Chapter Eighty-Three

Convenience

 

The sky churned with darkness and the fiery afterglows from the burning buildings on the horizon. The Emerald Palace's eerie glow offset it, the ghastly, pale light rising from the steps as though threatening to consume Nekohiko.

He lurched away, head turning madly to find even the trace of Sakami nearby.

The girl had to be close. This was her spell. She would be the only person he could defeat here because if he fought anyone else -- he risked attacking his own mind and causing damage to it.

Worse still, since anything that happened here came only from within the depths of his own memories and fears, it meant that his body was just as potent and active outside it as before. He was nothing more than a shell of a body in that dressing room, his mind far away, trapped within its worst nightmares. But that body could still move reflexively.

And that body could still hurt someone.

If he overreacted and began flinging powerful spells here, his body might just start doing the same there. By reflex. And at whom his spells would fly outside -- he would not be able to control.

The most efficient way to battle this was to chase down Sakami and catch her, make her snap both of them back to reality. If he was trapped, so was she, really. Her coma-inducing spell was powerful; he had to give her that. But not as powerful so as not to come with severe drawbacks, one of which was that she had to maintain control of the spell for its entire duration. Once Nekohiko or anyone else within this spell caused mental damage to himself enough to slip into a real coma, she would release the spell.

Her victim would have hurt themselves irrevocably. Her job would be done by that point.

Which was why it was so crucial for Nekohiko to not lash out at anyone or anything within this dream world other than Sakami.

The paleness of her robes flickered between the columns of the Palace above the top step -- and Nekohiko dashed to run after her.

But even the first step brought him down to his knees.

These stairs... gods, how he hated them.

The blood they were covered in, the mutilated, utterly deformed bodies of the soldiers strewn across it. It was slippery, sticky, awful -- he couldn't walk it in a straight line. He felt exhausted, too.

Why?

Because when he had climbed these stairs during the Siege, he had been exhausted, too. He had been nearly sapped of all his energy, of all his Binding magic. He found it hard to remember how because, being the Emperor, he was much too powerful to have lost so much magic during one meager night.

But at the same time... who knew? Look at this place. Look at what the horizon was like. The horror, the vivid nightmare of it.

Nekohiko trembled, struggling to stand up and failing.

Softly, someone hugged him from the back and cautiously reached out to take Nekohiko's hand into his. The hot, dry fingers curled in around Nekohiko's clammy ones. And it was like a jolt to Nekohiko's heart.

His insides fell and he raised his eyes at Abihiko next to him.

Abihiko smiled. "I'm here. I'm here. You have nothing to worry about now, Neko."

"N-no..." Nekohiko wanted to push him away and glance up the stairs to where Sakami had disappeared off to.

This Abihiko wasn't even real. Like everything in this horrific place, he was the product of Nekohiko's mind that kept hurting itself with its own trauma and pain...

How come? Just because. Most people's minds were treacherous like that.

"Let me go." Nekohiko shoved Abihiko away -- but without much force. If he actually hit him, this damage would have translated onto Nekohiko's own mind instead.

He could not allow that.

And he could not allow Abihiko to hurt him either. All he had to do was get away from him with as little fighting as possible and find Sakami.

Nothing else.

"Let me go, don't touch me!"

"Neko."

Nekohiko stilled because of how calm and steady Abihiko's voice was.

He blinked at the face he wasn't recognizing. This wasn't Abihiko of his youth when they had scaled these stairs last time. This was the current, adult Abihiko, and his gaze was much more reserved, mature. Reliable.

He seemed ill as Nekohiko was used to seeing him recently, the pale skin highlighting his dark circles under the eyes, the slightly hollowed cheekbones. In his dark-red robes like spilled wine, with his Hira fire set deep inside his eyes, he looked like an image of a god of death, somehow. Or maybe those were the fires on the horizon reflecting in his pupils, nothing more.

Either way, Nekohiko watched him, mesmerized. Unable to take his eyes away or even think of anything other than looking.

He had missed seeing him so close. He missed holding his hand.

The last time they did, it had ended in his murder.

Yet after what Nekohiko had heard between Abihiko and Okinaga in that dressing room... he couldn't even find the strength to want to run away from him. Abihiko had saved his life five years ago. Of that, Nekohiko was absolutely certain even if he didn't know the specifics of it. Abihiko had also somehow sacrificed his own health to do that. More than that -- Okinaga was flabbergasted about how Abihiko had tricked everyone.

