She was smirking, the goth girl. The girl that I was apparently dating, the girl I didn’t even know the name of. It seemed like maybe the stuff she’d done earlier — the batting her eyes, being all flirty or whatever — had been a façade? Because right now she just had an amused look as her eyes lingered on my new body. I shifted uncomfortably.

Wait, okay... now I didn’t know what to do. I didn’t really want to be a good boyfriend, like I’d planned for. I could handle being a good girlfriend, but... that’s not what she’d signed up for. And, like, I also didn’t plan this situation out either. Nor did I have my notebook anymore, either... 

Okay, relax. It’s not a huge deal. You’ve got what you need already, just converse with her like a normal person. Wait... should I ask her what her name is? Hmm. Okay, yeah, probably.

“What’s your name?” I asked her.

She blinked, obviously expecting something else. “...Lisa. My name is Lisa. You?”

Wait! Oh, gosh, was I being a dumb idiot again? Did she think I was someone else? Since my body was completely different, now? Yeah... like, why would she think I was the same person, right? 

...Unless she knew my transformation was going to happen... 

...Which would make the way she was acting earlier make a whole lot more sense... 

Did she know my transformation was going to happen? 

On the other hand, she might have just called out to me now because she was suspicious that I was dating Steve or something. But, wait, if she was going to call out others for dating... why would she also have been willing to date me? 

Ugh, this was way too confusing. I had no idea whether or not she could tell it was me.

And regardless, I needed a name, because she was asking for it. If only I’d had time to look at my phone before now... Ah, my stupid flustered train of thought! Focus!

Hmm... Could I come up with a name to give her? Like a temporary one, or something. I looked around. We were currently on the first floor of the building, right at a T-shaped intersection; lockers and more classrooms were back where I came, there were two halls in either direction, with windows in front — windows looking out into the school grounds.

My eyes latched onto the centerpiece of the school grounds, the willow tree under which I’d asked out Emma just a few hours prior. 

Willow tree... 

Willow.

Sure, why not. “I’m Willow.” Wait. Oh, you stupid idiot... That made my name Willow Williams! I was Will Will... 

Well, at least it wasn’t as bad as Miss Match’s ‘mismatch.’

“Willow...” Lisa said, glancing out the window at the tree, then pursing her lips. “You’re... surprisingly comfortable like this.”

Oh.

Okay, so — I sighed — all of my flustered and hurried thoughts had been pointless, she did already know who I was. 

...Oh well. At least I had a name now. I liked Willow. I was Willow!

Yeah, I was comfortable! I was Willow and I was comfortable! I gave the goth girl a big smile. “You bet! I’ve always wanted to be a girl.” Okay, yeah, sure... it was slightly more nuanced than ‘always wanting’ it... Sue me.

“...Really?” She squinted at me. “Of all things... I’ve actually never seen that happen before. I expected to see, or at least hear about you freaking out or having a breakdown or something. That’s usually what happens. Especially with the guys and girls that look and act like you did.”

“I was misinformed, okay?” I pouted. “I thought having a girlfriend would let me vicariously live as a girl, or something. And, anyway, I won’t do that stuff again, so don’t worry. ‘Cause, like, I realise now that it wouldn’t have worked, and, well, I’m happy like this, so I doubly don’t need to.”

The girl frowned for a moment, breathing out a bit of a sigh... right as the bell rang to signal the start of the class. Oops. Guess I was going to be late this time. 

“That’s... an issue,” she said.

My stomach immediately started churning. 

Oh goodie. Anxiety time. Please don’t be something bad? Please? “Wh-why?” I stammered.

“Well, umm... So... well, the usual way it goes, is, once the couple breaks up, the one that was turned...” She paused, looking away. 

“Wh-what about them?” I squeaked, terrified of her next words.

“They...”

I whimpered.

“...They turn back to normal...”

The slow, anxious churn was replaced with a painful stab, and my breath caught. I was already tearing up. “I... I can’t stay like this?” 

