"That's a lot of thunder. Doesn't look like there's a storm coming? ... Papa?! I'm done!"
The young women yells down the stairs after checking the sky thru the windows.
An older male voice soon answers her.
"That was fast! No problem with the doors?!"
The three wheels on her chair often had problems getting thru doorways.
"They are all wide enough! These new wheels are perfect!"
"Thank you! So happy to hear that Miltinnia!"
"So?! How long will we be here?!"
She wouldn't mind staying for a while. The town was beautiful with a lot of smooth paved streets. So it was easier for her to get around. There was even a public library. Meaning the book crazy girl would have plenty to read.
"I'm sorry daughter! It will only be a year or two!"
Another crash downstairs as another crate falls. Yelling and cursing as the man and his apprentices pick up and resume unpacking. The girl waits for it to get quiet again.
"Why Pearlden though?! Raelera would have been a much better choice!"
"Raelera may be larger, and we have an office there, but Pearlden has Stormgarde! Full of children of the rich and powerful. And if we make connections with them?!"
"I know! We make connections with their parents! An Alnus always keeps an eye on the future!"
"That's my girl!"
"I love you too papa!"
"And Stormgarde does magical research! They might just have someone who ca-"
"Stop!"
"..."
"I'm, sorry! I... Please papa! I've accepted this! I wish you would too!"
An accident. A child not paying attention. A noble's carriage going too fast to stop or turn. A girl's life, changed.
"It's alright! Your mama always said your papa is a fool!"
A mother's sacrifice. A saved child. A father and daughter left in a colder lonelier world.
"Papa, did you see that?"
"What?!"
"Never mind!"
Its been a long morning and was a longer voyage before that. Her tired eyes must just be playing tricks on her. Shadows can't move on their own. Can they?
"Milti! Come down! Let's take a break!"
"Yes papa!"
As the girl carefully navigates her special chair down the stairs to the ground floor of the shop. Of course she can't see the entrance to her room behind her. Nor the shadow leaning around the doorframe.
Watching her.
Alnus, Miltinnia (female, human, aquecian)
- Merchant
- Apprentice
- Moderca Trade Company
- Apprentice
- Daughter of Kamern Almus
Alnus, Kamern (male, human, aquecian)
- Merchant
- Manager
- Moderca Trade Company
- Manager
- Father of Miltinnia Alnus
Paypal
Another harem member? Is she gonna be called hot wheels before she is healed?
Hot wheels
I guess this might be relevant somewhere????? I imagine this to be super common....maybe she is Charles X reincarnated...we can nick name her "wheels or tripod".
I like this story but the amount of side stories is getting a bit annoying. I want to see the main storyline progress, some side stories are fun but this is getting out of hand.
@Harem-Fan I understand he is doing it for world building and foreshadowing but there are other ways to do it than just side stories, and like you mentioned they are interrupting the flow of the battle/story.
@Daeonia
Completely agree the cast and side stories are getting too big and too many. The "branch" chapters are meant to be short, thousand words at most, alternate points of view or scenery establishing pieces. And we haven't reached the civil war, demon war, or god war. None of the kids have even been born yet.
I think part of the problem, besides me being an amateur at best, is my interest. Usually I get bored with a story and setting before I even reach fifty thousand words. For whatever reason this is approaching two hundred thousand words, and I'm still interested.
I want to explore every nook and cranny but know that's a bad thing. I want a story. Not a documentary. Which is why I'm trying to stick with first person pov as much as I can. So how do I handle the growing cast and spreading world wanting to squeeze in?
Maybe if I cut back on the nicknames? Keep that more consistent? But I find overusing the same name boring. Cut down the cast? But we haven't even filled out the second harem or family 2.0 yet. Try to help keep the cast straight with the glossary bits at the end of chapters and volumes.
And new crap keeps showing up in my brain. Both chapters before v2b4? Doubled in size during the last edit pass before posting. What the hell? "Nah, I want to write that scene this way instead." Ugh.
I'm thankful people are enjoying this story. I usually write just for my own entertainment. Too explore whatever is running through my head at the time. Just wish I was a more experienced author so it would be an easier read for others.
@ByzFan Generally you try to tweak the story-line to get in that extra bit of story you want. Maybe your MC has to deal with some issue and a character you would have written a side story about is relevant to that, then you can have him discover himself or have other people mention bits and pieces of it as he is trying to resolve whatever issue he needed it for anyways, or maybe he decides to make it his own issue.
The trick is you need to integrate whatever side story you want into the main story either directly or indirectly and then let it slowly develop, you can then write the side story for yourself on the side and try to find ways or moments you can integrate it into the main story. At least that's how I see more experienced writers do it at least.
I think another POV is best used when the perspective of the other character is actually important, though obviously you can use it in other ways.
On your boredom issue the best advice I heard is: Write multiple stories and just write on whichever one you have inspiration for at the time, if you don't have inspiration for any but still feel like writing then write another one. The other advice I have heard some writers give is to just keep on writing and it will come.
Stick with whichever of these methods works the best for you.
Naming is a classic issue for any writer so don't worry too much about that as you'll get better at it over time.
The amount of characters isn't really a problem yet it is more about the speed at which they are introduced and not enough screen time/memorableness (don't think that's a word but idc
) each one of them has.
Again I want to remind you new crap isn't bad just either find a way to let it make sense in the story or write all of your stuff in a new one.
Honestly your writing has made a lot of progress since the start of this story alone so don't worry too much about the details and just try to write the story you want in the best way you can.
@ByzFan
I have fallen in love with this world you made its depth and history make it both familiar yet new at the same time, it makes you love and hate the residents of the chaotic land. but it is hands down the story I refresh for updates each day before others.
@Harem-Fan
Thank you. I'm happy that others are liking it too. Just hoping I get better and smoother at writing it.
@ByzFan
The thing I like most of all is the MC humor..it is right up my ally due to the fact I get most of his jokes...the younger readers don't get jokes like [Tito get me some tissue] but I do and it cracks me up!