Bowsette kicked up dirt with her claws and extended her wings. She spun around, knocking the dirt around and creating a mini sandstorm around her.

“Kakakakakaka!” she cackled.

She flew up into the sky, and just as she entered in front of the sun, the scene went dark, for just a split second, and a flash of lightning scorched across the horizon behind her. 

It was a perfectly sunny day.

She slowly descended, landed gently on her two claws, and laughed again. “I’m back, baby!” she shouted.

“What the heck are you doing?” Peach asked. Peach, Former Princess Toadstool, had been married to Bowsette for over five years now. They had had four kids together. And yet... it was clear that being with Bowsette was still something of a learning process.

Bowsette didn’t mind, though. She knew she was a complex person to be around. If you couldn’t handle her at her worst, you didn’t deserve her at her best. “I’m cackling,” she answered.

“Yes, but, um, why are you cackling?”

“I’ve got a new plan,” she said. “I’m going to be a villain again. Kakakakaka!”

“I can see that,” Peach said. “You’re doing the laugh again. The one the kids always try and imitate.”

“Oh, you know it’s just Fallon. The other ones have hardly even learned to speak.”

“And yet they’re still laughing just like you... I know it’s not genetic...”

“Well, ANYWAY,” Bowsette began. “I’m going to be a villain again and nobody can stop me. Because I’ve got the perfect plan that nobody can wreck. Global domination will be mine.” Peach stared at her. “Not that I’ll, uh, actually take over the world or anything. It’ll just be the opportunity for me to do it. Which I will turn down.”

“So what’s the first step of your master plan?” Peach asked.

“Crashing the Shroom City Mario Maker Contest, with no survivors!” Bowsette shouted.

 “...”

“...What?”

“You were invited to that, Bowsette, so you can’t actually crash it,” Peach said. “I feel like I’m nagging you a lot today, but... You’re acting extra dumb.”

“That may be true, but I have villainy to pull off, and being a smart villain is usually a surefire way to get caught. The best way to do evil things, in my opinion, is to act with absolute erratic no-plan action, so that you can take everyone off-guard, including yourself. If you make it up as you go, and you’re really good at it, then nobody else has time to react!”

“Is that what you did back when you conquered the Mushroom Kingdom five years ago?”

“Exactly! My end goal was all I had. I gathered whatever power-ups I could think of, and I just went on an idiotic rampage.”

“You’re a dumbass,” Peach said. “And I love you so much.”

They kissed.

“So, you wanna help me crash the party?” Bowsette asked.

“Yeah, why not? I haven’t been a villain since that time the Shadow Queen took over my body, and that barely counts.”

“I love it when you dress like that. You are my big boob goth gf.”

“You want me to do it again? I still have the outfit at home... um, somewhere.”

“Only if you make love to me in it after we conquer the world.”

“No, and no.”

“Oh well.”

They went back to Peach’s castle and got ready for the big evening.

They were going to take over the world--er, have the option of taking over the world and decline to actually do it.

 

---

 

Tonight was the big night for Shroom City.

After the Mushroom Kingdom collapsed about four and a half years ago, its constituencies and vassal states began striking it out on their own. Some formed alliances and created their own kingdoms. The eight eastern kings with whom House Toadstool were allied for centuries remained united, other than the land of World 3, which seceded and renamed itself Water World. Its thriving casino business kept it alive ever since.

States like the Dry Dry Republic and Down Under Land became more prosperous than ever, with control of their own destinies and full ability to monitor their resources. Shiver City became the Shiver Empire, conquering most of the territory in the northeast of the continent, but it had been in economic recession ever since, expanding too big into areas with few viable resources.

However, what was hardest hit by the breakup of the Mushroom Kingdom were the lands traditionally controlled by the Toads. Many in the Toad political sphere wanted to create their own ethno-state that purged all non-Toads and forced them to move elsewhere. However, this didn’t pan out due to the forceful and peaceful uprising by future Nosebell Prize winner Koopie Koo, who advocated for the rights of Koopas, Goombas, Wigglers, and all other peoples within the Toad-majority lands.

The unrest lasted for a while, and there was some street violence in clashes between Toad Supremacists and those opposed to them. But, in the end, there came three separate nations, each of which had its own role to play in the region. 

First, there was Fungistein, a rural farming country led by the elders of Goomba Village and the nearby Toad Town. Peach’s castle was contained in Fungistein, but was considered its own sovereign nation due to the outsized influence that Peach Toadstool and her wife Bowsette, Lordess of Darkness, Creator of Pain, still had on everyday life.

Second, there was the Unity Republic, which consisted of the most concentrated Toad population of the former Mushroom Kingdom. This small territory contained towns like Decalburg, Toad Harbor, and areas like Pasta Land and Western Land. This was the biggest nation, but the least populous, with large swathes of untamed wilderness.