She didn’t say anything, refusing to meet my eye.

“P-please don’t say that...” I mumbled through my tears. Please, not after I’d gotten used to it and stuff... Don’t make me go back to how I’d been before. I’d made my own body even worse for myself, I knew that now... I didn’t think I could handle having to live in it again, not after this...

“Well...” Lisa gave me another look, one of pity and... a bit of remorse, even. 

You know what? Yeah, you should feel bad! You’re tearing me apart! 

“I’ve... I’ve never seen it go any different,” she explained. “Usually, once the transformed person turns normal again, they just stop being... you know, all... horny or whatever. And, then, well... no more relationships.”

“I... umm...” I started, really trying hard to stifle my tears, but completely and totally failing. “I know you were trying to teach me a lesson or whatever, but... Please don’t break up with me? I... I don’t want to go back. Please.”

“Stooop,” she frowned, wiping her eyes with a groan as she looked away again. “I’m... I’m an empathetic crier, you’re making me start crying too.” She looked back, her eyes teary. “Listen, I’m sorry! I didn’t think it was going to go like this! I’ve never seen this happen!” Then she looked away one last time, mumbling, “I... Maybe I should... Stop doing it...” 

She didn’t say whether she was going to stop dating me, though, so I just kept crying. Actually, the tears were getting way worse, too... I... I couldn’t really stop the feelings I was having. 

It was like... God, for a moment, it was like everything was right — things I’d never known were wrong, even — and then, that was all going to be taken away?

“I... I won’t break up with you,” she said, then jumped forwards and awkwardly pulled me in for a hug. 

My tears froze, and not just because of the sudden hug — holy jeez why was she so cold? Did she just come out of a freezer or something?

Lisa continued, “But... I don’t know what’ll happen when you graduate... Nobody’s ever stayed in a relationship past the end of the school year.” She mumbled something under her breath. “When you’re not a student anymore, you’ll probably have no choice but to turn back...”

“N-nooo...” I whimpered.

“Hey! Warn— Umm, Williams!” a frazzled, feminine voice exclaimed, footsteps quickly coming closer. “Are... Hey, are you... Wh-what’s happening here?”

I detached myself from Lisa’s arms and turned around. “Emma...”

“Are you okay? Is this your... your...” Emma stammered, as she looked between Lisa and I. “G-girlfr-friend? Why are you crying? I came looking for you because you didn’t get to class...”

“I... She... Lisa said that I’m probably going to turn back...” I blubbered, fresh tears coming on again.

Emma spun to Lisa, giving her a fierce look. “How do you know that?”

Lisa’s eyes widened. “I... well... I’m... That’s... that’s just how it normally works.”

“But how do you know that?” Emma asked.

“Emma, don’t be mean, she said she’d keep dating me so I didn’t turn back until I graduated,” I mumbled, trying to wipe my eyes. “She’s nice...”

“W— Girl,” Emma gave me a look.

“Willow,” I supplied, sniffling.

Emma nodded slowly, looking like she was filing the new name away, but then blinked, glancing out the window, then back at me. “Wait, you named yourself after the tree out front?”

Lisa shook her head, “She named herself after the tree and the school; ‘osier’ is another name for willows.”

I blushed through my blubbers. Okay, so, maybe it wasn’t well thought out... So? I still thought it was cute!

Looking up at Emma, then, and seeing her gaze... It was a gaze that made the tears completely stop... and my heart race. 

What did I even call that expression? What was that in her eyes? Finally, she continued, shaking her head. “Okay, now’s not the time, but good lord you are adorable.” 

I blushed ever harder. 

“Anyway, Willow,” she said, enunciating my new name clearly. It was a critical hit! Butterflies and tingles assaulted my tummy, goosebumps running up my arms. “If this chick has done this to enough people that she knows how it works, she’s got to know more than she’s letting on.”

“I...” Lisa started, looking back and forth between us. “Okay,” she sighed. “Okay, fine, I’ll tell you everything, but... you have to come with me, first.”

