Chapter Sixty-Nine — Not Like the Other Girls (1/3)
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Chapter 69, mmm...

Unfortunately, no smexy times so far. Only the very, very awkward and very important event every teen has to go through (in the times before Internet ^^).

Getting an impromptu lesson about smexy with one's "dad".

...

Suminoe: so, Nekohiko... about birds and bees, now...

Nekohiko: ( ●__● )

 

Chapter Sixty-Nine

Not Like the Other Girls

Part 1 of 3

 

 

It was an impulse. Right after Yakabe's death and Kazuragi's descent into utter madness, Nekohiko hadn't given much thought to asking Lord Hira Okinaga to release the Hira seal inside him.

He had simply done it.

And it hadn't been mere asking, either. If Nekohiko had seen himself from the side, he would think it looked much more like... an order.

Hira Okinaga knew he was the Emperor now, so he wouldn't care that the future ruler of their Empire commanded him to lift the Hira seal. And indeed, the only thing Lord Okinaga had asked Nekohiko before he lifted his seal, was --

Why? What for? Why do you need it?

To which the answer was bizarrely easy to make.

For power.

To not let this repeat. This -- being helpless and useless when the people he cherished died and got hurt right in front of his eyes without him being able to do anything about it.

Abihiko being taken away by the Dark Sisters. Then Yakabe dying.

Then Kazuragi almost killing the two of them in the middle of his rage.

Never again.

He needed the Hira seal to protect. And to prevent.

Of that, he was rockhard certain.

After these words, Hira Okinaga had lifted his seal. He had said nothing and hadn't questioned Nekohiko ever again, even after he had fetched the two of the boys from the Peaceful Town and brought them back to Izumo the following week.

Nekohiko couldn't say much about that time, really. The next day after the tragedy, his Hira seal had already been lifted, but all of that was so fuzzy in his memory now, misty, cloudy.

So many things he couldn't wrap his head around. So many coincidences and odd notes to the events he kept replaying in his mind over and over.

A sort of a numb blanket of fog had fallen over him in those days and he hardly remembered how Okinaga had treated him, or how Abihiko had taken care of him while Nekohiko grieved in his terrible new daze. He did not remember Kazuragi's presence at all.

Kazuragi must have taken his emotions under control but...

Nekohiko did not know how or when or with whose help.

In fact, he sometimes could not remember how he had woken up in the mornings in his room in Izumo, gone to classes, then ended up back in his own room by the end of the day. Everything blurred into one single stretch of time like a muddy river, and Nekohiko was only a small twig floating along.

Those were dreary several weeks.

But even such cloudy times had an end and new, clearer days would peek through. And with them, would come sunshine.

 

 


***

 

 

The Head Priest's office was chilly and uninviting as usual, but Nekohiko still felt at home inside. The last few days had been an improvement over his previous numbness after Yakabe's death, so the Head Priest told him to come in.

It was right on time, too. To have the talk about everything that had happened. Because tomorrow, the Fourth-Year Binding exams began after which the Izumo disciple would be considered a Spirit Wayfarer and would be allowed to go on missions outside of Izumo.

This was the event that marked Binder children as fully-formed magical users capable of existing outside of School and protecting themselves, their loved ones, and any stranger in need.

Having a grown-up talk before that happened suited the mood. Nekohiko had been preparing himself for this visit to Suminoe all day and now squirmed as he sat in front of Suminoe's desk, waiting for the man to finish his paperwork.

It was already late evening and the life outside the administrative building was heating up with running and chatting pupils, overexcited before the grand exam early tomorrow. Despite the nervousness of the event, most chose not to go to bed early, but celebrated instead, sneaking liquor and smoking leaves into the dorms. Their rowdy singing and dancing and sometimes more discreet murmuring and making out noises passed by the windows of Suminoe's office every once in a while. The teachers' huffy cries at them all to be quieter and go to beds right now! were also a common occurrence.

Nekohiko ignored both.

His thoughts were too far away and he found it easy to disassociate from even the most annoying of sounds as some obnoxious young couple kept gasping and kissing wetly somewhere right down the corner from this room.

