAKER [ LEVEL 76 ] 87 % TO LEVEL 77

[ GAINED ABILITY: WORLD MELD ]

 

Snooze stared back at the display, completely uncomprehending. She did not know how she had gained that many levels in what she had assumed was a skill she’d only acquired a short time ago. She wasn’t sure how to approach the subject, but thought she’d wait for a moment before trying, deciding instead that she wanted to view her stats and see if there were any other surprises in store for her.

“Hey Book,” she said softly, still practically in a daze. “Show me my details.”

The display cleared itself and then repopulated, revealing to Snooze her statistical analysis.

[ SNOOZE - LEVEL 8 GOD ]

 

GODSPELLS

 

AIR [ LEVEL 9 ] 33 % TO LEVEL 10

WATER [ LEVEL 8 ] 11 % TO LEVEL 9

FIRE [ LEVEL 8 ] 1 % TO LEVEL 9

LIFE [ LEVEL 8 ] 76 % TO LEVEL 9

PLANTLIFE [ LEVEL 7 ] 58 % TO LEVEL 8

WEATHER [ LEVEL 5 ] 69 % TO LEVEL 6

FUNGUS [ LEVEL 5 ] 51 % TO LEVEL 6

LIGHTNING [ LEVEL 3 ] 77 % TO LEVEL 4

GRAVITY [ LEVEL 3 ] 50 % TO LEVEL 4

LIGHT [ LEVEL 3 ] 35 % TO LEVEL 4

DARKNESS [ LEVEL 3 ] 9 % TO LEVEL 4

ORE [ LEVEL 3 ] 3 % TO LEVEL 4

ACID RAIN [ LEVEL 1 ] 43 % TO LEVEL 2

DEATH [ LEVEL 1 ] .020 % TO LEVEL 2

 

OTHER ABILITIES

 

PLANET SPEAKER [ LEVEL 76 ] 87 % TO LEVEL 77

AVATAR [ LEVEL 19 ] 80 % TO LEVEL 20

OMNITUENS [ LEVEL 10 ] 43 % TO LEVEL 11

RITUAL COMMAND [ LEVEL 10 ] 15 % TO LEVEL 11

SHAPE CHANGE [ LEVEL 8 ] 85 % TO LEVEL 9

AURA• [ LEVEL 7 ] 99 % TO LEVEL 8

ELEMENT-SMITH [ LEVEL 7 ] 18 % TO LEVEL 8

DIVINE INTERVENTION [ LEVEL 6 ] 85 % TO LEVEL 7

PERMEABILITY [ LEVEL 4 ] 78 % TO LEVEL 5

BANISH [ LEVEL 1 ] 60 % TO LEVEL 2

OMNIAUDIAL [ LEVEL 1 ] 9 % TO LEVEL 2

WORLD MELD [ LEVEL 1 ] 2% TO LEVEL 2

 

ARCHANGELS [ 2 ]

 

FOLLOWERS [ 4 ]

 

GOD PATH

HUMBLE [ LEVEL 2 ]

 

GIFTS

SEED OF LIFE [ LEVEL 10 ]

 

Snooze waved away the display, which the Book of Leaf knew she did to make herself feel as though she had external control over its information, and so it waited just a beat longer before dismissing the panel. It would take its ground where it could. The little god turned back to the world simulacrum and activated Planet Speaker once again, aiming the cone of spell energy in the proper place and reconnecting to Savvy.

You disappeared there for a moment, Savvy said quietly. Everything alright?

Snooze harrumphed and shrugged her shoulders. Then, realizing the planet would not be able to see that (or could it?) she responded.

I’m not sure. Maybe you can shed some light on why my Planet Speaker Ability is Level Seventy Six?

There was a long pause before Savvy responded. The planet was mostly ignorant of the whole celestial business, finding it much too convoluted for its liking, but endeavored to provide Snooze, its creator, with the best information it could. 

I believe it is because we were interacting for so long while you were asleep.