~

“I’m a ghost.”

“...What?” Emma and I asked in sync. I glanced to her; her pretty eyebrows were furrowed.

Lisa rolled her eyes, then completely vanished, just... pop. (But without the sound effect.) Now it was just Emma and I... alone in this empty classroom...

“Uhhh...” I said.

“Well, okay then,” Emma breathed. “I suppose I shouldn’t have doubted something like that was possible,” she snorted, giving me that same... passionate? look as she gazed down at me again. “You know, since you turned into a girl, after all.”

I smiled bashfully up at her, and then Lisa popped back into existence beside us. “You two are really gay,” she said. “You might as well be dating her instead of me, Willow.”

I looked away from Emma a bit quickly, suddenly even more embarrassed. I was pretty sure Emma did the same. 

“Wait, I’m dating a ghost?” I murmured. “Of all the things to happen, I expected that the least.”

“Even less than expecting to suddenly turn into a girl?” Lisa raised an eyebrow.

“Okay, no, I probably did expect that one less,” I giggled. Then, having a thought, I asked, “So... uhh... is it inappropriate to ask how you died?”

“Oh, nah,” Lisa shrugged. “I died because I was so annoyed with boys asking me out that I gave myself an aneurysm.”

Emma and I just stared at her in silence for a minute. I was blinking. Was that, like... honest? She really died of that?

“I’m a lesbian,” she finally exclaimed. “Just like you two... And I was open about it back then!” Enunciating the next part between stomps of one foot, she continued, “And they kept. Freaking. Asking. Always under that stupid tree, too. It drove me nuts!”

“Oh,” I frowned. “Wait... is that why...”

She gave me a little nod and a frown. “Yeah, that’s why... well, everything, really. My grudge is against straight people and heteronormativity. People just assuming others are straight or whatever. So, yeah, whenever there’s a straight couple... I curse ‘em,” she shrugged. “You didn’t actually manage to become a couple, but you made me mad, so I wanted to curse you. Then I got you to agree to date me, and well, here we are.”

“So... why can’t you just let Willow stay a girl, then?” Emma asked.

“It doesn’t work like that,” she sighed. “My only power is to use my grudge, and only then, on straight couples. When someone is affected by the grudge, it swaps their sex. The thing is — I don’t control the grudge stopping. It does it on its own. For example, as soon as someone affected by the grudge leaves my domain — the school grounds — they become unaffected by it, and they turn back to normal. That’s just... how it works.”

“Wait, so I can’t even go home?” I mumbled, tears starting to form in my eyes again. “I’m only going to be a girl at school until I graduate?”

Lisa frowned, Emma pulling me in tight for a hug. She... she was warm. Where Lisa had been very cold — oh, was that a ghost thing? — gosh, hugging Emma was completely different. It... it made me happy. I felt very warm inside, too.

I couldn’t lose this...

I couldn’t. It was... it was too good. I needed to be a girl. Anything else would feel... wrong.

The tears should’ve gone away at her touch, but instead, that touch just... it just made me realise how much I was going to lose, and my tears came ever faster. Unless we found some kind of magic solution, I’d lose this. I’d be trapped in that old body. 

I squeezed Emma back, tightly... my closest friend... actually, my only friend; the only person I trusted to be completely okay with my new identity. (She’d given me plenty of proof, after all.)

“Do other transgenders go through this?” I sobbed. “Realising that they’ll never be satisfied unless they’re... perfect? Because that’s what I am right now. I won’t be happy if I... if I lose this. And... well, can you imagine me in my old body hugging you like this? It’s just...”

“Shhh,” Emma said, stroking my hair. “There’s more options than you realise, Willow. Trans people can take hormones that fix their bodies. Once a trans girl is done transitioning, they look just like other girl, you know. So even if... even if you can’t stay exactly like this... even if you have to transition the normal way... you’ll still be a girl.” She gently lifted up my chin and stared deep into my eyes. “There’s still hope.”

I choked on my tears. “Really?”

