< Episode 6 >
I terminated the contract for the youth rental housing that day and disposed of all my assets.
I withdrew all the money in my account, which amounted to 50,000 won bills, and stacked them neatly in a large duffel bag. I packed the bare essentials of clothing and necessities, then left my beloved home.
I made sure to dispose of the PC containing my personal information so thoroughly that no one in the world could track my existence. Before leaving my home, I called a cleaning company to have everything thoroughly cleaned.
I unfolded my wallet and took out my ID card with a youthful-looking photo, and a family photo taken from an even earlier time.
Ah, Mr. Han. You are now not even a deputy, yet you still harbor lingering feelings.
I crushed the specially coated plastic ID card with my hands and flushed it down the drain.
I also tore up the old memory of holding my parents' hands as a child and frowning in front of the church, captured in a photograph.
The faded photograph, which I had carried with me for nearly twenty years, was no longer a device connecting me to my parents. It was merely a byproduct of the past, clinging stubbornly to my ankle.
"If you are alive, you must have come to meet me."
But my parents, who would always sternly withhold dinner and make me write Bible verses if I did wrong.
Yet I know that they always made time to be with me on weekends, and at Christmas, they would become Santa Claus, leaving presents by my bedside.
If I hadn't quarreled with my friend at school that day, if I hadn't rudely run out while being scolded by my parents and teachers, if I hadn't spent time alone far from home until late at night.
Would my life have changed a lot if that had happened?
"Ironically, that too was just one of the choices."
I was fed up with this world that even the childish actions of a young child, who knows nothing and cannot properly control their own mental illness, are dismissed as 'choices'.
Because my younger self made that choice, I lost my parents, grew up as an orphan, wandered from relative to relative, ate their scorn, and ultimately ended up ruining my social life?
If such a dog-like fate is the will of God, I will gladly deny it and deny it again.
The torn-up photos were not flushed down the sewer. Instead, he walked all the way to the Han River, and facing the pitch-black river under the chilly autumn wind, he scattered the fragments of old memories.
There is nothing left for a human agent anymore.
Thinking about it, I may have quit my job, but the title of 'Section Chief' wasn't so bad after all. With a specific rank designated by society, doesn't it make one seem like a professional?
I pushed open the coat's front lapel and pulled the hat down low over my head, creeping into the city of dazzling nightscapes as the deep night settled in.
"I am far behind them."
Tracking my actions and way of thinking, which were driven by something beyond my control, as I wandered aimlessly through the city, the exorcist and his assistant, who had arrived at the bar ahead of me, waiting for me.
They failed to secure CCTV footage, but through the initial testimony of the pub owner, Nara connected the figure to the serial murder case, ultimately succeeding in tracking him down, outpacing the experts by a step.
Although their exorcism rituals could not erode my spirit and beliefs, I cannot deny their remarkable skill.
Rather than them, even the police had failed to uncover my true identity, and they had managed to see through it and move one step ahead of me. Their prowess, connections, and information-gathering abilities in this industry would undoubtedly be extraordinary.
In fact, I hadn't even considered the possibility that the bar's master was acquainted with the bride's party, or that he would be instructed to secretly add holy water to my drink.
Truly amazing.
They must be so great that they can preach the will of that almighty god with their own upright beliefs and faith.
So I must follow their example as well.
I'm just an ordinary person now. I lack knowledge, experience, and connections in this industry.
Even the minimal foundation that would serve as the focal point for future activities was not in place.
Ah, but there is one thing I am better at than them.
Among the countless people walking through the bustling city of Hwiguang at night, I could distinguish the sinners.
The one who committed a minor sin, the one who committed a grave sin, the one who will commit a sin in the future, the one who will live as a saint all his life, the one who, not by his own will, is possessed by something and floundering like a puppet, the one who is not even human.
I stood quietly in the midst of the crowd, observing the diverse human landscape, and recorded what commonalities and differences they shared.
When that seemingly endless task was finally over, it was just before dawn, a gray and hazy morning when there were no longer any people wandering the streets.
Soon, the morning sun would rise again, and the rush hour for office workers would begin, but I didn't want to stand in the middle of the street once more, repeating the tedious tasks of recording and categorizing.
It was because I had a rough idea.
Just as one investigates market information before starting a business, I too have a mountain of things to learn before diving into this industry.
Not wanting to waste even a minute, I left the bustling city without hesitation and headed towards a large public library, one of the more sizable ones in Seoul.
By the time I arrived on foot, it was already morning, so the library doors were open.
There, I ventured into the most obscure corners, places where I seemed to be unpopular among people, and read mainly books that recorded various religions and histories.
I don't know when I became so fast at reading, but it only took me about ten minutes to read a thick book. And so I moved on to the next book, and then the next.
After I finished reading all the books piled up like a mountain next to me, I would bring in new ones and read them.
The librarian at the counter looked at me with a puzzled expression, but I didn't mind and kept reading and reading.
What is religion fundamentally? What is the history of humans, born from religion or deeply connected with it? The figures in history thought about religion in various ways, and furthermore, the entire society went through the process of accepting religion, scrutinizing every step without taking a breath.