Which meant that Abihiko had tricked Nekohiko as well, yes?

That whole performance... with "you are so inconvenient to me" and "please don't be mad, Neko", that cold smirk on Abihiko's lips as Nekohiko was slowly bleeding out in his arms -- these had all been tricks, too. Right?

Abihiko hadn't meant these things. Couldn't have. He hadn't actually wanted to say them. Perhaps, someone nearby was watching, was listening to him during the assassination. Abihiko had needed to make it look authentic... as though he had actually been murdering his best friend and had desired to do so.

With his mind, Nekohiko understood all that. He could justify Abihiko's behavior back then in many different ways. He could even try to... forgive him some of it.

And yet, with his heart, he couldn't help but feel the betrayal. It reached so deep, he felt hollow and bitter with it. He felt broken.

He couldn't tell if this Abihiko in his nightmare was the one who would betray him or would save him.

He didn't even know if he could trust his own judgment anymore.

The hands that held his own tensed up, drawing him into Abihiko's chest as though for a hug. "Come on, we have to go," Abihiko told him, gently nudging him up the stairs. "Neko, we have to hurry!"

Nekohiko shook his head. But he followed one step up after Abihiko nonetheless. "You will betray me if we go up. At the top of the stairs, you will kill me."

And I'll end up being trapped in this nightmare for all eternity.

"What?" Abihiko sounded shattered. "No. We have to find Sakami and stop her! We have to get to her and break this spell over you!" Suddenly, Abihiko's gaze swept past Nekohiko's shoulder in despair. "We have to go, NOW!"

Nekohiko cast one single glance over his shoulder to realize.

Yes, they had to move now. However much he might be afraid of Abihiko -- he was afraid of the people who were rising the steps behind him much, much more.

Unlike Abihiko, all these people had never shown him mercy or warmth or the desire to save him. They had only ever shown scorn. Had only ever wanted to use him.

The five Imperial bodyguards from each Great House, their ascending footsteps solemn and grim over the resounding emerald stairs. Daichi, Etsuko, Hibiki, Arata, Chinatsu.

Each one of them with their gazes set on Nekohiko. Hard, unrelenting. Full of dark expectation, full of rage. Or simply full of indifference as the guards slowly drew their swords and daggers out as though preparing for slaughter.

Behind them, loomed the Great Lords, but swathed in shadows. Uncertain and vague, almost wavering at the edge of Nekohiko's vision. He couldn't even tell if it was truly Morokata behind Hibiki or Morokata's mother, Takarashi. If it was Kazuragi or Kasuga... Or Hinokuma or Iokirihime.

All the Lords were more of a presence, harsh as gravity, that pressed on Nekohiko down, wishing for him to trip and fall. Even without him seeing their faces, he knew they were there. And that it was their presence that drove forth the traitorous bodyguards and probably what had caused Abihiko to turn on him, too. Even if Abihiko had only been pretending.

"Hold onto me!" Abihiko cried at him and jerked his hand up the stairs.

This time, Nekohiko didn't dawdle. He rushed over the steps, his feet light and quick because he wasn't alone running. Abihiko guided him.

The two of them could manage fast, truly. Even before Nekohiko realized it, Abihiko had already pushed him up and over the last stretch of stairs that separated them from the top. Nekohiko's boots tangled at the very end, but Abihiko tightened his grip on his wrist, never allowing Nekohiko so much as a tiny trip.

He drew him to himself when they ascended. And, without wanting to, Nekohiko crashed into his arms, hugging Abihiko to himself greedily. He buried his panting mouth in Abihiko's shoulder, slowly soothing his breath and calming his wild heartbeat after the run.

His fingers dug into Abihiko's shirt on his back. "Please do not hurt me," Nekohiko told him. "I trust you. I want to trust you."

"It depends on you entirely, Neko," Abihiko mumbled into his hair. "I am not even real. It's all in your head. If you don't trust me, then there's nothing I can do about that, can I?"

True.

But also...

"How dare you!" Nekohiko slammed his fist into Abihiko's chest as he lurched back a step. "You have no right to tell me it's I who's at fault for not being able to trust you! You did it first! You hurt me! You... broke my heart and my trust in you! You cannot demand me to simply move past that and forget--"

"I am not your enemy," Abihiko said, gentle. "The Lords are. Sakami is."