The sky burned in muted indigo, clouded, so that no stars could actually come through. The late-spring warmth wavered in the air, amplifying all the flower smells, but the nightly breeze already brought some chill through the open window, pushing the camellia branches outside into a gentle sway.

All of a sudden, Nekohiko thought about what Abihiko was doing now. And with whom.

Or if... on an off chance, Abihiko was still as strangely-quiet and somber as he had been these last few weeks. Belatedly, Nekohiko regretted not telling him he would go to Suminoe for so long. Tomorrow was a big day. What if Abihiko would want to spend whatever few hours before sleep -- with Nekohiko, making elaborate plans on how they would pass their exam tomorrow?

"Do these noises disturb you?" Suminoe asked him all of a sudden.

Nekohiko stirred with a delay. "Which noises?"

"Those two lovers, copulating," Suminoe answered evenly. He put the last of his scrolls aside and focused his attention solely on Nekohiko.

What an odd topic to discuss.

"Not really. I can tune them out," he said.

"But you are aware of them, yes? Are you aware of the wind rustling in the camellia right now? What about the temperature of the air?"

Slowly, Nekohiko blinked. "This whole last week, you keep asking me these strange questions. Forgive me, Your Holiness, is something wrong--"

"At least you notice that," Suminoe sighed.

He didn't look healthy, Nekohiko noticed abruptly, as Suminoe got to his feet and walked over to the window to slide the shutter closed. It was as though lately, Suminoe had grown gaunter or exhausted with worry. It did not diminish his stately beauty, but it did give him an odd vulnerable quality that had never been there before.

Nekohiko followed his movements closely. "Do you mean my... anguish after Lord Yakabe had been killed?" He felt guilty to even speak about this. "I'm sorry. I did not want to worry you or others. I just couldn't find the strength to concentrate or to be aware of my surroundings recently. Kotone once said that this is how grief can manifest, so..."

"Grief can do that, yes," Suminoe said, slowly strolling across the office room, pulling all the lights in the lanterns away and gradually forcing the room into vague darkness. "But with you, Nekohiko, I'm afraid grief is only exacerbating the other issues your body and mind are adjusting to. Namely," he said, finally stopping beside Nekohiko, the room around them in complete darkness, "the Hira seal you broke."

Nekohiko saw only the barest silhouette of Suminoe next to him. Suminoe lowered himself on the floor as though for a long talk, so Nekohiko did not feel threatened by the man's statement.

But he still felt he should explain himself. "The Hira seal feels necessary to me since the Nagare seal could not protect me just on its own. I thought that it wouldn't hurt me too badly if I released only one more seal, so I--"

"You were right. Don't worry, Nekohiko. I am not trying to make you feel guilty for opening a second seal to your powers," Suminoe said, a tint of gentleness seeping into his voice. "And the sole reason I chose Hira Okinaga as the first person to tell the truth about your identity was to have him release your seal anyway. Under different circumstances -- not so tragically -- but inevitably. Since your first opened seal was Nagare, Hira is the best choice for the second one."

Ah, Nekohiko knew a little bit about why.

Apparently, the four main House powers were in opposition to one another. And Hira and Nagare, sharing the domain of heat and fierceness and aggression were very similar Binding techniques among each other. Towa and Hisome, being more defensive, were their natural foes.

Yet the teachers had always told them that finding the balance between all these House techniques was what made a Binder stronger. Not focusing on just one side. So why did Suminoe seemingly imply the opposite of that?

"The reason," Suminoe said as though reading Nekohiko's thoughts, "is that the more seals you release, Nekohiko, the more drastic changes your mind will go through to adapt to your expanding powers. Opening up contrasting seals would have pushed you into a much, much longer period of crisis. You are young, and you are still learning. Letting you go into prolonged times of numbness and shock so early in life would not be beneficial to your health, mental or otherwise. Even Hira seal seemed to have given you a hard time these past weeks..."

Mmm?

Nekohiko didn't understand.

"Periods of crisis...?" he asked, stupefied. "What do you mean..."

These last weeks of grief and overwhelming numbness...

It wasn't just grief?

But...

