Chapter Fifty — Where I Belong
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Sorry about putting a picture in the beginning again, but it's not related to this chapter (it's from the previous one), so it's at the top here ^^.

Kitty hugs and bites!

Spoiler

[collapse]

And I know Abihiko's serene face is kind of strange when his finger is being gnawed off, but that's just Abihiko. Neko already said somewhere that he doesn't mind pain. ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ I guess... that makes Abihiko an M? Neko is going to thoroughly punish him for his misdeeds anyway (and enjoy it like a proper S), so... good for both for them. +_+

 

Chapter Fifty

Where I Belong

 

Contrary to Aomi's grand preparations, Mikawa was ready almost immediately. He didn't have many things and didn't need them. Kataji was harder to please because he made a huge deal out of taking all his log parts with him.

Only to be forbidden to do so by Kasuga.

"I am not a horse to carry all your log parts on my back," she told him frigidly, and Kataji had no choice but to shut up. "Choose one or two parts. The rest will be sent to Nara by post or with the Imperial bodyguard escort."

Choose one or two parts, ha. Nekohiko already knew what Kataji would say to that.

"I choose the human dummy I'm making." The young man bowed, but not nearly low enough for it to count as anything other than mockery. "Unless it's too heavy for Your Majesty?"

Abihiko shook his head at him to frighten Kataji into submission, yet he probably didn't know how aggressive Kataji could become when somebody was talking about his wooden log "project".

Even Nekohiko kept mute and sat in Aomi's arms pretending to not hear anything. Aomi kissed him in the ear and ruffled up his fur, nuzzling him with her nose, ostensibly not paying attention to her brothers and Kasuga. A surge of warmth swept through him as he received her affections.

She must feel so lonely and abandoned, to be left behind like this. That she wasn't showing it didn't mean that she wasn't hurt or didn't need someone to care for her in return.

"I'm here with you, Aomi," he whispered.

She gave him a wicked smile that he thought was a very bad attempt to hide her sadness. "Of course you are. Where I am, the best stuff happens!"

While the "boys" went away to get dressed for the journey, Nekohiko didn't bother to go get ready with them. Abihiko had only his sword to take care of, Kataji knew better than anyone which wooden parts needed to be packed and which could be left behind, and Mikawa wouldn't need any advice or additional preparations because he'd already said it all:

-- he wouldn't leave Lord Okinaga's mansion. He wouldn't go out to see the lecherous pit that was Nara. He would stay as far away from it all as possible. And for that purpose, having only one change of clothes was more than enough.

Instead, Nekohiko lounged on Aomi's lap and let her comb her fingers through his fur while most of his attention went to Kotone.

He was still distressed with the Head Priest leaving so fast and in such hostility. How long had he waited to see Suminoe? He'd wanted to talk to him, to maybe even open up about his identity, his goals, his revenge. After all, who but the only father figure Nekohiko had ever known would be on his side?

Yet Etsuko's words had speared right through his heart and lodged in there no matter how much he wanted them to fade. And after he'd witnessed Suminoe himself...

He couldn't put his finger on it, but something didn't feel right to him. It was odd that no one else had noticed anything wrong with Suminoe's behavior, but he guessed they knew the current man better than he did. Perhaps Suminoe had changed drastically in these last five years?

Still. No shaking off this uncanny film of doubt. Now, fear petrified him to even fathom telling Suminoe the truth about himself.

Kotone, on the other hand...

The way she'd told Abihiko how neutral her current position was... Could it be that she, of all people, would understand him without trying to apply vague human morality laws on him, without attacking him, or blaming him for anything in the past?

He longed to tell someone. To share. To commiserate and feel loved and be appreciated by someone who knew the truth he cradled in his heart. Could Kotone be that person? She had never betrayed him. She hadn't even known he was a boy all this time because nobody had ever told her! Neither she had ever known he was the true Emperor. Which was kind of funny if he told this to her now, of all times.

She might even think he was insane. But then, so would be she, talking to a wooden cat about it...

A smirk tugged at his whiskers and he cuddled with Aomi, content with his swirling optimistic thoughts.

But he hadn't decided yet. First, he would spend a day or two, getting used to her. He could live with being misunderstood and hidden. But he wouldn't be able to live if he was exposed and accused and punished.

When the time came, and all three "boys" came back to Kasuga with their packed things, Nekohiko had almost dozed off alongside Aomi on one of the fur-covered benches in the war room. But then Kasuga took the bag with the human dummy from Kataji and slung it over her shoulders in one fast, jerky move -- and all the body parts shook, jolting Nekohiko out of his snug cat dreams.

