Queenfisher

There will be a slight moment right before the first scene break when it will feel a bit confusing about how Neko's affected emotions work. But Neko explains it right after. His Dark Sisterhood's curse has 1-2 specific triggers to it, essentially. And if he is distracted from these triggers, it doesn't work quite as strictly on him.

Anyway, it is explained properly in the text -- but I still wonder that maybe some don't think it is clear enough? If so -- tell me and I'll think of a better way to elaborate on that ^^.

But I genuinely think you'll be fine. Yay! \(*o*)/

Chapter Eighty-Nine

Home

"...!" Nekohiko gasped, pushing his knife into Abihiko's throat. To no avail.

His hand rang with tension, straining against some terrible force -- but the knife hardly budged. He would think it was Abihiko's doing -- some sneaky magic trick to keep himself protected against Nekohiko's attacks, but really -- Abihiko looked just as amused by this as Nekohiko.

Although, there was no fear in his eyes at a knife being poked into his windpipe. Only the vast bewilderment and a hint of intrigue.

"Ah," he said, arriving at some conclusion. "So that's how it works. I figured as much."

Figured what?! Could you please tell me, too?

Not that I would ever ask out-loud...

"Aaaaaargggh," Nekohiko panted, struggling against the repelling force that didn't let him stab Abihiko.

And he wanted to, so much!

This was very disappointing.

But it was looking very stupid the longer he attempted it, so he gave up and dropped his hand with the knife.

"Ugh, whatever," he said.

Only of course he was bluffing. The moment Abihiko's eyes flicked downward to study the suggestive position the two of them were in, Nekohiko snapped his blade at Abihiko once more.

Maybe the first try had failed, but the second one had to be different! Yeah?

Only it wasn't.

Again, a forcefield prohibited Nekohiko from stabbing Abihiko with the knife. Even though the Dark Sisterhood's resentment spells were still fueling him to try and attack Abihiko as much as he could, there was no real point to it, was there?

For some reason, Abihiko was protected against any of his efforts to try and kill him. With a desperate groan, Nekohiko let his hand with the knife drop to Abihiko's chest.

Instead, he glared at Abihiko from the above and tried to hurt him... with his hatred. Mentally.

Emotionally.

It should work wonders due to Nekohiko straddling him from the above, both his legs in a tight hold around Abihiko's torso and his arms pushing against the bed on both sides of Abihiko's face. This was a very intimidating pose -- and a dominance-affirming one.

But lying there beneath him, with Abihiko's hair, still wet from the pool, strewn around his pale face in tousled disarray, Abihiko did not look intimidated in the slightest. Actually, he looked rather sweet, looking up at Nekohiko, his eyes wandering over Nekohiko's features like a gentle caress.

Nekohiko's hair was also still wet and drops of water slid down his bangs, pattering over Abihiko's cheeks and giving his face the appearance of tear-stains. Yet these were obviously no tears.

Not when he was smiling like that.

"Green is your color," Abihiko said suddenly, his gaze flitting over his own Imperial robe wrapping around Nekohiko's shoulders. "It always looked so pretty on you."

"Yeah, and it always made you look like a corpse, in turn," Nekohiko told him, leaning closer to Abihiko's face to appear even more threatening and dominant than before. "That crown on your head, too. I think it'd look better on my head. You can take the smaller, lamer one. The Empress one."

"I will," Abihiko said. "Let me dry your hair first, husband, then we'll swap crowns all you want."

Tch. Still as annoying as ever, Abihiko.

Nekohiko's thoughts were churning in his head as he glowered. But he didn't know else to do now other than keep sitting on top of him and glare at him. His attacks didn't go through even now as he tried to imagine stabbing Abihiko again.

But for whatever reason, it didn't work. And probably wouldn't.

Why?

"Come on, go back under the blanket," Abihiko said gently and pushed Nekohiko off himself. "It is cold in here. We have destroyed part of the outer wall."

With distaste, Nekohiko realized Abihiko was pushing him off by having his hands on Nekohiko's waist. And these hands lingered as if not really wishing him to go.

That angered him, and Nekohiko slid aside in a flash, snapping his blanket over himself as though he had just been violated by Abihiko's merest touch.

"I do not need you worrying about me, husband. I cannot fall sick, being a piece of wood," he blurted, settling down. 

"But you can still feel cold and pain and wetness, can you not? Are these not unpleasant sensations, dear husband?"

