Chapter Eighty-Seven — Mine (3/3)
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Beware of the slight hints of dubcon.

They do manage to start communicating about it soon enough, so nothing bad happens. But Neko's thought process before that can seem unsettling -- because, as an asexual person, he does not want to have sex.

So it naturally feels very weird to him to try. He is, after all, only learning about this kind of stuff, so any attempts are obviously going to be epic fails -__-. Until he wants to, it cannot happen, for obvious reasons and because he would never be forced. But this chapter is important to his and Abihiko's couple development because their present romantic selves stem directly from moments like here.

So it's all good (^v^)/.

Chapter Eighty-Seven

Mine

Part 3 of 3

 

 

Abihiko wasn't pushing on him from the above since they landed side by side rather than on top of each other. But it still caught Nekohiko off-guard.

The intensity and the want he could feel burning through each Abihiko's breath and in each of his motions. Nekohiko wasn't easily shamed by such things as sexual desires of other people -- usually, they just annoyed him -- but now, he felt genuinely mortified.

How... why...

This was so strange.

To be wanted so badly. And in such a revealing, open manner.

After being friends for so long, this...?

Abihiko's hair grazed him from the above as Abihiko landed tender kisses across his face, toward his ears, brushing his lips against his jawline and down his vulnerable throat...

But he always returned to his lips, covering them with his mouth, insatiable. Panicked, as if afraid this could end at any moment like a dissipating dream.

He paused only once to take a good look at Nekohiko's face and meet his eyes. Just to make sure he was still there and that he was aware and not repulsed by his want for him.

The smile over his slightly-pink, passionate face was so lovely that Nekohiko had no heart to tell him he was scared, just a little bit.

That he didn't know what he was doing when he'd begun this. And that he wasn't so sure he wanted -- or even could go on forward.

He only trembled in his arms, quiet and blank-faced as ever. Solely wanting to be the best possible friend to Abihiko, even if that entailed something he did not personally like or want.

"Do you like it?" Abihiko murmured, hopeful. "It's hard to tell because your emotions are so subdued..."

"I like it."

"Really?" Abihiko beamed, genuinely happy.

...

Nekohiko would hate to take that happiness away from him now, of all times.

"Mn."

Bashfully, Abihiko inclined his head toward him. The touch of his lips against Nekohiko's earlobe was so tender, Nekohiko went taut. Abihiko's exhale tickled him and set his skin on fire, and Nekohiko shut his eyes to quell the overwhelming sensations.

Pleasant ones? Unpleasant? At this rate, it was simply too powerful for him to tell, so he squirmed, enduring them.

He did not want to recoil again or to push Abihiko away. He had done it before... so many times.

Enough! Nobody would be able to tolerate being pushed away so often! Not Abihiko, with how little patience he had for other people's nonsense...

And it was simply unfair to him, too -- to be rejected after Nekohiko had told him already he wanted this.

Nekohiko gasped when another surge of unbearably potent sensations lit across his chest and arms and stomach under Abihiko's touch. His gasps were those of shock and worry, but they sounded so raspy because of his heightened heart rate and quickened breath, that he wondered if they sounded sultry to Abihiko's ear instead.

...

Probably.

For some reason, that made Nekohiko want to cry. And he wasn't even that sad. He was just imagining how many other boys in his position would be happy to be in Abihiko's embrace, kissed and touched like this. How many Abihiko had ignored or rejected to choose Nekohiko instead...

He just didn't know what was wrong with him and why what other people found so enjoyable felt so... wrong to him.

"Neko," Abihiko whispered, slowly beginning to pry open his collars. "Do you like it?"

Nekohiko closed his eyes and tried to tune out most of the feelings that drove him insane with overstimulation.

"Yes," he squeezed out.

But it sounded far less meek than before.

It sounded downright broken. On the verge of tears.

Abihiko stilled. "Neko?"

"I'm all right," Nekohiko said, eyes still closed, his head turned slightly away from Abihiko's breath that tickled his cheek and set goosebumps all across his body. 

