“The name is a little too on the nuk nuk, head isn't it?"

“Surprisingly enough, you are the first one to point that out so far. I had the same thought.”

“Of course, nuk nuk, I am all-powerful and all-knowing, nuk nuk. Bwaha nuk hahaha nuk. I am Drak the almighty undead lord, bow nuk down before me nuk nuk!”

“Undead Lord huh? You had that title for a while? Was that before you nuk developed a tic nuk or after?”

“YOU DARE NUK MAKE FUN OF DRAKS ADORABLE UNDEAD NUK NUK? Prepare to die you an insufferable vampire."

Negotiations had broken down right away, unfortunately. Le Sigh. I had an idea why this was a discarded drey and the interaction would be difficult. The squirrel was undead, but he was an insufferable asshole! 

“Prepare to die fiend!”

The giant squirrel was quicker than I thought. He swiped with his claws and hit me unexpectedly causing me to…absolutely nothing. The squirrel did no damage at all to me or my clothes.

“Bwahanukhahanuknuk. How do you like a taste of true power? Bow, nuk, before your undead lord nuk nuk.”

“I think you did it wrong. Let’s try this.”

I grabbed the Undead King’s sword and crown out of my magic pocket and cast transmutation on myself to become a giant undead squirrel. The shadows deepened momentarily as I grew to eye level or even a bit taller than Drak. I donned the crown and brandished the sword before picking my teeth with it.

“You were saying about your superiority?”

The glowing eyes of Drak grew to the size of saucers as he saw the change and the crown and sword. He began chittering nonstop and burrowed his head inside his tail over and over in clear distress. I used this opportunity to take this overconfident squirrel down a peg or two. I layered my voice with the Mesmer before messing with the squirrel. I was unpleasantly surprised however as Drak stopped shaking and entered into a dogeza style surrender at my feet.

“Oh, great nuk nuk ancestor! You are truly superior. Thank nuk you for nuk gracing us with your nuk nuk presence nuk.”

"Do you think I am your ances—"

I was cut off immediately as a large, football-sized nut soared through the air and hit me square in the nose. These squirrels must have pretty sensitive noses because my eyes immediately watered up blurring my vision. Once I cleared my eyes, I looked around and Drak was nowhere to be found. The hairs on the back of my neck prickled and I knew something was coming. I turned and threw my sword at the presence I felt on the wall above and behind me.

“Nuuuuu nuk.”

Drak fell to the ground from the ceiling with the Undead King sword sticking from his abdomen. He dramatically pretended to crawl forward for a short piece and then slumped over with his tongue hanging from the side of his mouth. He was the perfect image I guess of a dead undead squirrel.

“You do know that you are undead right?”

I pulled the sword out of Drak and kneeled next to the giant squirrel feigning its death. I pulled out a small vial of Holy Water and put a small drop on the exposed tongue. At first, Drak did everything in his power to not move, but his tongue was burning and a small hole was appearing as it was just sitting atop his tongue burning through. Drak began visibly sweating and shaking giving me a flashback to Ron's and I first meeting. He jumped up all of a sudden and ran back to his corner with his bed.

“Of course, pweasant! I was onwey testing nuk you nuk. I have decided nuk nuk to make you nuk my subwordinate. You may pwaise me now!”

The hole in his tongue was affecting him but he was still insufferable. He also kept trying to attack me which was pissing me off so I decided to just deal with any repercussions with Leyara and head out. Nothing was worth this insufferable squirrel of all creatures.

I turned to leave and ignored him, causing him to weep. The only thing more embarrassing than this enormous undead squirrel crying into his tail and clawing at my feet was that he kept shouting my name. I turned back to my normal self as he began begging.

“Wampir, Wampir, NUK NUUUUUUKKK, don’t weave me Wampir. I am so bored of this place, nuk!”

Drak crawled up sobbing at my feet. He was desperate, but I really couldn’t get a read on this guy. He kept acting superior but then groveling? Exhausting. I'll never take a dog for granted again.

“Why are you so upset? You were just lording over me, whom I might add am the actual Undead Lord. Then you attacked me. Why should I let you live, much less imprint you?”

“Impwint?! I would never nuk nuk… Well, maybe if we nuk nuk…”

“Spit it out and shouldn’t your tongue be healed by now? Did you forget I am also undead?”

“Oh, nuk nuk, you are! I could never nuk nuk let you own me nuk nuk, but I am willing to let you become my master and teach me the undead arts! Nuk Nuk!”

He was very happy with himself for coming up with what sounded a lot like imprinting but leaving his attitude in check. I wanted to fucking ride on a squirrel-like everyone else. But was it worth it?

“Fine, but you will address me only as Master and you will respect and be friendly to all in my entourage. One single peep of disrespect or malcontent and ill throw you into the sun. Don’t say a word, just imprint if this is your choice.”

Leyara was surprised when we exited the drey of Drak. I looked to be alone, but at second glance a tiny undead squirrel was running excitedly around my shirt collar. Imprinting had been unique and it allowed me to take the time to fix some of his more egregious errors. Mainly he was a lot less disrespectful and he could turn into this small adorable creature for easy travel when he was not in use.

Imprinting was just a contract signed with the soul. It allowed for all kinds of stipulations with the correct amount of magic applied to the process. I had made these changes and accepted the imprint. I was ready to give it a whirl.

“So, it was successful? That’s great! I have one more gift for you then. Bring it over cookie!”

An old wizened dark elf came over carrying what looked very much like a throne with a harness on it. Drak immediately grew to full size and took the saddle and began poring over it like he was an expert craftsman.

“Nuk, Master, this will work splendidly.”

After strapping the saddle to Drak, I climbed into it and sat gloriously atop it. It was decked out in black and red leather and just looked like a throne instead of a saddle seat. I conjured a wine glass full of blood as I sat atop the throne.

"Let's get this part underway! We have a strategy meeting tomorrow, but tonight we ride!

I always wanted to say that.

We spent the rest of the night racing through the netting tubes through the trees. What Drak lacked in power and personality he more than made up for in sheer speed and maneuverability. He was larger than most other giant squirrels and being undead he seemed to never run out of stamina. He turned out to be quite the asset and riding atop his back was one of the most fun things I had ever done in this life or last. 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Name: Vampir Darkness

Date of Birth: Reign 23rd in the year 3015

Title: Undead Lord

Race: Vampire

Mount: Drak – Undead Squirrel (Senior Disciple)

Current value: 239.9 million Gold Coins, Approx. 149 trillion Gold Coins worth of Invisibility Potion, Resurrection Token

Magic Pocket: Pretty much one of everything (verified), Undead King’s Crown and Sword, Squirrel Saddle

Powers: Mesmer, Animal Transmutation, Super Strength, Mach 3 Speed, Immunity, Regeneration

Magic: Source (Custom) Magic, Folioran Magic, High Magic

Weaknesses: Holy Water, The Sun, Leyara’s Smile, Excited Squirrels, Undead Squirrels – Drak only really

Strengths: Sword Fighting, All Magic (Except Holy), Making Barrettes for Squirrels, Drak after imprinting and changing him completely