"Careful!" Kataji roared, hands going for his bag as though to yank it from Kasuga. "It's incredibly fragile!"

"It's wood, Kataji," Abihiko told him, bored.

However, Kasuga understood.

"Sorry," she whispered more to the bag of the dummy parts than to Kataji. When she turned to Kataji, she sounded much less polite in comparison. "I hope our agreement still stands. Out of the leftover wooden parts, I can pick one for Nagare purposes, yes?"

"A small cube," Kataji said through teeth. "I left it on the dinner table in my room. Do not touch the other log parts and send them to the capital as quickly as possible. Thanks."

Spirits, these people -- Kataji and Aomi -- were the definition of irreverent. Hadn't Kataji himself been so impressed and stricken by Kasuga the first time they met? Yet look at him now. Whenever Kasuga threatened to take his logs, Kataji turned into a monster no less savage than Aomi when she needed to. How easily his loyalties and admirations died...

"Noted." Kasuga beckoned Mikawa to her to whisper something very intense-sounding and lengthy in his ear while all he did was blush, pale, then shiver as he nodded rapidly.

By this point, it was late afternoon, and the sky was slowly turning purple and orange in the scattered clouds Suzumegara floated through. The winds so high up were sharp and chilling, bringing the scents of looming colder seasons and decay from the devastated landscape.

The dark glass arches and columns they passed loomed around the castle's southern exit that ended abruptly into the deep sky like a sea into which they would plummet the next moment.

A shiver went up Nekohiko's cat spine just from imagining that.

Abihiko followed Kasuga and Mikawa, with Kataji dragging his feet behind them all, throwing suspicious looks over the scudding clouds and at the bag of dummy parts on Kasuga's shoulder.

Kotone remained behind in the war room, and only Aomi came out here to see her siblings off. When the others would swoop away, she would be left standing all alone on this empty porch.

In her hands, Nekohiko lay against her shoulder and chest, peering worriedly into Aomi's gloomy face.

He gave her ear another nudge with his nose, and she rubbed his head in response. There was nothing else he could for her, though. She probably wanted Kataji's or Abihiko's concern, not his.

But neither of her brothers so much as looked back.

"We travel through Spiritside," Kasuga told Mikawa and Abihiko. She motioned Mikawa to go grab Kataji while she stepped up to Abihiko.

"Kataji and I are much taller than both of you," Abihiko said, smiling at Kasuga in some trace of his usual childish arrogance. "So it's understandable."

Kasuga gave him an unamused look. "It's for your safety, not mine or Mikawa's. The Nagare Spirits protect our bodies from the pressure of such high speeds. You, on the other hand, might get splattered all across the Empire if I drag you like that in the real world."

"Ah." Abihiko bit in his lips. "How wonderful."

Kataji was aghast, though. "What about my log? Will it be safe?" he demanded, hands in fists.

"I'll take care of your log," Kasuga promised, then shifted to stand behind Abihiko. He lifted his arms, unsure of what would happen now and what he needed to do, but she found a way to seize him comfortably quickly enough.

She clasped her hands around his chest, then gave Mikawa a sign to do the same to Kataji. Unlike his sister, Mikawa had to apologize and gasp and flub around attempting to hug Kataji from behind.

Kataji was left very uncomfortable-looking, too. He elbowed Mikawa in the face a couple of times and hissed when Mikawa stepped on his foot, forcing Kataji to jump up in pain.

In short, it was a mess.

"Younger brothers, tsk," Abihiko told Kasuga but was met with the same forcedly-calm attitude of hers.

"Ready?" Kasuga asked when both Mikawa and Kataji finally found a way to hold on to each other.

"Y-yes, Elder Sister."

So this was it. The goodbye.

"Aomi." Abihiko's call pecked Aomi out of her blues as she strolled around the arch, staring into the luminescent sky.

The girl turned, and in her chest, Nekohiko heard the distinct rush of a heartbeat.

"I love you," Abihiko told her with a warm smile. "I'll come get you when it's all over. Wait for me."

Aomi bounced on her feet. "Mn!"

"I'll send you a wind whisper, Lady Aomi," Mikawa added, shaken. "About how we arrive. And about Lord Okinaga's... what you asked me."

"Don't you dare forget!"

Now even Kataji felt the need to say something. But compared to the others, he found it so hard to do, for some reason. He didn't meet her eyes, mumbling, "See you around, I guess..."

