Chapter 19 – After
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Chapter 19 - After

My first memory was mom's angry face at the children's hospital. A crush of bitter words settled on my trembling shoulders. I didn't understand why she was mad. The steady click of her heels receded down the hall. I cried for her. My hands were restrained by heavy, snaking ropes and cords. Some flowed into me, some out. My hot, bitter tears washed away the world.

I'd come from a void, it would be so easy to return to it.

"Hi there, little guy! It's good to see you!"

A friendly blur of yellow washed over me as a gentle hand caressed my bald head.

Momma? A warm voice assured me that my mom would be back soon. In the meantime, she had someone to introduce to me. It was Dr. Beary. He had blue scrubs on and wanted to make sure I was alright.

I shook his paw and held him. Large bandages covered his body. He'd been through a lot too, the nurse told me. It was hard to remember that nurse's name amongst the stream of people who needed me to sleep and wait and do stuff. The nurses were always nice though. One even made mom leave the room so I could just relax and breathe, wistfully noting, "I wish I could take you home, honey."

Mom had me discharged early and forced dad to set up a TV in the side bedroom. She told me, if I got out of bed without help, I would die. She played it up like it was a vacation, movies in bed all day long. If I pretended to be asleep then she wouldn't scream at me. This was the only time of my life that this tactic worked.

Battered and lost by the side of a roaring stream, I didn't have that mother to scream at me about how she knew I was faking. Everything ached, not in the way an instar foreshadowed, but in a way like when I struggled to do what she commanded.

Something inside me was gone, broken with Riva's last, loving look. I could right myself from this spot in the mud, but what did it matter? Sana, Silt, Father, and Mother. A tender, flicker of hope urged me that they were still breathing when I last saw them. Roaches were tenacious. Millions of years were a testament to that.

But what of the Shashelm? Where did my biology classes and those online documentaries line up with what I'd seen? The lights had gone out in their eyes. Their aromas were lost to me in the Hellish fire of an army cloaked in death. But, until I knew for sure, doubt was a slim substitute for hope.

Riva was gone though, along with Flax. Beryl and Ewan though. Those poor wimps were being taken to something that leader Vesperil ominously called "the farm". If only I'd been caught, maybe I could've gone with them. Although, they probably would've dashed me against the walls as brutally as they did Riva. I had no reason to imagine I could find this farm or do anything about it. For all this bright, nasty, and burning world, even finding the known survivors of my family felt like a toil.

Why bother? The splashes of beading water kept me from dying out even as the rustles of grass stalks provided some shelter against the blinding morning sky. Something would be around to relieve me of my life eventually. Something smaller and unrelenting or massive and hungry. It was the way of this world.

I could just roll the dice and see where the next life put me. This was the natural state of things. Everything ends.

And besides, if I got out of this bed too, I would just die. Be it by a predator or something else. Time to rip that bandage off and get it over with.

It was a pleasant morning at least. The rush of the wind brought sweet smells without the sickening aroma of death. Those leaves were out there, those stupid leaves that Flax thought mattered so much.

The cascade of water felt like a persistent unrelenting nudge across my body. I could imagine it was like an excited Riva urging me awake.

"C-come on, Grete! Please! There's so much to see. So much to do. Get up so I can spend the embracing night with you!"

It also reminded me of Silt's encompassing, consuming touch, leaving no room for sadness along with Sana's high-octane cuddles. So persistent. No peace, no just staying here to die.

Get up, Grete! You still have so much to do!

Slowly, gingerly, I rolled over onto my buckling legs. My antennas wiggled against the air, as though a simple breeze threatened to tear them away. One careful step at a time, I dragged myself from the standing water and grass onto the rocky, muddy shore.

None of my limbs were broken though certain ones struggled to keep up my weight. Soon, I had to rest and let the air permeate my entire body. Okay, I got up. I wouldn't die in the mud. So, where would I die?

Pressing my way towards a stinging curtain of grasses, I bobbed between them and found somewhere else to rest. In the stillness between breezes, I heard the most horrifying noise: buzzing.

It swelled through the earth and echoed in my mind. The swarm. The Vesperil. Of course, they wouldn't be far behind me, in pursuit to finish the job. That same, chopper whoosh washed over me. I tried to back into a wall of grasses but being a dark Shashelm in a blaze of plants offered me no comfort. And no cave or hole teased safety.

Not far away, mottled gold and black settled to the earth with a rush of air currents. Not one of those blue ones which put happy thoughts into my family before hauling them off. Well, at least it seemed like Riva died swiftly. Laying down, I offered my head. Just be quick.

And I waited. Through rustling steps and efforts of tears and closed eyes to fight through what lay ahead, time passed with life still in my body. The Vesperil had to be right on top of me from the sounds. Once, it even seemed that its leg nearly grazed one of my antennas.

When I could bear the suspense no longer, I begged quietly, "Please. Just do it..."

A startled gasp and stammer swirled through the air with a flurry of muttered words. I tensed up, waiting for the strike. It didn't come.

"Fair and loving, Queen Akos! You startled me! Whew. My rose petals. I need a moment..."

Still not encountering the expected assault, I slowly uncovered my gaze and peered at the bug standing next to me. It didn't loom like a gold and black Vesperil, though it had similar, muted tones. It wore a cloak of teddy bear-like fuzz with bright, sweet-smelling powder in pouches along its side. Dipping its head after a long breath, the bug remarked, "Better. Are you alright? A-assuming you aren't out to eat me...because I know things you can't even imagine! Watch out! Yeah!"

The creature's fuzz bristled, and it waved its limbs around while flaring it glassy wings. I retreated and slipped in the water, banging hard against the ground. Before I could say anything, the bug hustled over to my side with a flying hop. "Akos-goodness, did you hurt yourself? Be careful! If you're on your last instar, then it's hard to heal."

Helping me up, the bug looked me over and brushed me off gently. I bent away, still bracing for an attack which never came. In the peace and silence, I questioned, "Are you going to eat me?"

It darted back involuntarily. "No! I have no interest in you. Like that. Did that come out weird?...Sorry. Arg!"

Ruffling their fuzz, the bug paced and muttered a few things before resolving, "Greetings! I mean, I should greet you. Which I will...do. Hi! That's a rude greeting. Okay. I'm Elpis of Akosmela, the beloved Akos of the Mela daughter. And...errrrggg...I need to start again. Sorry!"

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