Third, and the largest, was Shroom City, the biggest city in the world and now its own city-state nation. Shroom City was also home to five completely separate biomes, thanks to its expansive nature, and was so diverse that it was able to become independent very quickly.

However... its economy had been very, very bad.

With a million new peace treaties to fill out and all its trade deals lost, Shroom City entered a dark age of economic stagnation that led to a mass exodus, an odyssey if you will, of people to more ripe pastures. Diamond City, New Donk City, even Yoshi’s Island all saw influxes of immigrants during the past few years.

Now, Shroom City is still the biggest city in the world, but it would not remain so unless it acted.

And, with Mario Mario’s help, it would.

Luigi and King Boo were off for their third honeymoon, so now it was just Mario himself, dressed up in his yellow helmet and holding his magical Maker Hammer for the crowds to see.

Mario was a man of few words. He was not someone who got intensely involved in political affairs, nor was he someone who went out of his way to be a hero, not unless requested.

This was one of the exceptions. Shroom City had been his home for many years, since he moved to the Mushroom Kingdom shortly after that fateful day he was discharged from the service.

Luigi never knew of the war. He never had to, thanks to people like Mario. But after everything he went through in those jungles... after the fabled “Mario’s Bombs Away” event... Mario found himself disconnected from everyone who had failed to face the horrors that the world presented those who looked deep enough.

War would come to Shroom City if he did not fix things. The biggest city in the world, but one with no military, no defenses, no allies. It needed money for those things, and money was soon leaving.

Thus came the Mario Maker Contest.

Mario’s final effort to bring economic progress to Shroom City was to build it the infrastructure that it truly deserved. To bring public transportation to the city in a way that would help the poor, that would bring more jobs to communities. He would build stages that would act as tourist attractions, elaborate art pieces--he would make Shroom City great again. And he would do it with love.

The rules of the contest were simple: ten gifted inventors and builders invited from all over the planet Earth would gather, and would try to build the best courses within the allotted time period. The theme was “urban landscapes,” but it was not a strict one. If they built riverfront walkways filled with coins and power-ups, that was good. But if they built a brand-new course on that river and filled it with dangerous enemies, that was also okay.

Anything to help Shroom City. That was what Mario cared about.

In fact, Shroom City was all that he could even think about once he saw Bowsette enter the stadium, minutes before the contest was supposed to begin. Shroom City was the only thing on his mind, even as he was tossed fifty feet in the air and his Maker Hammer snatched from his hands from none other than Peach herself.

The fate of his home rested in the balance... and yet, he was passing out from a concussion.

 

---

 

“Kakakakakaka!” Bowsette laughed.

“Tehehehehehe!” Peach laughed with her. 

The two fearsome villainesses had stolen Mario’s Maker Hammer and K.O.ed the poor sap in front of an audience of thousands. Empress Bowsette of Clan Koopa, dressed up in a white suit with a dazzling top hat, held in her free hand her wife, the glorious Lady Consort Toadstool, who wore her Shadow Queen dress, complete with gray makeup and extra long-and-pointy fake fingernails. 

And the audience cheered like it was the ultimate wrestling match.

“Now, we have access to the most powerful weapon in the world!” Bowsette shouted. “We can make whatever courses we want, and there is nothing you can do to stop us!”

“Yeah, we’re like, evil and stuff!” added Peach.

“Now, what to make...”

Bowsette was no mere Queen of Terror, Controller of Chompia, not any longer. She slipped on Mario’s yellow hat, and she officially deemed herself... Bowsette, the Maker.

She held the hammer high in her hands. “I’m gonna spawn fifty magikoopas, and there’s nothing you can do about it!”

...

...

Uh, how did she, uhh....

How does it work...

Suddenly, Mario jumped back to consciousness, hatless, and pointed Bowsette down.

“Well, I’ll just curse you by throwing blocks on your head or whatever,” she said. She pointed the hammer slightly above Mario, and...

Nothing.

“Why the heck doesn’t this hammer work?” Bowsette asked. “Why am I not conquering the world yet?”

“You said we wouldn’t conquer the world,” Peach said.

“I mean hypothetically.”

“You can’t wield that hammer,” Mario says. “Because the hammer is not the power. The true power of a builder comes from within. No hammers can change that. You are not a Maker.”

Bowsette, at these words, broke down in sobs.

The audience erupted into upracious cheers.

The Mario Maker Contest continued, and Peach came in 8th place. Mario himself came in third, with Penn Crygor taking the ultimate prize.

But Bowsette could never qualify. She was not a maker. Only... a destroyer.

“Meh, that’s okay. I like destroying things,” she said to herself.

And so she spent the next hour destroying all the newly built courses to blow off steam. It was really fun.

---

Read my newest story, Her Golemancer Girlfriend!