The earliest primitive religions in human history did not worship distinct gods.
For example, the god of thunder was not named Zeus, the god of wisdom was not called Odin, and the mother of all things was not praised as Gaia.
The ancient humans, busy just trying to survive day by day, often held a festival of abundance, worshipping natural disasters or even the blessings of nature itself as gods. Naturally, there were also rituals to appease the wrath of nature, offering sacrifices to quell its anger.
It turns out that the God with the largest number of followers on Earth wasn't even the first deity in history.
From a Christian perspective, God created the heavens and the earth in the beginning and formed all things, calling it the Garden of Eden. In the Garden of Eden, He molded the first human male, fashioned in His own image, from the dust of the earth.
Thus, the first human being and man, Adam, was born, and feeling lonely, he called out for a companion. God took one of his ribs and created Eve, the first woman and mother.
And the Lord said, "Adam and Eve, you may take of every tree in the Garden of Eden, but of one thing only. Do not take of the tree of the knowledge of good and evil."
Adam and Eve bowed their heads in response to their great Creator and parents, God, but in the perfect Garden of Eden, an imperfect being had already taken root.
One was a superfluous distinction between good and evil for humans, and the other was a malicious serpent, eagerly waiting for an opportunity to push humans into the abyss of evil.
The serpent first tempted Eve to take the fruit of the tree of knowledge of good and evil, and through Eve, he tempted Adam to take it as well.
Because Adam and Eve did not eat from the Tree of Knowledge of Good and Evil, they had no distinction between 'good' and 'evil', nor any knowledge of it. They were deceived by the cunning tongue of the venomous serpent and committed a grave sin.
Because they lacked the knowledge and wisdom to distinguish between good and evil, ironically, they easily fell into the abyss of evil.
Because their great Creator and Father did not teach Adam and Eve how to distinguish between good and evil.
Just do not take the fruit of good and evil, he commanded, for no reason I could understand.
And so, Adam and Eve, expelled from the Garden of Eden, the story of the first humans, extends from the Old Testament through the New Testament, reaching into modern society.
I closed the last page of the Bible that Father Seong had, once again feeling the contradictory nature of God and the absurdity of the world, and set out to find another knowledge to understand it.
If God has done so, there must be a just reason.
I must keep searching and searching. Otherwise, I too will stumble at some point and fall into the abyss of contradiction. Imperfection is the greatest weakness.
"Um......"
"Yes?"
"It's almost closing time now. I'm sorry, but you'll need to leave soon."
At the librarian's cautious request, I finally checked my smartphone with its cracked screen.
The battery, rarely used, remained fully charged, but the time was fast approaching 10 p.m. It meant that I had spent the entire day here, just reading books.
"Excuse me. I'll just tidy up the books and leave."
"No, no. It's my job as the librarian to organize it, so you don't have to worry about it."
Seeing the librarian’s slightly annoyed expression, she quickly left the library, leaving her with the task of organizing the mountain of books.
Still not enough.
I need to know more.
Experience much and undergo rigorous training, and become an expert.
Otherwise, just like Father Seong, who couldn't break his beliefs, I, too, would have inevitably become mute.
A single man in a coat carrying a duffel bag containing tens of millions of won would certainly look like an uncommon species even in Seoul. In other words, he looks like an easy target to fleece.
As evidence, I was passing through an alleyway between commercial buildings when I encountered a group of high school students with cigarettes in their mouths.
Hey, mister. Come over here and open your bag.
"Hey, he looks like a homeless person, what would he have?"
"There are a lot of homeless people who carry their belongings bundled up like that."
"Yeah, the homeless guy we robbed last time had a mountain of booze and cigarettes piled up in his bag, didn't he?"
"It's just the right time for a drink. Perfect."
Even in the darkness, I could see the guilt of the delinquent students approaching with a snicker.
In truth, seeing sin is not about showing what they have done. It merely means that the deeper, more abundant, and longer one holds onto the thick, dark aura, the greater the sinner.
I caught a crime of no small magnitude from those who hadn't even gotten their ID cards yet.
"Hey, mister. Open the bag quickly...geeeeek!"
Without warning, I threw a punch, and my wrist ached from the unfamiliar motion.
As one punk was instantly knocked out, the others rushed in recklessly.
Kicked, punched, body-checked into the wall, but I didn't stop.
Even when his nose bled and his knuckles were skinned, even when his whole body throbbed as if his bones were cracked, he fought silently.
Ah! Ah! Why is this motherfucker so......
"Is this guy drunk? No matter how much he gets hit, he just won't go down!"
"How can a drunk fight! Just step on him!"
Step on us. I'll step on you too.
In the end, after repeatedly stepping on each other like mad, I stood before them with a swollen face, bleeding from the nose.
The ones lying in front of me were each groaning and looking at me with fearful eyes.
But the beings you should truly fear are not me, but the poor victims you have wronged and tormented.
And of course, there's the Almighty Himself who will judge you lot on the Last Day.
"Hey."
"Ugh... Grr!"
I grabbed the hair of the worst of the hoodlums.
"Do you want to die to me, or believe in Jesus?"