"Bye, moron!"

Kataji's eyes sparked up. "You moron!"

And with that, Kasuga reached her aura out to Suzumegara and asked permission to enter the Spiritside.

Like a dark wave of wind and blanketing smoke, the world suddenly shifted its colors from the airy, gilded reality to the monochrome wasteland that was the Spiritside.

Nekohiko had never seen how Nagares travel at such high speeds. Even when Lords Kazuragi and Yakabe had carried him and Abihik on several occasions, the speed was not as dangerous-sounding as what Kasuga had just described.

Abruptly, the memory of being flown by Nagares hit him with a squirming distaste.

Because Abihiko letting Kasuga take care of him suddenly felt so wrong. How happy and cheery Abihiko had been around Kazuragi most times Nekohiko saw the two together? Abihiko was just as friendly to Kasuga now, even if he wasn't as fraternizing with her.

And yet... according to Etsuko's gossip, Abihiko was the person who had killed Kazuragi with his own hands.

How could Abihiko be so... nice... so sweet... so kind to people he would later murder? Was he just that good at lying to their faces? Had he no consciousness? No guilt?

No heart?

Yet from everything Nekohiko had witnessed about him yesterday -- he couldn't say that either. Abihiko was genuinely kind and nice and caring. So... why?

He didn't, by chance, have a split identity or personality or anything?

Not that Nekohiko was the one to talk. Even now, with only two areas of interest between Aomi and Abihiko -- the choice left him nearly aching to be in both places at the same time.

His cat body clung to Aomi's arms, but his soul wanted to be with Abihiko and Kasuga. Was it so cruel of him to pick them when he knew Aomi needed him more?

Was it heartless?

...

"Follow me exactly," Kasuga told Mikawa.

"Mn."

Damn it.

He had to choose them.

Just a brief moment to see how they do it -- how they travel through Spiritside, Nekohiko promised himself. He wouldn't be gone for too long, Aomi!

In the Spiritside, Suzumegara's form was even more aberrant and illogical to the human eye. Gone were the plates of metal and stone that made it visible to mortals. Here, only its pure form loomed over the desolate landscape of black and eerie white -- a greying massive worm-like body, segmented and translucent with organs glowing inside like nebulae. Out of its back, came two enormous wings of sparkling blue, purple, and green.

Beneath it, the earth looked horrid. Like all the spots where the Spiritside was torn after a great disaster in the human realm, the landscape was more like a gash in the flesh, from which putrid, foul Demonic essence was escaping. From so high up, as a seashell on Abihiko's neck, Nekohiko glimpsed tiny glowing spots of Binders' auras working on mending the fraying edges of reality down below. Must be the teams Kotone and Kasuga were overseeing.

But for now, Kasuga wasn't concerned with them. She edged toward the end of the portico, and Abihiko went with her. Then, with just a slight push, she cast herself off the precipice -- plunging with Abihiko into the swerving black-and-white abyss of the Spiritside.

But instead of falling, she sliced into the winds like a thin razor. Then she folded her Spirit self, twisted it, untangled it to nothing more solid than the wind itself. It all happened in a span of an eye-blink, and Kasuga and Abihiko and Nekohiko's seashell were no more.

They became the wind.

How or what happened next didn't register in Nekohiko's mind at all. The only thing he knew was that it was fast -- too fast for him to comprehend! The air slapped past his seashell body like a freezing wave. His hearing gave out, and so did his eyesight. Perhaps he was indeed incapable of appreciating the Nagare Lords' travel methods, but once all this lightning-fast agony ended, he knew he was still alive and still well.

And already somewhere else.

Abihiko swayed when Kasuga let go of him. If Nekohiko felt dizzy and ill, being only a meager seashell with no real stomach to lurch or balance to be upended -- then what would a real human feel after this wind grinder?!

"Are you all right?" Kasuga asked Abihiko.

Abihiko put the back of his hand to his mouth and gave Kasuga a silent, queasy nod. 

But his heart was screaming in all kinds of wrong with its hastened thudding. Nekohiko blinked hard and fast, trying to get used to seeing after the Nagare "trip". And the first thing he saw beyond Kasuga's concerned pale face was Mikawa and Kataji popping from thin air next to Kasuga.

Both boys looked as though they'd encountered a hurricane in their travel. Mikawa's hair was standing on its ends while Kataji's had turned into a birdnest. Mikawa's huge, wide eyes stared before him with a traumatized expression.

