I would be more then happy to correct any illogical scenario, grammatical mistakes or any other suggestion.

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"Hey buddy, why your face is so serious? You haven't said a single word from this morning" Jiraya patted no my shoulder.

I asked him, "do you feel guilt when you kill someone".

He said, "I would not say guilt but I did feel uncomfortable. But it was okay after my continuous fights. Although, I donot enjoy killing if that is what you asked."

He continued " and why should i feel guilt? it was my mission and i completed it"

He gave me the same answer as what was going on with me.
After killing i felt little uncomfortable but not guilt. So, should i be happy that i am a normal person from Naruto world standard.

'Did my moral values change unconsciously because of long time living in this ninja world'.
For ninjas, mission is what objectifies right and wrong for them. Things done according to mission given by village elder or family is right thing to do.

Like in my previous world, Vietnam-war,Iraq-Iran-war started. America could give a lot of right reason for it. But in the end, it was just a war for interest either to show muscle to the world or to get more resources(oil) mixed with other hyped up reasons.

In that scenario, soldiers sometimes gets confused when they are killing barely teen militants who are holding guns just because their superior also didn't left them any choice.
So, should the soldier feel guilt?

After talking and thinking, a lot of mental burden has been lifted. But inwardly I was still thinking- 'Isn't there better method to become strong than what I am doing?'

Seeing my still troubled face, Tsunade said to me in raised voice.

" Don't be a wimp."

I looked at her and smiled awkwardly.

Although, I had very little conversations with her but she is kinda cute when she explain something.
From this little age, she still wore that proud face.

She continued while walking side of the kart-"You know, there is no right and wrong. Time decides what we should do. Like if it is a wartime then any suspicious person might get killed. Tolerance level of village elder would be very poor in sensitive times. But in peace time same killing could be criticized."

Then Tsunade nodded inwardly. As if she felt good by coming up with these high philosophical words.
She continued.

"And yes, there are always better ways of doing things. But killing a possible enemy is the easiest implementable solution of all."

She was still immersed in what she said then she looked towards me and asked"what are you doing?"

I said "Nothing, just writing what you said." She snorted and again made that proud expression.

Her thinking is really aligned with my previous self.
After this short pep-talk. I sorted my thinking. I felt relaxed.

I concluded-
" If you want to live life on your terms either change the Time or become so strong that Time couldn't effect you"

When I was talking to Tsunade, I don't know when jiraya also open his booklet and started writing in it.

I asked Jiraya "Oh, I forgot what happened to the spy."

Jiraya said"I killed him. He even had a family in the village. He said bandit promised him not to do anything to his family. I laughed at his stupidity. He was slowly destroying his own village just to protect his own family based on promise of a wolf."

..........

45 more days have passed.

..........

This is the last village on my trip to Iron country.

Things have changed, I have blocked my mind whenever it tries to think about the values of my past world. I consider this path of escapism to be the easy way but I made my choices after considering my circumstances.

I would be living alone from now on in Iron Country. I myself don't know when i will be killed. I stopped myself from being into a bubble that i am special. From the birth in naruto world, I got nothing in granted.

I am not talking about being a ninja. I didn't even have basic physique to become taijutsu user. Nor a great family background or family love. So, I even doubt that I was just born here to live a normal life while remaining in a small part of village.

In last month, I stopped counting the people i have killed. It just gave me unnecessary burden. Whether you killed one or more, you have already left the category of saints. So, I think it doesn't matter.

I have stopped myself from escaping also. Although, it is burdensome to accept that you have already become a murderer. But it also gives me motivation to become strong quickly and live like the way I want to.

Everybody had fantasies when they were child to become hero. Although, the character like batman in comics sometimes do makes you irritated because of his old shitty rule of not killing anyone. But at the same time, this is what makes a common man to start admiring his guts and willpower to maintain his position.

I guess, I couldn't be batman anymore.

I have begun to follow these two rules..

1.- Rather than feeling anxious, I will make choices when i have power to make one.

2.- Accept the reality but doesn't mean succumb to it. Don't stop trying to move towards how you really want to live your life.

And these two rules even apply to my previous world. Now, I don't have dilemma that i have changed. I am following the same principles of my old world. That's how i convinced myself.

...............

Jiraya said "This is the last bandit hideout and also a powerful one. Will you be alright doing this alone?"

I said "Whether I will be alright or not doesn't matter. From now on, I will be living on my own. So, I gotta learn to survive at least in this much danger."

I waived my hand and moved deftly towards the hideout.

TO BE Continued...