"Not compared to not being able to stab you just now -- no."

"Awww."

Nekohiko decided to behave for now until he gathered his thoughts. He lay back and allowed Abihiko to dry his wooden body up with his magic. Nekohiko indeed disliked the sensation of wetness and didn't mind being taken care of.

So if Abihiko wanted to do it -- let him.

But only for now. It didn't change anything between them. Only the fact that even though the Dark Sisterhood's spell was trying to force Nekohiko to fight him and harm him, he could not.

But... why?

When he had tried to stab Abihiko the second time, he had monitored his own sensations very closely to determine at which point his attack was being repelled.

And the thing was -- it wasn't being repelled. Or at least he didn't think it was.

There was something in his own intentions and body that pulled his hand away from hurting Abihiko. Like a cord or a rope or a shackle. It pulled his hand backward, prohibiting him from striking Abihiko.

From striking his Spiritually-Bound husband.

Could it be...?

Wait, no...!

The shackle that Nekohiko had felt pulled his hand back was as though tied around his wrist, going deeper than the wooden surface, into his bone and marrow -- into his very soul.

He pondered, studying his right wrist lying on his own chest. Nothing was on it. Nothing bound him and nothing shackled him.

Yet that marriage Bond that Haehime and Suminoe had put on him and Abihiko hours ago... That white pearlescent thread that tied them together till the end of time...

How could it...

The marriage Bond would not allow spouses to harm each other?

Nekohiko frowned, his eyes returning to Abihiko's tranquil face above him. A smile was wandering over Abihiko's lips as though he was very, very pleased with something. During their small romp in the bathing pool, Abihiko's lips had lost all of the pale make-up that had covered their redness during the wedding.

Now, he looked so utterly himself that Nekohiko's chest ached from being so close to him and seeing him smile so fondly. How long had it been since the last time he'd seen Abihiko smile like that?

Even five years ago, he hadn't seen this smile come up often...

The war with the Usurper, all the schemings and alliances and countless war council meetings with the Great Lords had wiped off any smiles he and Abihiko shared.

Seeing it now was like a stab to Nekohiko's heart.

A painful yet a bizarrely tender stab. It made him long for more of the same painfully sweet pangs. More of the same gentle heartache.

But his resentment still acted up first.

His eyes narrowed. "What are you so smily about, My Lord? You don't give a damn that you're suddenly married to your supposedly-best friend that came from the dead just so he can kill you?"

He had wanted to keep on being playful and to toy with Abihiko's feelings before asking him the most important questions.

Yet he... couldn't.

He couldn't exactly control himself.

Even his very voice grew hoarse as a strain pulled at him from the inside. Rage, dark and boiling, surged in his mind as though ready to burst.

He couldn't even see before him, so blinded with loathing he became.

"Like you killed him -- your lover, your best friend, your... whatever?" he gritted out. And as soon as he did --

Abihiko didn't get to squeeze in a word. Not to reply. Not even to react to what he'd just heard.

Swift as a whiplash, Nekohiko assembled a shattering Utsuro spell and threw it at Abihiko.

The ceiling and all the curtains above the bed were shredded by the beam of the spell going through them, but Nekohiko knew it couldn't touch Abihiko.

The marriage Bond.

It protected Abihiko even from Nekohiko's magic.

Abihiko could not have escaped such a close-proximity spell. So while he dodged the majority of the deadly energy, some of it would still catch him.

If not for the marriage Bond.

Much worse was that -- even being horribly tired and nearly losing his consciousness from the Binder's exhaustion, Nekohiko had still flung a very powerful spell just now. His back arched in pain as his wood began stiffening from the tension he put on it by casting outside of his capacity for one day!

"Aaaaaaaaaaaaaagh!" he whelped in agony, tears smarting his eyes. Yet he still wasn't done.

As though trained, he lashed his arm to Abihiko to grab him and strangle him again. He realized he could absolutely not control his urge to harm him even if it ruined his own body.

"Neko!" Abihiko slapped his arms away and seized him by the wrists. He shook Nekohiko against Nekohiko's resistance and restrained him on the bed. "Neko, stop fighting! You will self-destruct if you keep going!"

"I hate you! I hate you! I HATE YOU!"

Blood sprayed in Nekohiko's throat from all the thrashing and exhaustion wrecking his body in blinding fury.  He growled and panted and lunged at Abihiko, trying to get him at least with his teeth.