He did not like the feeling, so he tried to shift away from it.

And from Abihiko's hands on his sides, too. As politely as possible.

"Go on. Please, go on," Nekohiko begged him, clearing his throat.

But Abihiko's voice changed now, too. It sounded anxious. "Is something wrong? Neko, are you hurt? Did I do something?"

It was clear from his confusion and his motions that he threw a quick glance over their fumbling bodies. Which was, of course, doubly embarrassing because they hadn't even done anything! Merely cuddling and groping about was unlikely to cause anyone harm.

The thought only made Nekohiko even more humiliated that he couldn't bear even such small interactions like a normal man.

"Yes, I'm fine!" he snapped, pulling Abihiko closer. "Just can we please go on? Can you be a bit... faster?"

Can we just move on and finish it and be done with it?

Please?

"Faster?" Abihiko smiled, dumbfounded. "With what? I want you to enjoy it like I do. It's much nicer when it's slow--"

Nekohiko hugged him, drawing him back down, to lie on top of him. "Just... I want you to enjoy yourself and that's it, really. I mean, you don't have to worry about me," he murmured, starting to ramble to get Abihiko back in the mood quicker. "Just do whatever feels nice to you; I don't care."

The way Abihiko stiffened in his arms instantly made Nekohiko aware of how bad that just sounded.

The terrible, heavy silence Abihiko fell into -- even more so.

Nekohiko's mind raced. His heart pumped with sudden fear. "Well, it doesn't have to do anything with me, so I thought--"

"Doesn't have to do anything with you."

The hollow tone of his shut Nekohiko up.

Abihiko straightened up, his gaze dark on the floor, looking as if through Nekohiko.

Nekohiko knew this gaze! The same one Abihiko had given him back there... during the exam when the stupid truth between them had finally been exposed!

The wounded expression of feeling betrayed.

"Not in that way..." Nekohiko whispered. "I still want to... sex with you."

Abihiko's eyes snapped to his. A barely restrained fury brimmed in them.

"Why." 

Even his voice now seemed crackling with barely suppressed rage.

"Because that's what you think I want from you? To fuck you, or what? Is that how low your opinion of me is? That I am some kind of an animal who understands and wants nothing but sex from you?!"

"Everyone wants that from others," Nekohiko said, feeling hurt. "I just... don't mind. If that's something you need -- it's... all right with me."

"Well, it isn't all right WITH ME! Have you asked what I wanted?!"

Abihiko wanted to get up to his feet, but Nekohiko intercepted him and grabbed onto him. "Don't go. Don't leave me," he said, oddly calm, even though a tempest brewed inside him. "You promised you won't leave me again--"

"Nekohiko, let me go!"

No.

No.

Never.

"Last time I did, you never came back, so -- no."

It was as though Abihiko gave up. He still sat rigidly and avoidantly on the mattress and didn't care to meet Nekohiko's eye -- but he no longer attempted to rise and leave.

It was... better than the last time, then. It meant it wasn't over between them.

Not yet, at least.

"Abihiko," Nekohiko tried again because the utter silence in their room set his teeth on edge. "Abihiko. Do you hate me? I'm sorry. I only wanted to... be normal. Like other boys with you--"

Abihiko did not respond, looking before him at the flickering lights in the room lantern.

"I did not want to refuse you again so that you wouldn't think I lead you on... that I tease you or arouse you, and then don't deliver on it--"

Grimly, Abihiko gave him a cold look.

But still no words.

"I just want to give you everything any other friend would give you. I don't want you to miss out just because you're stuck with someone... weird like me."

...

Only the crackle of the fire in the room and the distant whistle of the wind in the eaves outside.

"You still don't know why I was mad at you back then, during the exam," Abihiko said at last, groggy. "Don't you?"

...

Because of lies? Nekohiko wanted to speak but he saw that Abihiko already despised whatever Nekohiko would reply.