"What happened?" Kasuga ran to him to grab him by the shoulders. "Did you lose your way?"

"No," Mikawa croaked. "Just... Master Kataji tripped and also... kicked me when we were flying, so..."

Kasuga sounded disappointed. "He did what?!"

But rather than participate in their conversation, Kataji fell on his fours and heaved, trying to regain his balance and bearing from vertigo.

The only thing he was truly concerned about was, as usual --

"My logs," he whispered, raising his bloodshot eyes at Kasuga. "Are they fine?"

Around them, the world was the same dreary emptiness. Still the Spiritside, echoing with every single word, wavering in the drab hues of colorlessness. Only there was no Nagare castle, no Suzumegara's Spirit nearby, and no gruesome gashes in the Spiritside's fabric looming beneath them.

They stood on the stairs of a Nara Spiritway Shrine -- a hollow, lonely place trapped in shadows. But just a few steps away, the Spiritway Shrine's entrance opened up into the city that lay beyond, in the distance.

And over that city, there hulked a different kind of Spirit. Not Suzumegara. Of course not. Nara was famous for another family's power and another Great Spirit's presence.

The Emperor's.

Far away, caged within the murky walls of a Palace that in the human realm was a very beautiful, very bright building -- stood a column of Emerald-green luminescence. Its aura scattered around, diffuse and soft. But Nekohiko knew that close by, all this majestic greenness had a very distinct appearance of tree branches.

Tree branches with the most lambent and sharp needles in the world! The Great Emerald Fir tree in the center of the Imperial Palace.

From within Abihiko's collars, Nekohiko stared longingly at his birth home. At the home of his death, too. At his home, period.

The only place he truly belonged in.

"I assume you can take it from here?" Kasuga stepped next to Abihiko, wary. "The Spiritway Shrine is not far away from Lord Okinaga's mansion, I hear. But if the road is too long or twisted, I'd rather escort my brother to the mansion myself."

"No need," Abihiko said with a calm smile. His eyes also couldn't stray away from the Emerald Fir Spirit in the distance. "I'll make sure your brother gets there shortly, my Queen, and we don't even need to exit the Spiritside until we're at Okinaga's. It's only a few minutes from here." He turned to her and bowed. "You may go back to your people without having to worry about your brother's safety. Trust me."

She studied his face a moment, then bowed back. "I do trust you. Please take care of him."

"And you -- of my little sis."

Oh, this time, it took Kasuga a bit longer to come up with a polite answer. She dashed to Mikawa to plant a dry peck on his cheek, then threw Abihiko a quick reply. "I will."

And just like that -- she swerved on one spot -- and a roaring, powerful blast of lightning shot through the Spiritside in the direction of Nagare lands to the north from here.

The thunderclap rumbled with a slight delay, also following Kasuga's breakneck speed back to her castle.

Mikawa and Abihiko were left standing on the gloomy Spiritside stairs, watching each other with a sense of discomfort and doubt. At least, that was what Mikawa looked like.

Abihiko, on the other hand, seemed carefree as he waved Mikawa close and hugged him by the shoulders, pointing toward the city sprawling before them. "Are you hungry? We can go take a bite somewhere before we go to Okinaga's? I don't want to be mean -- and please don't tell him -- but the cooking in Hira household is seriously insipid. If you want to eat something that will stay with you -- choose now and choose wisely. Nara has too many amazing restaurants just in this one district."

"I... um..."

"You coming, too?" Abihiko turned to Kataji who was still on the floor, desperately going through the bag Kasuga had left him, checking each and every wooden part for damage.

"No?!" Kataji shot him a glare. "We need to get to a safe place as fast as possible! What are you talking about?"

"I think so, too..." Mikawa fidgeted when he noticed how sad that made Abihiko. "But we can go dining out together later? Like, tomorrow or next week?"

"Hm. You are right," Abihiko sighed. "Of course."

Nekohiko knew he was lying. The Emperor would never find a spare moment to go around dining. That Abihiko suggested it now was a whim that he could indulge in only for a short while. As soon as he came to Okinaga's mansion, everyone would demand Abihiko went back to the Palace to take care of his usual business and duties promptly.

So there would simply never be this "tomorrow or next week" Mikawa was talking about.

That said, Abihiko wasn't the only one feeling sad and abandoned, was there? While he, Mikawa, and Kataji were making their way from the local Spiritway Shrine to Okinaga's mansion, Nekohiko fled back to Aomi. Just to see how she was doing.