But Abihiko diverted all of his attacks and kept him pinned underneath.

"Enough! Neko, think of something else -- please stop thinking about me or about what happened five years ago! Or your resentment will tear you to shreds!"

His voice was now rasping too because all this struggling was stealing both their breaths and stamina away.

He shouldn't have said "five years ago", though. Because it only sparked all those painful memories so much brighter in Nekohiko's mind.

"Bastard!" Nekohiko croaked, out of voice because even his vocal cords had gone rigid. "I will rip you apart, traitor!"

And that only proved that Abihiko was right. Nekohiko was like an unstoppable Bound mechanism running on anger. But this anger was solely fueled by the memories of the betrayal and the pain it had caused Nekohiko. Before, in the bathing pool, or minutes ago while the two of them were lying on the bed, it hadn't been like this. Nekohiko had still been sane enough that he could control his actions.

He had still been able to think.

Not so now.

If only he could stop thinking about Abihiko's sin against him for just a single moment...

Just one moment. Please.

Nekohiko's voice gave out, sobbing in futility. Gods, he couldn't! He couldn't stop thinking about that awful night and what Abihiko had done to him!

He could not forget it and could not forgive him! It didn't matter to him what the reasons behind Abihiko's motivations had been because he couldn't even control himself enough to ask Abihiko a question.

A simple question of -- Why, Abihiko? Why have you done that to me?

All these last few months to get Nekohiko to this very room, and he couldn't ask this question. His body would rather self-destruct by trying to kill Abihiko than allow him to speak to him like normal people...

This was so unfair.

Nekohiko's crushing sobs came out of his mouth but he still didn't stop his relentless attacks. Abihiko wasn't even resisting him anymore.

Abihiko allowed him to slam his fists into his chest and dig his nails into his face and throat and to cast sputtering, gradually weakened spells at him, even though these spells were deflected from ever touching Abihiko. These were the only actions the marriage Bond allowed Nekohiko to do -- but even they could not deal any real harm.

It only depleted his already straining body's energy, settling in unbearable pain all across him.

"Neko, can you hear me?" Abihiko whispered, softly trying to pull Nekohiko's hands away from his face and stop them from casting again. "You need to focus on something else. Please. You need to do it or the Dark Sisterhood's spell will destroy you. Can you shift your mind between your bodies?"

Frenzied, Abihiko lifted the wooden seashell to Nekohiko's eyes. "Shift here! Shift here and the spell will have no power over you in another body!"

Yes.

Yes, he should try... That had definitely helped him the last time--

The resentment drive was so severe inside him now, he couldn't even finish the thought in his head. He wanted solely to attack Abihiko.

No matter what.

"Come on, Neko!" Abihiko growled at him in despair. "Focus! Focus anywhere else -- then flee to the seashell! Look at that curtain. How many birds do you see on it?"

Tears spilled from Nekohiko's eyes as he attempted to focus his sight on what Abihiko was showing him. Many birds embroidered in silk on that bed curtain.

Yet Nekohiko could not reign his mind in and count them. He tried, but he couldn't.

It was like an eclipse of hatred inside him. He just couldn't push through it.

Then abruptly --

Abihiko's lips engulfed his own, gently yet powerfully demanding his attention to pin elsewhere.

...

What?! Why now? In the middle of him trying to murder Abihiko?

Kissing?

...!

Who does that?!

"Hhnnmg," Nekohiko gasped, freezing in one spot from the sheer shock.

His skin lit up from the inside as though with static charge. Heat surged in his blood, making it pump harder and faster through his veins as the first hints of his usual displeasure at being touched so intimately settled in.

It was as it had always been. The touch was too intense for him to accept and the sensations it bred were too many and too sharp for his focus to go anywhere else but to this.

His rage and memory of betrayal faded, leaving behind only the electrifying impact -- his brain, unable to process him being touched in this manner!

Ahhh! Too many sensations!

Can't -- bear -- it!

What is even going on?!

Yet then, instead of fighting it, he leaned into the kiss. Toward Abihiko's unbearable heat. Nekohiko reached his face, greedily pushing himself against Abihiko to heighten his senses going insane.

This was so distracting to him. This... helped. It helped him combat the effects of the Dark Sisterhood's spell and divert his attention. It felt almost liberating after the harsh wave of resentment that had blanketed him moments ago.

So of course he welcomed it.

"Nek--" Abihiko tried to speak into the kiss in surprise. He wanted to pull away, too.

