My god.  It's a pervert's private paradise.

I'm outside, in the buff.  A spring chill is in the air with a slight breeze rolling in off the ocean.  Clashing with steam from the hot water, and hotter bodies, before me.  The smell of the soaps, oils, and women, is... is just...  Damn.  I'm like the lab boys in police squad.

'So Billy.  When the moisture in the air comes in contact with the cold pitcher.  It forms water droplets.  What we call, condensation.  Just like on your mother when she gets out of the shower.  Glistening with tiny little beads of...'

*ahem*

I'm not surrounded by dudes.  Not in public.  No tons of dirt and rock hanging over my head.  Even have maids.  Naked maids!  Extra help for cleaning those hard to reach places.

Scrub a dub dub.

---

Really wanted to start early today.  Get not sexy time stuff done.  Yeah, with where the sun is?  Bet its around noon.

Sigh.

Cleaning up.  Getting dirty again.  Cleaning up again.  Getting dirty again.  Somehow the girls' skin still looks perfect.  Me?  I look like a california raisin.

Worth it.

Didn't mean to do anything with the maids.  I swear.  But excited maid was, well, excited.  And scared maid was, well, scared.  Wow my excuses suck.

Luvine, excited maid, just can't stop her mouth.  Blurting out that she's a spy for the Aquecian heroes.  She was sold to Kamar Company expecting to end up in some noble house.  Entering service with the 'new hero?'  Chance of a lifetime, according to her.  The wives and I 'rewarded' her honesty until she couldn't move anymore.

Jenette, on the other hand?  Trouble.  Her controller is a lord of House Chastel.  Bought from a brothel, a contact in Kamar Company was to sell her to Lions Keep the next time they purchased slaves.  She would then poison Lady Alote Chastel.  In exchange, her sister's upcoming sale to a brothel would be canceled and her mother would receive healing to cure her chronic illness.

Jenette herself had been owned by that same brothel and had gone through some rough customers.  Her crotch damaged so much that sex became very painful.  One of those no hope and no way out types.

Some [Recovery Magic] to take care of the injuries, nothing compared to Sanriel, and she's screaming my praises to the heavens.  Not long after, passed out next to Luvine.

Just had to open my big mouth, didn't I.

Boss maid had been listening, just out of sight.  But not out of [Super Senses] sight.  After telling her to do nothing but verify their stories and that I would support them?  Immediately fessed up to being an agent of House Rottbow.  They are neighbors of House Gilend and heard about their scheming and plotting.

They thought Gilend had allied with Chastel and were going to attack Lions Keep while Lianlaf was busy in the east.  The fact that its really just a tantrum over who a title-less daughter married?  She declared not just dumb.  But super duper dumb.

Said she would report immediately.  And that if Gilend does move on Lions Keep?  Rottbow may move on Gilend.

I hate politics.

---

Butler is guiding us to the meeting.

The 'main' Lions Keep keep, is six stories tall.  There is a seventh and eighth floor underground, but only six above ground.

The first floor, and the two beneath it, are for storerooms, armories, cisterns, cesspits, treasury and prison.  East and west doors of the keep open on to the second slash third floor.  Which is full of kitchens, dining halls, plus servant and guard quarters.

Wide stairs on the west side of the second floor, lead up to the fourth floor.  A huge two story combination ballroom and audience hall eats up a lot of the fourth and fifth floor.  What isn't the 'Grand Hall' is smaller rooms used for guests, meetings, staging, lounging, etc...

East and west sides of the fifth floor open up to gardens on the roofs of the east and west annexes.  No trees, but lots of flowers.

The sixth floor is the chambers of the castle lord and family.  As well as more servant and guard quarters.

Not-sebastian guides us through winding stairs and short corridors until we end up in a small room on the fourth floor.  Ushi and Edel have put the same clothes back on.

Except now wearing the 'rest' of the outfits. Specifically, leggings and shirts.  Yep, so no more exposed skin up to the crotch and bare bellies.  Still cleavage for miles, sigh, but the rest is mostly covered.  Red's mostly covered in plate and chain now.  Even got a helmet on.  Still has the boob plate though.

Enter to see chairs ringing the room, camp grizzly flashbacks, but this time no one is sitting in the 'big' chair.  Everyone stands and then kneels as I enter.  Rowl insisted on preceding me and his hounds are inspecting everything as I make my way to the tall chair.  Butler told me on the way down that its my seat.

Hooray.

Hand Sanctity to Red and Tormentor to Frankie, then plant my butt in the fancy seat.  They stay standing and move to my sides as two shadows flank them.

"Sit."

Etiquette says there is some bullshit I should say but I am not happy with these people.  So lets skip the fluff.

All ten members of the 'we fucked up' crew are here.  Well, nine, new rookie seneschal Denyal Moret at the meet and greet fiasco.  A number of these guys may still end up on the chopping block.  Literally.  And they know it.  So no one is feeling brave enough to call me out for ignoring procedure.

