I woke up to the sound of my alarm clock. Slamming down on the black box next to my bed, I rolled over and grabbed my phone. No new notifications. I had no friends so why would there be? Going through my usual routine of reading webcomics and manga in bed, I lay there for another hour. A knock on the door of my room disturbed my reading.

“Good morning! Breakfast is almost ready!” – Mom

“Be down in a minute,”

I grabbed one of my sweatshirts from the armchair across from my bed. The smell of eggs filled the air as I walked downstairs. Dad and Krystal, my sister, were sitting on the couch in front of the TV. Dad was absorbed in his crossword and Krys was reading intensely. The second after I sat down in the chair next to them, Mom called breakfast.

‘C’mon. I just sat down,’

I got back up with a sigh and walked into the kitchen. After grabbing some water, I almost bumped into Mom bringing stuff to the dining room table. I sat down at the table and ate in silence. My silence was interrupted when Mom bothered me to get stuff done. I was on a leave of absence from college so I was living at home. The major that I chose… I sucked at. I didn’t really know what I was good at so I took some time off from college to figure myself out and settle some problems. This led me to find more health-related problems.

After refilling my glass, I downed my prescription cocktail. There was just one bump in the road of my life after another. It was a pain in the ass. I started my day by dusting and attempting to draw. The major I decided to change to was animation, but I barely had any idea of what that entailed. I took a drawing course that got cancelled, but it taught me the fundamentals. Though I knew some things, there was still a lot I had to learn.

As the day went on, I wandered over to video games and anime. That was how I spent most of my days recently. Distracting myself from the painful reality I faced. Quite literally painful at times. Extreme migraines, chronic diseases, learning disabilities, severe acne, depression…and something else. It was just one thing after another. I sighed. I’ve been doing that a lot lately.

Eventually, the day passed. Before I went to bed, I wrote in a little notebook. My penmanship was horrid and barely legible, so I usually used my laptop. What did I write? My wishes. Everything I knew wouldn’t come true. All of them true as could be. Some of them selfish… actually most of them, but all of them well thought out. All of them meaningful to me in some way.

By most people’s standards, I was living a pretty good life. A loving family, a home, an income, a nice neighborhood, four cars, insurance, and plenty of food. Unfortunately, none of these things can help my body. It’s a mess that just keeps getting messier. Sure, I’m happy at some points, but there are a lot of sad points as well. As I closed the notebook, I felt myself cry as I lay on my bed. This’ll be the tenth day in a row I’d cry myself to sleep. It’s not loud sobbing, it just tears that roll down my face as I wish day after day for the body I want.

AshleyTanuki

Hello! I'm your friendly neighborhood tanuki Ashley! This is my first time posting the stuff I write. I hope you like it! Please tell me what you thought was good and what you think needs to be improved on. I'm trying to do the best I can and help is greatly appreciated.

Also wanted to mention... the main character is mostly based on myself. It's not exactly me, but a lot of it is similar. I want this to be a story I can put my all into so I figured a character like myself would do the best. Hope you like it!