Nekohiko didn't let him.

More, more, he thought, feeling the last traces of his resentment dissipate amidst the shock of his own audacity and the overwhelming sensations of the kiss.

You're not getting anywhere from me now.

Abihiko's mouth was chilly from having panted too hard while they fought. Nekohiko felt like a thirsty man grabbing at a cup of water -- cool and fresh and wonderful -- as he rose up to Abihiko and parted his own lips against Abihiko's. He only wanted to distract himself from the rage, and it worked.

But not quite. Because his way of responding to Abihiko's kiss wasn't welcoming at all. It came on strong and ravenous, greedily latching onto Abihiko to relieve himself from the tension.

At first, he sucked on Abihiko's lower lip, needy, spoiled, unable to curb his enthusiasm. Abihiko's breath trembled between them and he constantly tried to speak up. But Nekohiko could not allow him. He clung to his neck and shoulders with both his arms, dragging him closer to himself, trying to steal all breath from him, all thought.

When just sucking at Abihiko's tender red lips wasn't enough to placate Nekohiko, he felt his teeth sinking in instead.

And that felt good, too. It was... both distracting his inner demons. But it was also feeding them.

Abihiko let him even though he flinched when Nekohiko's teeth broke the skin of his lip the first time. 

He wasn't kissing him back with the same ferocity -- but he wasn't resisting either. His eyes watched Nekohiko with a foggy, wistful look in them, and all Nekohiko could read there was --

I don't mind.

But I don't think we should.

At last, Abihiko subtly pushed him away, licking his bleeding lip and staring at Nekohiko with a wary, concerned expression.

Both he and Nekohiko were panting and shivering, too thoughtless to come up with any words for a while.

And yet -- Nekohiko did not want to attack him again. For now, at least.

He was still fully in control of his actions and thoughts.

Nekohiko swallowed the aftertaste of Abihiko's blood in his mouth and fell back to his pillow. He raked his hair with his fingers, too frustrated and agitated to muster any other reaction.

Abihiko wiped his mouth with the back of his hand, studying Nekohiko from afar.

"Better?" he asked after a moment.

***

"Mn." Nekohiko still trembled. His body was coming down with the horrible effects of the spells he had just cast and all those martial arts techniques he had tried to use fighting.

Spirits, everything in him ached. Everything rang with agony.

But it still didn't stop him from needing to talk to Abihiko seriously. Nekohiko set his jaw hard, preparing to ask.

"Why did you kill m--?"

"NO!"

Like a flash of lightning, his insides got stabbed by the same blinding rage as before. He knew his hands were already assembling an offensive spell formation to fling at Abihiko even if it destroyed his own body.

Yet this time, Abihiko was faster. He was ready.

He crashed onto Nekohiko, seizing his hands away from each other. Then reached out to Nekohiko's face and stuck out his tongue to--

--lick the full length of Nekohiko's face with it! From his chin -- over his cheek -- and up to his forehead!

...

The dishonor and revulsion of such an act rendered Nekohiko petrified.

Abihiko leaned away.

His brow was creased with deep thought. "Are you back, Neko? Maybe you should remain inside the seashell or any other body you have. If you want to... ask me about..." He paused, sickened, but pushed on, "then you don't have to. I know what you want to talk to me about. I don't want to speak of it either. But I suppose... this is the sole reason why you are here now. Yes? I can talk to you even in the seashell if you want--"

"I do not."

Nekohiko averted his eyes, scowling. He wiped the trail of Abihiko's drool off his cheek with the sleeve and noted with distaste the reddish imprint. Abihiko was still bleeding in his mouth from the bites Nekohiko had given him.

So disturbing.

He lifted himself on his elbows, giving Abihiko a glower. "I do not want to talk to you as a seashell. I am a person. That fucking seashell has no arms or legs. It's a trinket. And I am not one. And if you tell it to me and I come back into this human dummy body -- will I just go on fighting you till one of us dies because your answer will probably enrage me so." And before Abihiko could wedge in a word, he snapped, "I want to talk to you like a real person! Like a human! How do I get rid of the Dark Sisterhood's spell inside me?"

It was clear to him that his control of it was slipping even now. But at least, when his resentment about the betrayal and murder wasn't referenced directly -- he could keep his wits. He could control his actions and his thoughts. Once the talks about the assassination came up again -- this body lost its shit.

This issue needed to be dealt with.