He wanted to turn to where another flicker of her pale clothes flashed within the gloom of the Palace, but Nekohiko could not focus on that.

He grabbed Abihiko's hand and twisted it, painfully, in his own. "No," he breathed, aching. "I never cared about any of them, to begin with. Their betrayal sucks, but it doesn't hurt. Yours did! Still does! It still hurts... just too much, Abihiko!"

"Neko, calm down."

...

"Shut up, shut UP!"

Anger flared inside him, brightening up all around. He knew his Binder's aura surged with power and could bet it also did it outside of this nightmare.

Gods, if he had cast a spell now, he might have hurt someone outside with it, so disoriented he felt.

Abihiko was right -- he really needed to calm down. Only...

It was as though his feet had become rooted to the floor where he stood. He could not leave Abihiko behind and couldn't fathom going after Sakami. He could not even think clearly.

Something... prohibited him from doing that.

"Neko," Abihiko tried again, reaching out to him.

And as he did, even more hatred scalded Nekohiko from within.

He knew this Abihiko was only his imagination and not the real one. Yet, at the same time, Abihiko's proximity for some reason also felt so real to him.

"Let me help you," Abihiko rasped, anxious. "Please."

...From somewhere far away, Nekohiko felt the prodding of a very familiar aura reach out and touch him. It began as a mere call from the distance, but it grew over the entirety of Nekohiko's mind, bringing calm and peace with it.

The darkened skies slowly grew faint, the stench of blood and smoke scattered, even the sinister colors of the green Palace in shadows seemed to wash away into the greenery of Izumo all around him.

It was all this aura, caressing and enfolding Nekohiko and trying to share its power with him.

It was... Abihiko's aura. His real one, not one from this illusory figment of Nekohiko's mind. Instantly, Nekohiko realized that when he had sparked up with his magical energy a moment ago, Abihiko must have felt it through the seashell in the outside world. And was now trying to respond by channeling his own magic into the seashell...

He might not even know what Nekohiko was going through in here, yet still he tried to communicate with him. To help...

Heartache rang through Nekohiko at this thought, filling him with sudden warmth and gratefulness. If his mind soothed down, and he could see things clearer, perhaps he could push past his nightmares and catch Sakami here faster--

...

Yet instead, the relieving tenderness of his surroundings suddenly flashed much, much darker than ever before. Fires flashed higher, no longer flaming orange but deep, crimson-dark lava coloring the night bloody across the skies. The Emerald Palace snapped back around Nekohiko -- no longer mere columns, either -- but prison-like bars erupting out of the stony floor in the crackling of the emerald ground.

Everything grew grim and violent in a flash.

Including the Abihiko that stood before him. Just as everything around them had turned malevolent and vicious, so did he.

There was no longer the probing, worried gaze in his eyes as he stared at Nekohiko, holding his hand toward him as though to bring him closer. No light, no warmth on his face.

His features had grown sharper, and slowly, Abihiko's lips curled up in a grin.

In a self-satisfied, bitter smirk that Nekohiko abhorred so much.

"Neko?" Abihiko said, blinking as if in dejection. "Come here, Neko. Neko. Neko, Neko..."

Terrified, Nekohiko drew back.

And that only revealed to him just how different this version of Abihiko truly was.

He was younger now. He was stronger, healthier. Meaner. He was also utterly mocking as he tilted his head to the side, watching Nekohiko stumble away from him.

With calculated ease, Abihiko followed after him -- and it hit Nekohiko that he was subtly nudging Nekohiko back toward the staircase.

As though to throw him off it and right toward the Lords and their bodyguards who kept a few dozen steps below, as if waiting for some vile show with greedy anticipation.

Nekohiko couldn't understand.

If the first reaction to Abihiko's aura aiding him was to soothe down and accept it, then the second reaction was...

To fight it. To fight it with everything that Nekohiko's mind could muster.

His mind had even exacerbated the already terrible nightmare, turning it into his literal version of hell in the blink of an eye!

But... why? he thought detachedly as he watched the world around him erupt into hideous bleakness, and people around him turn into demonic caricatures of themselves.

Why such a reaction to Abihiko's real aura?

Such... resentment...

Yes, he hadn't been able to trust Abihiko of his mind before, but at least he'd been sane enough to not try to obliterate his brain with such terrifying nightmares! Now, his mind's reaction to Abihiko's aura was just so... overly dramatic. It was as if deep in his subconscious, he actually wanted to destroy even the mentions of Abihiko, let alone his actual presence or his offers of help.