“I told you you should’ve come to the queer club, you doofus.” She ruffled my hair a bit. “You would’ve known that.”

“Hehe,” I giggled. “I did the dumb.”

“Holy lord, you two are so gay it hurts my teeth,” Lisa groaned. “I’m gay too, but, like, seriously, this is too much even for me. Why don’t you two date each other instead?”

“I... I already asked her out and she said no,” I mumbled.

“Can you really blame me for that?” Emma rolled her eyes. “I’m a lesbian. Duh. You hid that you were a girl really well. Anyway, yeah, I’d totally date you.”

I felt another wave of tears coming. Emma! Emmmmma! Oh my god. Oh my god.

“In that case, Willow, I’m breaking up with you. We’re through,” Lisa smiled, gesturing towards Emma. “Go be gay with her, instead.”

I flushed, looking up at Emma, who looked back down at me with a smile. 

Then I realised... I wasn’t dating Emma — not yet.

My gut felt like it had dropped.

“What’s wrong?” Emma asked, face fraught with worry.

Barely able to breathe, I whispered, “Emma, are we... dating yet?”

Her eyes widened, and we both looked at Lisa, who blanched. She turned completely white, which made her look a lot more ghostly than normal. “I’m! I’m so sorry! I wasn’t—”

“Shh!” Emma shut her up, and then pulled me close, her fingers deep in the soft, wavy, wonderful hair that I was so afraid to lose. 

Goosebumps covered every bit of my petite, feminine body... shivers traveling in waves down my curved spine... beneath my tummy, a wild, frantic anxiety mixed with the euphoria I felt at her holding me this way. 

There was no time for those feelings, though. There was no time to waste. Emma knew it, too, and with a strained voice, she asked...

“Willow, will you—”

“Wait!” Lisa interrupted.

Surprised, Emma went silent, glancing back and forth between me and her. I gulped, terrified that at any moment the transformation was going to start and I’d lose everything.

The ghost girl mumbled, “I’m... sorry. Y-you don’t need to rush this if you don’t want to, actually.”

“What?” I croaked.

Emma pulled me into another tight, comforting hug, her soft, gentle arms protecting me from the scary world... and the scary ghost, too. I was still terrified that at any moment I was going to turn back, I was going to be bigger than her again, I wouldn’t fit with her like I did now. Why did she have to stop Emma like that? 

“Why?” I heard Emma grouch at Lisa. “Tell us what’s going on.”

“I don’t... understand it, really...” Lisa mumbled. “I can tell the grudge isn’t affecting Willow anymore, but I can also tell that... well, nothing’s happening. It’s like... it’s like this is just... normal, or something? Like...” She trailed off, then sighed and went silent. 

What? Like what? Was I going to turn back or not? This was normal? I was so confused. I almost wanted to just pretend like nothing would happen, and just hide in Emma’s arms forever.

I heard a creak, next, but couldn’t tell what was happening till I peeked out from Emma’s embrace. Currently, the ghost girl was leaning back on a desk, staring at the tiled ceiling, obviously deep in thought. 

“Lisa,” Emma said, her tone impatient and frustrated. I took a deep breath and nearly choked, then started sobbing.

“Give me a second!” the ghost girl pleaded, and I tried my best to swallow my tears. “I’m trying to figure this out, okay?” 

Then she sat up suddenly, a light in her eyes again. “Wait. Okay. I have an idea. So... let me re-explain the grudge. Think of it like... stretching out a rubber band into a different shape, right?” She pantomimed as if stretching it to its maximum length. “...And then if you stop stretching the rubber band in that way” — she released her fingers and clicked her tongue simultaneously — “it’ll go right back with a snap.”

I shifted uncomfortably, whimpering a little. “That sounds... really painful.”

“It’s not, actually,” Lisa said, “but it is nearly instant. For you, it was like... Well...” She gestured to my body. “As you can tell, nothing happened. Like the grudge just... wasn’t even doing anything in the first place.”

“It definitely did something in the first place,” I mumbled.