And supposedly, two nights ago, Abihiko had told Mikawa he knew how.

Rather than reply, Abihiko raised his hand toward Nekohiko's chest -- slowly and gently as though touching a wild deer that could be easily spooked. 

Under his caress, Nekohiko stiffened. But he allowed it.

Abihiko's long fingers pressed through the fabric of the robes, finding the wooden surface.

"Such spells are insidious because they highlight every negative feeling and blow it out of proportion," Abihiko said. "With time, you can lose all control of your emotions, and would turn into a Puppet. Only fueled by vengeance and hatred. No more human."

Nekohiko skewed his eyes at him, unamused. "Didn't you tell me once that the feelings of vengeance and hatred are justified and that it's completely fine for people to have them?" His voice dropped to velvety. "Especially when they are deserved?"

We are both on the same page here, aren't we?

Abihiko let out a mirthless chuckle. "Centering one's life around revenge and misery -- that is not right. It would pain me if that is all you can see in your future, Neko."

...

Sounding awfully like Kataji, huh.

Was this some kind of a brother cult of "positive thinking at all costs"?

Nekohiko wanted to dismiss him, but Abihiko didn't finish speaking. His tone grew grave, even alien. Like a dark promise.

"Trust me. If you forget your vengeance and grudges against me, I will do my best to remind you. But even so -- I will do my best to bring you back the happiness and light in your life. Whatever it'll cost me."

...mmm?

Nekohiko frowned, deeply perplexed. He almost wanted to ask, but Abihiko's fingers ghosted just a thin breadth away from Nekohiko's collars, trying to pry them apart and see beneath them.

The fingertips brushed the wooden surface of his clavicles and the expanse of his flat wooden chest beneath. Just the barest hints of pectoral muscles and rib-like ridges were below since Kataji had never been tasked with making it too lifelike. But of course Hibiki had added a few adjustments, and those adjustments made Nekohiko uncomfortable now, under Abihiko's gaze.

Nekohiko was clothed now, but before -- in the bathing pool, he had been utterly naked. And if Abihiko had thrown even a tiny glance over his body, he would doubtlessly know that Nekohiko's dummy body had some... stuffs no doll would ever really need. Like small nubs of nipples, for instance.

Such a stupid thing. Why does it worry me so?

Now Abihiko would think Nekohiko had wanted such distasteful additions done to his body.

Or worse -- that Kataji had needed to carve them himself during the sculpting process.

N-no! Too shameful!

Yet now, his chest was only open in the sliver of his robes, so Abihiko's fixation on it probably went deeper than mere surface.

He was trying to check Nekohiko's body for traces of the Dark Sisterhood's spell.

"She had gotten far stronger than before, that Dark Sister. Somebody has been very carefully managing and expanding her skills, huh," Abihiko said. His Binder's aura shied away from connecting with Nekohiko's so as not to prompt another of Nekohiko's desires to fight. But Nekohiko still felt probed and touched by Abihiko's magic -- even only at the edges of his own aura.

He shuddered from the wish to punch him away but kept himself in check through force.

Abihiko leaned away. "I would offer you to help cleanse your Spirit from the most immediate effects of this vile spell, but I am afraid that the curse would have a reaction to my magic. Neko, you can meditate on your own if you wish. It's exactly like that time you and I were trying to alleviate the effects of the smoking grass over your mind. Remember?"

Nekohiko blinked, swarmed with memories of that night and everything that had followed...

"Or that other time when you were taken hostage by that Demonic Spirit in the abandoned healing lodge," Abihiko went on, wistful. "Or when you and I went to the Midnight castle and fell into the trap of the lascivious hallucination spells."

...

Ah.

No.

Do not recall that! Do not remind me!

Nekohiko wanted to cover his face with his hands and both cringe and laugh out in embarrassment of everything that had happened in that memory of their Spiritwayfaring together in their Fifth year of Izumo. Sweeping back to such sweet, happy times was so easy but at the same time impossible. Because right now, the two of them sat together here, talking about something far too dark and horrible for those light-filled memories to ever come back.

Nekohiko gritted his teeth against an urge to cry.

Reminiscing with Abihiko was such a beautiful thing. Deep inside, he wanted to.

But Abihiko seemingly didn't. He barely paused over these memories and went on talking about the Dark Sisterhood's curse. So matter-of-fact of him. So businesslike.

"I think, with time, you can even let me come close and help you with my own aura to heal you. But... right now, I don't think I can do anything. I'm sorry, Neko."