...

Wait, he froze.

Deep in his subconscious.

Hidden and waiting to strike...

Was this the Dark Sisterhood's insidious spell within him? Was it the one reacting in such a powerful and malignant way to his proximity to Abihiko?

Like back then, when he had stabbed him on the roofs. The inability to control himself or to analyze the situation sanely. He was experiencing it all now! And all inside just his own mind!

Finally, he gained an understanding of just how deeply-concealed and disastrous this sinister curse was! 

It was like a lock that clamped over him whenever Abihiko was concerned. He could not budge it whatever he wanted to do. It turned everything regarding real Abihiko into menace and fear, and Nekohiko's body could only react to it with resentment.

Even Kataji's Master Order probably couldn't reach it, so deeply it was hidden.

And worse still was that this resentment might as well kill Nekohiko if he remained within this nightmare even a second longer!

Run, he told himself. Run wherever! Just away from anything that reminds you of Abihiko, or you might end up killing yourself by reacting to him in instinctive anger!

He dashed to the side, but Abihiko was faster.

Hard fingers landed around Nekohiko's wrist, trapping him. With a powerful yank, Abihiko dragged him back. He caught Nekohiko from behind, wrenching his hands aside as though wanting Nekohiko to open up for any attacks.

He was holding him to let all the others hurt him.

Do not fight him, Nekohiko reminded himself. He is not real. If you fight, you will hurt yourself.

Yet his fear still pulsed through him as he saw the Lords and the Imperial guards advancing, clearly excited to see Nekohiko so vulnerable and open for them to sink their blades into. Even without wanting to, Nekohiko thrashed in Abihiko's arms.

"Let me go!" he growled, helpless.

"Shhhh, we both know you want this," Abihiko murmured into his ear from the back. "Why else make me into some kind of a villain inside your own head? You clearly enjoy this."

Spirits.

"Aaaaaaaaaaaaaargh! Please! Abihiko, let me go!"

"Never," came the soft reply.

Nekohiko roared in futility, desperately trying to twist his way out of Abihiko's grip without hurting anyone. But of course Abihiko only tightened his hold. Shackling Nekohiko, pushing him toward the murderers, leaving him defenseless.

He had never felt quite this weak. To be so disarmed by his own mind! And to have it come in the guise of Abihiko, too?

"There you go, sweet dolly," Hibiki told Nekohiko first as he rushed over the last few steps, his thin knife gleaming in the flames like a ribbon of fire.

"No!" Nekohiko gasped, trying to squirm away from the strike.

But--

Ah! The tip of the blade sank into his middle, swift and cold and smooth.

Pain gushed across his torso, tearing an agonized scream out of his mouth. He no longer cared about not fighting -- so much this fucking nightmare hurt him!

His boots dashed into Hibiki's chest, shoving him off the steps and trying to gain hold to fight Abihiko off his back. But was that even possible? Abihiko was like a shell against him. Inseparable, not budging an inch when Nekohiko struggled with him.

"N-no, please," Nekohiko breathed, blood spattering his lips as he sobbed in fear.

Etsuko. Daichi. Chinatsu -- and Arata coming onto them next. Their swords aiming at him without any regard while Hibiki's knife was still stuck inside Nekohiko's stomach!

They would all stab him. Each and every one of them. After the bodyguards would come the Great Lords. They would skewer Nekohiko with their swords -- all of them, until he was nothing but a cushion of blades.

And Abihiko would not let him escape even the second of it.

It was too late to not hurt himself, he understood. Sakami had done it. She had defeated him and caught him in a loop he could not escape even if he wanted.

If Abihiko from the outside world aided him -- then Nekohiko's mind, fueled by the Dark Sisterhood's resentment, would self-destruct.

If Abihiko didn't do anything, Nekohiko's mind would still self-destruct because he was unable to trust himself and was stalling in doubts instead of chasing and catching Sakami as he should.

It was... just... so unfair. To be sucker-punched by his own consciousness like this!

His blood boiled. Wild, savage pulse in his temples and behind his eyes. Pain ravaging him from the gut wound he had already received.

He raged, fighting off both Abihiko and the guards who were coming up to him -- and so dark his anger became that for a few moments, it blinded him.

He wasn't even thinking what he was doing.

His body channeled his Imperial powers regardless of his choice, but welcome nevertheless.

