Chapter 3
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A short second life


[Start of my Second life]


Yesterday was May 2nd, A week before Beatrice had been killed.

Today is May 3rd. I’ve made a mistake.

Last night was when I saw Beatrice for the first time after she got killed. Seeing her alive washed all of my fears away, I had completely forgotten about the situation I was in and did not even check the date.

Right now, I’m heading towards the garden to accompany my lady for some tea with her sister. However, the tea party on May 3rd is the day that Beatrice poisons her sister’s tea, which left Iris to be in critical condition the next morning.

We arrived at the garden and both of them seem to be having a good time… Obviously, Beatrice didn’t have the same feelings as everyone else.

“Lucas, could you do me a favor? I want to have tea with my sister in private, would you mind leaving us?”

To outsiders, it seems normal- a big sister wanting to have tea with her sister without anyone watching. But I know what’s going to happen when I leave.

What do I do? I can’t leave, because if I do- it’s going to happen again. I’ll need to watch the same scenario- My lady dying by her father’s orders.

“I- I can’t”

As I attempt to shift my gaze, she looks at me straight in the eyes, a bit surprised.

“Why can’t you? What must be so important that you can’t even follow a request from me? ”

“Forgive me my lady, but I cannot follow your order right now”

Beatrice who was a bit agitated, looked at me with a perplexed expression

“Explain. Why can’t you follow my order?”

I bit my bottom lip, and after a few seconds, I tasted some blood coming in mouth.

“I- I cannot tell you.”

Narrowing her dark eyes, she stared at me with an upset yet flustered face.

“Please Lucas. What can be so urgent that you can’t even tell me?”

As I was about to speak, I was cut off by a mellow voice.

“Big sister, don’t force him, it might be important- maybe father requested for him not to leave us? And plus- I don’t mind having a servant watching us have tea together. When we were younger, we used to play together all the time- with or without a servant!”

Iris beamed a smile at both of us, signaling us to calm down. I glimpsed at Beatrice, she shifted a grimace while looking down in shame.

“Iris, let’s resume this tea next time okay? And Lucas, accompany me to my room.”

= = = = = 

As I stepped into the room, I felt an uneasy atmosphere enveloping around me.

“Why did you do that?”

I didn’t respond.

 I couldn’t respond. What would I even say? That if I left her- she was going to poison her own sister, or that she would soon die by her father’s order? I can’t, she’d think I’m crazy— anyone would. Telling her isn’t even an option.

“…You’re not going to tell me?”

Looking at me with gloomy eyes, her lips quivered.

“It’s okay. You don’t have to speak about it.”

My heart dropped in relief while a small stiff smile appeared on her face

“But can you please leave me alone for a moment? I want to relax here for a bit.”

“Of course my lady.”

Just as I was about to leave the room, I heard my lady’s voice

“Hey Lucas…”

I glanced towards Beatrice’s direction. She had a pained expression.

“Hm? What is it my lady?”

“Never mind, it’s nothing… and please- stop calling me ‘my lady’, we’re alone you know.”

I showed her a smile

“Okay. Have a good rest Beatrice.”

I walked out of the room feeling released from that tension. However, something didn’t feel right. She looked so troubled before I left, what was she going to tell me? Oh well. I could ask her about it later.

After another few hours of helping around the house, I went back to my room feeling exhausted. I soon fell asleep.

= = = = = 

[The Next Morning]

…Hm? What’s all of the commotion? It’s still 10 minutes before the usual time that servants wake up and get ready…

Ugh, it’s so noisy…

As I got up from my bed, a maid barged into my room. “Sir Lucas! Please help!”

“Huh? What is it?”

“I-It’s lady Beatrice! S-she collapsed in her room—”

As soon as I heard that, I rushed to her room. I saw Beatrice laying gracefully on the bed and Iris sitting down with shock.

“What happened?”

Iris then looked at me with a scared expression,

“I-I tried to visit big sister a bit earlier than usual, so I opened her door and saw her laying on the floor. I woke up my maid- a-and she called a doctor while the other servants carried big sister onto her bed…

Lucas… what’s going to happen to her-?”