 


***

 

But luckily, she was doing much better than when he'd left her.

Because during all the time Nekohiko had spent on Abihiko and others -- Kasuga had already returned back to the same portico amidst the empty, tall arches and the foggy clouds. And on that portico, somebody had been waiting not-very-patiently for her return.

"What are you going to do now? Can I help? I can file through random papers if you need that," Aomi was chirping beside Kasuga as both girls were marching back into the castle, with Aomi livening up their fast pace with an occasional skipping.

"No need, thank you."

"I can Bind, too, just so you know. So technically, I can even help mend the Spiritside--"

"No need, thank you."

Aomi jiggled Nekohiko's cat body in her arms, so bouncy she became the longer Kasuga rejected her offers. "Above all, I am great at searching up the alternative and weird but efficient ways to do stuff! Innovations work not only in science and technology, you see -- but also in approaching the management of people or documentation!"

Kasuga stopped. She gave Aomi another of her polite yet guarded expressions. "No need," she stressed. "Thank you."

Aomi hummed, displeased. Then, as Kasuga turned to walk away, she yelled after her. "You are still pissed at me, aren't you? So polite, Queen Kasuga, so devoted to her people, so sacrificial and thinking only of the higher goals. And yet -- rejecting the valid offers of help just because of a stung ego!"

That caught Kasuga mid-step. But Aomi was already not staying. With a huff, she hoisted Nekohiko up and ran away down the corridor, mumbling under her breath all the while.

"I'll show you, oh -- I'll show you what you're missing out on! Dismissing such a brilliant strategist as me without even seeing what I can do to help... grrrrr."

Stopping in the middle of a staircase, she propped Nekohiko in her hands to glare him in the eye. "You will help, yes?"

Nekohiko balked. "Help... with what?"

"The disaster management and stuff!"

How would he -- a random cat... a would-be-random Binder from nowhere -- know about any of that? Ayyy. Did Aomi forget he was supposed to be a nobody?

As the Emperor, of course, he knew at least the basics about disaster management. But it was her demanding his help without even doubting he could -- that irked him.

Though, he couldn't afford to deny her.

He wanted to help. His Empire was wounded and bleeding. He wasn't very certain about how competent Kasuga was in these kinds of things, so of course he itched to participate!

"..." He still gave Aomi the most suspicious long look he could muster. "I will but I am not very proficient in it, Aomi."

"Yeah, but I am. I am one great professional in this crap. So you don't have to worry about it. If you suck too much, I'll fix it for you." She smirked so menacingly, so innocently, he could do nothing other than sigh.

"Sure, Aomi."

 


***

 

Mikawa had just sent a wind whisper to Aomi and Kasuga that he and the others had arrived at Lord Okinaga's mansion. It flew away from him, rustling through the leaves of the cherry tree branches and stirring the wood chimes hanging off the eaves of the roofs.

Abihiko was leading Mikawa down the grove gallery through the main courtyard to the greeting hall, telling him something random and touristy about when this mansion had been built, why, and by whom.

Kataji had stopped some time ago. He put his bag on a small stone bench in the garden and leaned in to whisper.

"Are you all right? Itsuki? Can you hear me?"

Nekohiko opened his empty-socket eyes in the future dummy's head.

"I'm here," he told Kataji if only to placate him. Speaking when he didn't have a properly-drawn mouth on and instead -- only the very rigid jaw hinges -- was too bothersome.

But one word was more than enough for Kataji. He gave Nekohiko a smile, then rummaged through his clothes to get his list of dummy-Binding stores in the district.

"We can go tonight, just to see what the selection of animal tissue they can offer. One of the best Binding salons is just around the corner," he began excitedly when--

Nekohiko saw Abihiko's wide-shouldered silhouette loom nearby too late to stop Kataji from oversharing.

He had no choice but to freeze and pretend he didn't exist. Good thing Abihiko was never too observant.

"Binding salons?" Abihiko laughed, reaching to snatch Kataji's list out of his fingers. "Why do you need a Binding salon?"

Kataji tensed up. "None of your business."

Abihiko's eyes flicked to Nekohiko's dummy parts, then a whistle of understanding escaped his lips.

Languidly, Abihiko shrugged. "Kata, I am one of the most powerful Binders in the Empire. Why waste money and time on seeking out some random Binder who might not even suit your needs to put your stupid doll together if... I am right here, right now?"

He sat on his haunches, peering at Nekohiko's body with no more concern than he would at a table that needed assembling. "Looks simple enough."

And he smiled.

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