“So what I’m thinking is... something to do with, like, true forms?” she suggested. “Maybe it was something like... for other people, you know, the people that aren’t trans...”

“Cis people,” Emma filled in.

“Yeah! Those ones. For cis people, their normal body was their original body. But for you, your normal body was the body the grudge gave you. So then, once the initial transformation was done... for a cis person that got transformed, the grudge would hold the transformation in place. But for you, since you were now in your normal form, it ended up not having to do that. It was just the grudge sitting idly in your body.”

Lisa nodded along, getting all into the explanation. “It was like, going back to the rubber band metaphor... Your original body was the rubber band stretched out, right? And when the grudge was applied, that rubber band unstretched. So then when the grudge was removed, there was no tension there. Ergo, no” — she clicked her tongue once more — “snap.”

Her explanation finished, the ghost girl fell back onto the desk, staring up at the ceiling again as we digested the information. 

Glancing up at Emma to see what she thought, I watched her roll her eyes. “That sounds like a lot of assumptions... Also, you scared us both half to death. You’d better make it up to Willow...” she threatened, waving a finger at the goth ghost. “You saw how much she was crying.”

“I said I was sorry!” Lisa pouted. “And, well... I’m speculating for the most part... I’ve never actually met another ghost. Or used my ability on a trans person. I’ve mostly just been in... well... grudge mode. For... ever?”

None of us said anything for a moment, and I just looked back and forth between the two girls. My gut was still churning, my eyes still a little wet from my tears. “So...” I finally whimpered. “This is... umm... This is permanent? I’m sorry, I kinda followed the explanation, but I just... I need a clearer answer... Please?” 

“Yes, it absolutely is permanent,” Lisa said, giving me a small smile. “I’m sorry for not being clear enough — there is no curse on you. There is no grudge on you. You’re as if you were born a cis girl.”

I spent a second breathing in, then out, then looked up at Emma... watched as the corners of her mouth raised, her eyes alight with that same passionate look from before. Then I burst into tears and buried myself back against her. It was a long, long while before I left her embrace again.

~

“Do you really need all that stuff?” Emma asked. 

Well, no, I didn’t, but... it was more convenient to just always bring everything home, you know? I glanced between her and the backpack I was filling up, and then tried lifting said backpack. What did it matter if I could—

But to my chagrin, I couldn’t get it off the ground.

“Ugh, why’d I have to lose all my muscles?” I complained, pouting up at her.

She rolled her eyes and chuckled. “Don’t you give me that look, you brat, I’m not going to become your pack mule.”

“Yeah, okay, that’s fair,” I stuck my tongue out, then dejectedly started putting some of the books I didn’t need back into my locker. Although ‘putting’ might be a bit inaccurate, considering I was mostly just tossing them in however they’d fit. Honestly, the thing needed a lot more organisation... and while I was at it, more decoration, too. I had lots of ideas for that kind of thing, surprisingly? I guess I just hadn’t ever acted on them because I’d been too caught up in... well, other things.

“That looks a bit more normal.”

“Doesn’t make it any less lame,” I said, shutting the locker with a click and pulling my bag over my shoulder.

“Ready to go?” she smiled.

“Yup. Time to... face the world, I guess,” I trailed off.

“Hey, you’ve already made a lot of good progress, Willow,” Emma said, giving me a comforting squeeze as we began to walk down the hall. “You changed your name at the office, you came out to a bunch of kids at the queer club...”

“Yeah, I guess that’s true. And that stuff was pretty easy, honestly... I could just walk in and be like ‘Hi I’m girl thank you bye’ and that was it, right? I guess if it’s working I’ll keep doing it,” I smirked.

“Sounds like a good plan to me,” Emma said, pushing past and opening up the front door. She held it open for me again, just like she had earlier in the drama classroom, and my smirk quickly vanished. Instead, I was looking down at my feet, blushing even harder this time. Was this going to become a regular thing now?

...But whether or not it was, we were now outside the school, and that meant in a minute or two we’d be off the school grounds. 