"It was because you think so low of me that you would believe that such a dumb thing as my own dick would become an obstacle between you and me. It's because your opinion of me is so low you think I can't control myself. Or that I would ever feel satisfied with... you rewarding me with sex for just being nice to you as your friend."

"I don't think that--"

"Yes." Abihiko turned aside, cold. "You do. You look down on me. You... don't really trust me, do you?" His voice dropped. "Have I ever given you the reason to doubt me so?"

"..."

Nekohiko picked the fray on his sleeve, not sure what to say.

"I feel like I truly understand the Hisome method, for the first time in my life," Abihiko suddenly said. "How much it hurts that people assume the worst about you, just because they think they know who you are or what you want. How... condescending and dehumanizing it feels. I guess that's how they do it. Channel it into magic. The feeling of unfairness it evokes..."

"Why are you and I friends?" Nekohiko asked him, tentative. "I don't even know why you like me so. We don't have much in common, really..." He hurried when he saw Abihiko's bitter smile creeping across his face, and added, "I want to keep being your best friend. I have no other friends, never had any. But I just don't understand why... why you like me. That's why I want to do something more for you. To please you. Because, honestly -- I have no idea what you want from me."

I am not that great at anything.

Abihiko smacked his own robes straight and rose to his feet. "I need a walk--" He glared at Nekohiko, instantly aggravated. "Just a walk. I might punch you at some point otherwise."

"Please do." Nekohiko didn't mind that either. "Anything that you want."

"Because you don't care and don't mind and it has nothing to do with you. You just want to please me so much," Abihiko drawled, visibly verging on snapping again but holding himself off by being coy and playful instead. "Yeah. Got it. Anywho, I do need a walk -- so--"

Grrrr, no!

No, damn it!

Nekohiko's hands lifted. He wanted to cast a spell -- to restrain Abihiko or to trap him here in this room, but he hesitated when he saw Abihiko's raised eyebrows at his finger formations.

Abihiko turned in the doors, very flamboyant in his actions. "Neko, fuck off. I need to blow off steam and it has literally nothing to do with you. So." He grinned, fakely to a scary degree. "Good night."

He slammed the doors shut, then his footsteps slowly, casually headed down the corridor and lower down the stairs. Nekohiko stood in the middle of the room, listening to them, hushed and cold with a smoldering anger.

At himself, and really -- at Abihiko, too.

"Ggggraaaaaaaagh," he snarled at the empty room, unable to find any way to express his anger in some healthy, possibly destructive, manner.

Where was Koki when he needed him?

He wanted to punch and kick and maybe rip something apart.

Just so. Fucking. Much.

He had never felt so unfulfilled with some unreleased tension before. Both a yearning and frustration, all in one. He didn't even know where this feeling came from, but he could only shake it off and crash down into the bed and try not to think about Abihiko too much.

...

He failed to do so through the entire night.

 

 


***

 

In the morning, he woke up to moans of empty rage splitting up the courtyard down below because some person was being carried out of the inn to bring him to the Bound carriage. It would take him to the healer in the neighboring town since the person was clearly gravely injured.

Bleary from not having slept well and still buzzing with the aftershocks of all the dreary thoughts that had plagued him at night, Nekohiko gathered his and Abihiko's things and came down to the lobby to pay up for their stay.

It turned out, Abihiko had already paid for their rooms, which was weird to Nekohiko. Since their money had remained with him in the rooms, so... the hell had Abihiko done to get money out of nowhere?

Please do not tell me this poor person's agonized screams had something to do with that, Nekohiko prayed. He finally ventured out, squinting from the pale autumn day outside.

"Fucking Kitten! You think I'll ever forgive you too, you bitch?!" Koki roared at Nekohiko the moment Nekohiko took a single step off the porch.

Oh.

Ooooh.

So this was who had been injured and now was carried out to drive him to the healer?

Condolences. Very sad, indeed.