Nekohiko slapped Abihiko's hand away from his chest. If he couldn't do anything about it, why was he still touching it?

"I'll meditate. I think even just being near you helps me get used to you," he said, frustrated. "I still want to break your face in, but since I can't with that whole marriage Bond holding me away -- I can control this urge. Somewhat."

I just have to keep away from all the specific memories related directly to the night of my murder.

Including...

Without looking at it or touching it again, Nekohiko dislodged the bronze knife on his lap and shoved it off the bed.

The metal clinked. Abihiko's eyes flitted down to it, then slowly rose back to Nekohiko's.

Looking guilty, he wanted to say something then, but Nekohiko turned away huff.

"Shut up," Nekohiko warned him. "Shut up or I will punch you again, I swear to gods."

It took him a while to dare and take a glimpse of Abihiko again. Abihiko went around the room, gradually cleaning up the wreckage so that he and Nekohiko could at least walk through it without tripping. The brief surges of Abihiko's Binding grated on Nekohiko's patience, but he persevered. He kept himself under control.

His thoughts swirled, trying to prod him for any questions he could ask Abihiko that would not be directly related to the assassination, but he came up empty. Almost everything seemed to push him back to the brink of his resentment.

It was aggravating.

"What's up with that small ugly fir tree in a ceramic pot?" Nekohiko blurted, at last. "Is that what you thought I was? Is that what you thought I'd like to be? Sitting inside your pot for years?"

He could see how Abihiko's jaw hardened in displeasure. "Please do not touch these subjects before you at least try to meditate, husband. And that fir tree is not ugly. I think it's lovely," he added much, much lower.

Tch.

Nekohiko sighed. He tried to rise from the bed but quickly folded back down when vertigo hit him. "I need to meditate somewhere away from you. Or distract myself in any other way possible with something calming and enjoyable, for a change. Even the sight of you makes my eyes bleed."

Abihiko accepted the insults, steady as always. "Calming and enjoyable? Perhaps books about agriculture, mmm?"

So at least you remember that.

"Sure, sure," Nekohiko said, sweet. "Do you have any?"

Abihiko watched him, a warm expression of fondness on his face. "Yes."

"Well, seeing as the Emerald Palace's library is quite big, that's a no-brainer," Nekohiko went on. "Alas, we wouldn't be able to leave these rooms to go there. So I guess I'm out of luck--"

Rather than speak, Abihiko went up to him and tugged Nekohiko up by the sleeve.

Begrudgingly, Nekohiko braved another rise to his feet. But he didn't accept Abihiko's hand guiding him and smacked it away.

The weakness and the Binder's exhaustion came rushing onto him again, making him sway and lose balance.

"Careful," Abihiko chided, catching him from the side. "I would hate it if you lost all your strength and stopped trying to kill me entirely."

Nekohiko stared at him, speechless.

Was that... mockery?

Flirting?

Playfulness?

What the hell. Yet at the same time, he clearly saw that Abihiko had grown happy once more even if the brief time when they had almost talked about the past had clouded his joy a bit. But no -- he was happy.

Happy just to be near Nekohiko again. Near a person who had repeatedly tried to murder Abihiko throughout the night. Abihiko could not hide this mirth and could not suppress it.

A lunatic, wasn't he?

"Please do not hold onto me," Nekohiko told Abihiko, politely stepping aside and patting his luminous green robes straight. "I prefer not to interact with deranged people."

"I can carry you. It's not a big deal."

"Go. To. Hell," Nekohiko spat, disgruntled.

Abihiko let him be but still remained close enough to catch him if he fell.

"Just follow me. It's not far from here."

Through the sheer will against his dizziness, Nekohiko trudged through the endless rooms of Abihiko's private chambers. The room lanterns lit up when they entered new doors and descended into darkness when they left. They passed the small dining area in front of the porch that led out into the inner gardens, and in the patch of the clear nightly sky outside, Nekohiko saw the flashes of celebratory lights across the skies. Blasts of applause and faraway music touched with the laughter of crowds.

A happy, dizzy night.

Even the nightly air seemed charged here, as he stared out into the sky and the beautiful green and blue and pink lights clash in the skies.

Although he had never enjoyed parties or such big gatherings, a part of him yearned to join in on the festivities. It was the night of his wedding, after all. A beautiful night.

Like back then, in the Peaceful town when he and Abihiko had shared their first-ever kiss on the small bridge over a picturesque lake...

