When I opened my eyes, my lips were dry, and my throat felt like sandpaper.
The room was pitch-black, the lights off and the blinds drawn. I fumbled around for my smartphone, unlocking it out of habit.
Unread KakaoTalk messages: 329
Unread messages: 26
Missed calls: 21
Ah, that's right. I left today after submitting my resignation, abandoning all the work I was handling.
But they hadn’t told me to wrap things up, and even if I had insisted, they would've rejected it.
So, if complaints come in from clients, it's not my fault.
The higher-ups on the client side must be furious after the sudden change in personnel and the way the project’s gone downhill.
There’s no one who worked as hard as I did—overtime, entertaining clients—but now the company’s a mess.
Well, I’m looking forward to the severance and final paycheck, so I’ll just enjoy being unemployed for a while.
Turning on the lights in the dark house, I noticed a blood blister on my palm. When I got angry, I often clenched my fists so hard that my nails dug into my skin, and the wounds never quite healed.
I washed my hands quickly, grabbed a sterilized bandage from the first aid kit, and wrapped it tightly. A familiar task—I always kept bandages at home, even if there weren’t any instant noodles.
"There’s no real ramen either..."
After nearly two days without food, my body was demanding something to eat. I thought about making some rice, but when I opened the pantry, it was empty.
There were a few cans of tuna and bottles of canola oil from the company’s holiday giveaways, but not nearly enough to fill me up. I never imagined I’d run out of even basic rice packs.
All I’d done since coming home was shower and sleep, so I hadn’t bought groceries in a while.
As the sweltering heat of August passed into early autumn, I noticed the peculiar date: September 9, 2025, 9:09 p.m. I couldn’t help but be amused by it.
Since I was eight, I hadn’t had anything of my own, so I never really knew how to spend money.
Even in school, I saved every penny, depositing even small allowances into my bank account, and I did the same with the money from part-time jobs.
Apart from what I needed for living expenses, my bank balance barely ever went down.
That habit didn’t change when I became an adult, and after three years of working, I’d managed to save quite a bit.
Living in government-subsidized youth housing also kept my fixed costs low.
"Since I’m already taking a break from work, should I at least spend some money?"
Hobbies were limited to the occasional video game, played to kill time on rare days off.
Fishing and golf are great hobbies for men, but I’d only learned them for client entertainment—and now, there was no one to enjoy them with.
Plus, without a car, enjoying those hobbies alone was difficult.
There was nothing real to achieve. I didn’t even know what I could do.
Grumbling to myself, I somehow found myself at a medium-sized supermarket near the neighborhood.
There were no housewives shopping for dinner ingredients, probably because it was late at night. I’d heard competition among housewives was fierce, as fresh produce and meat sold out early in the day.
The liquor and snack section at the back of the store was empty, just waiting for someone like me—a single man with nothing to his name—to come and lament his fate, hoping they’d take the snacks home.
Unable to resist, I picked out a can of beer, a bottle of soju to mix with it, and some spicy beef jerky to pair with the drinks. Fried peanuts would’ve been good, but there were too few to make much of a difference.
I grabbed some chips and other snacks, then swept up instant noodles and steamed rice.
This was the typical shopping route for single men, the “red carpet” of late-night convenience.
If I’d been there in the evening, I would have received sympathetic looks from housewives. In the morning, I’d have gotten cold stares from employees.
Either way, a single guy wandering around this corner of the store was never going to be looked at kindly.
But what did it matter?
To relieve the stress from a body worn out by overwork, these little rebellions were the best remedy.
Eating ramen late at night, drinking, and laughing at the dark uncertainty of the future—that’s the universal life of someone like me.
Some people would suggest going to the gym to stay healthy and socialize. I’d tried that.
Having maintained this routine for three years without my body breaking down was due to my efforts at the gym. But now, it didn’t matter.
It was frustrating enough working like a machine and getting scolded, but I was also exhausted from exercising like a machine. I thought one routine like that was enough, so I quit the gym.
"That’ll be 36,200 won."
"I’ll pay with a card. I don’t need a receipt."
The check card scraped through, and 36,200 won worth of indulgence slipped into my hands.
I walked through the dark alley again, carrying a heavy plastic bag.
I passed by a school, a place where someone’s youth was spent, and a quiet church, where someone’s faith lay dormant.
...Giggle.
"!"
I stopped in my tracks at the eerie laughter coming from nowhere. It was right then.
Something heavy fell in front of me.
Kwaahhh!
A massive metal pillar stood tall amidst the asphalt road, barely three meters away.
It was the crucifix on a church steeple, now embedded upside down in the ground.
Even during a fierce typhoon or an earthquake, the crucifix had stood strong. But now, without warning, it had fallen.
I looked up at the church spire, just as sparks leapt up with a pop—the neon sign connected to the crucifix had snapped.
For a brief moment, I saw a small raven, illuminated by the spark, before the circuit breaker kicked in and the lights went out. The raven vanished, as though it had never been there.
"Unlucky..."
I couldn’t help it. My usual impulsive anger flared, and I kicked the crucifix.
Now that I was free from the company, living the life of a bum for a while, it seemed fine to kick away the symbol that had nearly shattered me.
The pastor, who probably rushed through early morning prayer, would weep at the sight of the crucifix lying in the dirt.
The repair costs would be high, and it was an eyesore for the church.
For once, the misfortune that should have been mine was transferred to someone else, and it helped ease my anger a little.
I’d always been the one carrying misfortune and suppressing my anger, but now that I’d stepped outside the societal framework, the world felt different.
Is it possible to feel bad about that?
Heading home, I boiled water and cracked open the soju.
I mixed the canned beer with soju in a large glass, just the way I liked it—moderate. While most people drink large quantities like they’re at a party, I preferred balance.
Boiling water bubbled up as I cooked ramen and popped frozen dumplings in the microwave. I set the table for a late-night drinking session.
Slurping the noodles and munching on the dumplings, there’s nothing better than a sip of soju to cleanse the palate—it was pure bliss.
Yeah, no matter how messed up the world is, at this very moment, right here, this is as close to heaven as I could get.
Even if people mocked me for creating this life with my own choices, I’d stand firm.
Don’t act so smug when you didn’t even give everyone a fair choice.
When I was eight, I lost my parents and moved from one relative’s house to another. Growing up wasn’t my choice.
It wasn’t my choice to be cursed by those who’d speak ill of my parents right in front of me, just when I was about to punch them.
I was never in a position to choose for myself. I was always forced into irrational choices and had to endure.
How many hours did I spend alone, laughing to myself?
I hiccupped and returned to my room.
A desolate space with a wooden cross on the wall.
A room that felt like a prison when I lowered the blinds and shut the door.
I flopped onto the mattress, and as usual, the crucifix hanging on the wall came into view.
The same crucifix that had fallen from the church’s spire earlier now seemed out of place hanging there so simply.
In a fit of frustration, I flung my smartphone at the cross, knocking it down.
The crucifix lay upside down on the floor, and I could no longer see it unless I craned my neck.
Only then could I fall asleep, content.