Look at Denyal.  "Report."

Rookie stands.  "Messengers have been dispatched to Marquis Lianlaf, Count Werclair, and Baron Lianlaf.  It will take a week or more to get a response from the Marquis or Count.  The Mayor of Pearlden has been notified.  And a messenger has been sent to Count Gilend demanding an explanation of his son's actions."  A loud sigh.  "A messenger has also been sent to the Granyan court.  Considering how, informal their government is?  It will likely be weeks before they reply or send someone."

Denyal shakes a little but sits back down.  That report made it clear.  We are on our own.  Edel and Ushi already explained it.  Lions Keep and Pearlden are all that's left of the Lianlaf in northwestern Tourin.

Everything else around here is owned by Gilend, Rottbow, or Chastel.  Only real reason the Lianlaf have kept this place is because this castle was the start of their climb to power.  And the prestige of Stormgarde is pretty damn nice too.

The possible offer from Rottbow is nice but I've had too many betrayals to trust it.

A old warrior with an eyepatch over his right eye, grey hair and beard, and the strongest aura among them, stands.

"Lord Barton!"  This guy ain't shy.  "Let me strike before the enemy is ready.  Give me a hundred men and I can take Raelera by dawn!"  This guy looks so vet he just might manage it.  Bet he's a buddy of grizzly.  Your name is now patchy.

"And then?"

"Lord?"  Patchy is confused.

"If you are taking that few men to attack a city of one hundred thousand?  You must be aiming for the Count himself."  Patchy's good eye narrows.  "If you take or kill the count then you may just force Gilend's allies to mobilize.  An assault is a waste of time until we have the numbers to break them." 

At least that is what it looks like to me.

Chamber pot chimes in without standing.  "Gilend would be insane to attack us.  True most students have gone home, but there are still dozens here."  Didn't know that.  "If Gilend attacks they'll be crushed by at least a dozen houses.  And that's if the crown doesn't send the royal army."

"How many soldiers in the castle?"

Patchy sits back down. "Twenty-three knights of the Black Hart.  Seven of them are casters.  One hundred and seventy-six men-at-arms.  Thirty-three crossbowmen.  Mounts for all the knights and thirty-one others."  He rubs under his eyepatch.  "The town has twenty guardsmen with a hundred militia."  Clearly not thinking highly of them.

"Any mages?"

"Not since you executed him.  The former guard captain knew some magic."  That idiot captain obvious could cast?

"Any others?"

"Well, yes, but adventurers' rates are pretty steep."

"There's a guild here?"

"Yes but its small."  New seneschal answers. "Only a dozen or so.  Most base themselves out of Raelera."  Lifts a hand.  "Stormgarde has an adventuring course that is popular.  The guild here handles the examinations and gives some easy commissions."

"Alright, now how about the count's message?"

They all look at each other and then back at me.  Awkward...

Finally Denyal focuses.  "The instructions have been reviewed and discussed."  And?  "Stormgarde has been contacted and they have agreed to all requests."  Rookie kowtows.  "Our disgrace here is complete.  Stormgarde received their communication and even brought up preparations with us.  We-"

Chamber pot drops too and interrupts his boss.  "We misunderstood what the faculty was speaking of!"  Tears?  "Please forgi-"

"Don't care."  I really don't.  "You fucked up.  And even once you did know, you hesitated.  If I hadn't taken action would you have waited until I was impaled?  Until my wives were dead!?"  All ten of them are kowtowing now.  "I don't forgive you.  Just do your fucking job and accept whatever punishment the Marquis gives you as much better than you deserve!"

Feel a squeeze on my arm.  Thank you Frankie.

Sigh.

"Okay, now when is Baron what's his name getting here?"

"My lord?"  Why is new seneschal confused?

"I'm sitting in this chair because I'm in charge now, right?"  Nods.  "Well I don't want to be the boss of a bunch of screw ups a moment longer than I have to be."  Flinching?  Ugh.  "So when is the Baron getting back?"

Patchy looks up.  "My lord.  He isn't."

"Eh?"

One of the screw ups I don't know speaks up.

"It will be much safer for the baron and his family to stay in Crownfair."  Oh no.  "He let himself be tricked into abandoning his holding when it needed him most.  The Marquis will never let him keep this position."  And there go the alarm bells.

Another screw up looks up.  "And with you already a Viscount, my lord?"

Stop being so chatty all of a sudden!

"You are now the Lord of Lions Keep."

...

God dammit.

Jenette (female, elf, tourinese)

• Spy for House Chastel
  • Amateur assassin?
• "Scared maid"

Luvine (female, human, aquecian)

• Spy for Aquecian Heroes
  • Amateur spy?
    
• "Excited maid"

Dysth, Ofeleia (female, elf-human, tourinese)

• Spy for House Rottbow?

Labrait, Tomas (male, human, tourinese)

• "Patchy"

Moret, Denyal (male, elf-human, tourinese)

• "Rookie," "New seneschal"