"Neko?"

Abihiko cut a ghostly figure in the middle of the shadowy rooms while the bright Bound lights surged across the horizon like the northern auroras. Abihiko had given his emerald robes to Nekohiko and only the white inner garments were on his shoulders, still wet after the dip in the bathing pool, and thus -- still clinging to his skin, made sheer by the touch of water.

Now that he wore white and Nekohiko wore the Imperial green, Abihiko was the one who looked more like a bride. Yet it didn't inconvenience him in the slightest.

Nekohiko glanced at him, suddenly feeling weightless and lonely inside.

"Do you like lights in the sky? We can go out in the garden and meditate there--" Abihiko began.

Nekohiko sparked up. "No! I hate them."

And every memory they evoke in me.

With a patient, sad smile on his bitten lips, Abihiko lingered in front of the entry to the concubine rooms long enough for Nekohiko to approach him, then pulled aside the door into one of the rooms.

Curious, Nekohiko peeked in but only ventured inside after Abihiko walked in first. And once inside--

Not just a single concubine's room, this was. Abihiko had never used the concubine rooms so they all stood empty in his quarters. Thus, he must have broken down the walls between some of them, forming a section out of three or four previous bedrooms.

Why so much space necessary?

To put the bookshelves in, of course. Dozens, if not hundreds of bookshelves. And on them -- scrolls, manuscripts, albums, tomes, stone slabs and wax tablets...

Books, all of them.

It wasn't a big library by any means. Just a very carefully-maintained one. But for the kind of books that were on the shelves, Nekohiko could swear this must be the biggest library in the Empire, if not the whole world.

Stunned, he waded on to the closest shelf, eyes scanning over the title tags hanging out of the scrolls piled on top of one another.

The treatise on the Economic Growth in Large Urban Populations.

The chart for agricultural development in mountainous regions.

On Infrastructure.

Sanitation in the cities in warm climates.

Church and State, an economic manual.

Rice Farming for Dummies.

City Planning in Occupied Lands.

You and Your Kingdom: A Step-by-Step Tax Reform Tutorial!

...so many books.

On all the subjects Nekohiko had always adored.

His fingers brushed past the scrolls and books as he slowly wandered along the bookshelves, finding it unable for him to stop anywhere. His eyes raced beyond the ability of his brain to register what they were looking at.

He wanted to read them all!

All at once!

Gods, it must have taken years to gather these books here and to... organize them in neat categories, too! Most of them were translations from the foreign tongues, some of which Nekohiko had never even heard about!

This library was... made specifically for someone like him. His own private paradise, if there ever was one.

His throat went dry. He swung around, casting a grim glance at Abihiko who had stilled in the doorway, only observing Nekohiko's agitated stumbling through the bookshelves, unable to pick anything he liked more than the rest.

It seemed enough for Abihiko to just watch him go nuts inside this room.

Nekohiko dropped his hands off the bookshelves, bleak.

"Thank you. This spot is ideal for me to meditate in," Nekohiko said as disinterestedly as he could. "Now go away. I don't want to see you."

Abihiko loitered just a bit longer as though savoring the moment. Then he nodded and left.

"Good night, Neko."

Nekohiko listened to his departing footsteps, hushed. His heart ached at every one of them. He spied the luminous, festive skies in the windows, thinking only about how far he'd come and yet how impossible it was for him still to achieve everything that he wanted.

Everything.

The truth, the peace of mind. His revenge. And beneath all these -- also...

Abihiko.

He didn't even know what he wanted from Abihiko or why, but some of the deepest parts of him wanted him nonetheless. His proximity, his scent, the sound of his voice. His warmth. Even the happy way he looked when he had first smiled at him tonight.

Nekohiko sank to the floor, hugged his knees to his chest and hid his face in his palms, wrought in turmoil from all the clashing emotions inside him.

...

Far away, the foreign fireworks keened and boomed in the night and the cheering crowds drank and sang.

Nekohiko sat in his library, slowly soothing his soul back into the calm and peace and quiet.

If he wanted to get all the things he wanted, he had to take his vengeance and hatred under control. So that there would be nothing left for the Dark Sisterhood's cursed spell to exploit.

***

He crept to one of the many concubine rooms in the dark Imperial quarters to search for a bed he wanted to sleep in. He had spent enough time alone in the library for his emotions to calm down significantly. He had done the simplest prayers and chants of the Spiritway to manage his aura better. It was more like petting a cat's fur back into slickness and smoothness after its hackles rose.