"Inability to focus. Lack of interest or awareness of your surroundings. Harder times remembering or understanding information, especially when it concerns fellow humans." Suminoe's words fell heavy, yet his tone still tried to be soft. "Are all marks of deeper Spirit connections in a Binder."

Nekohiko's breath quickened as he stared in Suminoe's direction in sudden horror.

His mind not working correctly was from no natural causes? It was... Spirit-related? Binding-related?

"It is nothing worrisome, Nekohiko," Suminoe continued. "You just have to know it can and will happen to some Binders. And if you're prepared for it, it won't even pass by in a negative way. The Spirits are not our enemies, even though their minds and thoughts can sometimes feel alien to us mere mortals. But if you learn to understand them, you might even enjoy it. Trust me." In his voice, a smile bloomed. "I know."

From his raised finger, a tender glow of silver unfurled, slowly expanding to fill the room with specks of lights. Before Nekohiko knew, these were no specks of light. These were stars, and swirling galaxies, and nebulae, floating and swirling within the abyss-like darkness of the office walls and ceiling.

Or rather... was there any office at all?

This felt like being somewhere far away, in different times and different spaces, alone under the indifferent yet splendid heavens, watching in awe at the universe far beyond.

Well. Maybe not alone.

Suminoe's hand lay spectrally on Nekohiko's shoulder as though to remind him he was there, right next to him. That he cared and wouldn't leave him.

"Are you aware of the Binders who devote their lives not to interacting with other humans -- but to interacting with Spirits instead?" Suminoe asked.

...so, people like Suminoe?

"Yeah." Nekohiko nodded. "They're crucial to the Empire because they are like... the ambassadors of the Spiritside in our human realm," he said cautiously. He didn't add other things everyone told about such people. That they were cold, that they were ruthless, that they became less and less human with each year they spent communicating with Spirits.

"...and also that they're freaks?" Suminoe suddenly let out a mirthless laugh. "Trust me, I am well aware of the way people perceive me. Communicating with Spirits is my job, so I don't mind that others reject me for doing it. Actually, I find it hard to care the longer I do it. It's like a veil of indifference to every human emotion that had once bothered me."

Nekohiko watched him, rapt. Had Suminoe ever talked to him so intimately before?

No, never. Nekohiko had always thought Suminoe's personality did not lean toward sharing -- like Nekohiko's own did not. And yet... had he just said...

"'Once bothered you?" Nekohiko balked. "You haven't always been like you are now?"

"No. I was a sociable child and youth, according to what those who knew me back then say. Why do you believe I have been friends with both Kazuragi and Asazuma in my childhood? But with time and with me rising up the ladder of Spiritway ranks... it changed," Suminoe spoke with eerie resignation. "It changed me. And, to be honest, Nekohiko, I cannot remember how I was before I became the Head Priest of Izumo. And more importantly -- I do not think I care."

After a short, pensive pause, his gaze lay on Nekohiko and never lifted.

"With each of your seals opened, the same thing will happen to you. It will change you. The way you think, the way you perceive the world. At first, it will only be like bouts of numbness or unexplained thoughtfulness. But after each new seal, these states will go on for longer. Sometimes for months, maybe even years."

Nekohiko recoiled, squeezing his collars in his fingers as though to protect himself. "N-no... I don't want that! I... won't open any more seals, I swear!"

"It's all right, Nekohiko. Do not fight it. You are the only person in the Empire who was born for Spirits to communicate with. Some of your seals opened is your true state of being."

"I don't care! I don't want to change," Nekohiko cried, eyes stinging with unexpected tears.

Suminoe watched him with a soft look in his eyes. Almost like a smile but not quite. "Well, do you feel that different from how you've been before these past weeks? No, you do not. From the inside, the change will be unnoticeable and will feel natural. So there is no reason to be afraid of it as long as you understand what you're getting into and why. Like when I first told you about your seals and you said you don't even want to open all of them. Did that change? If not -- then why are you so worried? Tell me, Nekohiko, do you despise the way I am or think that it's wrong for me to be like this?"

"No," Nekohiko said. "Never."