"I will tell the Head Priest all you two do to your fellow classmates outside of Izumo!" Koki raged on the small bamboo stretcher on which the dummy workers were bringing him out toward the open-back carriage in the center of the courtyard. The groups of servants and other Fifth-years and some few random patrons all crowded around the carriage, looking both worried and engaged with the drama before their eyes.

Koki shook his fist in Nekohiko's direction. The fist was bandaged throughout, and so was Koki's whole body. Up to his very face, on top of which, Nekohiko could clearly see clumps of hair stick out of the bandages, burnt out and melted by some terrible heat, apparently.

"Bullies! Monsters! Demons!"

"Yum."

...!

Behind Nekohiko, the most delicious crackle of a bitten apple sounded. Someone had just dug his teeth into the juicy fruit and ripped at least a full half off it, so succulently this bite sounded.

"What a horrible boy," some whisper came from the crowd.

"...look, he doesn't even care. He eats his apple right in front of his victim and dares to taunt them, too," some servant old lady told the other, shaking her head in disapproval. "And after hurting this poor soul like that! Such an arrogant boy."

"Mn-mn. And the other one is no better. This girl could not look more bored, right? A person is suffering in front of her, and she just stands there."

"Tsk, kids these days. So cruel."

"I will make you payyy!" Koki screamed even after the dummies had packed him onto the carriage and covered him with blankets. "You two are evil trash, and you will pay for this!"

"Evil," a couple of the Fifth-year girls echoed, eyeing Nekohiko with distaste. "Trash. You could say that."

Yeah, why don't you say that about Abihiko as well? Nekohiko wondered as he gave the girls a thorough glare. Then again, girls tended to call him names, but rarely said anything mean to Abihiko's face.

At least Koki was equal in that.

"Sluts!" his last words rose high in the air as the carriage pulled out into the road.

"Tch," Abihiko sighed, throwing his half-bitten apple in the air and catching it deftly again and again. Idly, he strolled down the porch to stand next to Nekohiko, looking very much pleased with himself for some reason. Even though he was clearly not well-slept or well-rested as well.

"You went and bullied Koki all through the night?" Nekohiko asked him, just a tad bit disappointed.

But also somehow endeared.

"Eh? No. Just a bit before the morning." Abihiko dismissed him all the way out of the inn's courtyard, only throwing his apple and biting into it as he swiveled his head around to give passersby menacing looks.

Everyone ogled him when he walked, and Abihiko enjoyed reciprocating -- only much creepier and meaner than they did theirs, of course. It gave him the air of being distracted and inattentive, as always. But Nekohiko wondered if that was also such a bitter misconception.

He should know better than that, no?

As his best friend.

"Is this an Abi apple?" he asked him shyly after a while of walking in silence as Abihiko yawned and strode on, looking every which way except at Nekohiko.

With a pained delay, but Abihiko whipped out a second, whole red apple from his pocket and threw it at Nekohiko.

"Of course," he said, passing him by with his usual swagger that was both so casual and so weirdly performative at the same time. He smirked. "But you know me well enough to guess that, don't you?"

 

 


***

 

The town they came to wasn't bustling or big, but it was a Binder-town. A lot of workers here were primarily Binders, and the town's smooth and fluid earthen, wooden, stone architecture reflected that. Even the dummies here were far less humanoid than in other places because Binders didn't really care to make them look more human or appealing.

Nekohiko felt more or less a tourist here because the majority of the towns and villages he and Abihiko had gone through in the last weeks were non-Binder-centered. It took some time to get used to the odd pathwalks and bridges that crossed this Binder's town and how to properly navigate it with the use of Binding, too.

So he felt it very appropriate when he and Abihiko separated in their wanderings and appreciation of the local market. Abihiko naturally was more into the baubles and trinkets on the stands while Nekohiko had a clear goal in mind.

So, using a moment when Abihiko was distracted by another shining display in front of the Bound toy store where already a small gathering of kids stood, Nekohiko slipped away.

He threw one glance back. Abihiko had -- naturally -- butted straight into the little kids' group like the bullying older brother and fixated on the selection of goods on the tables.