He, the most powerful Binder in the world, didn't need to cower or restrict himself like this, did he?

After all -- what would ever truly stop him?

...

Like a switch in his mind, everything inside him suddenly snapped.

The pain, the treachery, the impossibility of choice. It all coalesced within him into a single pinpoint.

Into this one spell he began casting.

 

 

---

***

 

He had no idea how he even remembered the motions and gestures for such a spell. Numbly, he couldn't recall what it did. It was the ultimate Fusion spell and one that he knew the Spirits of his Land would appreciate if he cast it.

It could save him from anything and would please the Spirits greatly. What was not to like about it?

He trusted his own judgment. Even if this spell was doubled in the real world by his instinctual movements, he knew nobody around himself would be hurt by it.

It wouldn't murder anyone, wouldn't inflict pain or misery.

He let his will go and quickly shifted his fingers through the motions as if guided by his very nature to do so.

And then, right before the final sequence of the spell began--

--the world seared around him.

Seared with noise, with smells, with blinding colors!

All around, myriads of the sensations rushed at him, confounding him into shock.

"Stop that!" Aomi's high-pitched voice squealed. "Please, don't!"

And with that, Nekohiko snapped back into focus.

Into reality.

He was in the Spring Sunlight Shrine. In the dressing room. In the middle of a tense battle... just like before Sakami had plunged him into a coma.

He had... somehow come back from Sakami's spell? But... when and how?!

He knew for sure he hadn't managed to finish his own casting and hadn't caught onto Sakami to free himself from her magic... then what was this?

How had he escaped?

Blank with stupor, he saw that the fight in the room had gone quiet mere seconds ago. And that everyone in the room was staring at him, wide-eyed and pale-faced. Nekohiko's eyes shifted to his hands before his face which were in the exact positions of casting the spell he had tried to do in his comatose nightmare.

Ah. So he'd been correct. His body would still try to repeat the movements he did within Sakami's spell.

Apparently, he had almost ended his casting here as well as in the nightmare and... because of it, everyone in the room was so horrified?

Confused, he looked at his own hands, not seeing anything that destructive in his finger formations.

More bizarrely, next to his feet -- lay Sakami, holding her hand to her face as though slapped. Above her, stood Arata, his hand still held in the position of having just struck her.

"Sakami!" one of the Hisome girls gasped, twitching to help her.

But Arata wasn't looking at her anymore. His shaken gaze was drawn solely to Nekohiko. For the first time since Nekohiko had seen him here, Arata looked very much...

...frightened.

"Do not anger him," Arata whispered to Sakami belatedly. "Do not make him go into that state. Ever."

He didn't add anything. He didn't try to cast new Towa spells to fight Nekohiko or the others off. Arata just stood there, before Nekohiko. He breathed very fast and shallowly, and could not take his terror-stricken eyes away from Nekohiko.

...Instantly, Nekohiko understood.

He had never escaped Sakami's nightmare! Arata had slapped Sakami just to make her release Nekohiko from her spell. This man would rather hit the lady he had sworn to protect than allow Nekohiko to fly into a rage?

Well, that was convenient.

Even stunned and a bit lost after his brief coma, Nekohiko knew victory when it was in his hand. They'd won this battle, hadn't they? If Arata was so scared he would defeat his own allies as long as it didn't make Nekohiko too angry... This was victory, then.

Relieved, Nekohiko almost wanted to smile at the others --

But none of them looked like they'd appreciate that.

Aomi looked just as panicked as Arata. And so did Mikawa. And so did each and every of Hisome girls along with Sakami.

Though not Kotone, and neither Haehime. The two priestesses mainly just looked bewildered as they blinked, brushing messy hair out of their eyes as they slowly rose from the floor, unsure of what to do next.

Exactly as Nekohiko felt.

Suspicions crept chilly and unwelcome through his scalp, but he suppressed them. For now, ending the fight was the most important thing.

He cleared his throat, flashing eyes at Arata. "Surrender," he croaked. "We won."

Arata's eyelids twitched. He stirred as if only now realizing he had forfeited all chances to resist now that Nekohiko was back in his consciousness and Sakami and other Hisome girls were all on the floor, lost and defeated.

Then, as swift as he'd been during his masterful attacks, Arata raised his hands up in a murderous Towa spell of ice blades. Hissing, the ice snapped out of his arms.

And toward his own neck.

...!

He was willing to commit suicide?!