"Thank you for saying that. But truly, if you said yes, I wouldn't be able to feel anything much about this either," Suminoe mused on. "Because, to the way Spirits work, your and everyone's opinion about me wouldn't matter. You might think it's not a bad deal, but... if, for instance, my own sister, Great Lady Takarashi, died, or my nephew or my niece -- I wouldn't be able to feel a thing as well. Emotions of loss or grief are not something I'm allowed to have because they don't help me do my job well. You understand?"

No.

Not really.

Stunned, Nekohiko listened while the stars kept slowly rotating across the small office, limning Suminoe's face and his white-and-black robes beautifully against the misty background.

"The reason you felt such numbness lately is that, as a person attuned to Spirits and opening a new seal for a deeper perception of them, you cannot care about human concerns that much, Nekohiko. And there is nothing wrong about that."

"Of course there is!" Nekohiko blurted out. "He died... saving me! And Lord Kazuragi's suffering... His and Yakabe's children... their pain is immeasurable! Not feeling anything about that is not right!"

Suminoe nodded along, but it was clear he was merely showing he heard him, not that he agreed.

"I'll be very honest with you now, and I want you to hear me out and try to understand what I'm saying. When Lord Yakabe died, however much I enjoyed that man's presence, all I could feel about it -- was relief," Suminoe murmured at last. "You say, Lord Kazuragi is suffering, but if you knew and understood the way Spirits are, you would have seen that the Nagare Spirits are at their most peaceful now. Lord Kazuragi's personal, human emotions are of no matter to Nagare powers. What matters is that his powers are whole and unified. Not split apart like they had been for the last several years after Kazuragi had given part of his powers to Yakabe.

"In many senses, Lord Yakabe's death might be a tragedy for humans. But for the Spirits, it's a long-overdue gulp of a fresh, calming breath. And I, as a person serving the Spirits of the Land, cannot help but feel... serene and maybe even grateful for that." After a decisive sigh, Suminoe cast a searching glance at Nekohiko. If Suminoe wasn't, at this very moment, telling him about his own feelings, Nekohiko wouldn't be able to tell if Suminoe felt anything at all. The man looked so impassive. So disaffected. "Part of the reason you felt numbness in the last weeks is that. You were being drawn closer to the way Spirits think and feel. And none of them grieve Yakabe's passing. Most of them hardly even noticed him gone."

Nekohiko's eyelashes fluttered open and closed. His exhale left his mouth almost in a soundless gasp of revulsion.

Not at himself, and not at Suminoe...

Perhaps not even at the Spirits. But at something he couldn't quite explain or even comprehend.

"Lord Yakabe's death means nothing to the Spirits or to you?" he asked, staring up at Suminoe as though pleading. "What if... I died? Would the Spirits or you also feel nothing--"

"Do not ever say that." At once, Suminoe's tone chilled. Anger, as far as the man's restrictive emotional range could display. "Out of all the people in the world, Nekohiko, you are of utmost importance both to the Spirits and to me."

"Because I'm useful. Because I'm the true Emperor, I know," Nekohiko finished numbly. 

"Technically, yes. Your presence and eventual reign will bring peace and prosperity to this land. How can the Spirits and I not yearn for those? But... even beyond that..." Suminoe shook his head as if in disbelief. "You are more to me than a convenient asset, Nekohiko. Of course you are."

After everything Nekohiko had heard about Yakabe's death just now... he found it hard to believe this.

But he also wanted to.

He had always wanted to. And had always feared that it was merely a fairy-tale he had made up for himself. That the Head Priest actually cared about him and not about his title or his powers.

At times, Nekohiko had almost felt like a placeholder or that Suminoe would not notice if he was gone and somebody else was in his stead.

So when he raised his tear-filled eyes at the man, his voice trembled with uncertainty. "I am?"

Suminoe turned aside, his thin mouth line set hard.

"Never ask me this again. Never doubt me or my motives. Every person who had given their lives to the Spirits is closer to each other than we are to anyone else. My real blood family bears no meaning to me now, but other Spirit-attuned people like myself, do. We think alike, we have the same goals. We understand each other even without needing to speak. Like my personal disciples who will one day inherit my position. Or like the Izumo Shrine Maiden, Haehime. Or like Iokirihime, the younger sister of the Great Lady Hinokuma."