"Get out of my way, old man," one of the little boys grumbled at him low and Abihiko gave him a stink-eye.

"Whadid ya just say about me?!"

A headlock it was, instant and merciless.

"That'll teach you manners, little brat!"

This could go on for a while and Nekohiko felt very safe in leaving Abihiko behind. He had different interests here, at the market square with all its snug little stores and cubbies with greasy smells of street food coming out from the inside.

The Fifth-year girl Nekohiko had asked before he and Abihiko had left The Demure Lady inn -- had given him this name. The name of the grass strand she and the others had smoked yesterday.

Nekohiko remembered the name. He thought the grass was... good. For certain purposes. Like lowering his inhibitions and making him much more agreeable and fun and just... much more normal, he guessed.

He missed the feeling of rightness he'd had when he was clinging to Abihiko under the effects of that grass. He regretted having those effects lifted off him, and that he hadn't been able to really enjoy -- or even want -- romantic and sexual intimacy with Abihiko.

Under the effects of the grass, he would be able to.

He strolled through the market stalls, looking and sniffing out the apothecary shops nearby. He found one by hearing, though.

"Best medicines for melancholy! The most superior aphrodisiacs! The magical pills against constipation!"

The shop's curtains chimed with a Bound bell sound when he entered, and the intriguing, mysterious-looking shelves and counters popped at Nekohiko right from the door. In the dim lights, the store looked magical, indeed. So many jars, pills, bottles, vials, and boxes...

His eyes had no idea where to look.

"Dear customer! How can I be of service to such a sweet young lady?" the plump little woman asked in a breathy voice from behind the counter. "Love potions? Hisome beautifying oils? A seductress aroma incense?"

Nekohiko had wanted to ask about the grass, but a sudden thought stopped him.

He dithered beside one of the shelves. "Do you have anything that can... make a man attracted to... someone? To make him..." He coughed, masking his pain. "Aroused?"

"Ah. So like," the lady pointed knowledgeably to her own crotch area, then mimicked a motion of something going limp and droopy, "your suitor has those kinds of issues, huh. Is he much older than you are, young lady?"

"What?! No!" Sweat broke on Nekohiko's neck and forehead. He almost wanted to run, just to avoid discussing such undignified things. "I didn't mean erection! I just meant... in general. To have the desire. To want intimacy and to be more... agreeable and into this whole... sex thing."

Gods, why did he sound so stupid when he talked about it?

He had a hard time listening to himself, even.

"The person you are talking about does not feel attraction or desire for others?" The shopkeeper lady looked positively horrified. She hurried out of her counter and grabbed Nekohiko's hands. "Ah, sweetheart! Of course I can help you! That is a terrible ailment and can severely decrease one's enjoyment of life!"

It... can?

Nekohiko was so upset, he even allowed her to grab him.

"What life even is that, to feel no desire for others of your kind? That's not life. That's existence," the lady kept assuring him, so very sincere and caring. "Like a rock or a tree. Worse, a tree is at least alive. Being unable to enjoy life like that is more akin to being a wooden log! Not that there'd be any difference with one if you were actually in bed with such a person. Ah, ah, so terrible... Come on, come on, lemme see what we can find here..."

Nekohiko stopped hearing her words by that point.

All he heard, on repeat, in his mind was --

Like being a wooden log.

Not that there'd be any difference in bed with such a person.

...

He swallowed a hard knot and tasted a faint trace of tears on his tongue. He blinked fast, trying to focus and see what marvelous concoction the shopkeeper lady was offering him.

"Eeeeh?"

Abihiko's smug voice broke the shopkeeper lady's selling pitch to Nekohiko of the amazing set of pills she was selling him.

Abihiko didn't even walk it -- just poked his head inside the shop, and instantly grew aghast at the offered goods inside. What the hell, his lips visibly mouthed.

But then his eyes found Nekohiko, standing so straight and hunched beside the lady, reaching for the pills in the jeweled wooden box she was showing to him. And Abihiko's interest was piqued.