He felt so much more relieved now. Enough for him to want to sleep and skip the rest of this awful night in its entirety.

But as he passed all these shadow-drenched, hollow rooms, he never felt the desire to go inside and lie on any of the beds. Everything seemed alien and cold and depressing to him.

He didn't feel at home here yet.

He didn't feel welcome.

Then, as he was tiptoeing past their marital bedroom and the rubble of the exploded wall and part of the ceiling, he stopped. He couldn't help but glimpse the bed that was only slightly destroyed, in the far end.

On it, amidst the wreckage, lay Abihiko, curled inward at the very edge.

With displeasure, Nekohiko found himself coming closer to take a look.

Why? No reason.

He just felt like it.

But then... he couldn't take his eyes away.

Abihiko was curled around the pillow which was wet with the imprint of Nekohiko's hair while Abihiko had been drying it with Binding. Abihiko was restless, twitching and furrowing his brows as he squeezed the pillow closer to his chest as though wishing to protect it.

Nekohiko stared and stared.

And stared some more, wondering if Abihiko would find it creepy, at last, to have the murder-dummy loom above him as he slept so serenely in his own bed. How dare he fall asleep while Nekohiko was awake? Did Abihiko not care at all that he was here, at last?

And then, as though sensing his proximity, Abihiko twitched in his sleep and opened one hazy eye. Then, slowly, he smiled at Nekohiko, as though still within a dream.

"Hey, husband," he mumbled, groggy. He did not go back to sleep outright.

Instead, he lifted the edge of his blanket and shifted aside as though in an invitation for Nekohiko to join him on the bed.

And seeing as Nekohiko hadn't fancied any of the other beds in this garish, uncomely place -- oh well. At least this bed was already warmed up by Abihiko's body.

Besides, Nekohiko was too tired to keep walking around, choosing beds. With a sour scowl, Nekohiko folded himself into the spot Abihiko had freed for him, then rolled inside the blanket. But he kept glaring at Abihiko as he did, not wanting to show he was impressed or relieved by any of this.

Too bad Abihiko was already back asleep, only shifting to be closer to Nekohiko rather than to his stupid wet pillow.

Grrrrr, you bastard.

Nekohiko fumed for a long while afterward but not as long as he thought it would be.

Because just after a few moments in Abihiko's feverish-hot embrace, Nekohiko's eyelids slowly slid closed. And he stopped caring about where he was and in whose arms he was falling so sweetly asleep.

He just fell -- right into the most tranquil and coziest rest he'd ever had. As though back in his private room in Izumo.

As though, finally, home.

Queenfisher

For those who need a more cohesive scheme of Dark Sisterhood's curse:

It activates when revenge and resentment thoughts appear inside Neko in Abihiko's presence. So, 1) if he thinks of revenge, 2) if he even tries to recall the night of his murder because that automatically causes resentment to surge up.

I wanted to address this point ever since the beginning of the book, but essentially = I was very worried most readers would not get on board of Neko ever being together with Abihiko.

Because of the murder. It may have motivations and good intentions beneath it, but you know how the saying goes -- "Cool motive. Still murder" ¯\_(ツ)_/¯.

I have no idea how many of you have changed your minds about Abihiko by now or not, but I am still worried about it lol. I do remember the way most readers hated Abihiko with passion at the beginning, so it intrigues me a little to find out if any of you think of him differently nowadays...

I hope it changed for the majority of you, ^^.

 

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Today, I also have the fanart photos of plasticin dummy Neko to share with you!! (in 2 versions) made by one of my cool loyal readers, @RedHead here! Thank you so much, ReadHead, for being here for me! I appreciate everything you do and thanks for visiting and saying hello to me every chappie ^^.

I still was confused at which photo you shared was sitting and which was default, because the one you described as sitting was.... lying down instead

So here goes!

 

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\(*o*)/

Ah, and the funny thing is -- the one harder to do from a sculptor's perspective is Kataji's method!! Making one doll from disparate parts is super hard compared to making a doll from one big chunk (which is the way Abihiko tried to make a Neko dummy, and in case of Abihiko -- failed).

SO LEARN to appreciate Kataji's talents, please, people! Kataji might not be good as BF material, but he is a very dutiful artist ^^. We now have an actual artistic perspective about sculpting on Kata's side ^^.