Iokirihime... that ice goddess that Nekohiko was indebted forever for her aid in saving Abihiko from the Dark Sisterhood.

To find out she was a bit like Suminoe...

Nekohiko gaped. "But she's not serving the Shrine at all. I thought nobody but priests and Shrine people could be Spirit-attuned."

And myself, he wanted to add but decided against that.

"The reason most claim that Spirit-attuned people are heartless or cold or inhuman is, sadly, because if one removed the First-rate aspects of a person's will, the resulting individual will resemble someone like myself," Suminoe said with a sigh. "Iokirihime is not a Spirit-attuned person, alas. But due to how her late father had tampered with her cognition and freedom of will when she was very little, she had lost some of her human qualities in the process."

Wide-eyed, Nekohiko wanted to break in and demand more elaborations -- because however much Suminoe was telling him, it still didn't seem remotely enough.

Iokirihime's dad had taken her cognition away?!

Why? Who would ever do that? Especially a parent -- to their child?

"She was a very boisterous child and couldn't focus on her Binding studies well," Suminoe explained with a calm hum. "And the Towa method requires fine concentration and attention. Thus, in an attempt to fix the issue, Hinokuma's and Iokirihime's father had... experimented many ways in which her very personality would change and fit better with what Towa magic represents. But because so much of her human qualities are gone, she has to rely on Spirits to guide her most of the time. And what you usually see of her -- does fit in with how all Spirit-attuned people behave.

"We do not grieve.

"We do not hate or despise. We do not feel the human desires of connection or intimacy.

"Above all, Nekohiko, we do not love. Or, at least, we love everyone equally. But of course, that also means we love nobody at all because love given without regard is not what most humans consider real." Suminoe took a peaceful breath in and out, and thus, Nekohiko finally knew what this entire conversation had been about.

His chin dropped, ache deep and sharp in his chest.

"You mean... the way I am is because I'm a Spirit-attuned person?" he mumbled, choked.

But Suminoe only tilted his head. "The way you are...? Well, yes. That was what I was telling you about this whole time. Your inability to process emotions after one of your seals is lifted will always cause turmoil and numbness inside you. It might feel disorienting to you, but it's merely natural, Nekohiko. I don't want you to be scared if that happens again, and I don't want you to be unprepared. If you just let it take its route, you will adapt to the changes inside you and the clarity of your thinking will eventually come back to you." And as if in encouragement, Suminoe tried to smile.

He tried very hard.

But it still looked more pained and forced than genuine, so Nekohiko realized he would rather never see Suminoe try to smile again. At last, he knew what Abihiko meant when he had told him his own smiles were the stuff of nightmares.

However, this was not what Nekohiko wanted to talk about. He got it, about the way Spirits would cause his mood to shift -- even though he planned to never experience it again in this life.

No, the thing he wanted to ask Suminoe and to talk about...

...was embarrassing to even think of speaking out loud. Especially to somebody as imposing and majestic as Suminoe. But truly, Nekohiko didn't know who else to talk to about this. Iokirihime, or the Shrine Maiden Haehime? They were girls, and he doubted they would ever care if he asked their advice.

"Your Holiness," he said, half-dizzy with mortification. "You said that Spirit-attuned people cannot really love anyone. By that, you meant like... loving your sister or your niece and nephew, yes? But what about loving somebody... in a different way?"

Gods, he would either die of shame of ever asking this or would die from seeing Suminoe's reaction. He might as well just do it because either way -- the result would be devastating.

"I have seen my peers fall in love with others and dream of being together with them and... having these urges the books tell about." Nekohiko hid his gaze away, slumping so as not to let Suminoe see his rigid, shaken body and fidgeting hands. "But myself, I have never felt any of these needs inside me. So I know I'm not like the others. And I know that you also... do not seem interested in these same kinds of... activities. So I thought if this is something else all Spirit-attuned people share..."

"Mmmm."

Suminoe leaned away, finally having gleaned the gist of Nekohiko's inquiry. As odd as it was, he acted as though he was surprised by Nekohiko's question.