He strode in, giving the store a cursory glance, then peeked into the box the shopkeeper lady was offering.

"I am sorry, young Master," she chuckled, "but this is an intimate matter between me and the customer--"

Abihiko's hand lay possessively on Nekohiko's waist. "Yes, yes, go on."

Nekohiko didn't care to stop him or to shoo him away. It was a bit too late for that, wasn't it?

Abihiko cocked his head to the side, intrigued by the labels on the bottles in the lady's hand. "'Excitement Solution'? 'Potion of Arousals'? 'Fix for the Low Sex Appetite'?"

Gods. Nekohiko looked down, unable to bear the mockery in Abihiko's tone.

The lady pouted as well, haughtily drawing her advertised box away from the two of them. "A lot suffer from such illnesses, but of course normal people wouldn't understand. It is no laughing matter, young Master. Such medications could solve a lot of issues for many, you know."

"Yeah, I do." Abihiko winked at her, then nodded at the shelves behind her. "Are there any solutions and medications for such terrible illnesses as Being a Nosy and Manipulative Hag, too?"

The shopkeeper lady blinked in horror.

Nekohiko froze from the sheer dismay of being associated with someone as rude as Abihiko!

"I agree with her," he told him.

To which Abihiko could only gush excitedly at the lady. "On that same note, do you have any pills to fix Stupidity and Dumminess?"

That was it. Nekohiko bowed to the woman several times, then shoved Abihiko out of the shop as quickly as he could. But Abihiko still managed to wave at her and smile in his most charming manner.

"Byeeeee!"

"What the hell is wrong with you!" Nekohiko cried at him once they were out, stumbling down the market street, pushing each other. "You are so arrogant, it's infuriating!"

"Thank you."

"This was not a compliment! That old woman did nothing wrong! I asked her for help myself!"

"Oh." Abihiko even dared to look just a little bit sad. "Sorry."

"It's not me you have to say sorry to! It's her!" Nekohiko even wanted to drag Abihiko back to force him to apologize to the sweet old lady they'd just insulted in such a crude way. But Abihiko reclined against him in the middle of the street, both apologetic enough to seem innocent but not too much to actually regret anything he'd done.

"I'll apologize to her some other time, don't worry."

"But we are soon leaving this town and will probably never come here again afterward--"

"Neko." Abihiko drew him aside and into an alley between the two buildings. "Do you really want to change who you are that much? Deep inside? You would descend to using pills to do that?"

...

Well, yeah.

Some people would probably benefit from something like that, no?

Nekohiko simply looked at him, honest and open, instead of an answer.

Abihiko suppressed an urge to roll his eyes. "Why? For yourself? Because that's what you genuinely want to have in your life? Sex? Intimacy with others?"

...

Another bout of silence.

"Or are you doing it for... me?" Abihiko asked, far less pleasantly. 

"I just want to... be as close to you as you want to me," Nekohiko began carefully. "I want you to be happy."

"And what do you think would make me happy, dummy?" Abihiko cracked a smile, finally feeling like he usually did. As if their disagreement late last night hadn't happened, after all. "Neko, you asked me why I want to be friends with you. Well... it's because I like you."

...I like you too.

More than I had ever liked anyone.

"You give me the feeling of safety no one else gives me," Abihiko went on, looking aside, deep in thought. "Lord Okinaga wants me to be a better person. My mom wants me to be an impressive, memorable, heroic, exciting individual. Suminoe wants me to be your loyal ally. My dad wants me to be nicer to my idiotic little siblings. My grandmother wants me to be..."

Nekohiko watched him, unsure what to make of this bizarre confession.

But then he did. It just... clicked inside him. Into a perfectly fit puzzle.

Suminoe wanted Nekohiko to be a great Emperor. Kotone wanted Nekohiko to be a good girl. His royal retainers had wanted him to be reserved and well-behaved and not a dishonor to his family. Even his own dead parents had wanted something from him when they had made him. His teachers wanted many other things from him. His classmates... even more so...

