Something inside crumbled as the last bit of hope that I clung so dearly to turned into dust. The reed that kept me from drowning finally snapped.
Like a dream walker, I stumbled my way through the path I knew so dear to heart. Take a right before turning at the willow tree. Every step was mechanical, almost like I was in a daze, following through a script gone awry. Watching people scramble in the opposite direction, it seemed like a grotesque scene from a horror story.
I heard no shouts, no screams. My mind was blank. All that remained was the cloud of billowing smoke that grew more massive with each passing second.
I was a moth hurling myself into the flames. It wasn't until the heat tore through my robes that I finally woke, the force from people pulling me back hitting with sharp pain.
The flames lapped hungrily at the remains of the wooden structure as if engulfing it with an insatiable diet. Pernicious fumes surrounded the scene, burning blacker than the depths of hell. The tinges of red taunted me, blending into the rising sun, weaving a tapestry of hope and destruction.
This must be a joke, a cruel twist of fate, I told myself. If I could wake up—
A sharp slap sent me hurling backward. Unwillingly, the searing pain in my cheek reminded me that this was no nightmare. Involuntary tears welled, and I looked up to see a gathered crowd and a fuming Brother Liu.
"You still dare to show yourself here after what happened !" A vein protruded from his forehead, and rage no worse than the fire behind him lit a murderous look inside his eyes. He coughed pungently, black soot caking his forehead. "I tell you, taking you into the apothecary was the worst mistake my family has ever made! You know what you are—A curse! A vile curse! You brought your parents to their graves, and now you're coming for my life!"
I wanted to say it wasn't my fault, but the words were stuck in my throat, silently choking me. I only shook my head again and again.
"The morning I was to become engaged to you, the fire burnt only our apothecary. Coincidence? I think not!" He moved closer to strike me once more. "This was a warning from the Heavens! Whoever becomes wedded to you will end in a horrible death!"
His coarse palm came down, and I closed my eyes, two lines of clear tears streaming down my face.
The blow never hit. "If it weren't for your pretty face, I'd hit it a thousand times more."
The last beam standing in the skeleton of the apothecary crashed onto the debris-covered floor. Along with it, the last glimpses of my freedom and future turned to coal.
He turned back. "You're a femme fatale," he spat.
I never thought the one time I would hear Brother Liu use an idiom would be in such a scenario. Oh, the irony of it all.
"You may have learned how to save people with medicine, but those numbers will never match the number of people you bring ill fortune to! So rip that mask of being so kind and generous from your face. At your core, you're just a curse."
Somehow, I made it home. How? I do not know.
I mustered a bitter smile for my uncle and aunt, curtsied, and passed them as if nothing had happened. Yet when I finally reached my room, I near-sprinted inside, rushing to close the door behind me.
They must have seen the swelling on my face, but I could offer no explanation now. They knew I was a curse. The entire town knew I was a curse. No one would ever let them forget they had brought up a curse. My aunt would become a laughingstock, and my uncle will never be able to raise his head again.
I collapsed, crumpling as I hit the hard ground. The weight of the fake smile was also too much to bear. There was no time for me even to hide my distorting face in my lap before the tears flowed freely. Stop crying, and don't give yourself this edge of vulnerability, I warned myself. But the tears were unstoppable, being suppressed for much too long.
In this gamble of fate, why was taking the apothecary away my punishment? It was all I had left, my only purpose and hope of redemption. What's more, I knew Brother Liu was right. I could never save more people than those that I hurt.
Outside, I could hear my uncle's frantic pacing. By sundown, it stopped.
I had long forgotten what thirst or hunger felt, and I was just the husk of a human. Without a dream or hope, what good did materialistic comfort bring to me other than survival? I was already dead inside and shunned by society.
When the moon rose into the sky, I would leave and never return. Perhaps this was my change of fate. If I left behind all those I cared for, who would I possibly curse? I would find a cottage in the woods and tend to it until I die.
I began packing. It was an easy task. Along with the packet of herbs I kept, all I had to wrap was the one spare set of clothes and the two pieces of cheap jewelry that I owned. My meager earnings from the apothecary, scrapped together from years of work, would be my only parting gift to my uncle and aunt. I couldn't even leave a note. Our family could no longer afford parchment.
With the ringing of the temple bells, I knew it was already midnight. From the window, I could see that thick clouds covering the stars and the moon, shielding their auras from view.
"Moonlight bright, where doth you shine?" My voice sounded alien.
With one hand, I carried with me an unlit lantern so I could find the way once I left the house, and with the other, I opened my bedroom door for the last time.