It hit Nekohiko that this might as well be true. Suminoe was ambushed by this turn of the conversation! Which meant... the entire previous topic wasn't related to this?

"Your father and your uncle, the current Usurping Emperor," Suminoe began, "were very sexually-active people, and some other rulers were even sexually-obsessed. Your father had several wives and plenty of concubines and so does your uncle. The previous Head Priest was also known for being a very devoted family man. And at least one of the Head Priestesses of the past had been an infamous lover of male beauties."

Ah... he just said "sexually-active"! And then, "sexually-obsessed"!

Ugh, Nekohiko was so stupid. All Suminoe had wanted to talk to him about were Spirits, but Nekohiko had turned into a conversation about sex?

Like the dumbest, most shameless teenager in the world? What if Suminoe now thought Nekohiko was the one who was "sexually-obsessed"?

Yes, he wanted to die now.

Please.

"I... spoke without thinking," Nekohiko stammered, looking down. "Please forgive me. It's not important at all!"

"Of course it's important," Suminoe replied. "You thought that your lack of urges most of your peers have is a sign that you are Spirit-attuned? That's not it. That's just how you are, your... uniqueness, so to speak. Myself, I am not interested in these kinds of activities merely because I have lost the one I loved long ago. Me becoming the Head Priest was part of that because my lover could not accept the changes this position would cause in me. Both emotionally and sexually."

"...I am sorry," Nekohiko whispered, only growing more horrified by the minute.

Now he had caused Suminoe to tell him about his own love life?

Aaaahhh! Nekohiko had not wanted to go there at all! Some doors weren't meant to be opened! Ever! How would he look Suminoe in the eye later after this conversation ended?

Suminoe would be of such low opinion of him... nooooo.

All Nekohiko wanted to do now was run from this place and forget he had ever thought of asking Suminoe about... sex. Ah, please, make him forget about this terrible mishap! And fast!

But when he tried to scramble away, Suminoe's hand lay on his wrist.

"You are not less than any of your peers, Nekohiko. Unless, of course... it bothers you?"

"It does not," Nekohiko lied, stiffening.

Of course it bothered him. How many times had he heard someone refer to him as a "log"? Because he had never shown any interests or desires of this sort? In joking, of course, without meaning to hurt him.

But it hurt nonetheless.

And no matter how much Nekohiko had told himself it didn't matter, it still did.

Suminoe studied his face a moment, then asked, "How is your friendship with Hira Okinaga's ward?"

If this conversation could have gone in any worse direction, now it did.

Absolutely did!

"He's my best friend," Nekohiko said raspily.

But Suminoe did not look satisfied with the answer. "Did you still not tell him about your gender? Why not? Best friends share these kinds of secrets."

Nekohiko's eyes skittered. "I... um... it never came up, so... I didn't think it would matter."

"At your age, keeping this secret would seem to be increasingly troublesome," Suminoe noted, watching Nekohiko's jaw and chin closely, making Nekohiko want to rub his finger against his skin to check if the peach-like fuzz on his jaw was that noticeable. "Your facial features grow more masculine with each day and your voice strains when you keep speaking in high pitches... Yet you still prefer to maintain this facade. Even when alone with your best friend?"

...

Well!

Why not?!

"You should tell him," Suminoe said. "There is no reason not to, Nekohiko. And on that same note, you should tell him about how you are. That you cannot feel attraction to others and do not have sexual urges, either."

"W-why would I tell him THIS?!"

Damn it.

Not only talking to Suminoe about sex and boys but now screaming -- actually, screeching -- at the Head Priest of Izumo like only a bratty teenager would.

Nekohiko had never fallen so low.

The only thing that was left was to run.

"Excuse me, I have to go. Tomorrow is a big day and I have to get ready," he said, slurring most of his words, then jumped to his feet and ran to the doors.

He did not know what Suminoe's reaction was and if Suminoe's image of Nekohiko had been irrevocably ruined just now. He only cared to get out of that place and never think about it again.

But little did he know, the actual topic of his and Suminoe's conversation was waiting right behind the Head Priest's office doors, in the narrow corridor, held off by Suminoe's guard dummies.