But out of all of these people, out of everyone in the world -- Abihiko wanted nothing from him.

Never.

Not once.

Only to be friends. Only... just him.

"You do not demand anything from me," Abihiko ended, frowning at the ground beneath his feet. "It's like... you would accept me just the way I am. Even if I'm not kind, or not nice, or not smart, or not perfect like others want me to be. Even if I'm a slut like some others keep calling me, or even if I am annoying to you. You never forced me to change to accommodate you. You know?"

I do.

I do, Abihiko.

Nekohiko only nodded, feeling breathless from this beautiful realization between them.

"So... is it such a huge leap for you to understand that I want to give you this feeling of safety, too? That I will never demand anything from you. That I will never force you to change. That I like you already -- exactly as you are. And wouldn't want to 'fix' or 'improve' anything inside or outside of you?"

Hot stinging filled Nekohiko's eyes at that moment. He blinked hard, unable to meet his eyes, so overcome with relief and... gratefulness he felt.

He knew it was stupid. To feel grateful for someone accepting you the way you were.

That was how people were supposed to take you. Exactly as you were. Wasn't it?

Yet at the same time -- almost nobody did. Almost everyone expected you to accommodate them or to be better or to be perfect or to simply... align with their ideas of who you were.

Even though he knew this was silly, to be so filled with gratitude for such a small thing, he still was.

This unbelievable sense of safety... of being accepted.

Of being supported to matter what. It was beautiful.

"You know..." Nekohiko attempted to smile. "That you and I are not demanding anything from each other might also mean our expectations from one another are so low, we're essentially... trash. And trash that cannot be possibly improved. So we just gave up on each other's chance of ever growing beyond that."

Abihiko's smile reflected his own -- toothy and so wide, it almost split over to his ears. "Yes. Evil and cruel trash, didn't you hear?"

Do not remind me.

"And you actually did burn Koki's skin off!" Nekohiko gasped, belatedly realizing. How self-absorbed could he have been that he hadn't thought about this before now? Abihiko's treatment of that poor boy was so unfair, indeed!

"Yeah, and you didn't say anything about it to me," Abihiko sang. "See? Not demanding at all. Like a true best friend!"

Nekohiko's shoulders slumped. "Gods, we are trash, you and I, aren't we?" With horror, he raised his head only to see Abihiko grimacing with so much carelessness and arrogant smugness about it. "Are you seriously telling me that if I go on a rampage and raze some towns to the ground and kill thousands of innocents, you would still not demand me to change even a little bit?"

Come on.

Be real.

But Abihiko only laughed so much harder about that. "Please do not test me, but yeah. I think I will still be on your side. We belong together. No matter what." And before Nekohiko could start arguing about that, Abihiko ruffled up Nekohiko's hair in a fatherly manner, then walked past him to continue down the street. "And sex has nothing to do with that."

"But... you want me. I know that you do--" Nekohiko began. "I can't possibly meet your appetites or your preferences. I am sorry, but I am just... not that interested in anything sexual." It suddenly hit him what the solution should be to that. His eyes skewed to the side of the market where the gambling and whoring districts started further down the alleys. "I wouldn't mind if you pursued any young men you like, really."

"Mmm?"

Abihiko stopped, and for a second, Nekohiko's heart did, too.

He had lied just now.

He would mind a lot if Abihiko pursued other men or women... or anyone, for that matter.

But it wasn't as though he could do something about it. He couldn't change Abihiko and couldn't change himself. Perhaps, that would have been the best way to deal with this unequal relationship between them.

"You can go and... relieve any of your urges with anyone you like," Nekohiko added, quieter. "Just so you know."

Abihiko's gaze trailed down Nekohiko's slender neck to the seashell that rested in the hollow of his throat. Abihiko no longer looked pissed or even tired at any of Nekohiko's suggestions by now.

"You dummy," he threw at Nekohiko, then turned to lead down the street again.

Reluctant, Nekohiko followed -- only to bump into Abihiko, chest against chest, when Abihiko suddenly turned.