Looking up at the willow tree, and the sidewalk, and the road... My stomach felt like it was tying itself in knots. In all honesty, I’d been feeling this feeling before, too. It’d been slowly growing as the school day progressed and eventually came to a close, but now, just seeing the edge of the area where I knew was safe... it’d gotten so much worse.

I was really nervous. 

As much as I could pretend like I trusted Lisa’s words completely, the idea of going back to what I’d been, even for a moment... it was... not pleasant. I wasn’t that. I’d never been that. I couldn’t bear the thought of people looking at me and seeing that again.

And maybe it was silly to be freaking out about it with Lisa’s assurances, yeah, but, well, I couldn’t stop these feelings, you know?

Emma pulled me into a little side-hug. Drat, she’d noticed.

“Hey,” she murmured. “Willow, now that you’re a girl, are you going to join the girls’ basketball team?”

“Uhh... what?” I asked, confused. What did that have to do with anything?

“Just a question,” Emma shrugged. Was she trying to distract me? 

You know what? If she was, that was okay. It had worked, I was already focusing a lot less on the nervousness. “Well... no,” I answered. “Heck no, in fact. I never liked sports in the first place, I was just doing them for... well, you know.”

“Yeah, that makes sense,” Emma laughed. “You wouldn’t even wanna be a cheerleader or something, though?”

“Well...” I gave her a small smile. “Actually, yeah, that would be kinda fun. Wearing the outfit and dancing around and stuff. But also I don’t like getting sweaty.” I stuck out a tongue.

Emma gave me a little wink. “I wouldn’t mind seeing you wearing the outfit and dancing around either.”

“Emma!” I laughed, giving her a little push.

“Hey, do you have plans for a job, in the future?” she asked.

I looked down. That question was a little bit harder. “Well... no. I was always planning on just going into wherever there was the most money, before. That’s what everything said would make girls like me, right?”

Emma rolled her eyes. “That’s what would make gold diggers like you.”

“Good point,” I said, but then trailed off for a moment. “You know, though... with all those guides and stuff... my life was sorta... really easy to plan out. It’s a little bit overwhelming with how much possibility there is now. How... open my life is, I guess? I almost miss it being easier to decide on things.”

“Hey, you know what, though?” Emma said, grabbing my hand and pulling me towards her. Oh, we were under the willow tree. This was... Okay.

“What?” I asked, looking up into her eyes.

“All of your options now, those hundreds and thousands of things you can spend your life on... those are all things you actually want to do. It’s harder to decide, yeah, but... I bet you’ll always enjoy everything you decide on more than if you’d been following one of those guides.”

I gave her a bashful smile. “Yeah, that’s true too.”

“Also, I have a question for you. It might be a bit out of place, but... I can’t wait any longer.”

I opened my mouth, but she put a finger over it so I just felt my face get really warm again instead. I swear this was going to turn into how I communicated at this point, I might as well speak entirely in morse code made up of blushing.

“Willow,” Emma murmured, her eyes locked to mine. She brushed a stray hair out of my face, and gently pulled my chin up towards her. “Will you go out with me?”

“Eeep!” I squeaked unintelligibly.

My closest friend was watching me expectantly, uncertainty playing across her pretty face. I wanted to answer... I knew what my answer was...

See, knowing I was a girl, and feeling like a girl, and trusting Lisa's assurances that I'd get to stay like this? It meant that I knew exactly how I felt about her — exactly how I felt about about us.

So, yes, I knew exactly what I wanted... But that didn’t matter, did it? Because my tongue was tied tighter than... I don't know, some kind of knot that was impossible to untie or something. Honestly, it was hard to make any sound other than incoherent squeaks and chirps as if I was some kind of small, scared animal.

Finally, I closed my eyes, and I took a deep breath.

Calm. Calm. This was Emma. It was safe. There was no need to be overwhelmed.

Then, I opened my eyes again, flashed her a smile, and gave her the only answer I could.