Ah, okay, Snooze said. So, because we were technically chatting in my dreams, that counted as Planet Speaking?

I am unsure of the precise qualifications myself, Savvy admitted. But, to me, that is the most likely scenario. It was a great number of years, so it stands to reason that it could have happened that way. These things are not my specialty. I have learned what I have been able to from speaking to other worlds, though, admittedly, this was not one of the conversations I have had.

Snooze was taken aback by Savvy’s statement. Other worlds? It made sense to her, the more she thought about it, that her planet could be connected  to others as they were apparently a species that had sentience, but, she supposed she hadn’t even considered the possibility in the few hours that she’d even known it was an aspect that existed. That created a new set of likely confusing questions that Snooze wanted to tee up and fire in Savvy’s direction, but she stopped. A new thought had occurred to her.

Savvy… she began, hoping that the tone of her mental voice was taking on the sweet note that she intended.

Yes, Snooze?

 

Do you think it would be possible to connect to a planet on command?

 

That may be easier to answer if you clarified your statement, Snooze. I can speak with many planets on command, though I am limited by range and some other challenges. What is the name of the world you wish me to contact?

Snooze nodded, even though the planet likely could not see her, and continued.

If I wanted you to speak to another god’s planet, but I didn’t know the name, would that be possible?

Perhaps, Savvy said. How far away is this planet? Do you know the Quadrant or Cluster?

Say that I didn’t... Snooze said, wincing as she did. She wasn’t sure why, but she felt like Savvy might suddenly begin yelling at her at any moment.

That would make it considerably more difficult. I am willing to try, however. What information can you tell me?

The name of the god… and the Archangel.

That is… an obstacle indeed, though not impossible I suppose. I can ask around--see if any of the other worlds know anything.

Oh, Savvy, Snooze exclaimed. That would be wonderful! Thank you so much!

Don’t thank me yet, Snooze. It may be outside of the realm of my abilities, but I am willing to try. What is the name of the god?

Snooze smiled, as the image of her friend bubbled up into her mind. It hadn’t seemed long for her, only a few days from her perspective. However, to the other god… well, she imagined it would have been quite a long time indeed.

Her name is Riff, she said, then quickly added, and her Archangel is named Perth.

I will do what I can, Savvy said. Perhaps Angus V would know how I can find this information. In the meantime, there is still the question as to the visitor.

Ah, butts, Snooze lamented, smacking her forehead for emphasis. Sorry! I’d forgotten all about that!

Were you planning to Banish the beast? Savvy asked. Launch it back to whence it came?

I, uh, am not sure that’s the best course of action.

You seemed to believe differently a few moments ago.

Yeah… well, my new QUACK arrived and said she didn’t think that it would be a good idea.

What was the alternate suggestion? 

Savvy seemed to already be aware of what a QUACK was, Snooze considered, or at the very least, was unconcerned with the details and felt the actions were more pressing. Snooze had to admit, she’d been so excited to interact with her new Chief Administrator that she had forgotten to follow up on possible means to eradicate the scourge of Twick.

There hasn’t exactly been one presented yet, Snooze said. Can we just… sit on it? For the moment.

There was another long pause, and Snooze winced again. Finally, Savvy spoke.

I suppose I have waited this long… what’s another little while?

Snooze felt miserable. For the first time in a very long time she felt as though she was failing someone. A very important someone in this instance--her planet. She wasn’t sure what level of hell was reserved for Planet Betrayers, but she was sure it would be one that included waiting in a very long line for bagels.

Thank you for being so understanding, Savvy, Snooze said, trying to at least do a little bit of damage control on the situation. I promise, I’ll come up with something. I just need to talk to Grotto again.

You are welcome. But, if I can ask: please do not delay. It is quite uncomfortable to host such a creature upon my person.

I will! Snooze promised. I should have a solution for you soon!

Little did Snooze know, the journey to resolve this particular issue for her planet would challenge her far greater than anything she’d yet experienced.