His eyes were smiling as he studied Nekohiko's face up close. His gentle hue of blush wandered from over his ears to his cheeks, and Nekohiko watched it in the same mesmerized mindset as he always did.

It was... lovely.

So precious.

"Neko, I don't care if you and I will never do it," Abihiko whispered.

"I do want you. I can't deny that. I have dreamed of being intimate with you for almost a year by now, so... well, yeah. That's the truth. But I won't ever force you or pursue you or push you into it. I will never demand or expect it from you. If, one day, you are willing to kiss me, I will take it. If you want to hold my hand like you have always done when you wanted to -- I will take it. But that's it.

"That's more than enough."

"..."

Nekohiko wanted to speak up yet Abihiko was going on, decisive. Almost desperate to say it once and for all.

"If it takes you three years to kiss me again on my cheek, then so be it. If it takes you ten years to want to hug me -- then so be it, too. If it takes you ninety years to want intimacy with me one day, then I will wait. I will wait for you always.

"And if you never will and won't ever want any of those things -- I won't mind either. It's not about you, like you said." He suddenly smiled, weary. "It's my decision and my wish. To wait for you to come to me when you are ready. If you ever are."

I will always wait for you to come to me.

Whenever you are ready.

"I promise," Abihiko said.

...

"I am ready right now," Nekohiko blurted, stepping up and wanting to reach Abihiko's lips with his own. "Let's sex!"

But Abihiko scowled so hard, it spooked Nekohiko into halting.

"What the fuck," Abihiko grumbled at last, swinging aside and flicking the hair of his long ponytail in the air. "Tch!"

He picked a fast pace down the alley, indignation in each of his moves. Nekohiko had to run to follow.

"Tch?" Nekohiko asked, unsure of the meaning.

Abihiko scoffed at him over the shoulder. "Who do you think I am? Some kind of a bed-warmer for you to assault whenever you feel like it or are in the mood for some snogging with me? Huh? Have you ever thought that maybe I am not in the mood?"

Nekohiko felt with his entire being the blank and numb expression his face must have worn in that moment.

"Um..." he said, lost. "No. I thought you were always in the mood. Are you saying... you don't want to kiss?"

"Tsk." Abihiko shook his head in dire disappointment. "No, I do not. What am I, your boytoy? Nekohiko, let me be completely honest with you. I have no idea where you got it that I am constantly ready and willing. Have you ever bothered to flirt with me in return? Or to buy me gifts? Or to give me compliments first?"

...gifts?

Compliments?

Eh?

What... what was this all even about? Nekohiko did not understand.

"Why do you assume I should be the one to pursue you?" Abihiko turned away again, shoulders in an eloquent shrug. "Maybe you should, for a change. I told you I will never make the first move toward you. I meant it. If you want me -- you have to be the one to pursue me or woo me. Because I am not some cheap boy who will drop his pants at a moment's notice just because you decided you wanted me, all of a sudden. If you want to kiss me, I mean..." He looked aside in aggravation, eyes rowing past endless market stalls and restaurant windows. "At least buy me a dinner first."

Nekohiko stopped in his tracks, his mind racing in terrible confusion.

...

Which only made Abihiko that much more dejected.

"Gods, you're so entitled," Abihiko sighed, then resumed his walk down the street, but slowly enough that Nekohiko could catch up to him any time he wanted.

After he would resurface from his shock, perhaps.

Lol, you all probably forgot about this, but Abihiko talked to Nekohiko (as a seashell and as a small potted tree) a couple of times about the promise he had made to Nekohiko -- and this chapter is where this promise is actually made.

The promise is literally just that no matter how much time it would take Neko to come back to him, Abihiko will wait. Even if it will take him years, or a lifetime.  ╮ (. ❛ ᴗ ❛.) ╭ Just wanted to remind you because the book is long and I didn't want anyone to think I left some plot holes in there!

Nah. Everything that has been mentioned in the story will have a pay off later.

^v^

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