Abihiko.

He was here, seemingly looking for someone.

When Nekohiko jumped out of the doors and bumped into him, Abihiko's face went from a stormy one to beaming in a flash.

"There you are! I knew you'd go to see the Head Priest before the big day," Abihiko started saying, catching Nekohiko by the shoulders right out the doors. "Hey, what's the fire? Where are you rushing to?"

"N-nothing." Nekohiko threw a worried glance over his shoulder, only seeing Suminoe's vague silhouette rising from the floor and going to the doors with a concerned look on his face. "Let's go, please."

"Good night, Nekohiko," Suminoe called from the office, sounding amused. "Good night, Abihiko. And good luck to you both tomorrow."

"Mn-hm," Nekohiko squeezed out, then pushed past Abihiko and down the corridor, fleeing.

His heart thundered in his chest and in his temples. Even in his throat, it seemed, because he half-believed it would jump out of his mouth as soon as he tried to say a word.

"What were you and him doing in that office? You look so agitated and you're panting so hard," Abihiko grumbled. "Why was it so dark in there?"

"Uh? We were watching stars," Nekohiko threw back, his mind running circles around him to notice Abihiko's quirked-up eyebrow.

"Stars? Inside a closed office? Sure."

The two of them went out of the administrative building and into the covered galleries that spread like a maze within the Shrine grounds. The night was getting chilly and Nekohiko had to hug himself as he led the way back to his room. The rare pupils he and Abihiko met along the way also looked cold from the spring crispness or cranky with nerve-wracking exams tomorrow. Some of them recognized the two boys and waved or greeted them.

But Abihiko was the only one who answered them, and even he did it only halfheartedly.

Actually, Nekohiko realized Abihiko had always looked downcast in the past few days after Nekohiko had resurfaced from his mourning period... or from his Spiritual adaptation to the opened Hira seal, according to Suminoe. How come?

Just before reaching the private dorm courtyards where Nekohiko's room was, Nekohiko halted.

He turned to Abihiko.

"Is something wrong?" he asked.

"Mmm?"

Abihiko had been watching the skies drawn over with wispy, purpling clouds. When Nekohiko called him, he flinched, taken out of his reveries.

But as his gaze swooped down from the sky and to Nekohiko's face, Nekohiko noticed something disconcerting.

When had been the last time Abihiko looked him in the eye properly?

Or, more frustratingly, when had been the last time he and Abihiko slept together in his room? Somehow, it had all... been swept under the rug, with neither of them talking about it. But Nekohiko had never even heard what reasoning Abihiko gave for this drastic change in their sleeping routine.

"No," Abihiko said at last. "Everything's fine. Go to bed. Rest. Gather some strength. We have to wake up early tomorrow."

"Aren't you coming to bed with me?"

A moment passed.

Then Abihiko smirked, uncomfortable. "Neko. Don't be silly. Boys and girls should not sleep together at this age. It's inappropriate."

"What about boys and boys?" Nekohiko said before he could stop himself.

But Abihiko took it the wrong way.

"What do boys have to do with anything?" he snapped. "Relax, it's not like I'm not going to bed with any boys tonight either. I really just fucking need to rest tonight before the exam. Or did you think I was going to fool around with someone tonight after this? You think I'm that level of sex-obsessed or what?"

No.

No, you misunderstood.

You... idiot.

"Whatever," Abihiko said, turning away. "Good night."

Nekohiko wanted to stop him, but... Abihiko was already so pissed at him that he did not dare to argue.

Because tomorrow was a big day. And telling somebody a groundbreaking secret right before going to sleep was probably not a great idea. But after the exam...

Once they had both passed the trials and would both become Spirit Wayfarers... They would have to go on missions after that, yes? And to go on Spirit missions outside of Izumo, especially if they chose to do it together like they had once promised each other, they would have to... trust each other completely.

Without any secrets to hold them back.

 

Suminoe: se--

Nekohiko: NO

Suminoe: --x exists

Nekohiko: (    ●__● )

Suminoe: ( ●__●    )

Nekohiko: ( ╯ ●__● )╯︵ ┻━┻

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