That’s what it said on the box: KINKY KUFFS, all caps, pink fuzzy lettering, cuffs spelled with a ‘k’. The box lay in a small sea of packing peanuts, inside a larger Amazon box that Paul had just opened.

“I thought Amazon stopped using packing peanuts years ago.” Sarah said, peeking over his shoulder.

“Yeah, that’s what makes this weird.” Paul said sarcastically. “What’s up with this lettering; are these a joke?” He turned the box around looking for any other writing.

“I bet they’re fuzzy handcuffs, probably a gag gift,” Sarah said, rummaging through the styrofoam for something else to justify such a large box. She found a single sheet of paper at the bottom, stuck to some packing tape from the opposite side.

She carefully removed the paper from the box, it was blank except for a single line in all-caps at the top: PLEASE ENJOY THIS HOUSEWARMING GIFT.

“It says they’re a housewarming gift.” Sarah said, perplexed.

“This must be a prank from one of your new coworkers. A bit inappropriate.” Said Paul.

“It could be from a neighbor, or one of our friends. Besides, we haven’t even opened it yet, it could be anything.” Sarah said, reaching for the box. She opened one end and dumped the contents onto the table: A bright pink pair of fuzzy handcuffs and a folded paper pamphlet.

Paul scowled and started reading the pamphlet. “They come with some kind of roleplay suggestions. It’s listed in like 5 different languages.” He said, flipping through the flimsy paper.

“Well let’s try them out.” Sarah said, toying with the handcuffs.

“Seriously?” Paul asked, lowering the pamphlet.

“We are about to go to bed anyway, and all our other things are still in boxes.” She clicked the handcuffs open and closed a few times “I don’t know, I think it could be fun.” She offered them to Paul.

“So, I guess that makes me the warden?” Paul asked.

“This time at least.” Sarah said with a wry grin.

In the bedroom Sarah narrated the pamphlet while Paul inspected the handcuffs. “Kinky Kuffs™ Magic Love Handcuffs.“

“Magic huh?” Paul said. “I bet that’s marketing-talk for ‘doesn’t lock’. These things don’t even have a keyhole, just a release. You can even reach it with the same hand.” He demonstrated by locking one wrist and trying to spring the lever by stretching his fingers.

“Have fun with that. ‘Directions: 1. Restrain your lover.’ Hey Paul, we’re halfway there.” Sarah said, Paul scoffed and continued trying to open the handcuffs one-handed. “‘2. Stimulate your lover.’ I like where this is going.”

“The really kinky ones lock you up and skip that step.”

“‘3: Your lover must do any sexy thing you command (within consent)’ and that’s it. Seems simple enough.” Sarah said as she folded up the pamphlet.

“Got it!” Paul said, finally unlatching the handcuff. “I think that might be a bad translation; the last step hardly made sense. Is that all it says?”

“There are some suggestions further down, but I don’t want spoilers. I’ll leave those to you.” She glanced at the pamphlet again “Oh and on the back it says ‘Magic requirements: Lust, Desire’, whatever that means.”

“Sounds kinda kooky. Should be fun though; I’ve always thought handcuffs were hot.” Paul said, lighting a candle and turning off the lights.

“Really?” Sarah asked. “I thought holding me down made you uncomfortable.”

“Oh, that’s just because I’m worried about hurting you.” Paul explained. “But that should be less of a problem with these.” He held up the fuzzy pink cuffs “They’re actually pretty soft on the inside.”

Sarah was a little incredulous of Paul’s enthusiasm for bondage, but he did seem to be excited, and it was something she was interested in too. She let down her hair and slipped off her socks “Well then why don’t you show me?” She asked, giving him her best come-hither expression.

Paul grinned, he loved her weird sex-face. He reached his arm around to the small of her back, pulling her into an embrace. She looked up at him and he looked down into her eyes, their noses nearly touched. His arm slipped up the back of her shirt, tracing her spine. He leaned down to kiss her as his palm reached mid-back. His other hand reached down to undo her belt and pants.

Sarah broke the kiss and started undoing the buttons on Paul’s shirt in kind. Meanwhile he finished pulling down the zipper on her jeans and reached up to unhook her bra. After unhooking the clasp his hands glided down her sides and pulled at the waist of her pants, she wiggled her hips to help them slide off. Before she could finish with the buttons on his shirt, Paul grabbed her hands by the wrists and guided them over her head. He pulled off her shirt and bra, tossing them aside, and pushed her backwards onto the bed. Then he grabbed her jeans by the loose fabric around her thighs and pulled them off as well.

Paul stood over her as he finished unbuttoning his shirt and pants. Sarah was on her back, on the bed, wearing nothing but a pair of black boyshorts. As he stripped he started getting into character. “So you thought you could break in here and steal all our stuff, huh?” He said, gesturing at their bedroom full of boxes from the move.

“Yeah, and I would have gotten away with it if I hadn’t stayed to label them with oddly specific categories.” Sarah said, straining to hold a straight face.

“Well I’m glad you did, because now I get to teach you a lesson.” He said, spinning the handcuffs around on one finger. He was down to just his underwear now as well, a healthy bulge filling out the front of his boxers. “Also, it will make putting all this back way easier.” he added, failing repress a dumb grin.

He got on at the head of the bed and pulled her closer, stroking and kissing her. She lost track of the handcuffs, and then they were on her, tightening around her wrist. She offered her other hand and Paul locked it up as well, grasping the chain by the middle to hold her arms above her head. In his fist he also held the pamphlet open to the suggestions, which he read as he knelt over her. With his other hand he stroked her gently, moving his fingers over her breast as he read the first suggestion.