Nekohiko reacted immediately, flipping his hands to deflect the spell and shield Arata's throat from being slit.

"What the hell are you doing?! Are you that proud you would rather die than admit defeat?!" he roared at the man after he'd dispelled Arata's ice blades.

If anything, that only made Arata more scared.

The man flinched away, looking at Sakami with a panicked expression. "Kill yourselves, too," he whispered. "It will be more merciful."

And then tried to sap all water out of his own body with another Towa spell.

...huh?

Nekohiko couldn't believe his eyes and ears. He lunged at Arata, grabbing his hands away from his own face to break the spell formation he used, then cried to others in the room,

"Help me! Secure them all and tie them so they can't cast!"

Only now Mikawa and Aomi unfroze from their rigid positions to gape around dumbly while the two priestesses jumped into action. Haehime blocked the way of the two Hisome girls who wanted to continue fighting. Kotone stepped over to Sakami, gently enfolding her in her arms to check the welt that was rising on Sakami's face after Arata's slap.

But Arata...

He shuddered when Nekohiko gripped him. He no longer tried to fight. No more of his honed martial arts maneuvers. Only the savage fear written on his ashen face.

"Please don't," he begged Nekohiko in a choked voice. "Please, I beg you! Kill me. Kill me but don't use your Binding on me...!"

Nekohiko gulped with difficulty.

He was really getting nervous with all these bizarre insinuations.

"What are you even talking about?" he hissed into Arata's face. "What would my Binding do to you?"

The man heaved. "Please no. Please just kill me instead."

Nekohiko gave him a good shake. "What do you mean by that?! You would actually prefer me to kill you, huh? Huh?! Is that what you want? Are you sure, Imperial Bodyguard Arata?!"

Suddenly, Arata broke down in empty sobbing. "Please be merciful. Please kill me!"

Well, at least he wasn't calling Nekohiko a monster like Daichi and Etsuko had done.

But... gods, was this conversation clearly not going anywhere with him as it hadn't gone anywhere with the previous two!

He needs to calm down first, Nekohiko decided. Yes, even though Arata had just fought him and would probably try to kill him, Nekohiko did not feel the need to reciprocate.

If he were in his human current dummy body back with Daichi and Etsuko, he would also not feel the need to murder them because this body would have been on par with them and would survive any of their assaults.

Why would he kill anybody otherwise?

He was not a monster, whatever anyone said.

"Split off their hands to prohibit their casting," he told Kotone and Haehime as he passed the shaken Arata to them. Before anyone could start getting scared again, he added, "We will return them their limbs after we're done with the wedding preparations. To ensure we won't be attacked during it."

Then, without so much as checking how his defeated foes were, he flicked his sleeves and turned to the destroyed room to gauge the damage.

The fight was over.

They had won.

It was time he moved over to the next stage of his plan--

"I sincerely hope Sakai would cast the ultimate Utsuro spell on all of us, and soon," Arata said suddenly from behind. "To save us all from the Calamity that is you."

...

Nekohiko frowned, his gaze slipping past Mikawa and Aomi, only noticing now that the two kids flinched away when he stepped too close to them.

Disturbed, he swung around to Arata. "Why, thank you, Imperial Bodyguard Arata," he said. "I missed you a lot, too."

He had no idea from where they came, but tears scalded his eyes as he turned to locate the wedding dress amidst the ruined furniture. He dabbed them away and focused solely on checking to see if the dress was all right, and only then beckoned Aomi and Mikawa to himself -- as casually as he could.

"Please, I need your help," he told them softly, trying not to show to Arata and the others that he was so confused about what had happened.

He hated being left out of the loop. He hated being lied to and being dismissed. He could not show this to Arata, especially now that Arata thought he was, apparently, something even worse than a monster.

A Calamity.

And a Calamity to which even Sakai's utter annihilation of all in the Empire was preferable.

"Sure. Makes sense," he murmured at himself and smiled bitterly.

Stiff and flighty, both kids stopped a step away from him.

"You needed help?" Aomi asked, sounding meek.

Yes. I do.

And one part of it is to beg you, please, to never look at me the way you two do now.

He nodded down to the floor. "Sit. I need to ask you something about what you saw and what you think I did right before Arata hit Sakami."

His voice was steady but his insides spasmed in doubt and fear.

He wasn't so sure he wanted to hear whatever Aomi and Mikawa would tell him.

But he needed to know, no matter what.