Iris looked at me with sorrow in her eyes, expecting kind words.

“I don’t know.”

She gazed down while I looked at Beatrice’s pale face and tried to feel her pulse.

Ah good, she’s still alive. I slowly squeezed her cold hand.

While feeling a sharp pain in my chest, the doctor soon came and examined her.

“Her condition is horrible… her pulse is also very weak. But I don’t understand how she can be in this state- has she been acting out of the ordinary these days? Surely you must know something, you are her personal butler.”

“…I’m not sure”

I replied with some guilt

Suddenly, the father of Beatrice came into the room.

“Oh, so you’re not sure? How come? You’ve been her butler for 2 years already… and yet you don’t know?”

He stared at me with distant eyes.

“I-I’m very sorry Master”

Disgusting. I hate calling him ‘master’ after he ordered my lady to be killed, it sickens me. Even though I only considered Beatrice to be my one and only master, I could not avoid calling Caspian Clarilel- the owner of the house ‘master’. It was seen to be very disrespectful if I refused to call him that.

Looking down with shame, I noticed a fallen vial on the floor and picked it up.

What’s this? There was some thick purple liquid at the bottom.

“You- what’s that? Can I examine it?”

The doctor sternly stared at the vial I was holding

I soon gave the vial to the doctor, and he stared at me with shock

“What? Where did you get this?”

“I found it on the floor”

Why does he look so distressed?

“I-It’s a very deadly poison. It can make you severely sick- drinking one full vial can leave you in a fatal condition. She might have…”

The doctor didn’t finish his sentence and just stared at the vial with a displeasing face. It was then when everyone suddenly realized.

“What are you saying? Don’t tell me my big sister—?!”

Tears fell from Iris’s green eyes as her cheeks flushed with red.

“Continue speaking.”

Caspian spoke out loud

“Looking closer, she has extreme symptoms of when you drink this type of poison… It never crossed my mind because usually a noble girl like her would never take hold of this. It is highly likely that the cause of her state is the poison.”

The doctor said firmly

…What? Was she poisoned? Or did Beatrice drink this on her own— if she did, why?

With those thoughts crossing, her pained expression from yesterday entered my head.

Would things have changed if I listened to her..?

“I-I don’t know if she could live… her pulse is getting weaker and weaker.”

As soon as the doctor said that, there was a heavy silence falling down upon us.

I was the first to interrupt the silence.

“Is there any medicine that can help?”

My voice filled the room while the doctor looked at me with a bitter expression.

“It looks like she took the poison last night, even if we get the medicine now it would be too late for her.”

The doctor soon left with that news and Caspian headed towards his study while Iris followed after him. After all, it was hard to breathe with a soon to be dead girl in the room. Iris was actually going to stay, however she was worried about her father so she followed him into his study to try to console him. Not that he needed any ‘consoling’ in the first place. How stupid, does she really not see her beloved father’s emotion towards her own sister? And how cruel of her to leave behind her dying sister to chase after her father. If Beatrice was awake right now, she would be disgusted.

However, I, who stayed in the room, could not stop my tears coming from my eyes while I held her hand.

All of the sudden, her eyes slightly opened.


Her chapped lips opened as she spoke in a soft voice. I could barely hear it.

“…why are you crying?”

After those words, she then succumbed in her sleep again. Wanting her to open her eyes once more, my tears started dripping onto her hand while I tried shaking her body for her to miraculously wake up again. But even if she was awake right now, it would not change her fate.

I felt her pulse grow weaker and weaker.

Until it stopped. It stopped completely.

It was then, when I saw my master’s dead body again.

And It was also when I purposely tipped of her balcony after I stopped hearing her heartbeat.

Like my first life, my second life also ended in a suicide.

God, why would you give me another life if you’re going to torture me again?

It was at that time, when I did not realize that God did not only give me a second life, he also gave me a third, fourth, fifth and so on. I thought everything would be gone after I killed myself again. That my pain would soon dissolve into nothingness. How foolish of me. 

However, no matter how much pain I’ve gotten, I would die over and over,  just to see her again.