“Bark like a dog.” He said, reading from the paper.

“Ah.” Sarah sighed, she felt a tingle run from her wrists down her arms. She hadn’t expected the handcuffs to shock her; she tried to remember if it was mentioned in the manual but she could feel his command tug her mind back, she wanted to hear the other suggestions, and barking like a dog didn’t fit the scene “Sorry, I’m not in a bitchy mood.” She said, pulling playfully at the cuffs. The tingle dissipated with a shudder, sending goosebumps all the way down to her toes. Her nipples crinkled and perked up.

Paul was a little irritated she wasn’t playing along, but he could tell it was having an effect on her, maybe she wanted more force? He pushed back hard against the chain, pinning her hands to the headboard with one arm. With his other hand he gently squeezed her nipple, eliciting an excited gasp. Paul tried to sound dark and authoritative as he read the next suggestion “Grow a wet pussy” he said, pretending it was something sexy he would say.

“Way ahead of you” Sarah flirted. She felt another tingle run down her arms and deep into her guts. She lifted her knees and let them fall apart “See for yourself.” She said, tilting her pelvis towards him. She felt hot and tense, her face flushed; a warm tightness flowed out from below her stomach. Her breathing became quick and light.

Paul’s hand made its way down her chest, over her stomach and under the edge of her panties. His fingers pressed into her, gently stroking down. She was very wet. Paul brushed his fingers by her clit and Sarah let out a soft moan “What’s the next suggestion?” She asked, ready for more.

Paul squinted at the paper and made a face “I think we should make up our own. These read like a bad translation, and this next one couldn't work for you anyway.”

“What’s it say?” She asked, half lost in the feeling of his fingers.

“Grow a big dick.” Paul said nervously. Sarah came almost immediately. Her legs tensed and her stomach contracted like she was doing a situp. She let out a long involuntary moan. Paul kept rubbing, confused and aroused by her sudden reaction. Under his fingers her clit started to swell, more and more by the second. Sarah gasped and closed her legs.

“Too sensitive.” She murmured, pulling away from his hand and beginning to tremble. Paul was getting concerned. He let go of the chain and got off the bed to turn the lights back on, tripping over a box of ‘bedroom:summer sheets’ on the way.

By the time the lights were back, Sarah was beginning to recover. She was laying on her back, knees up and parted slightly, both her handcuffed hands cupped between her legs.

“Are you okay?” Paul asked, more than a little concerned.

“I think so.” Sarah said, unsure. The whole event had happened so fast, it took a moment to process it all. Paul had told her to grow a dick and the tingle came rushing back, as soon as she accepted the tingling she had a massive orgasm. But it wasn’t like other orgasms, it kept going, rolling through her and pulsing into her clit. And then Paul’s fingers had been way too much, as the pulses grew closer together it became a constant sensation; it felt almost like a slow stretch, like soaking in a hot bath. It dulled slightly as the tingling faded away. She lifted her hands and saw the massive bulge in her boyshorts. It was large enough to push up the waistband, but not enough for her to get a good look. Her heart began to race as she took it all in.

“Oh my god!” Paul exclaimed, bewildered. For a moment he was in shock, and then he narrowed his eyes “Hold on. Is this a prank? I mean first the handcuffs, and then the weird instructions. Are you messing with me?” He glanced around for signs of a setup.

“What? No!” Sarah was fighting to hold back tears. “Fucking look at me.” She said, pulling down her underwear. Her dick flopped out against her thigh, happy to be free. “I don’t know how it happened but this is real.” She said with tears in her eyes.

Paul moved cautiously back to the bed. He leaned in and began to visually examine Sarah’s crotch.

“Could you undo these handcuffs?” Sarah asked with a sniffle “I need a tissue.” Paul released her and put the cuffs on the nightstand. He watched her penis with suspicion as she got up and blew her nose. It looked real alright, and frankly a little intimidating; even soft it was big.

“Do you want to touch it?” She asked, noticing his interest. “Would that put your mind at ease?” Honestly she hoped he would say yes because she was a little nervous to touch it herself.

Paul leaned over and extended his hand, cupping her dick in his palm. It was warm and soft, like a regular dick. He lifted it gently as it began to stiffen in his hand. Sarah watched between her breasts, transfixed. Under her dick the rest of her pussy appeared to be intact.

“It looks like you still have a vagina.” Paul said “Like, right under your, uh, penis.” That was somewhat comforting news to Sarah; she hadn’t even considered having balls. “Is it okay if I...?” Paul asked hesitantly, making a fingering gesture towards her crotch.

“Sure.” Sarah said “But be gentle.” She was still incredibly wet from earlier but also very sensitive. Paul put a hand under her shaft and lifted it up against her stomach, out of the way. It was starting to get hard, the tip nearly reaching to her bellybutton. The erection stirred up a bit of that good-ache slow-stretch feeling again. Sarah widened her stance a bit and tilted her pelvis towards him. Paul gently inserted his middle finger into her vagina, moving carefully and slow.

“It seems about the same as before, to me at least.” Paul said.

“It feels the same to me too.” Sarah said. Paul removed his finger and she stepped back. She took few deep breaths, trying to process the situation.

Paul scratched his head “This is just all so weird. When I read the command I thought it was a poor translation for ‘Get an erection.’”

“Well, I mean, look what happened.” Sarah said with a half-smile.

“Yeah, but. Wow, this is just a lot to take in.” He shook his head “Magic is real.”

“Yeah.” Sarah said “And I have a dick.”