“Oh.”

That’s all Peach could say for the moments after Bowser revealed himself to her. “Oh.”

The thing that struck Peach as the most odd about their conversation was just the fact that Bowsette looked so weirdly similar to her. There were many differences, obviously--Peach had never, and would never under any circumstance wear a shell on her back with spikes, nor a tail, especially not as long as that--but their faces, their dresses, their body types... they were nearly identical.

Though... Peach was probably exaggerating on the body types part. Bowsette was noticeably taller, noticeably... better-endowed. Peach was not exactly dainty by any stretch of the imagination, but she certainly wasn’t as gifted with such... bodacious, uh, benefits.

So it was almost like twins sitting together, side-by-side on Peach’s bed. This was such an unexpected development that Peach had not been able to process it whatsoever, but she had put her arm around Bowsette in a consoling move.

Bowsette... was Bowser? She never would have thought of it! How could anyone have?

“...It’s just... been so long since I’ve actually succeeded at anything that... I never would have thought... I’d have been so bored by it!” Bowser cried out. His voice was the furthest thing apart about the two. While Peach’s voice was soft and cute, Bowsette’s was pitchy and growling. That was the real way to tell the two apart.

That, and the fact that Peach wasn’t the one breaking down in sobs.

“Why would you even WANT to rule the Mushroom Kingdom?” Peach asked. “You gave up being King Koopa, didn’t you?”

“I didn’t want to RULE it... I just wanted to conquer it. And, uh, I did.”

“Why didn’t you just go to one of those fighting tournaments, then?”

“It’s not the same...” Bowser rest his head on her shoulder, and the Super Crown was resting agaight the back of Peach’s head.

“This... this is too weird,” Peach said. “Bowser, can you take that crown off now?”

Bowser’s body tensed up. “I... Uh, no, I don’t really... want to.”

“How come?”

“I... I like it,” Bowser said. “I like being in a woman’s body. It makes me feel... electric. More powerful than my Koopa body. Humans are so frail and weak, and yet every step I take as Bowsette is...” Bowser stopped and chuckled.

“What is it?”

“I just realized, I’m closer to you now than any time when we were married,” he said.

...

...

“We were never ACTUALLY married. It was always shams and kidnappings.”

“Legally they count.”

“Bowser...”

“Actually... at least when I’m like this, can you call me Bowsette? It’s kind of... weird, when I’m wearing the Super Crown. You know?”

“I understand, uh, Bowsette.”

“So... even if I feel more energetic and powerful than I have in years, I’m still bored, still sad, and defeating Mario didn’t even do anything. What’s... wrong with me? Am I broken?”

“Uh...” Peach didn’t feel like she was qualified to answer this question whatsoever. “You’re not broken. You just have to figure out what makes you happy and stick to that. No more invading countries and beating people up and taking over governments.”

“But I’m so good at it.. I’ve annexed two provinces of Sarasaland and Princess Daisy hasn’t made a single military move against me! How awesome is that?”

When Peach returned to the throne she was going to have a LOT of cleanup duty to accomplish, she was sure of it. But that was for another time. Right now was figuring out what the heck was wrong with Bowsette. He-- uh... she? She just seemed so... sad. Peach had never in all this time facing off against her realized any of this. She spent so much time trying to escape her and fight her and beat her in kart races that she had never really considered... her.

Not the woman in front of her, nor the lizard in front of her.

“You’re probably a terrible person, but you aren’t a bad one,” Peach said. “I hate you and want you to get beaten up, but... you don’t deserve to feel the way you do.”

“Uhhh...” Bowsette was extremely confused.

“It’s.. It’s complicated, okay?” Peach was also extremely confused. She felt pity and anger simultaneously and that was a dangerous combination of emotions.

“Yeah, so... I think I’m done with all this evil dictator stuff,” Bowsette said. She took her head off Peach’s shoulder and stood up, wiping her dress off as if it had been dirtied by the mud. “You’re free to go. Or whatever.”

She was free to leave? No more being trapped in her own bedroom? No more being held captive by this jerk?

Peach stood up as well. “You know what? Thank you,” Peach said. And then she kneed Bowsette in the crotch. Obviously it wasn’t nearly as painful now that Bowsette didn’t have any man parts to attack, but it still knocked Bowsette to the floor for a moment.

She stormed out of the room, and the castle, and kept walking in a random direction.

It didn’t matter if Bowsette was feeling the way she was feeling. She had no right to be the absolute jerk she was, and now that Peach was free, she was never going to deal with any of that garbage ever again.

Even though she felt bad for her.

It was still very complicated.